a dark knight to remember

so i probably am one of the last few who hasn't seen "the dark knight" but i did manage to catch it last night with d who incidentally was watching it for the second time. i was planning on running some errands before meeting up with d so i dutifully allocated 2 full hours to drive to makati. i left at 4pm thinking that was enough time to swing by a couple of stores and even took the skyway. wow, annoyingly, right after the tollgate, the cars were piled up - totally non-moving. it moved after a good 10mins and then stopped again right before the don bosco exit. i heard from passerby's (yeah there were people walking going down and checking things out) that they weren't letting cars pass cause of the streets were flooded. it was probably 45mins after when we started to move and i realized that there won't be time to swing by the stores anymore. two full hours just to get to makati.

we decided to grab a light meal at the small italianni's in glorietta and grabbed a full order of the sicilian salad. i thought the serving would be bigger but d & i were both disappointed that we each just had one serving of the greens and the bill racked up to around 600 pesos. while i love that sicilian salad, that was so not worth it. this is why italianni's kind of rank low in my list of restaurants - they're way overpriced so i prefer CPK any day.

what can i say about "the dark knight"? it was definitely very well made and bears that dark theme christopher nolan is known for. heath ledger did a fantastic job on the joker. this film definitely is not for kids. it is a grown-up flick and should have had a R-18 rating. i felt like i saw very little of bruce wayne (christian bale) throughout the flick and so much more of batman. i didn't like that batman had to talk in that deep, husky almost inaudible voice - what's the deal with that? the film was quite long and i must have been kind of tired because i committed the ultimate crime - i sort of felt sleepy in some of the scenes. (lol). batman is not your typical superhero. he is in some way but he's the only one in the justice league who doesn't have superpowers. some may not like that and others might because that means there's more realism to it. while i'm not really a big batman fan (i'm more inclined to the superpowered ones), i must admit that the last two bat flicks were very good (hmmm don't like katie holmes that much though) and they did an amazing job resurrecting this franchise. so here's to more superhero flicks ... may they keep on coming!

pet peeve: why is it that some people continue to answer their mobiles in the movie theater? talk as if the other people can't hear them. the other thing i hate are those who sit at your back and their legs, feet touch the back of your seat and they shift their them like non-stop. or even those who talk non-stop and make comments every freakin' scene. aarrrggghhh. silence is golden di ba?

breaktime : ang araw ni inday

the "inday" series is probably one of the funniest. she can be really funny with her witty, grandoise hold of english but moreso when she butchers the language. i was laughing so hard reading this one yesterday. kudos to whoever is the author who comes out with these stories that sure brightens any day. [disclaimer : inday's beau in this story is not me. we, unfortunately just share a common name.]

It was jazz an ordinary day.
The skies were clear, the birds were chipping. Ang ganda-ganda ng araw!

Nasa SM ako noon at katatapos ko lang mamili ng groceries. Timing naman nasa foodcore si Angel Locsin, nagpro-provoke ng movie nya. Grabe, andaming fans, pull-packed talaga! Dahil fans nya rin ako, nakipila rin ako.

Then suddenly, out of the loo, may bumulong sa akin ng: "Indaaaayyyy. ....."

'Huh? It sounded like a familiar sound. Who can it be now?

"Dodong!" sigaw ko.

Napalakas yata voice ko. Kasi the other fans turned their backs to their behind at napatingin sa amin. Sabi ko "Sorry, I didn't mean to be loud and proud." Hinawakan na lang ni Dodong ang kamay ko at lumayo kami from the crowd.

"Kamusta na Inday? Do you come here open? tanong nya.

"Bihira lang, Dodong. I'm just droppings by. Ethnic and schedule ko eh" sabi ko.

Memories came flushing in my mind. How can I forget to remember Dodong? Siya na may mata ni Piolo, dimple ni Aga, at bigote ni Rex Cortez. he's every woman's dreamboat. I was just starting my tour of duty kay ate noon nang unang makilala ko si Dodong. Contraction worker siya sa ginagawang bahay sa tapat namin. Naging kami for a while then after that were not an item anymore.

"Tanghali na Inday. What did you say we have lunch together?" tanong ni Dodong. "I don't mine" sagot ko.

Sa restaurant, nilapitan kaagad kami ng waiter. "What's your odor sir?" sabi nung waiter kay Dodong.

"Do you have porkshop?" tanong ni Dodong.

"Yes sir" sabi nito. "Our porkshop with a resistance to the teeth of boast of our chef. Domestic careful selection of pork with little fat of female liking is used. The exquisite cooking which repeated trial and error and was completed. it also has healthy vegetables with salad feeling fully" dagdag niya.

"And you mam?" sabay tingin naman sa akin.

Hmmm... mukhang masarap yung porkshop. Pero I'm cutting down on my carbon kaya pinigilan ko.

"I'll just have water, thanks. Liquidate diet ako eh." sagot ko.

Pagkatapos kumain, nagyaya si Dodong manood ng sine. Teka teka, this is going too far. Besides, it's a long, long way to run.

"Reality chess, Dodong. May asawa na ako, si Jay. As a mother of fact, I'm happily married" pagmamalaki ko.

"Di na pwede yung tulad ng dati. Sorry pero I didn't expect you still have more feelings than I expected. i don't want you getting the way. Past is fast. Therefore, cause and defect." dagdag ko pa.

Tumahimik sya. Parang may language barrel na namagitan sa amin. The seconds that passed seemed like fraternity. Di nagla-on, nagsalita na rin sya.

"I don't care less!" sigaw ni Dodong.

Shocks, give me a brake! The nerd ng taong ito para sigawan ako! To think it's his other woman that caused our separation to part.

Kinabahan na ako. I felt speedbumps all over my body and was having panic attach. Tinalikuran ko siya at nagmadali akong lumakad palayo. Pero sumunod pa rin siya like a monkey on my butt. Hanggang sa makakita ako ng security guard. Biglang nawala si Dodong.

"Excuse me kuya, pwedeng magtanong?" sabi ko sa mamang guard.

"Of course miss, I can help you with my pleasure." sagot niya.

"Saan po ba ang exit? Could you point me to the right erection? I got lost in my eyes."

"Diretso lang." sabi niya. "Then turn right anytime with care."

"Thanks for your corporation" sabi ko.

Buti na lang nandun si kuya. Pero saglit lang, I smell something peachy. As I turned, nakita ko na namang nakasunod si Dodong! Delaying static lang pala kanina ang pag disappear nya.

"Nyahahaha! You can run but you can hide, Inday. No matter where you go, there you are!" pananakot nya.

Oh no, is this the end? This is too much, I feel degradable. My world started falling afar.

Then suddenly, Jay come from behind! Dodong was caught to the act! In the matter of minute, it's all over. I'm out of arm's way.

"Thanks Jay, my love. But how did you?" bago pa man ako matapos, sabi niya:

"I was in the neighborhood. Fans din ako ni Angel eh. I heard you shout but at first I didn't give it a thought. Pero nang makita ko kayong magkahawak ng holding hands, then i give it a thought. I know something is a missed."

From then on, Dodong did not brother me again. In fact, he didn't even sister me. As in platonic at wala na talaga.

Pero kami ni Jay, heto, shoot sailing pa rin ang relationship. Lalo pa ngayon, open na kami sa isa't-isa at walang exhibitions. i feel I'm on cloud.

reflections on this whole photography thing

i've been quite giddy with the whole photography thing and i've really been looking forward to our weekend practice sessions lately. it is indeed a welcome distraction from mostly everything and i was reluctant at first because i kind of have a history of getting into things i use only for a few weeks and then off they go into dormancy. i still have that gameboy color i used for a couple of weeks and quickly lost interest - its sitting there gathering dust as we speak. the thing about this whole photography shooting sessions is that it helps me tap into that creative part of my head that has been suppressed for the last ten years. working in the semicon industry, i'm paid to think in logical and predictable patterns. and so while i resigned myself into using my creative abilities beautifying the multitude of powerpoint presentations and excel worksheets, i crave for something more substantial and challenging. i probably would have gone into culinary having had a thing for food since way back but getting into the whole photography thing is a mixture of luck and probably timing. my interest would probably have snuffed out in a month or two and i'll realize a point-and-shoot was all i ever needed to begin with if it weren't for my photo buddies (richard, malou, dino). i'm beginning to realize how much of the world there is to see in a different perspective and i don't know if i'll be able to be as good as the other people who are into this photography thing. right now, all i know is that i want to be able to take better pictures and whether those will ever be called "great" or "awesome" by more seasoned or more experienced photographers (like teddy) doesn't bother me a bit. the quandary here being i am an engineer by profession and i have been conditioned to think logically. trying to tap into the creative region of my left brain may be difficult. trying to be good at both will make me extraordinary - i'm not sure i'm that kind of person though.

the least i can do is see where this enthusiasm leads to - tell myself that i tried it. at least get an ROI for the camera. of course i'll be posting select pictures from each and every shoot and you can tag along to see whether i have a future with this or i'm just squandering my time.

adventures in commuting

so i finally decided it was time to get the dent (from the waaay too long ago trip to bataan) from the crv fixed and drove the car to the accredited repair shop past lunch. since there wasn't anyone available to pick me up, i decided i would just use the public transportation to get home. its not that i don't know how to - its really been a long time since i last tried it. i don't even know how much fares cost now with all the oil price hikes and economic turmoil. when i rode the jeepney, i gave the driver 20 pesos and realized from the change that fares are now at Php8.50. the ride was pleasant since there weren't a lot of people in the jeepney and my stop is like 3 to 5 minutes away. the tryke ride from toyota to mcdo was kind of expensive (around 40 pesos) but i decided to take that instead of another jeepney ride because at least the tryke ride is non-stop. the only thing i realized riding the tryke was that the passenger cabin is small and i have to bow my head a bit so i don't hit the ceiling. that tryke ride took a good 10-15 minutes my neck was starting to hurt a bit by then. it was another set of jeep & tryke rides before i finally managed to get home. the commute wasn't really hard, it was the warm weather that makes doing it difficult. not knowing where its safe to cross and how much is the fare doesn't help either.

i should try to ride the MRT one of these days. its been on my list for so long. if only public transportation here is as efficient as it is in singapore or hong kong then i probably will be commuting more. but you know, here in manila, its not as efficient and it can be a traumatic experience. i got home in one piece so that makes me a survivor. lol.

about presentations

i'm going to have a presentation in a few minutes to a bunch of senior managers about a role i have just transitioned to. previous person is no longer available to coach or help answer questions. i just finished my material thirty minutes ago - procastinating seems to be a habit these days. i had to drink a cup of coffee because i was just really groggy trying to wake up and think very early this morning. i am really hoping the presentations go smoothly and appeal to them about my "newness" in the role. i'm not really worried though because i've done presentations a thousand times. the problem is i can only speak to what i know, and right now i know very little. hopefully, me being charming works wonders.

meeting new people - teddy ladran

malou and i were supposed to go to enchanted kingdom today as part of our passion to honing our skills in taking better pictures. a couple of days ago, malou mentioned that ted who is one of her contact in multiply wanted to come (from faraway bulacan) and join us. now ted is waaaay ahead of us when it comes to photography - and despite everything he will say, you can just see how far he's gone in his photos. i was kind of open to meeting up and having a complete stranger join us because one way of learning faster about photography is if you have someone who has experience to criticize and give you pointers. besides, ted isn't a complete stranger to malou since she's been in contact & conversation with him for a good few months already. the thing though is i'm not really an EB person and would rather really meet up people by traditional means - i'm old in that sense. i decided to go lest ted comes out to be a psycho and malou all by her lonesome will forever haunt my conscience.

ted turns out to be one of the more fascinating people i have ever met. he's uber nice, fit (which i hate him for, give it a few years dude!) and has a rich pool of experiences (work, life, photography) that makes conversing with him quite interesting. imagine hanging out from 145pm all the way to 10pm talking over coffee (ok, i had one social drink), dinner (courtesy of malou - thanks for dinner!) and coffee again (hmm no wonder i was feeling droopy already, i didn't have another shot of caffeine). ted taught us something new about exposures, filters (this dude is so into IR photography now) and a few tips here and there. its too bad ted is just waiting for his visa anytime soon (as in anytime) to work in london. the eternal optimist in me thinks "uy, meron na kaming contact (read: lodging) sa london!" but really i feel bad about meeting this great guy and teacher (calling him IDOL is so stalker-like hehehe) just yesterday.

ted, it was great to meet somebody like you. you are a very fascinating person and i look forward to learning from your critiques. i'll pray you get your visa soon and hopefully i'll be able to set-up the shoot this coming weekend so we can hang out.

long night

my nephew has been having tummy aches for the past two nights and he's been a bit feverish that last night when he woke up complaining again, we decided to bring him to the ER of the Asian Hospital. it was around 10pm that time and i was getting ready for bed already because i was planning to wake up around 4am to work on some stuff. the doctor ordered a blood test (cbc) and urinalysis (we got him checked-up that morning also and the doctor suggested urinalysis) to hopefully figure out what's wrong with him. take a needle to a 4 year old kid and you know how they will react. i myself, even having a high tolerance for pain, wince at the sight of a needle going through my skin. the nurse managed to get some blood the first time but since jacob was moving a lot, the needle must have dislodged and the extract wasn't enough for the test. they had to call in two additional nurses to sort of "restrain" our little boy and "mummify" him with the blanket so they can get the blood extract. the sight of my nephew crying and calling at me for help is heartbreaking. for a 4yo, all they know is that this is painful and they look at you to protect them from it. i had to hug him after that and it took him a good while before he agreed to lie down on the hospital bed again. the cbc checked out ok but it was hard to get urine sample at this time so we tried waiting. i was dead tired around 2am that i decided to try get some rest at the car. the doctor said we can just go back in the morning to submit the urine sample and we can take my nephew home. it has been a long night and we got home around 330am.

my brain feels like jell-o right now. i managed to attend my 7am meeting and have enough energy to stay focused. right now, all i really care about is my nephew getting back to good health.

feeling celebrity

in the latest issue (aug 2008) of star studio magazine, i was thrilled to see that our picture was included in the article featuring our good friend biboy's 40th bday last june at dolce in quezon city. although the pic is not that big, our names were clearly spelled out (for simplicity, i was tagged as part of the "bench" groupie). that party was star-studden and it was rockin'.

zooming in ....

friday mingling

the thing i love about fridays is that its a sign that the work week is over and everyone can look to the coming weekend without having to worry about sleeping much later or even the whole day. today started out quite unlike the previous fridays and i don't want really want to say it lest i jinx it and every fridays becomes like today. for the work which hasn't even started transitioning to me, i've already received numerous emails on issues, issues and more issues. this work is really going to take up a lot of my time, i can just tell. the only good thing about this is that i'm kind of used to all the firefighting (re: issue dealing) and i'm very good at organizing and coordinating what needs to happen together. so despite the possibly lame one-week transition, i think i should be able to handle this new role pretty well, hiccups notwithstanding.

a fitting recap to friday is finally being able to see "hancock" on the big screen. it was just a so-so film for me and i say i still prefer will smith's "i am legend" over this flick. the former having more substance and more plot than this film. its not to say that it wasn't enjoyable - cause i'm a sucker for super hero flicks, or anything with destruction for that matter.

dinner at california pizza kitchen was awesome. i had to take my "free" day today so i could enjoy the pasta and pizza. we got the kung pao spaghetti and mushroom, pepperoni and sausage pizza. the only thing i can say is that the mushroom, pepperoni and sausage pizza probably is the best pizza i have eaten - ever! i could taste the tangy sweetness of the tomatoes and the perfect blend of pepperoni and sausage with a really great mozarella. dino and i gave that pizza 5 stars. we were tempted to order another pizza but decided that pigging out probably wasn't such a great idea.

now if i wasn't doing this diet crap, i probably would have eaten that whole pizza. tossed in a bucket of KFC with a good dvd movie. i'm set for the weekend.

one can dream.

everything reminds me of you

*while this song is so not dedicated to anybody in particular, i can't get over this song and i've listened to it for like a hundred times. some of you probably might find it cheesy or overly sentimental but the one thing i love about jewel is that she sure throws out these beautiful melodies. i can't help but love and adore her. this song is taken from her new album with a country theme "perfectly clear." i love this album.

everything reminds me of you
jewel (from the album "perfectly clear")

I walk around the room
It's funny how these little things remind me of you
And I have this hole in my chest
But I guess you know me good enough that you know all the rest

Well If it made it all right,
I'll spend the night with you dear
You'd only reappear
Cause everything reminds me of you
And its just gonna take a little getting used to
cause everything reminds me of you

And I imagine you
Looking so small in that big bedroom
And I well i am haunted at night
I know you must feel the same way
I wish we both still felt alright

Well if it made it all right,
I'll spend the night with you dear
You'd only reappear
Cause everything reminds me of you
And its just gonna take a little getting used to
cause everything reminds me of you

Love is built kiss by kiss
Just like a house, brick by brick,
So it has to be undone

You've got your sad eyes to hide behind
You've got your lies and Lord knows that I've got mine

But if it made it all right,
I'd spend the night with you dear
You'd only reappear
Cause everything reminds me of you
And its just gonna take a little getting used to
And its just gonna take a little getting used to
cause everything reminds of you

lucky

you know the chances of winning in any raffle is like one in a million but we do join in anyway for a variety of reasons. one, is because the raffle tickets sort of come free from some purchase we made. two, you lose nothing except your hand getting numb from filling up the multitude of raffle tickets. and three, a 1 in a million chance still means there's a chance luck will be on your side and you will be that 1 in a million.

a couple or so months ago, we went to SM MOA to purchase a special 50th anniversary SM non-stick pan made by sunnex. we bought it because i've been really hooked into cooking (in general) my own meals (as part of my efforts to diet, ok scratch that, eat healthier) and it was a steal at 500 bucks. the kind sales guy informed us there was a raffle and mom and i dutifully filled up the raffle tickets. hmm, i just remembered that apart from that sunnex pan, the sales guy managed to convince us to buy another pan with a glass cover which we really liked.

as luck would have it, mom got a call today telling her she has won two (2) tickets to Hong Kong from that raffle. i think that was the grand prize. Hopefully, that trip comes with accommodation and some pocket money. That would be sweet! Let's see how that fits into our plan to go to HK Disney this year. Now maybe we should try our luck on the lottery. maybe lady luck will come and visit us again.

be careful what you wish for

the last time i talked to my manager, in the spirit of fairness (or maybe my own guilty conscience) i told her work has been easy lately. ok, i don't want to lie, it has been relatively easy for quite some time. in short, i asked her to tell me what other areas i can work on so that i can shake up the guilt everytime i pull-out some money from the atm. in my own defense, i did ask for more work a number of times already and i've been waiting. that conversation took place a couple of weeks ago.

this morning, i had an impromptu 1:1 with my manager who informed me that one of my colleagues has resigned effective in two weeks. one of those two weeks he's taking leave. its not hard to imagine where this conversation is leading and what my answer will be. its not that don't welcome the "work", its the circumstances of getting it - minimal transition, instant involvement. this is going to stress me out a bit until i get the hang of it. oh well - maybe the stress can help me shed some pounds. so i sit here munching on my walnuts, wondering whether this is karma or an answered prayer. i munch again a couple of walnuts, stare at the wall and still can't come to a conclusion. hahaha oh well, one day at a time.

hopefully, there isn't so much work involved here. I don't want to be WORKA, the killer whale.

---------------------------------- oooOooo ----------------------------------

on the subject of nuts, i'm super addicted to walnuts. they're so good in banana cakes. they're so good in my oatmeal. they're not that expensive @ P240 per 500g. i have a jar of almonds too but they're hard to chew on but they're a great snack to curb hunger. snack on 20-24pcs before lunch and you'll be good. they say nuts spike up uric acid and oatmeal too. its a choice between lowering your cholesterol (oatmeal) and losing weight (nuts) versus uric acid. why can't we have our cake and eat it too? btw, freakin' pecans are way too expensive ... double that of walnuts. nothing is cheap in the world anymore. oh yeah, i think life is about P20,000 which is how much a passenger was insured from the sunken liner.

past week happenings

nothing much to write on so i'll just write a recap of the past week ...

• monday. attended the last night of tita rory's wake. touching eulogies. pancake house dinner. starbuck's nightcap. seeing old friends from college. late night again.
• tuesday. attended the funeral service in the afternoon. kfc lunch. final mass before the funeral service. it was a hot and humid afternoon. manila memorial park. made me remember i need to visit abet more. kitaro early dinner.
  
• wednesday. get together pot-luck dinner at the tensuan's house with college friends. it was supposed to be for cindy & rod before they go back to singapore but they couldn't make it. we still decided to hold the party since we bought all our potluck stuff the day before. i cooked my adjusted moroccan fish with mango-cilantro salsa. it was a hit and everybody loved it and asked for the recipe. yes, i have a knack for cooking.
• thursday. dino & i finally was able to see "wanted." we ate a lot at dinner. we also felt adventurous and ordered a plateful of frog legs. it was quite good except i hated always accidentally muching on the bones (hirap alisin e!).
• friday. free dinner @ aling tonya's at the dampa-like in macapagal. i ate so much that night. starbuck's nightcap at harbor square. late night ulit.
• saturday. photoshoot canceled. decided not to leave the comforts of my room. ok, kabaduyan - watched "when love begins" lol ... it wasn't bad. it wasn't that good either. the john lloyd-bea movie still tops my list.
• sunday. went to the derma - facial and derma-lift. wasn't expecting that derma-lift thing but the doctor said i should get one. and since this is the "health is wealth" theme year for me so i just did it. lol. finally got that power-saver thing from ace hardware. had my last sinful "Champ" burger from jollibee before i start on my diet and super todo gym effort tomorrow.

i realized that despite its limitations and crappy signal, i've been making good use of my SUN cellular mobile the past month. For P150 a month, its a cheap way of staying in touch and i realized i have friends who have SUN numbers. got mom a SUN number too and my sister also has a SUN number. cheap way to keep in touch with the fam. coolness.

there's so many things to learn about photography and my D80. the last pictures i took at starbux were crap. i think i had some decent snaps but they were ruined by not being tack-sharp. well we're going to practice next saturday at BF, Memorial and Santana so hopefully will be able to take better control of the camera and settings.

i'm super addicted to jewel's latest country cd "Perfectly Clear". I actually love all of the songs but what most stand out for me is the song "Everything Reminds Me Of You" which is what is playing at this time on my main multiply page. That CD is actually the only thing i listen to driving around. I love Jewel Kilcher. I could even marry her (lol!).

for some reason, i've been sleeping really late lately. way past my 10pm bedtime. my social life is somewhat in hyperdrive lately. i am kinda liking it.

something to look forward to

3-day F1 tickets - check!
PAL Plane tickets to Singapore - check!
Yep, i'm going to Singapore! Yeba, life is good!

love letter

my 4yo nephew upon arriving from school a couple of days ago gave me his school project.

how can you not love this little boy? my baby boy is turning 5 next month.

look at me! look at me!

yipee! i finally got my crumpler 6MD camera bag!
it screams "look at me! look at me!" with its flashy, ultimate-slut RED color!
I LOVE IT!
Thanks to my HS friend D for his generosity!

the past few days

the past few days have been a bit tiring. we spent a good few nights attending tita rory's wake - paying our respects to her, being there for our good friend cindy and chatting up and seeing folks from way back college. i'd have to say that in the past two weeks, we (college friends) have been hanging out more than probably the past five years combined. maybe this is tita rory's gift to us also - to bring us closer together and tell us that here we have a lasting friendship. that we should treasure having stayed friends after college (that's more than 15 years going now) and that despite the rarity of our get-togethers, its still as if we only last hanged-out yesterday. you can tell by the sheer volume of people who attend tita rory's wake what a remarkable and loved woman she is. we will surely miss her but we all know she is happy where she is right now.

i am very proud of my friend cindy. she has been very strong - calm & collected, through most of the last days. sure there were times she cried but for the most part, i think she is comforted by knowing tita rory is with the Lord. its been a difficult two weeks and the probably the next few weeks wouldn't be easy either. but God is good, and i know that He will help her family deal with the absence of tita rory.

i attended tita rory's interment yesterday at manila memorial. a bunch of us were there and we realized that at our age, we're already past mid-life (looking at tita rory's age). the events of the past weeks in a way made me realize a lot of things - stuff that you wouldn't normally have in everyday conversations. one is that my resolve to try and stick it here in manila, career-wise, has never been more absolute. being with my family, my mom specially, during her remaining years is priceless. second is that, morbid as it may sound, me and my friends started talking about what we want when our own time comes. i realized i would opt to be cremated. whether i want my ashes to be spread out into the wind is another matter - may drama di ba? third, heids mentioned there's this book available (from my alma mater's bookstore) that you fill-up in preparation for when that fateful day comes. parang will if you must ... i call it "documented bilins." being a grown-up talaga sure ain't fun.

so there, live life to the fullest. no regrets.

aurora tiongson (1947-2008)

tita rory, my good friend cindy's mom, has been in the hospital since last thursday after she suffered a stroke. when we visited her last monday, she seemed better and wednesday during lunch with some friends, her condition was still improving. yesterday morning, i got word from cinds that tita rory suffered another stroke and was in critical condition. the family decided for her to have an operation but sadly, tita rory finally met with our Creator around 930pm last night.

death is indeed a frightening reality. we know of it but it is never something you can fully prepare for. having had to deal with it a number of times doesn't make it any easier. last night, it felt like it was a scene from a movie - the one you watch and dismiss as something that probably will never happen to you. we go on with the foolish notion that death is something we will never have to deal with when in fact it is the only certainty in this world. gummi and i made a good decision being there last night - this is the best we, as friends, can do for cinds that time. to let her know that we sympathize in whatever she and her family are going through. that her mom was somebody special - that we know her and that we she was in someway our extended mother.

there are a lot of things to remember tita rory for. she can be quite softspoken. she cooks really really delicious meals (her kare-kare is so good) and she has always opened their house for most of our parties back in college. she has been a great woman and an even greater mom. she's with the Lord already and there's comfort in that.

in a standstill

my career will probably be at a standstill a lot longer than expected. the delay in the announcement of what the final plans are for the future just makes things more uncertain. i still have mixed feelings right now - still excited about the prospect of venturing into a new playing field and yet anxious at the same time on how easy it is to find another good-paying job. maybe my horoscope is right, this is not a good year to switch careers and maybe there is really some truth in those readings. looking at the schedule (if it comes to pass), early next year seeems to be a good bet all things considered. there's still a lot to be thankful for (having this job) - i'm still earning the same paycheck, i still enjoy the perks of my job (believe me, its awesome, can't find another job like this) and i get work-life balance. what i don't like is that it just doesn't challenge me the way it should - and maybe i am screwed up in that i want, or rather i need some stress. i want to be on my feet again, get more busy --- or maybe i should just shut up and tell myself "be careful what you wish for."

it is foolish to leave at the prospect of getting the package. that is for certain. my boss asked me again in our 1:1 about it and i still said "i am still considering it. depending of course on what my future opportunities are in this organization." hopefully plans solidify soon so i can plot a course where i'm headed.

To infinity ... and beyond!

yugto - rico blanco

coolness this song! rico blanco rocks!!!

yugto
rico blanco

Sa gitna ng kagubatan may ahas na hahalik
Tatawagin kang kaibigan na pinaka matalik
Pupulupot sa leeg mo't sisipsip ng iyong dugo
Ipapako ka sa krus kapag ikaw ay natuyo

Sa gitna ng kaguluhan may kumukulong bulkan
Di ma pigil ang yabang at sakdal na kasakiman
Susubukang angkinin ang lahat ng hindi kanya
Kung kaya kang paikutin tiyak paiikutin ka

Ngunit hindi nila kayang baliin ang iyong loob
Ang pag-ibig na hawak mo’y hindi malulubog

Lumiyab ka….

Sa gitna ng kadiliman may buwitreng nagmamasid
May magbabato ng putik ngunit walang mayayanig
Iiyak ang mga batang nahulugan ng candy
Laging mga problema sa iba’y sinisisi

Sa gitna ng kagubatan may ahas na hahalik
Itinuring mong kaibigan na pinaka matalik
Leeg mo’y pupuluputan dugo mo’y sisipsipin
Kapag wala ka nang pakinabang ang ending mo’y sa bangin

Ngunit hindi nila kayang baliin ang iyong loob
Ang pag-ibig na hawak mo’y hindi malulubog

Lumiyab ka….

Tuwing hating gabi maririnig mo ang huni
Ng mga kaluluwang naliligaw
Lahat ng pera sa mundo hindi kayang gawing ginto
Ang huwad na tao..

Ang mga tinig palakas ng palakas
hanggang gumuho ang mga hadlang

Saksi ang langit sa lahat ng naganap
Saksi ang langit sa ikalawang yugto …

Lumiyab ka….

best gift

i closed book 33 at midnight last night and ushered in the beginning of book 34 amidst a flurry of early well-wishers. i am fortunate to know a whole bunch of people who, despite the longevity of our acquiantance or the infrequency of our get togethers, still remember special ocassions. i realized how short life can be when a good friend passed away very young and from then on, treated each birthday as a gift. While i still cringe at the mere mention of the number 34, i do feel lucky and humbled that God has given me a life, beset with victories and defeats, that hopefully matters to the people i know. so cheers to the past 33 years and here's looking forward (and upward) to 34.

gifts came unexpectedly from friends last night. i still can't believe i have found really GREAT friends in grad school because you know, normally those lifelong bonds are formed early on during high school or college. grad school (GS) friends, the gifts were touching because it tells me how much you have appreciated my friendship. please know that i treasure our friendship - in my heart! thanks for the springfield shirt & belt, been wanting a pink shirt forever and its like you read my mind. the banana rep scented candles were uber chic. i love 'em.

i'd have to say the best gift i received in the past 33 years would be the pink bear (photo), hands down. its the best because my four-year old nephew won it at timezone this afternoon and told my mom "this is my gift to uncle jay!" tell me, coming from a four year old, being able to decide to give his prize as a gift just melts your heart. times like these, as i hold him tight and revel at the sheer innocence and love in his little body makes all of the sacrifices worth it. and i don't even like pink teddies. this one is a keeper though.

the funny thing about today (and last night) was that when a friend asked about my plate number, i realized that this month is the deadline to have the car registration renewed. dammit, i wasn't prepared to shell out 5k pesos for it. that now screws up budget for this month. dammit. dammit.

lunch was awesome. very far but awesome. we ate lunch at "panciteria san jacinto" along e rodriguez jr and the food was really really good. i ate so much it would put everyone to shame. well its the last day to feast so much cause diet starts tomorrow. i really need to shape up --- as in! or i won't be able to wear 3 very very nice shirts. ugh.

it was nice to hear my celfone beeping and ringing continuously. people remembered. it meant i mattered. that is what makes life worth living. thank you to everyone who remembered. thank you for the years of friendship.

"you know you love me. xoxo."

starting tomorrow

ok, so the title seems a bit procastinating but there's a reason for that. one is that as far as me being OC and not wanting to start anything without any semblance of a plan is that tomorrow is a special day and like new year may mark a new beginning, at least for me. making resolutions is something i don't really like doing and despite me being mostly amenable to following rules in general, promises like these which bear no consequences makes me more "flexible." Flexible here being i can just forget i ever made that resolution and get on with my life. maybe this time it will be different, the key is to continuously try and hit more of what was listed the previous time. somebody said "try and try until you succeed." i say "try and try until you die."

1. take this photography thing seriously. i've already made the plunge to buy that Nikon D80 i've been wishing for since last year. i promise to start taking pictures, pictures, pictures .... i think that is the only way to hone the "eye" and master the multitude of controls. i'm very happy that i have really good friends to practice with.
2. read, read, read. i've got loads of e-books i managed to scour from the net except that i think i'm old school and prefer the physical - i just find it easier turning the pages of an actual book. It works better for my back and won't strain my eyes.
3. learn photoshop. i just finally realized how much you can do with this magnificent software and all i can say is that i was hooked trying out some techniques. this is one software i promise i am going to be really good at! ha!
4. make smart use of my free time. i've been squandering most of my free time not doing anything really productive. those are valuable hours gone forever and i need to invest those hours wisely.
5. get in the best shape for Christmas and 2009 summer. been treating the gym like a charity institution lately and in this time and age when money is hard, 2K a month is a lot of money.

there. maybe five things won't be that hard to turn into actions. willpower this one. hope i get lucky and land some work sidelines too, i could really use the extra moolah. the expenses are insane. still optimistic nevertheless because still many more things to be thankful for.

having an asshole dad

perhaps the greatest tragedy in my life was having had that man that my mother married. and sure if it hadn't been for him, i would never have come to this world. maybe that would have been a better option instead of me being here, filled with so much anger and resentment. i hate him. and i am not ashamed of saying that. and if you have been blessed with two loving parents, then count yourself as lucky, i wasn't.

i feel this way right now because i just had a terrible fight with that man on the most seemingly trivial matter. i was going to use the chopping board and saw that it was returned unwashed still with traces of the tomatoes and onions he had used in the afternoon. he was in the living room eating in a bowl that time and i reminded him to wash it next time before stowing it away. i thought that was it until after a few minutes he answered me back in a super sarcastic tone of "pasensya ka na kasi marami akong hinugasan kanina. nakalimutan lang." it wasn't the words but more of the tone that irritated me so i told him "sana sabihin mo na lang ng maayos, wag ka ng mag-pilosopo." this time i was already very irritated and i've been very patient with him already. he shouted back something, dagger looks and all and threw the bowl he was eating from at me in the kitchen. He began accusing me of being obnoxious just because i had a job, that i had money, etc. etc. Fuck naman, never akong nag-complain sa kanya about the money i was pouring into the family. Never kong pinamukha sa kanila na i was paying for everything. that i was doing for him his obligations to the family. and then you will hear words like that - pucha naman, sila ang nakikinabang sa pinagtratrabahuhan ko and the least i could ask from him is mag-contribute man lang kahit in the most minor way. When he stupidly drank that one whole bottle of red wine and hoards of his diabetes drugs and i had to bring him to the hospital, i paid the whole hospital bill. i never even got a "thank you" for that. its not about the money, its sana man lang appreciation man lang for the sacrifices i've been doing. after a while pala, trying so hard to be the responsible one is nakakapagod na din. parang ayoko na.

honestly, i don't think i can take this anymore. maybe its best if i just moved out and live on my own. maybe that way, everyone will be able to wake up and do something. like the 31yo brother who does nothing all day and doesn't seem interested in finding gainful employment. or my sister, who despite her recent experiences hasn't really learned to value her health and manage her finances. i think that is what frustrates me so bad, i have to do all the work and i have to also be the one who has to think of ways to save. for the brother and that man, walang effect - its like everything is just normal. that there is some infinite source somewhere.

arrrgggghhh, ayoko na. i can't take this anymore.

lusting for a crumpler bag

the camera bag that came with my nikon D80 isn't as sturdy and protective as i expected. truth be told, i've been lusting for a crumpler bag for quite some time now and i guess my affinity for color hasn't waned from the first time i bought kipling, another cool, belgian-made bag. I didn't say i am going to buy this bag, but just in case i figure out on some extra dough - this definitely fits me perfectly. stylish, yet fully functional. should it be red, for that "look at me! look at me!" effect? should it be beige or black for that "conservative" look? should it be blue for that "huh, blue again?" look? This is perfect - the 6 Million Dollar Home! $105.50 from the Crumpler USA website. Total coolness!

what's your travel personality (from juli)

Your Travel Personality Is: The Bonder

For you, travel is less about where you're going - but who you're going with. It's no fun to experience an amazing city or a beautiful beach without your friends. In fact, it doesn't really matter where you go... because you and your friends always figure out how to have fun!

What's Your Travel Personality?

new toy

finally. its been a long time coming. i'm giddy finally getting my hands on this one.

still in its box. reading the manual. yeba!

life in qc

going to biboy & dale's birthday party at dolce along timog last night was probably one of the best decisions i've made. sure its a weekday (aka work day) and the party started at 10pm (admittedly during weekdays, this screams bedtime) but i have to say that this party really rocked. take this - free-flowing booze, snacks (yellowcab, a lot of cocktails imaginable) and lots and celebrities, models and who's who in showbiz, i honestly couldn't help but get starstrucked. there was john lloyd with his beau liz uy, toni g & paul, be bench (carlo, john james), palos star jake, bea alonzo, gorgeous bing loyzaga, caught pbb teen robi, other stars i can't remember their names and models models everywhere (pinoys, brazilians, etc). what more can you ask for? its too bad i kind of had to leave early around 130am since i have an early morning meeting today.

got home at around 2, fixed myself for bedtime and tried to get some shuteye. i'd have to say the meds i'm taking sucks, i only managed to get an hour and a half sleep. i hope i get over the insomnia thing - me & lack of sleep isn't really a very good combination. so right now, i'm running on i don't know - don't really feel that sleepy yet but hopefully i can get some nap time during lunch hour.

life in qc. its awesome. i love it.

tidbits

the past few weeks have been quite busy in between work, going out with friends and attending to some personal stuff as well. lately i can't really find anything to talk about but my intention of keeping this site like a personal journal wouldn't make sense if i don't talk about what's been happening lately.

• its my good old friend, dale's birthday today and coincidentally, its also his roommate B's birthday as well. it is also the birthday of dette who used to work with dale and who i met briefly but we hit it off right away. three birthday's today - smack that! dale and i go way back in high school and out of everyone, he and i has managed to stay in contact because we went to the same college, same course and worked briefly in the same company before i moved out to the old blue.
• dale and i have been seeing this recommended dermatologist for some skin pampering. its probably because the thought of turning 34 this month that got us at edge and wanting desperately to make us more youthful. i guess the great news here is that looking youthful wouldn't be that difficult - i am, with confidence, say i do not look 34ish at all. but really, going to that dermatologist (even if it is super faraway) is a worth investment. i just love how my skin looks right now. yeah, vanity will probably be the death of me.
• i went to see another doctor recently (ok, nothing life threatening here) and she prescribed me some prednisone (along with a couple of other stuff). its steroids in short and i've been reading about it to understand more about its side effects. i'm on it for one week and i'd have to get back to her next week hopefully to taper off on these meds. i'd have to say i hate it - its making me irritable, moody and my joints and muscles feels like lead. not to mention, its going to make me fat and bloated. waaah! (insert crying face here!).
• work has been ok lately. finishing up some major items the past week makes this week a bit lighter. there are some other items i'm kind of late in working on because i have to prioritize but hopefully i will be able to finish everything this week.
• d & b will be celebrating their birthday with a party tonight right there in faraway timog. i should probably not go seeing its a tuesday and the party doesn't start until 10pm but its kind of hard to say no. also because i expect to see a lot of beautiful people and celebrities out there. hahaha and no, i'm not startstrucked easily.
• finally, i've submitted my insurance claim papers already and its approved already. i just have to check the accredited shop i'm planning to get the crv fixed. i hope they do a good job and yes, i promise never to be stupid driving again. i am a very good driver and that incident was a slip.

no word yet on the future of the old blue. maybe next week we'll hear something. been dying waiting for it already. need something definite to work with.

getting things done

the thing i hate the most about myself is that i'm susceptible to procastinating. sometimes i try to rationalize it by telling myself that i'm doing it to put pressure on my otherwise dull work requirements. so while i do work very well under pressure and sky-high stress levels, that is still just a lame excuse and i should get myself whipped for wasting valuable time. yeah, i can get real lazy when i want to and realizing that sucks. its surprising however that i can accomplish a lot of things when i really want to - like yesterday and today, i managed to actually be very productive. i finished two projects on-time, even learned to edit excel macros manually (its not that complicated really!) and edit the formulas for an excel enhancement for another project. i really deserve a pat on the back for that (lol!).

the reason for this sudden reflection is the realization about how many more things i would have accomplished if i really made the effort to budget my time well. i've set my sights on a lot of things but i get the feeling i've squandered a lot of hours doing things that brought leisure and contentment but didn't really move me closer towards my goals. i've really taken "live life a little" to the extremes. realizing this now may be perfect timing. after all, i'll be another year older this month and with age should come wisdom. i need to get my life organized - make real the promises i made to myself. make myself hungry once again to learn, to take control and be where and who i want to be.

another memorable old blue moment

here's another video i found in one of my hard drives of various snippets of old blue memories. there are footages here of our tagaytay trip for the amazing kodakan event, uaap championships get together, parties, badminton and a whole lot more. one really funny part here is the excitement of la salle winning the uaap championships superimposed with fake intel stock quotes hitting the $200 level. sigh, if only that was true, i'd be the first to jump up and down. ahhh i have to admit, i really miss the good old days.

one fun night in 2005

as i was browsing through files on my desktop i saw this video i did back in 2005 when we had our christmas party at ali's house. it was a reggae-themed party and what made it really fun was that mostly everyone was there. while seeing this made me feel really nostalgic about the fun parties and friendship we built back then, i am happy to have known a lot of these folks. these times were indeed the great times!

nothing to do

the thing about long weekends that is fun is that its only fun if you have managed to set plans to do something. while i appreciate the luxury of doing nothing, it can get pretty boring. i've been watching a whole lot of films since last night - shutter (the hollywood remake), the fifth element (i just had to see it again), chaos theory and just finished the spiderwick chronicles. i have to say i'm already suffering from movie overdose. in between, i've been catching up on episodes of how i met your mother which i have to say is pretty hilarious. there's definitely plenty of stuff to watch but right now i need a break. juli was asking if i was interested in hiking pinatubo sunday through monday but my skin is a wee bit sensitive right now so sun exposure is a no-no. might go to the mall tomorrow though since my nephew wants to go out and play. its hard to say no to the kids.

arrrghhhh, nothing much to do. gas prices increase by the week. its too expensive now to go around. that sucks big time. road tripping is a no-no.

busy life. not enough time.

this past week has been kind of busy - mostly in the social front and so-so workwise. i got some good news monday that finally gave me peace of mind. tuesday was a late invitation to the premiere of SATC at powerplant - it was free so who was i to say no. workwise, still working on this side project and had to meet up with the guy who was going to do the coding for some enhancements i was working on. my desktop started acting up wednesday and it has gone from bad to worse. i was smart enough to move all of my personal files to an external hdd while the machine was still operational so that is a big relief. that was over 80GB of information. i decided to skip work after lunch thursday and planned to get the desktop repaired but the store i frequent was closed down for inventory count. rotten luck. watched indiana jones with the MBA'ers at glorietta 4 settling instead of gb3 where we realized how expensive seeing a film is nowadays. the film was alright - it didn't really get me all that excited really but i'm not going to talk about it less i spoil it for those who are still planning to see it on the big screen.

ali texted friday and invited us for dinner and coffee. we (ali, allan and i) feasted (i use this word because that was what we did literally) @ TGI Fridays on potato wedges, chicken fingers, caesar salad, cajun pasta and a full slab of ribs. yes, that was just for three people - and the funny thing was that we finished almost everything. pig-out galore. to cap the night, we indulged in a big mug of moroccan mint tea at coffee bean. it was fun hanging out with the old blue gang - we used to do more of this but being in different companies and meeting new people, it can't be helped that hanging outs like this happens seldomly. i think the great thing is that despite our own individual adventures nowadays, we've developed some sort of lifelong bond.

it wasn't planned but a good friend from HS was in the neighborhood so we decided to hang out and catch another flick (yea, yea i just said movies are becoming an expensive past time). so we decided to catch "caregiver" (yeah, don't really care about the raised eyebrows) and i have to say that it wasn't as emotionally gripping as i was expecting it to be. i know its pretty effective if (insert laugh here now!) if i shed a tear or two at the cinema. yeah, the gripping melodrama of some pinoy movies is my guilty pleasure.

in between all of these social activities, i did try fixing my desktop by reinstalling its OS. the first time i got it working before i went to bed only to find out the frakkin' thing won't boot up morning after. so i did a fresh install again, and it did work for a whole day until the automatic updates install screwed it again. this time the desktop was dead for good. i had the hard disk replaced, bought a UPS too and did another fresh install of the OS. so far it hasn't been acting up. three things i figured out here: one, it was a good thing i backed-up all my files when the problems was still minimal so all my files are intact. two, the sort of jitters i get watching films isn't because the desktop was slow, it was because of the hard disk. and three, i realized i know how to set-up my pc (software-wise) back to how it was from scratch.

vain alert: its sunday now and i'll be going out (again) in a while. will be having lunch with my HS friend - libre e and then we're going to take a sidetrip to check-out this dermatologist somewhere in marikina. supposedly, she's a great alternative to belo and calayan. i think i need some relief since i haven't been liking so much how i look like in the pictures. the thought of getting older this month is killing me - hence the need for some intervention. and no, i'm not going in for something drastic like getting work done or botox (lol), just some good regimen to get back some of that baby glow.

when we grow old

"lola" is in the hospital since a few weeks back, they found her unconscious in the bathroom floor. The stories remain sketchy about what really happened but we decided to visit her today. seeing lola after quite some time made us realize how fragile and old she's become. she's much thinner than last i saw her (which was a long time ago) but at despite her ripe age of 87, she was still a very sharp woman. we weren't really close to her growing up, "lolo" was much more affectionate so we as "kids" were naturally drawn to him. we did spend more time with mom's parents growing up even though they kind of lived a few blocks apart. we decided to drop by my aunt's house since she was also confined in the hospital a few weeks back. the good news is that she looks quite good today. i looked at their house and the compound we used to play in during childhood and everything looks different. that piece of history of our childhood is long gone now. we went to Christ the King memorial chapels right after because the husband of mom's friend passed away yesterday. he was 72 and was in the hospital also recently.

looking at my lola and my aunt, i realized how lucky they are to have gotten this far in life. in my head, i kept on asking myself if i will be as lucky to be bestowed such a long and colorful life, or even whether i want to. maybe right now, my head's at where i prefer not to but i guess as time passes, you learn to appreciate life more and you tend to hold on to it harder. i just don't like the idea of growing old alone, having to depend on people to take care of me. one thing i realized i never want to be is a burden so i prefer a quick getaway when the time comes. The part that sucks being at this age in life is that the realities of life becomes more and more certain. Getting sick, problems with money, problems with family, being heartbroken, death ... they're stuff you have to deal with even if you don't want to. growing up can really be a drag. its no wonder peter pan wanted to stay in neverland. right now, i'm wishing neverland was real.

david cook - idol 2008

DAVID COOK
American Idol - Season 7 Winner

A well deserved win by a really awesome talent. 12 million votes more proves everybody has taken to david cook's more versatile and appealing sound. after hearing him be proclaimed this season's winner, i couldn't help but feel ecstatic - truly a happy, happy, joy, joy moment. cook made a lot of people happy today - me & my friends included.
natural high - that's what it feels like.

American Idol Finale

Its finally here!!! While David Archuleta is an admirable singer, i am a solid DAVID COOK fan. COOKIES for the win!!!

Here are the performances from tonight's show in the spirit of this whole idol brouhahaha

Round 1





Round 2



Round 3



DC's take on "The World I Know" is awesome!

on the side of me

the thing i like about coincidences is that they seem to be right smack when you least expect it. and more often than not, some coincidences are just the right thing you need at the right moment. maybe its an answered prayer or God's way of reassuring you about the problems that weigh heavy. in this case, i found this song just flipping through the channels and i immediately fell in love with this song.

on the side of me
corrinne may

I’m not the easiest person to love
I’m often the one who lets things go unresolved

Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Yet you choose to be on the side of me
on the side of me

I’m not too proud of some things
I’ve done in my life
The skeletons in my closet
Are too big for me to hide

Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Blessed Charity
You’re on the side of me
on the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
when it’s cold outside
and there’s no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
but you

I’m not the easiest person to love
But you, you’ve opened your heart to show me what I’m worth

‘Cause you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
What a mystery
You’re on the side of me
on the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
when it’s cold outside
and there’s no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go

I remember when nobody cared
Nobody cared
But you…

Yeah you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me

Freaky, Fun Friday

one very effective way out of desolation is have a night out with friends. last night proved to be no exception cause we definitely had a great time. it probably wasn't the best of times since one of our friends S is in the hospital for surgery but in some way, most of us needed it - distraction. eric, tm, jap, dino & myself had a great dinner and dessert at conti's. we were laughing and taking photos of our food and dessert and keeping ourselves updated even if we just hanged out the previous weekend.

annie finally was able to join us when we moved to roadhouse in high street. instead of coffee, we decided that at a time like this, alcohol was the better choice. its nice to see everyone very comfortable with each other already. there's trust, respect & love in this group and a genuine appreciation about everyone present that night. each of us had our stories to share - some sharing more than the others. at other times it felt like the lines between what was appropriate and inappropriate was getting blurry but we're all adults there so no judgments.

i must have been more exhausted than i realized (late night thursday, long-distance driving friday and again late night friday) because after downing my 2nd (yes, 2nd) SML, i went to the restroom to take a leak. i felt my heart beating really fast and i might not have catched my breath fast enough because everything went blank. Fcuk, i BLACKED OUT. it was like a 2 or 3-second kind of thing but i was disoriented after and just realized what had happened. That was pretty scary and i realized when i got home that i must have hit my face somewhere because i have a tiny bruise on my face. 2 bottles, that can't be the cause of it. i can hold my alcohol very well, thank you very much.

so today (saturday), i am going to rest. that incident pretty much freaked me out. hahaha, ok not really a laughing matter cause it might be something serious but life is short and i want to have fun.

the only certainty

i recently learned that one of my aunt is in the hospital - we heard some news before that she has been sick. this time around, she's gone from better to worse. from what we've heard is that her liver and kidneys are no longer functioning properly that her blood is poisoning herself already. what is more heartbreaking is that her kids do not even make time to be with her in the hospital - other people stay there to take care of her. even her grandchildren do not even make an effort to help out. they're not well-off sure, but this is their mother who took care of them growing up and who is still taking care of them until she was able. my sister and mom visited my aunt today and they told me she was so happy to see them. the doctor said not to get hopes up and that the family should be prepared. i don't think she knows what is happening - how bad her condition is. i know its not good to say this but i feel sorry she got stuck with ungrateful kids. i wouldn't be surprised if none of them sheds a tear when she leaves this place. i will pray that God gives my aunt lita strength, peace and for Him to take away her pain.

i write this today as a testament that I will never abandon my mom in her hour of need. When the day comes, i will be there to hold her hand and i will let her know how thankful i am that she was mine.

another day in love

for most, the only songs they probably remember from stephen speaks would be "passenger seat" and "out of my league" and no one else probably remembers who exactly were the vocalists for that group. by chance during my browsing moments in facebook, i managed to catch an ad showcasing TJ McCloud who incidentally was one of the singers for the group stephen speaks.

i found his new album on the web and i found the familiar sound of his voice quite soothing. not to mention, the lyrics of his songs aren't too bad either. so i thought it was a good idea to write something about it seeing that lately the inspiration to blog about anything has left me - hopefully not for good.

the prize of your efforts

watching this season's american idol, i can't help but feel happy that syesha mercado made it all the way to the top 3. she's not even my favorite (me, being a COOKIE fan all the way) but her journey through this season is phenomenal. I can't think of any other contestant who's been consistently in the bottom than her - but through painstaking effort, she survived. Granted she's not among the best vocal performers this season, i can see how much of herself she gives to her performances and that is probably why she's still there. so what if she's not going to win this contest - cause my fearless prediction is that its going to be a DC vs DA finale, finishing third is no mean feat. so congratulations syesha, you have done a great job.

despite becoming a pseudo-insensitive prick, i realized how much i always root for the underdog or at least feel for them. there's been countless times when i was teary-eyed watching films where the underdog triumphs over the adversities. i cry watching period films where white folks discriminate against black folks (that discrimination is something i will never, ever understand). my guess is one of the reasons for this is that i feel some emotional connection at being the underdog. and maybe i don't have the same sob stories but i feel for them because i know how tough it can be in the real world. there's always people who would try to put you down, who would pass up on you for whatever reason, or maybe just don't like you for who they perceive you are. while being different can make life harder, there is immense joy in winning over the adversities.

i should know. been there. done that.

in the name of love

i received an announcement yesterday that a colleague was moving from chengdu (where he works) to pudong. i thought it was just one of those moving from one city to another kind of situations until i got a seemingly personal email from my colleague. now he and i as far as i remember were never particularly close but we did get a chance to work together a few years back. he said that the real reason he is moving is to sort of further his relationship with his girlfriend who was based in pudong. he said that they have been trying to work out a long-distance relationship for quite some time - and probably he realized that if he wants to make this work then he needs to be physically available. wow.

the engineer in me runs through the scenarios and looks at risks and probabilities - wait, that must be the obsessive-compulsive in me instead. i think that is a leap of faith and i've seen a lot of people placed in the same situation before and until today. but honestly, how many of us have done things "in the name of love" that either we treasure and we remain proud of it and at other times, we shudder at the thought of how foolish we seemed back then. looking back, i try to lock all of the foolish and stupid and "i would rather die if i do that again" moments in my "part of the bitter past" safe. lock and key thrown out to the deepest part of the ocean. i hope that being more mature, i'm less susceptible to bouts of foolishness except that at times i still am.

love is really a tricky thing. it makes us laugh, it makes us cry. i love the way it makes me feel - happy, excited, eager, hopeful sparkly eyed and yet hate the fact i can't think straight at times. i hate being in love with all the wrong people, while trying to convince myself that they're the right one. i've learned to deal with all the heartbreak, with all the letting go and with all the need to forget. sometimes i feel like i've gotten so used to it that i'm starting to turn into an unfeeling beyotch. having been independent for a long time, i don't know if i'm going to be able to be ready for a relationship. i like the idea of having someone but i'm not sure if i'm ready for all the constant dates, the constant calls and texting and togetherness. i realize that maybe i'm not that romantic at all.

somebody kill me now. lol.

no more drama

it really is good news - that life has been kind of smooth sailing of late. it feels a bit uninteresting that i can't find anything to write about. there's not a lot of melodrama akin to what life was a few months back. the paranoid in me wonders if this is a sort-of calm before the storm but the better, more optimistic side of me believes its a welcome reprieve. there's something unnerving on knowing exactly where you are right now. the certainty is a joy-killer. life seems to be at a standstill. in more ways, i should be happy that there isn't really a lot to think about these days. everything seems to be flowing in a constant rhythm ... and i can never get used to living such a boring life. i'd hate to think i am a masochist but there is something about uncertainty that makes you look forward to it. i'm sure i won't go around searching for the next big rock to bash my head with but maybe i am not really seeing things as i should. maybe the calm is an opportunity to do something different - to read about photography, of lightroom, of photoshop and whatever's handy to learn. maybe this time is a time of reflection - to ponder on what needs pondering. i should try to think more about the future, put some plans in place. it probably would be nice to move to oz at the urging of some of my good friends and i'm tempted to. whoever said we always have choices was right, we always have - except some choices were never really options to begin with. i wish i could be a little more selfish but my head's not wired that way. so i have to rethink of a way to have the life i could have had given my new circumstances.

maybe life right now is bit boring - and i realize, boring isn't necessarily bad. at least for the time being.

a reminder of sorts

i agreed to attend pilates with juli yesterday at the fitness first branch in southmall and while i was driving, i realized that i didn't have my wallet with me. i had no money, credit card, driver's license not even my fitness first card. i didn't want to go back to the house for two reasons - one, is that i will be late for the pilates class; and two, i had driven already a good distance from our house and driving the rest wasn't that risky (i am such a model citizen, lol!). i fortunately had my company ID at the car so that sort of takes care of my access to the gym but i still didn't have any money. i thought walking around the mall with my gym clothes on was already funny, but being in a mall without any money was probably worst.

fortunately i managed to borrow some money from allan when he joined us at the gym later because juli & i decided to grab a bite to eat. its been a long time since i was faced with buying food on a strict budget - that's what having work affords you, the ability to just order what you want and sort out how much it cost later. it reminded me of life back in college when i had to budget everything from my allowance. life on a budget can be hard. i wasn't one of those rich la salle kids who had hefty allowances but we weren't poor either. i think having to add up in my head what i wanted to order so i don't overspend was a reminder that we don't have unlimited resources (i'm talking about money here). and its wise to keep that in mind. so far i've been extremely good at keeping my credit cards in order but i haven't been that strict in terms of spending within a budget. that little incident maybe is a reminder to start now.

graduation's almost here

the graduation march is next saturday already. after three and a half years, this chapter of my life is finally coming to a close. i can finally say that i have a Master of Business Administration major in Supply Chain Management degree! Lupit di ba? Will this open new doors for me? I hope so - i think for the most part, job hunting is 50% luck/timing and 50% credentials. i've always believed that timing is the key to everything.

back in college, the idea of the graduation ceremony wasn't too appealing at first. and initially, i decided to go through it for mom's sake. when i got there, i'd have to say i was happy to see my friends and my classmates and realized that the graduation is an important milestone. while college was indeed a rite of passage, graduation marks our entry into the real world. this may not be true for those who have had to shoulder responsibilities at an early age but for most of us, it was the beginning of responsibilities and problems, problems and more problems.

next saturday, i am once again going into that same ritual - this time around mostly with people i haven't really known long. i am fortunate that i'm marching along with some people i've developed real friendships with and that is what's going to make this event memorable. yeah, school's over. "no more teachers, no more books. no more teachers, dirty looks."

metamorphosis

having taken the reins of providing for the family for quite some time now (my sister, thank God and your prayers, is healthy enough to go back to work - not full-time, but somewhat part-time as a consultant for her previous employer), not only are my priorities changing but i'm actually enjoying some of the household responsibilities. is this the end of my social life as i know it? one of the things i always look forward to is going to the grocery, pass through all the aisles and dump a mixture of needs & wants into a very accommodating cart. there's just something about going to the grocery that's fun for me - specially the realization that i am fortunate to be able to provide this much to the family. doing grocery, mind you, employs a lot of skill - planning, budgeting, memorizing, cost-benefit analysis and not to mention the physical exercise you get from walking and carrying the bags. blame it on the engineer in me for over-analyzing. i having done this for a while, i've become more price-conscious and aware which is a great thing. its like this habit i've developed of checking all of the gas prices at every gas station i come across when driving - like i can tell that gas here in paranaque is 10 cents cheaper than the gas being sold near the big blue. i'm amazed by my own obsessive-compulsiveness.

while this is not a review, i'd have to say that S&R is such a great place to go grocery shopping. they have an awesome selection of meat, frozen goods and some of the stuff i used to buy at Costco when i was in the US. I've even seen them selling Nyquil which i think is one of the best meds to take during a cold bout. South Supermarket is also one of the better groceries because they have a great seafood section (don't like their meat section that much) and vegetables too. plying various supermarkets helps you know which place is best for what. the only thing i hate when going to the grocery is that it sort of puts a big dent in my credit card but i guess it can't be helped. we need to eat.

being grocery-trained and price conscious i guess helps support any culinary aspirations i have right now. this is the problem, i have too many areas i want to explore and not really know which to do first. culinary, photography, business? its even hard to fit gym time in there because my nephew has football camp wednesdays and fridays. i am so doing double-duty right now. its still fun though - having to do something different than the rest. for one, i'm no longer thinking about myself. and that is cause for hurrah!

mac is back

the good news is that i finally got mac back - hmmm "mac" isn't such a bad name. i am going to start calling my macbook "mac" from now on. the good news is that mac seems healthy so far and i am using him as i write this post.

so yeah, i'm back being an part-time apple user. i have to admit though that my fascination with mac hasn't waned since i got him. now that he's back in top shape and i need to do two wedding AVPs, its a great opportunity to practice using mac.

sleep overs

having decided that going on an out of town trip was badly needed despite the short notice, we all agreed that it was easier to sleep over ali's house friday night. the plans originally was for us to drive to zambales really early in the morning of saturday but friday night, we were having second thoughts about going and was trying to figure out if we could find an alternative place at the eve of a long weekend. we decided to stop looking around midnight when we ended up empty handed with all the places we were trying to check-out. we we're just going to think about the "where" in the morning.

we ended up drinking a bottle of bailey's - the minty kind. allan, juli, arlene, ali and myself talked about the recent announcement of the big blue including our sentiments about it and the future. the idea of unemployment in a way scares us because we have responsibilities and its easier to talk about it flustered with alcohol. its also exciting in a way because it opens up to new opportunities and creates a fresh start. the sleep over was timely in a way and its easy to talk to these people because we've been friends for quite some time and they already know the whole story so there's no need for more background. times like these, its comforting to be with friends. i really miss those "kapihan" sessions we used to have, whether those that we had at starbux in tagaytay or those cheap "nescafe's". we've shared a lot of things back when almost everyone hanged out at the "yosihan" area. a lot of things and feelings are poured over at that area - and while most of us quit already (me included, two years now) - those times were a great pick-me-up.

i feel lucky that despite having different jobs now, most of us still find time to hang-out. we're still connected more than ever and its a relief that our relationships have developed into a lifelong bond. i hope that when rlin eventually moves to the US when she gets married or when juli finally settles in malaysia or singapore or when allan moves to oz, we are still going to keep in touch. on the other hand, i should keep in touch to get some free board & lodging and tour guides when i visit those countries.

the beginning of the end

there's something about today that seemed off - everybody seemed giddy and you can hear the mutterings of people as they pass by. a lot have speculations about the announcement this afternoon - some may deny it but it has been news that has been floating around for a while ... hmmm, like for the past 1.5-2 years (lol!). surprisingly, there was free meals at the cafe today - not that i needed it since i sort of have an abundance of meal stubs. but its free, and i'm filipino - and we should never refuse grace when it hits you in the face. in hindsight, it seemed like feeding the people was timed maybe to soften the blow.

at 2pm, it was announced - the Big Blue is closing --- in 6 to 9 months. i think the timing was what hit the people like a brick wall. We knew it was coming but we didn't know it was that soon. in a way, for those tenured, the "enhanced" separation package is very attractive. i, who has been scouting for other opportunities, sees this as an additional blessing. it was very emotional during the q&a, some broke down and others asked direct, poignant questions. from my point of view, the real reason is politics and eversince i felt that that "somebody" never really liked the site. he said it was performance last time, and now they say the building is no longer viable structurally in the long term. for a company that prides itself on being strategic, that line of reasoning doesn't make sense. listening to the questions, i felt a pang of guilt that i was looking forward to this news. i wanted a confirmation so i can start to move on but others would have preferred never to hear this kind of news.

from what was shown, for my tenure, the package isn't bad. but money doesn't last a long time and it would be a gift to find a job as soon as the package is available (God willing!). in more ways, God has been very gracious - maybe the reason i haven't heard back from the companies i am applying for is because i needed to wait for this package. i get a bit anxious at the prospect of not having work, having been employed for the last 12 years. life would be easier if i had to think about myself only - but there are 4 people i need to feed and thank God my sister is working again.

the news is going to hit the others hard. i can tell because everyone looked teary-eyed leaving the room. for most, it is really the beginning of the end. hopefully for most, there's a new beginning that awaits.

what lies on the horizon

there's going to be an announcement tomorrow - about what is anybody's guess. the invitation says its about the roadmap - something which we know for a long time there doesn't seem to be any. maybe its what most have been waiting for, that finally the journey with which the big blue embarked on 30+ years ago is finally coming to a close. is this what we all have been praying for? maybe through God's eternal goodness, the stars will align and i'd find a new career and get a good package. everybody is anxious and hopefully whatever the news is, its good news.

crazy thing called love

watching "love affair" made me remember how nice it would be to have someone to love, to have a last call for the day and to just have a hand to hold with when life seems so overbearing. i watched "love affair" only because it came into one of the conversations while driving to la luz a few weeks back. i cried watching the last scene of "love affair" making me re-affirm that i am indeed a sucker for happy endings.

maybe someday it would be nice to find someone who i can share life with but i've come to terms with being alone at least for the time being. not everyone finds their fish in the sea, much less end up with their meant-to-be. i, right now, settle for the life i have - its not perfect but there are still a lot to be thankful for. a few sundays ago, i finally realized what true love is while attending church - true love is what i feel as i carried my sleepy nephew in my arms. as his arms draped around my shoulders, i realized how much i love this little kid - that i would do everything for him. if i will be able to feel like that again on somebody, then i would know how to be in love again. but right now, i am settling for what and who i have because i gave up already trying to find the right one.