happy birthday abet

today is the birthday of a good friend. happy birthday abet!
i wish you peace, happiness and love wherever you are.
i (and everybody) miss you.

let's sit & talk a while

feeling like grown-ups, lvt & i talked about what will happen in the next two years. the conversation filled with anxiety over the seemingly unending uncertainty of our professional life. life was quite promising for the lot of us - lvt, acs and myself. our careers were on the fast lane and i think it still is or at least there's still a promise to it. being adults though complicate things a lot - there are more responsibilities to take (whether you want it or not), people to take care of and a growing list of expenses.

we've been toying with the idea of either setting up a business or venturing into something that generates additional income for all of us. lvt has started already with a home-care service thing here in az - good for her - biatch! hahaha acs, em and i doesn't really have anything concrete in place. still ideas that hopefully will come to fruition soon. i am lucky to have found real friends in acs, em and lvt. soon, if the wind blows right, we're probably going to be business partners too.

grand canyon finally! snow finally!

i finally was able to visit the grand canyon yesterday and as an added bonus, got to touch, play and shiver in the snow. yes, snow was everywhere. and it has been fairly cold here in arizona since i got here two sundays ago. the trip to the grand canyon was really an experience - there was one instance we made a wrong turn where we got stuck in knee-deep snow, had to push the car and luckily made it back to the road. we took a lot of pictures along the way (still waiting for photos from larry's camera though), even wrote our names in the snow and marveled how light the snow felt and how freakin cold it was outside.

sidebar : migs and i shopped A LOT the day before mostly from abercrombie & hollister. i so love love these stores, they're really my favorites. on the road towards getting broke.

pictures from the grand canyon posted here : grand canyon/snow

I love the Legacy!

I am so loving where i am staying for the duration of my trip. It is a fully-furnished 1-bedroom apartment complete with kitchen, washer/dryer, jacuzzi, two 27-in televisions, two dvd-players, dishwasher and cable. broadband is a bit expensive though @ $9.95+ per 24-hour block. i'm driving a PT Cruiser Convertible and with the weather right now (pretty damn cold), that's perfect (though its too cold to drive with the top down).

this is living the good life.

Hanging out with the MBA'ers

we finally were able to get together last friday (Jan 12) at shanda's place along TM Kalaw in Manila. it was dino's birthday also that day and he had to beg off going to the party because he had to go home and spend his birthday with his family. imee & i met up with him pre-party at starbucks in g4 to which i came in late having underestimated the traffic from cavite to makati. the party was fun, even though a few people were not able to come (notty, tm, jm, ron ... who else?). with the usual display of karaoke singing prowess, richard & annie entertained us throughout the night. i really miss these guys, now moreso since most of them have graduated or are on the final stretch of the MBA program. i'm the only one left ... doesn't really bother me that much since i have to prioritize work these days.

click on slide.com to view the pictures.

alternately, the pictures are also posted in the following : MBA Get-Together (Jan 12)

or go to www.yuan1025.multiply.com and click on the photo's section.

sitting here watching the world pass by

there's something about waiting in the airport that's in a way uhmmm calming, which doesn't really last that long once boredom sets in. but looking around the myriad of people from God-knows-where pass you by, i couldn't help but wonder in amazement. the airport is a melting pot of people of all ages, sex/sexual orientation, race and everything - everything is right here, in front of me. and while i marvel at this thought, i shudder at the long flight that awaits me. boredom.

hopefully, things will proceed smoothly, no hitches, no hassles. i'd stop there for fear that i might jinx it but the day has been extremely marvelous so far. i checked in conveniently (given my marco polo membership) and my manila to hongkong seat was upgraded to business class (hurrah!). and while wasting time at the business lounge, this gorgeous eye candy came in. to top it off, eye candy sat just one seat away from me in the airplane. yumminess. if you could get diabetic from excitement, i would have. yumminess again.

gotta wrap up and walk to my gate. the journey begins.

wicker park : airport scene

this is the airport scene i love so much from the movie "wicker park."

can we really end up with the one we truly love?

while flicking through cable a few days ago, i chanced upon the ending of this movie with josh hartnett. it was a scene at the airport where it seemed he reunited with a girl he loved. that scene didn't really make sense to me that time but i was glued to the ending because i really liked the song that was playing. the voice was familiar but i couldn't make who the singer was and later on during the credits i learned that the song playing was called "the scientist" by coldplay. i didn't know the title of the movie still.

coincidentally, a few days after that while exchanging emails with dj & trixy, coldplay was mentioned and i diligently squeezed in a description of the movie as well as the title of the song. turns out dj has already seen the movie and its called "wicker park." now, i've had that dvd for quite a looong time now but just hasn't found the time and interest to watch it ---- until now. i knew i missed a great film so i popped it into my dvd player and stayed there until it finished.

the movie is a love story but its told in a uniquely interesting way, that is from the different points of view of the characters. and as each angle is told from their perspective, the truth behind what is happening is pieced together. stuff that's happening suddenly makes sense.
i particularly love this movie for the following scenes :

• when matt was tearing down the pictures in his room when he thought lisa left him. that was one tearful moment cause it showed how guys can be vulnerable to hurt and cry about it.
• the confrontation scene between matt and alex at the restaurant with words being said like : "when you see something from afar, you develop a fantasy. but when you see it up close, 9 times out of 10, you wish you hadn't." "love makes you do crazy things, insane things. things in a million years you'd never see yourself do. but there you are doing them ... can't help it."
• and lastly, the airport scene is the best scene of all. this is probably one of the best endings of a movie that i've seen. matt's face when he finally saw lisa was priceless. i was teary-eyed the whole time (damn it! hahaha).

seeing "wicker park" made me believe in love again. that after the hurt of losing someone you dearly, dearly love, you can find it again even after a long time. fate brings you back together. i guess i'm still a romantic fool after all.

bitten

after happily receiving a foot spa at fitness first last night, i drove home satisfied that my feet were silky soft and smooth. when i got home and went down to open the gate, the evil dog i think accidentally grazed my left foot with either its claws or its teeth. i had a very small puncture wound which i thorougly washed and diligently placed some alcohol.

as a precaution, i went to asian hospital to have it checked. they told me to go to RITM instead and it was there that i got injections for anti-tetanus and anti-rabies. it was a freakin good thing i got some money before i went there because the medicines for the injections were so expensive. i got 5 injections today some of which actually hurt - ouch! and 2 injections on the skin to test if i was allergic to the medicines.

i need 3 more injections for day 3, day 7 and day 30. its the day 30 that i'm having problems with since that is feb1 and i'm supposed to leave on jan14. so if i can't get anybody in the US to administer the injection then i will have to pushout the trip. bummer.

i hate dogs.

my top tv show pick for 2006

having broadband internet connection made it easy to follow the new tv shows in the US ahead of pirated dvds plying the market. while admittedly having this addiction sent our electric bill through the roof, it was worth it. here is a list of the shows in the US that i just had to have a weekly dose of and why (no particular order).

1. prison break (fox). after season 1, who wouldn't die waiting to see what happened to michael scofield and lincoln burrows? or the better question would be - having wit & dashing good looks, who wouldn't want (or be) michael scofield? each episode in season 2 is a cliffhanger, pushing you at the edge of your seat and hating fox for having this much control over you.
2. grey's anatomy (abc). the brains behind this series is a genius. this series for me is the best show right now on television, and it has proven itself so after it moved to a thursday slot and being pitted against juggernaut CSI, it now only proved it can survive, it actually is at par or even beating CSI in the ratings. this is in my can't miss list.
3. battlestar galactica (sci-fi). arguably the best sci-fi show. it has everything, romance, drama, action, and suspense. after doing a marathon catch-up of season 1 and patiently watching season 2, we were hooked. season 3 ... its painful to think how many more days, weeks or months before the next episode.
4. heroes (nbc). when i first saw the trailer of heroes, i thought "this is going to be interesting." and i was right. i found it a bit boring during the first few episodes but they sure have picked up the pace since then. i think we are going to see more of this show.
5. justice (fox). this is "the practice" meets "CSI". i don't know why this show is not rating and why fox is pulling the plug but for me, this was one show that i loved this season. kerr smith is awesome.
6. friday night lights (nbc). this is a recent find and after watching 10 of its aired episodes in a row, it was clear i was missing a lot. i think along with heroes, this is actually one of the best new series this season and i am hoping the ratings will pick-up so it doesn't get yanked from the schedule.
7. brothers and sisters (abc). damn, talk about heavy drama. yeah, that's what this is. it has an outstanding cast including calista flockhart and sally field. i always have a tear watching this series - so heartwrenching. i guess i can connect to how dysfunctional this family is.
   

of course, there are still the staples like one tree hill, the oc (i love this show) and supernatural (scary, intriguing and a true eye-candy). ugly betty is also a very good show to watch (i watch this right after grey's anatomy). desperate housewives is still funny. 3lbs seems like a rip-off of house md. the mini-series "the lost room (sci-fi)" was great i consider it a must-see. hmmm, worth a mention is nip/tuck for a weekly dose of sex, intrigue, mystery, grim & gore. oh did i mention sex? nip/tuck is cutting edge and i think that's why it remains so appealing (and yes, wouldn't we all want to look like christian troy?).

ahead of 2007

the good news is that my boss confirmed that there is budget for me to go the US next year and when that is entirely up to me. i had planned to fly on sunday at the end of the 2nd week of january and stay in chandler for the next eight (or ten) weeks. i've actually already started making the arrangements for my trip and hopefully things at home will be ok enough for me to confirm my trip. i hope this piece of news is the beginning of many more good news to come in 2007. cause i tell you, i need a breather.

surviving the distance

there were a lot of people/friends who left recently, so many that its actually kind of hard to keep track already. some of them left for another country while others for the promise of a better career in another company. regardless of the reasons, we all arrive at that point wherein we make the big leap - throw all caution to the wind - and just plunge head-on. while parting can be quite emotional, its only temporary. sure, there's grief, emptiness and feelings of sadness but people are resilient and the heart, given time, does not miss forever. but who did leave already - gib, thebeth, mel, elmer, jordan, jowell, ali, kj, reden, michelle, rhaleigh - ugh, all in the same year. who's next? pretty soon, everyone i've known will be gone. i'm sticking because in a way, my position remains promising and its foolhardy to just throw that away. besides, life as i know it is different now - i've come to the reality recently that i have responsibilities.

the real question is whether if, after intel, our friendships survive. in a way, i already know those that will survive, but for the others i'm not so sure. those that survive will likely be those that will really make an effort to keep in touch, on both sides. i keep telling myself that given the multitude of means to communicate today, that shouldn't be so hard to do. the fact is that is easier said than done. the good thing though is that though there are varied levels of friendship, what remains true is that real friendship survives distance and its lack of togetherness. i know this because i have friends who i meet probably the most twice a year, and yet during those few times we hang out, we talk as if we just had coffee last night. i don't know how but you just know that it is the kind of friendship that lasts forever, because it endures.

lessons before the holiday

my sister is finally home. she still needs aid in doing a lot of things but at least being home is better than getting stuck in a four-cornered room at the hospital. despite all the difficulties during the past few weeks, i think it has thought me a lot of valuable lessons.

• that there is value in having savings. working for a good number of years, i only started saving two years ago (seriously this year) and i did it because i was at that point in my life wherein saving didn't put a big strain on my spending ability. having realized that in times of emergency, having somewhere to pull some resources from helps make things easier. my advice is that it doesn't matter how much you put aside every payday, whether its 1,000 or 10,000, it helps on the rainy days. in 2007, i am going to seriously start saving again.
• what is very important in a company is the health plan. we live in a very dangerous world where even the air we breathe poisons us, the food we eat laden with preservatives & additives and event the fluoride in toothpaste is poison. having a good health plan can save you a lot of headache when you get sick - i've known this for a long time but recently felt how much burden not having one can do to your bank account. Total hospital bill was 360k not including doctors' fees and the medicines needed after being discharged.
• that maybe me not being or tied up with someone is a blessing right now because i realized now that my family needs me & i have an obligation to them. i thank God that even if my mom was just an executive secretary for wyeth for the last 35 years, she was a wise woman who knew how to save, put her kids through prestigious schools, and take care of her family. now that she is retired, it is time for me to repay her for all her sacrifices.
• i am glad that i have life insurances, two at that and maybe i will be paying for them for still a good number of years but at least i know that if something happens to me, my family will not be saddled with debt.
• i finally understood what it feels like to have serious responsibilities. taking care of my nephew was no easy feat and his expenses wasn't paltry even, i could just imagine if he needed to wear diapers the whole day (luckily, he just needs the diapers at night time), i would have been running to the grocery weekly. running the household would have been easier has it not been for our two resident "pasaways". doing grocery shopping has been a routine chore.
• having to run a household and frequenting the grocery inspired me to start cooking. and while i'm dealing with the easy stuff, like pinakbet and chopsuey, my first venture to cooking a real meal was actually quite successful. it makes me giddy at the thought of cooking something more ... hmmm, difficult and interesting.
• i realized that God in his eternal wisdom, chose to give us this trial during a time where the holidays looming around makes taking time off easier. that my job today permits me to get off work at any time (as long as i deliver my req'ts) and stay home to watch over my nephew. that school isn't as demanding as the previous terms, and while i may be losing my chance at earning a medal on graduation, i have no regrets. the medal would have just been icing on the cake - i know that in her heart, i finally made my mom proud having been able to help our family during this difficult times. that for me is worth more than a hundred medals.

friends who've seen me have told me a variety of things - that i lost weight, that i looked tired, and that i carried my problems pretty well since i could afford to smile. i guess i've been used to putting up a smile all the time even at the worst of times, helped me more overcome all of the negativity. you know, it kept me from going insane and remain optimistic that we will survive.

yes, this would probably be the first christmas i haven't felt so festive. i haven't even been able to buy any christmas present, not for myself or my family. my immediate concern right now is stretching my savings for household expenses (electricity is running up to 7k, duh! and its not even summer). right now, i probably have to skip giving christmas presents this year except for my godsons & goddaughters and my nephew. hopefully, there's still time to enjoy christmas.

i love pocoyo!

my nephew gets all glued to the tv screen once disney playhouse shows pocoyo! he's just so loveable he's now on my desktop, my screensaver and even the background for my treo.

is there really?

the current family problems have been taking more of me than i will ever admit to anyone. i have to show strength and resolve in front of everybody because being fragile and emotional doesn't help during these times. the hospital bill is actually bigger than what we expected, i guess it will run into something like 450k (hopefully that's the ceiling). yesterday was the first time i've had to use my credit card and charge 150k for deposit. i thought "sayang ang points" so i decided to use VISA instead. i don't really think any of the 150k is going to come back after everything has settled down. its not a case of "easy come, easy goes" because i worked for that, and i consciously made it a point to put money in my savings account every payday. i'm glad though that i am able to help during these crucial times. a lot of people have told me that i will earn that back and i know i will. hopefully what they say is true also that we all will be rewarded for all our sacrifices. God has been good during the past years such that he allowed us to be able to prepare for these tests today.

if not for these recent events, i would have enough money to be make my planned purchases push through - i wanted to buy a new gas range, a new washing machine, a new radio/speakers for my car, get my lynx repainted, fix stuff that needs fixing on the lynx ... these would have been easy decisions to make, and while i'm not saying that i am destitute now, recent events begs our family to be prudent with our spendings.

its 12 days before christmas, i honestly don't feel that christmassy these days.

a brief respite

dad was discharged from the hospital today and pretty soon he'd be back to his "pasaway" self. i was quite touched receiving text messages from friends from school and work telling me to be strong and that they were praying for me & my family. i guess their prayers helped a lot that at least while we're not out of the storm yet, we're getting through it.

like most people needing some distraction, i focused my energies on being productive. i started the day cleaning the fridge and since it wasn't a "no frost" kind of ref, i couldn't believe how much ice came out from the freezer. i did some laundry and later on decided the kitchen needed some cleaning and disinfecting, and so i did all that and included the kitchen table and the old, old gas range. everything was spiffy clean by the time mom, dad & the blacksheep (BS) got home. i even had lunch prepared by then with rice, "nilagang manok" and some leftover beef with mushroom from yesterday.

i really wish all these difficulties will soon be over cause i really do need a breather. but i'm trying to cope with it ... at least one day at a time. even if its hard, i have to show strength cause my mom sure can't manage all of these by herself. its 15 days before christmas and despite what is happening, i am hoping christmas is going to be as wonderful as it has always been.

when it rains, it pours ...

yesterday was mom's birthday and since she was still in the hospital watching over my sister, i decided to buy some food and bring it there so we can at least celebrate. mom is i think around 67yo yesterday and we are lucky that at this age, she is still quite strong, self-sufficient and has not been plagued with any major sickness. Perhaps she's been blessed with good health because God knows her family needs her. mom, for the first time since my sister got confined a week ago, went with me to go home and get some stuff. even if i was quite tired from driving already, i offered to drive her back to the hospital since i didn't want her to commute and i knew the blacksheep wouldn't drive her. the drive to makati was a pretty smooth one but the drive back was painfully exhausting with the horrendous traffic and all. i am thankful though that i am lately driving an automatic car so at least in a way, its easier to drive - doesn't mean though that its less tiring. it still is so that by the time i got home, i was pretty beat that i went straight to bed.

i woke up around 4am with jacob crying outside my door - since he slept early that night, i figured he just woke up early so i just let him in to watch tv while i went to the restroom. i heard dad calling out my and blacksheep's name and i knew something was wrong. dad laid there in bed and he said he couldn't move his body, or he felt so weak that he couldn't lift anything. even if i tried to sit him down (and my it felt like he weighed a ton), he couldn't steady himself. after a while i decided that we should bring him to the hospital but i knew i couldn't lift him up by myself. of all the lousy timing, blacksheep was not home and i didn't even have his celfone number. i was debating whether to call an ambulance seeing that we needed to save any money we had right now to pay my sister's hospital bills. i fortunately managed to call some neighbors who were nice enough to help carry him to the car (i had at this time, moved the car to the front of the house and had changed my nephew's clothes). we managed to bring him to the emergency room of mcp and they initially thought he suffered a stroke.

i honestly don't know dad's medical history since he doesn't really bother to tell us the details and he likes to do self-medication. i did list down all of the medicines i saw from his meds bag before we left (just in case) and gave the list to the nurse. dad had to be admitted and it luckily i still had the money that ria paid me last week (this was supposed to be a gift for my mom). God is still good because dad didn't suffer a stroke after they did his x-ray and ct-scan but he has to stay overnight because they still need to run some labs on him tomorrow. his blood sugar though was very low (this might have been the initial cause why he couldn't move) and this is a no-no for a diabetic.

it's not the money (while that is still something that my mom & i have had sleepless nights with - seeing that my sister's bill might go to 350k) that frustrates me but rather because my dad, even if he knew he had all of these ailments, was careless. he self-medicates and i've seen him just like double the dosage of the meds he drinks and eats stuff that he should avoid. i am not particularly close to my dad but that doesn't mean that i won't help out if something happens to him - i'm not that bad naman (except for the blacksheep probably). dad is very stubborn and has always been like that, he's "ma-pride" and proud and spends what little money he has on sometimes trivial stuff. knowing him, he will revert back to his old ways once he gets better.

blacksheep is staying with dad at the hospital tonight, while mom has to return to makati med to take care of my sister. i have to stay at home to watch over my nephew. i wish with everything here that has happened, some good things come up of it - like my sister to start managing her finances better and blacksheep make an effort to find work and AT LEAST support himself. mom and i have been pretty exhausted lately and i know i have been saying this in the last few entries but i'm really sleep-deprived and exhausted most days. i don't know how much longer our (mom & i's) bodies can keep up being this tired but i'm praying we can hold on.

times like these, i wish i had a mcb or somebody. i do have my friends but it probably will be easier to bear having someone by your side, to hold you hand or rest your head even just for a while. i guess we can't all be that lucky ... and maybe this thing that my family is going through is an emotional wake-up call ... God-willing.

friends, please please pray for me and my family. i really need your prayers.

sleep deprived

i forced myself finally to sleep some time past 3am this morning. i felt so exhausted but my head was just on overdrive there was no way i could will myself to sleep. i still have a school meeting tonight and i need to drop by the hospital. aahhhh, i need some sleep ... wish my meetings are over.

stuck with sucky people

this post is a bit personal, but there's no one to talk to right now ...

the past two weeks, whenever i was out (which have been only a few times) i hoped that i didn't have to go home. it wasn't because i didn't want to see my nephew (he's the only + thing about home although he can get tiring after a while) but rather frankly, i would pass having to see my blacksheep brother and my dad. when i got home and went down to open the gates to park my car, i noticed that my sister's car was not in the garage and the gate was just pushed back, and wasn't locked. if there was a strong wind, the gates would have swung open. i asked my blacksheep brother if he was the one who took my sister's car out and when he said yes, i told him if he can close the gate properly the next time. he told me "he forgot daw" --- damn, like how can you forget to lock the gate if he had to get down the car in the first place to push it in place? anong klaseng reasoning yan? he's just so freakin' lazy --- and when i say lazy, i mean it in the most superlative sense ... as in super, duper, mega na he'll make the "useless" human being list hands down. i had it already with him that if i manage to buy a house in the future, only my mom, my sister and nephew can live there. dad can stay a few but he better follow my rules or i'll kick him out. blacksheep brother - he can stay here at our house today. if you think i'm harsh, then yes i am but you don't know what its like living with him.

i talked to my mom (who is in the hospital taking care of my sister) and she told me our bill to-date has rung up to 185K not including the doctors fees - and so far my sister has 3 doctors and she still needs to see a cardiologist. mind you, this doesn't include the other 50k from when my sister got hospitalized a few weeks back. between my mom & i, right now we can still pay the bill (again, thank God i have some savings ... salamat talaga!). how much our bill is was something i thought my dad should hear. he had to hear it not because he will pay for it because he won't be able to contribute a singe cent here (like father, like blacksheep son) but because i wanted to tell them "we need to start conserving." he goes on telling me how it was like that (it was the way he said it actually) without even asking how we were going to pay for it. he just assumed that we had the money to pay for it instantly - like what the hell is that? so i reiterated that we need to "conserve" and he then tells me "e ano, hahayaan mo na lang yung kapatid mo?" to which i told him, "its not that, we still need to think about how to pay for it?" he talks as if you can just get 200k out of the drawer. this is how people who have not managed to purchase anything major in their life talk. our house, cars and education are all courtesy of my mom.

they suck, and people can call me "ungrateful" or whatever they want, but these people need a mega-dose of reality. our lives will be so much better if we go our separate ways.

wish it was me instead

my sister is still recovering in the hospital after her two surgeries. she has been confined in the hospital for 11 days now and we're all hoping she gets really well soon. i was amazed how many stuff were hooked to her when i visited her last thursday, saturday and sunday. there were two dextroses, 1 bag for blood transfusion, 1 for antibiotics, and two hoses attached to her nose (one for oxygen and another to drain some internal fluids). she's getting stronger everyday and hopefully she will be well enough soon so we can take her home. jacob misses his mommy and mama already. i wish it was me instead of my sister in the hospital - in our family, i've had the longer history in getting hospitalized (at least i also have better medical coverage right now) and in a way, i'm more used to the hospital environment, and being sick. i guess i was really a sickly kid way back. i can't bear seeing my family in the hospital - i'd rather it'd be me instead of them there. its comforting though that at least i can take care of my nephew's expenses and i have enough money saved to help out on the hospital bill. its nice to be not helpless.

friends, pls stop for a minute & pray for the quick recovery of my sister.