life | day 228 - pressure cooker

Work is really stressful lately and its really not that the problems and the projects are insurmountable but rather they’re just piling up pretty fast.  I thought it was high time I went old school and listed down all the stuff I had to work on in paper – seeing it in paper makes it less daunting because there’s something to cross out with the passing of the hours.  I should whip myself for letting procastination get the better of me but its too late for that now.  The whipping needs to come later.  All things considered, despite my seemingly well-put organizational skills, I do succumb to disarray from time to time.  Chaos could be fun when it happens but with all things, there’s really a price to pay.

The one good news in the days past is that I got another invitation to be a speaker at a supply chain conference in KL this October.  I think though it is quite premature to be sharing an ongoing project so while I relish the opportunity to be a speaker alongside supply chain professionals from prestigious companies, it would be a disservice to share something that is half-cooked.

 

I asked God for something this morning.  I don’t think I’m asking Him much.  Just some peace of mind.

 

Back to blogging.  I miss this, really.  To be able to write freely and express my thoughts feels liberating.

life | day 191 in 2010

the days really do seem to just breeze pass through this year.  half of the year is gone and the days have brought with it the inevitable change.  weather-wise, i'm sort of glad the drought is over but is anxious about the rainy season.  no one wants a repeat of ondoy or pepeng for that matter.  i've seen and been to the aftermath and it was heatbreaking.  hopefully, the rest of the year brings a much needed stability in everyone's lives.

work.  what can i say?  it really has been overwhelming.  you fix one problem, out pops the next one.  there's neverending things to do so i still try to take things in stride.  it is at times like these where (jowell's) "steady lang." becomes a lifeline.  it can get exhausting and stressful pretty fast and its not something you can get accustomed to.  social networking sites become more liability than a welcome distraction.  the latter of which something i really need more of these days.  proof that work is becoming stressful is that i'm back on caffeine.  i'm making starbuck's, figaro and coffee bean richer on a daily basis.

i can't wait to get back to some of the things i love most - like traveling.  i haven't done much of that this year - a couple of business trips to singapore and a lovely, relaxing trip to palawan.  to do the traveling thing however, i need to do two things - renew my expiring passport and my US visa.  sydney is going to have to wait, at least until january maybe.  i'm getting bad at planning stuff and its bumming me out.

next month's is my nephew's seventh birthday already.  he's now a living measure of how the years go by.  he's grown-up now and speaks more comfortably in english than in tagalog.  its a good thing he understands at least a bit of the local or else he is for sure going to flunk his pilipino subjects.  the one thing that hasn't changed with him is that he is still an endearingly sweet boy who gives endless hugs and kisses.

life still is a blessing.  still a lot to be thankful for.  its not perfect, but at least its mine.  and i'm living and breathing in it.

life | certainties

i've come to accept that death is the only certainty but knowing that doesn't make it any less difficult to accept.  last week was met with the passing of the in-law of one of my colleagues.  it was a short battle with the big C for him - and i don't know if that was good or bad. good because it meant he didn't have to suffer for long; bad because it meant he couldn't stay and be with his love ones longer.

last friday, i finally managed to spend time with a good friend.  she's been beset with her own family health problems - her mom in particular.  i thought when she shared the good news last time about the biopsy results being negative that her problems would soon be over.  i guess i was sadly mistaken.  i had tears listening to her.  i didn't mind being in a public place.  we tried to laugh to fend off the sadness.  i admire her.  this made her grow up in ways no other could.  its the same change i went through - being saddled with new responsibilities can make or break you.  in our case, we've grown up to accept ours and it feels like it made us better people in the process.  tm's mom is in the hospital and the prognosis isn't so good.  i know that in times like these, prayers do help.

i fear death.  not for myself because i think i've come to terms that we can go at anytime.  its my fear of losing any of the people i love that i can't deal with.  i pray everyday for their safety and for keeping us healthy among others.  i hope that that is good enough.

life | day 33 - losers & winners

people seem to be busy these days, me included.  there hasn't really been much time to go out the past couple of weeks except for two scheduled instances.  first when birthday boy hector managed to be in manila on the 25th to also visit our target recipients for share-a-smile year 3.  it was great to see hector again.  and to get to spend time with the kids is always a truly amazing experience.  we managed for the gang to squeeze in some downtime last saturday and like all instances of our get togethers, we had so much fun we forgot it was already 430am before we decided to call it a night (or day).  rating : loser

maybe there really is a time wherein you've given too much of yourself already.  that after some time, whatever you do seem meaningless.  i really thought you were different but i guess i was wrong.  big brother's right, it really is time to pack and move on.  rating : loser

while work still seem like a mountain of burden, i really think we've managed to move forward.  that things are starting to shape up and people are more open to changes.  there is still a lot of things to do and a lot more challenges coming.  work has been taxing lately but it remains pretty much interesting to-date.  rating :  winner

i'm excited much for the upcoming event of a good friend mj.  i think we've done a great job promoting it the past 2 1/2 weeks and we're nearing our target number of participants.  share-a-smile year 3 is also happening on the 28th of the month so this feels like double hurrah.  i also may have an upcoming shoot with a really good friend.  make that triple hurrah.  rating :  winner

one dream still hanging.  the other dream depends on how fast i can wrap up the proposal.  i'm trying to revamp the presentation which hopefully i can complete by tomorrow or the next.  c'mon .... i need it.  rating : in between

life | day 21 - the busy bee

at work.

work seems to have taken a life of its own at the start of the year.  i guess losing one headcount and not having a ready replacement is a bummer.  i am very happy though because my staff left for all the right reasons.  its a gift though that my team accepted the challenge of temporarily covering the vacated role - all of us divided the pie, some more than the others.  i don't see us filling the position until the end of february so the next couple of months is going to be taxing.  still a bunch of projects that needs closure and there are three more contracts i need to review.  kaya 'yan.

in photography.

still working on photos from the multiple shoots i did before 2009 ended.  first shoot for the year was with a young businessman from davao i met via model mayhem.  i'm much more comfortable shooting by myself now.  its always easier when the model is easy to work with and so far i have been lucky with all the models i've worked with.  hopefully there will be more shoots this 2010 because photography, while tiring sometimes, is one good thing that keeps my head off work.  not to mention that i meet a lot of great people along the way.

on friends.

i am thankful i have really great friends.  and not just the kind you say hello once in a while.  while there are indeed those who masquerade as something else, i know who are those really worth keeping.  no bitterness here.  no more wasting time on the unworthy. harharhar.

on love.

one word - playtime.

on dreams.

still working on it.  one feels like its happening soon.  the other is getting frustrating.  i'm giving it until the end of the month and then i'm going to have to decide whether to push through with it or not.

life | day 4 - first day back

it was something i've been sort of dreading except that i knew two weeks of vacation will just pass by like it never happened.  i enjoyed the two-week vacation because i got to rest (ok, probably not a lot of rest), spend time with family and friends.  i did 3 consecutive shoots in 3 different locations with different people.  it was fun, but now i'm backed-up in post-processing hell by 4 more people.

first day at work meant i would need to deal with the problems temporarily shelved over the holidays.  i somehow wished they would magically disappear over the two-weeks hoping that would be santa's gift but i guess i haven't been good enough to deserve some magic this christmas.  oh well, one can dream, right?  today was a bit stressful and i had to show some teeth in a telecon (ok, that was an analogy) because i wanted to put somebody in their proper place.  the intention was good except that it didn't sound like they thought of it lengthily to begin with.  its one of the things i hope will change in the future, for people to have well-thought of plans.  until then, i have to just ... errr .... smile but show them we're no pushovers.

sorry, marunong din ako mag-ingles. harharhar.

i decided, against everything my body was telling me, to jog/walk around highstreet tonight.  i swear i felt like my heart was going to explode while i was running.  it was a good 30mins of jogging and walking, no rests in between.  i think i just need to keep this up to slowly condition my body to the torture.  willpower, i choose you.

no dinner tonight.  water. water. water. oh i forgot, i had a banana.  if all of these reduced eating doesn't work, i'm sorry pero BELO na.  harharhar.

2009 | recap

2009 year has been a banner year - new work, new friends, deeper friendships, greater challenges, good decisions, bad decisions.  it was a good ... make that - a great year despite of the economic crisis, the A(H1N1) and the calamities.  its touch to remember everything that has happened but i'll take me back as far as i can remember.

photography.  i learned and grew a lot as a photographer this year - mostly through the patient guidance of more experienced photographer friends.  i also celebrated my first year in photography and i realized my inkling towards portraiture breaking the monotony with landscapes and travel photography.  i finally went on my first solo shoot and eventually found it wasn't as scary as i thought it would be to shoot solo.  this photography journey has taken me to a world i never realized i would vastly enjoy and while i have so much to learn still, i am happy that i have learned as much as i can in 2009 and hopefully everyone can enjoy the ride with me.

friends.  God has blessed me with an abundance of "real" friends.  i have been lucky to have met permanent friends from high school, college, bench and intel.  it sometimes is difficult to see everyone and go to all get togethers but i know you guys know "i try."  this year, i found new friends and deeper friendships even when i wasn't looking.  my photography family has been instrumental in my growth as a photographer.  i found true friends yet again.

career.  yes, i finally exited from a company i've been with for the last eleven plus years.  i've learned so much from intel and i have no regrets whatsoever from leaving it behind.  God has provided me with a job as quickly as i could have hoped for.  a great new and challenging job.  i gotta feeling that the road ahead is going to be an exciting one.  2010 is gonna be "get richer" year.

family.  so far so good.  my nephew is six and next year, he's gonna celebrate his seventh.  its gonna be swell, i'll make sure of that.  he's grown up so much that pretty soon he's not going to be our baby anymore.  he's enjoying going to school in don bosco where i graduated so its all good.

fitness.  what the hell is that? hahaha ok, for the nth time, i'm gonna go take care of this in 2010.  Yummy is the goal in 2010.  Yummy.  Yummy.  Yummy.

plans.  there's going to be a lot lot of changes in 2010.  no sense pre-empting it so they're going to be part of my blog entries as they happen.

travel.  ilocos.  thailand.  cambodia.  vietnam.  nothing much to say except - FUN!  next year, sydney baby! yahoo!

social life.  this i gotta say - "whew.  i can barely keep up."

i'm looking forward to 2010 because i get the feeling its going to be a BIG year.  its going to be great and its making me super excited.  God has been eternally good.  

Thank you 2009 for a wonderful year.

life | spontaneous

i think those unplanned, spur of the moment gimiks are the funnest.  no nothing.  just meet up and see where the road takes you.  in this case, a late afternoon call and me living up to being "kaladkarin" saying "yes" without a thought.  it really is what makes for great adventures.

somebody says tagaytay, nobody say no.  we're used to where that is having worked adjacent to it for x number of years it feels like its just a stone's throw away.  great thing about the road trip is that yance's driving (miss nya daw mag-drive e) so ali and i just sit back & relax.  jowell drive's in a pump-no pump gas (i bet ano yang iniisip nyo hahaha) motion its giving me a headache.  ali and i make fun of him and we laugh our hearts out.  they keep talking about BNO and jowell mimics this radio dj, and i sit their laughing at his antics wondering wtf he is talking about.  i make a mental note to check out the radio 6-10pm monday to thursday.  not really a radio fan these days cause all the yakking is annoying.

we were starving when we reached buon giorno at cliffhouse and the place is packed.  it was 930pm already and it the breeze was pretty cold.  you gotta love this kind of weather this time of the year.  2 pizzas and 2 pastas and we were stuffed.  it was a miracle to have eaten so much all the while laughing as we made fun and reminisced about a lot of things.  nothing beats great conversations with friends.  its one of the things we've been good at - picking where we left off.  like it was just yesterday that we were together.

its amazing how many people there are in tagaytay.  i think everyone is taking the opportunity to have a reprieve from the busy city life.  cool weather really a bonus.  we decide to settle for starbuck's down at paseo de sta rosa which is closer a drive for trixy (and R).  adding trixy to the mix creates a different round of comedic stories.  we laugh like we were the only people at starbuck's and we don't care.  i realize we had our moments, our stories back at our intel days.  it was a different kind of fun back then.  and while we've settled to meeting different people now that we've journeyed to different paths, we retain the friendship and it feels like its something that is lasting.

*not gonna take the time to re-read anymore.  my thoughts are scattered.  i'm lacking sleep.

life | relief & simplicity

the trip to the ENT finally ended my breathing problem.  nasal polyps gone.  it wasn't a pleasant procedure but i'm still glad i had it because i swear i can breathe so much better now.  the downside of it is that he put me on prednisone (a corticosteroid) for the next three weeks.  the stuff that can make you fat which incidentally defeats the purpose of the fat burner i'm taking.  the other downside is that i have to stop using the fat burner because it'll be too much for my poor liver to handle.  prednisone also cause muscle pain, which explains why my legs have been a pain since last night.  bummer.  at least i can breathe much better.

when i went home last night, i saw kids playing in the streets.  i chuckled when i saw one little girl on a makeshift crutch who shouted "darna" and like the filipino superhero, dislodged the crutch and flew off.  they were playing heroes and villains.  kids.  how simple and uncomplicated life is to them - detached from the spoils and the harsh realities of life.  its the one thing i miss being a kid - having simple joys with even the make-believe games.  being a grown-up subjects you to more ups and downs imaginable - rollecoaster ride talaga.  no matter how much you try to be mr. brightside, there will always be times when its too much.  life isn't simple anymore, its a complicated mess.

life | complications

life indeed has a way of making things more exciting.

one member of the team sent a letter of resignation this morning.  all reasons valid - promotion, office location.  no reason to get in the way of someone else's dreams.  i said congratulations of course.  the timing sucks though because its yearend and it'd be a miracle to find a replacement in a month's time.  i need to figure this out ... now. uhmm ok, maybe tomorrow cause my brain at this hour feels like jell-o.

in one meeting with a long-time supplier about a previous transaction, things got a bit heated (at least from his side) when he got emotional.  he was interpreting all that i was saying in all the wrong ways - older that he was, i was also in a position of power so i had to reaffirm that.  being emotionless is helpful - easier to think, no words to take back.  gotta love self-control.

people at the office wants me to host this year's christmas party.  good grief.  are they serious?  do they really know what they're getting themselves into?  i warned them.  hahaha

taking the day off today to go back to my ENT.  so i think junior checked me up the first, then a reliever the second and senior the third time.  senior says he can do the nasal polypecty (?) at the clinic, no need for an OR.  hurrah to that i guess.  its an outpatient procedure so i'm up and about right after ... hopefully, cause i have to drive myself in & out of the hospital.

fun times.  merits a charlie chan chicken pasta. yumness.

life | letting go

events of the past few days made me feel like i'm riding a rollercoaster again.  its an emotional thrill and yet one that gets me spiraling between happy and sad.  one of the drawbacks of being an OC is that i tend to obsessively overanalyze things - even the mundane ones.  you don't realize it yet but you know you have to starting walking away.  i'm thankful that i have friends who bear with the constant whining, the same-old-stories and the drama.  having "real" friends is a blessing.  it helps get you through the day.

after 7 years of being a member, i finally decided to cancel my gym membership.  it did became a habit at some point but life gets in the way (or so that's my excuse) and i found excuses not to go.  kakapagod e (ROFL!).  seriously, i have a plan.  i always have a plan B except that i haven't put it into motion yet.  the good news at least for now is that i get 24K more money in 2010 (uhmm, make that 22K cause of some stupid rule).  that's one additional travel for me! yay!

its mom's bday today.  i think she's hitting the big 7-0.  one thing i am very thankful for is that at this age, mom is still very much active and strong.  i pray everyday for health and safety of my family.  i'm thankful for having a responsible mom, despite being overbearing sometimes, has single-handedly raised us.  having a dead-beat dad (there i said it) probably helped make me a better person (silver lining! LOL!).  family = not perfect.  i've dealt with it a long time ago.

all things considered, life is great.  now if only i could have you, life would be perfect.  maybe.

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life | in the fast lane

so i can't remember the last time i wrote something, and its not because of a lack of things to say.  there are plenty but i guess i have been feeling a bit lazy putting things into words.  christmas is literally around the corner i wonder where did the time go?  i haven't done any christmas shopping yet and its going to be rush rush again this year.  boohoo.

work has been quite steady.  there's occasionally some hiccups but they remain manageable.  the best thing about december workwise are the bonuses.  the added moolah makes you feel doubly rich and you have an opportunity to buy something you've been eyeing for ... say the last few days.  it takes a lot of self-control not to just go and burn those hard-earned moolah one time.  incidentally, a friend decided to sell his old cam and upgrade to a new one.  he was feeling a bit guilty about it because it sort of wiped out his bonus.  but you could see how excited and HAPPY we was holding his new cam.  how could that be bad?  we do need some self-indulgence from time to time.  and its not as if this purchase is going to go to waste, it is an investment.  in his hands, can definitely turn into gold.  wise move if i may say so.

been spending a lot of time with friends lately.  social life is at an all-time high.  i'm gonna have to keep up with the vitamins and figure out how to get better sleep.  the zombie look isn't really working for me well.  LOL.  had dinner at this place called SALA the other night.  food was quite good.  would have gone well with a glass of red but had to settle for red grape juice.  feasted on a box of royce's au lait as well.  those things are worth every peso i paid for.  chinese dinner last saturday at zongs - one dish - hot prawn salad.  major yum.  =)

going back to the doc (again) for another follow-up but from last i get the feeling he's going to tell me i need the minor surgery thing.  bummer.

photography.  i think i may have found a way to make money from it.  i need to beef up my portfolio for it first.  but we'll see if i can squeeze it my already busy busy life.

2010 still looks promising.  a change is coming.

life | time out

it feels good to be out of the metro for a change.  its one of the things i miss working in the faraway land of cavite - the absence of the rush of city life.  i should slap myself for saying that but really, intoxicating as it is, it gets overwhelming sometimes.  still the traffic and busy-ness is much better in mckinley hill versus that of the heart of makati - so i'm thankful for that already.

at least for the next three days (today included), this team building/training offers a brief respite from the city.  and the holiday inn @ clark is quite lovely.  flat screen tv, fancy beddings, free food - nothing really to complain about.  feels like i'm living by myself already - perhaps a prelude to life in 2010 and beyond.  got my mac in tow and a surprisingly reliable globe tatoo to keep me connected.  i'm all good.

its going to be december next week.  christmas is here before we know it.  mom's turning 70 next month and i don't know where we should celebrate her birthday.  i want to be able to treat her to somewhere fancier than usual.

despite everything, life is good.

missin' somebody much though.

life | day 321 & 322 - night outs

the drawback of working in the metro is that it can get pretty expensive - the lifestyle is pretty different from the laidback, rural scene of say, cavite where i used to work.  the plus side of the metro though is that socializing has never been on an all time high - i see more of my off-office friends nowadays.

work has been quite steady the past few days.  to borrow jowell's words, its "relaks lang."  not that there isn't any stuff to do, let's just say they're not as complicated as a few months back.  maybe because the year is winding down and the problems are more manageable.  still crossing my fingers that this "peace" lasts until the end of the year.

spent tuesday night with my good friends lemon and mj.  dinner at john & yoko was good and we, at least for the night, ditched our diet plans and feasted on a "there goes my diet" platter.  hahaha bad influence.  i can't believe that despite our thin crowd, we managed to hang out, talk about stuff until past midnight.  that's what i love about lemon and mj, we really never seem to run out of things to talk about.  having them to talk to that night was comforting so yay for great friends.

3 hours of sleep and i was back at the office wednesday.  still happy that there's no coding here in paranaque or in taguig for that matter.  busy wednesday.

i just had a dose of reality today and a realization that you never really know someone until you know them.  ok, that didn't seem to make sense.  i guess what i'm saying is that sometimes we get so caught up with what we only know about a person that finding out a few more details turns out they were not as perfect as thought they were.  i'm not being judgmental - all i'm saying is that sometimes knowing the "bad" can help you get over the illusion.  basta yun.  still groggy so i'm having a hard time saying it.  lol.

had dinner with ex-bench friends tonight at the stock market.  chardonnay.  brie.  pasta.  best key lime pie (i had in a long, long while) and flourless chocolate cake.  yum.  its amazing we're still friends until today - how long is that already, 13+ years?  its really amazing when you find true, lasting friends.  no matter how little we see each other throughout the year, when we come together you just know you're in the company of good friends.  i hope our plan to travel out of the country works out.  that'd be fun for sure.

still groggy today.  i think there's another dinner tonight.  i told you this "sleep-deprived" lifestyle is challenging.

life | day 320 : defective

so blogging on a daily basis doesn't seem to be something i can do which is understandable with me trying to wrestle with my body's inability to sleep in one continuous block.  but hey, i write when i can and when it inspires me.

watched 2012 with the gang last saturday.  movie was alright - plot was too thin for me but the effects were darn good.  not surprising that malls seem to be packed with a lot of people these days - weekends specially.  after all, christmas is really just around the corner - 39 days to be exact.  my early christmas shopping plans never really pans out so i'll have to wing it again this year.

for some reason, i was craving for some refreshing becky's lemon squares last saturday.  so i drove to manila (near la salle) to buy some - actually took the liberty to buy some for the gang as well.  pairs nice with coffee.  it was refreshingly delicious.  comfort food.  yay.

i decided to see an ENT today because my sinus is inflamed and i have been having trouble breathing normally the past two, make that three weeks.  Doc told me it was a polyp and i have to take some steroids for the next couple of weeks to see if the inflammation subsides.  If not, he may need to surgically remove it.  bummer.  i should just tell people i'm getting a noselift instead.  that'll make for better conversation.  ok,  i'm starting to think my body is defective.  maybe the warranty has expired or i'm one of those models that's been recalled.  LOL.  hope the meds work.  please please work.

while in mmc, i took the time to visit a good friend who just gave birth to her second daughter.  she told me her name and i know the initials are J & A but i can't remember (memory loss).  baby looks adorably cute.  i super love kids.  they're all just so loveable.  looking at all those babies really can brighten up anybody's day.  I know cause when i saw 'em, overwhelming joy.

here's one song i'm so loving off john mayer's new album "battle studies" ...

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life | day 314 : tuesdays with u1

anything after monday gets an ok in my book and yesterday was no exception.  things was going along smoothly workwise and i was humming to christmas songs the whole of yesterday.  life has been real busy lately i forget that Christmas (my favorite time of the year, i had to say that) is just around the corner.

i've been pre-occupied lately and its driving me insane.  i've been having ups & downs on a daily basis its really starting to stress me out big time.  its not a good thing.  its been hard to focus lately and i know i just need to really really keep myself busy.  tiring to the point of exhaustion is always a quick head fix.

i was planning on jogging along boni highstreet last night but that plan got sidetracked because of an unplanned dinner with my surfer buds.  ER is visiting and he has been such a cool bud it was a crime not to shake plans and have dinner with him & the rest.  its great that we still manage to find time to hang out despite all of our busy, busy schedules.  we've been friends for quite a time and we've managed to stay that way even after we left the old blue.  we're all adrenaline junkies at heart - willing to try anything and mostly everything.  its what i love about the group, no qualms and no inhibitions.  jump if we need to jump.

the other thing that's a bit sucky lately is my sleeping habits.  i can't seem to get a good night sleep lately.  where's the sand man when you need him?

read this from a friend's blog yesterday and "OUCH" hit me like a rock thrown from the roof top.

“Because i'm hoping i'm wrong. And every time you do something that tells me you're no good, i ignore it. And every time you come through and surprises me, you win me over, and i lose that argument with myself, that you're not for me.” - The Holiday

i'm praying to please please stay out of my head.

life | day 314 : tuesdays with u1

anything after monday gets an ok in my book and yesterday was no exception.  things was going along smoothly workwise and i was humming to christmas songs the whole of yesterday.  life has been real busy lately i forget that Christmas (my favorite time of the year, i had to say that) is just around the corner.

i've been pre-occupied lately and its driving me insane.  i've been having ups & downs on a daily basis its really starting to stress me out big time.  its not a good thing.  its been hard to focus lately and i know i just need to really really keep myself busy.  tiring to the point of exhaustion is always a quick head fix.

i was planning on jogging along boni highstreet last night but that plan got sidetracked because of an unplanned dinner with my surfer buds.  ER is visiting and he has been such a cool bud it was a crime not to shake plans and have dinner with him & the rest.  its great that we still manage to find time to hang out despite all of our busy, busy schedules.  we've been friends for quite a time and we've managed to stay that way even after we left the old blue.  we're all adrenaline junkies at heart - willing to try anything and mostly everything.  its what i love about the group, no qualms and no inhibitions.  jump if we need to jump.

the other thing that's a bit sucky lately is my sleeping habits.  i can't seem to get a good night sleep lately.  where's the sand man when you need him?

read this from a friend's blog yesterday and "OUCH" hit me like a rock thrown from the roof top.

“Because i'm hoping i'm wrong. And every time you do something that tells me you're no good, i ignore it. And every time you come through and surprises me, you win me over, and i lose that argument with myself, that you're not for me.” - The Holiday

i'm praying to please please stay out of my head.

life | day 313 : if it was that easy

monday started off without a hitch.  i was off to a good start for the week - no monday blues!  i was giddy.  the weather was sunny.  i had a feeling of unbelievable lightness in me.  yay for that.

it was a typical day workwise.  documents to sign, meetings to attend.  it wasn't slow and it wasn't fast - so it was somewhere in between.  steady lang.

my first day back at the gym was a bust.  i did my usual abdominals and moved on to get my heart pumping.  5 mins of super cardio and i stopped - heart beating too fast i felt like i was going to blackout.  losing consciousness in a full-packed gym is social suicide so i decided to stop.  5 mins is better than nothing.  note to self - "take it slow."

a good friend sent me this quote - "if you love someone, tell them, because hearts are broken by words left unspoken."  OUCH.  yeah, slap me in the face will you?  seriously, if it was that easy but i've been brainwashed as a child to believe in fairytales.  i deserve another slap for that i guess.  its complicated.

going to the gym got me all fired up.  adrenaline pumping.  didn't get to sleep until midnight and magically woke up at 3am --- yeah, the witching hour.

sleep deprived.  still happy.  how wrong is that?

life | day 313 : if it was that easy

monday started off without a hitch.  i was off to a good start for the week - no monday blues!  i was giddy.  the weather was sunny.  i had a feeling of unbelievable lightness in me.  yay for that.

it was a typical day workwise.  documents to sign, meetings to attend.  it wasn't slow and it wasn't fast - so it was somewhere in between.  steady lang.

my first day back at the gym was a bust.  i did my usual abdominals and moved on to get my heart pumping.  5 mins of super cardio and i stopped - heart beating too fast i felt like i was going to blackout.  losing consciousness in a full-packed gym is social suicide so i decided to stop.  5 mins is better than nothing.  note to self - "take it slow."

a good friend sent me this quote - "if you love someone, tell them, because hearts are broken by words left unspoken."  OUCH.  yeah, slap me in the face will you?  seriously, if it was that easy but i've been brainwashed as a child to believe in fairytales.  i deserve another slap for that i guess.  its complicated.

going to the gym got me all fired up.  adrenaline pumping.  didn't get to sleep until midnight and magically woke up at 3am --- yeah, the witching hour.

sleep deprived.  still happy.  how wrong is that?

life | day 308

this cold that i'm having won't leave me.  it likes me too much.  i'm hoping that the herbs (whatever they may be) the chinese doctor gave me works because they're pretty expensive.  i'm trying out eastern medicine for a change.  please please make me a believer.

the other new thing i tried yesterday was acupuncture.  good thing i don't have any needle aversion because one poke really hit a nerve my body jumped in place.  it was an experience - a bit boring because after the needles were placed, there was 15 to 20 minutes i was trying to observe what has happening.  boring as it was, i have to say it actually works.  my lower back doesn't hurt as much but i'd need 3 to 4 more sessions.

when you're trying to figure out things, sometimes the answer actually comes staring back at you.  this is a realization this morning - me, having been hung up with a certain someone now know its time to give up.  i really can't do this again because a part of me keeps on dying everytime.  a good friend is right, fairy tales don't happen, at least not for us.

looking at my calendar, november is b-u-s-y.  i can't figure out where to squeeze in some christmas shopping.  dang.

where's an "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" when you need one?  i need one.  like now.