best gift

i closed book 33 at midnight last night and ushered in the beginning of book 34 amidst a flurry of early well-wishers. i am fortunate to know a whole bunch of people who, despite the longevity of our acquiantance or the infrequency of our get togethers, still remember special ocassions. i realized how short life can be when a good friend passed away very young and from then on, treated each birthday as a gift. While i still cringe at the mere mention of the number 34, i do feel lucky and humbled that God has given me a life, beset with victories and defeats, that hopefully matters to the people i know. so cheers to the past 33 years and here's looking forward (and upward) to 34.

gifts came unexpectedly from friends last night. i still can't believe i have found really GREAT friends in grad school because you know, normally those lifelong bonds are formed early on during high school or college. grad school (GS) friends, the gifts were touching because it tells me how much you have appreciated my friendship. please know that i treasure our friendship - in my heart! thanks for the springfield shirt & belt, been wanting a pink shirt forever and its like you read my mind. the banana rep scented candles were uber chic. i love 'em.

i'd have to say the best gift i received in the past 33 years would be the pink bear (photo), hands down. its the best because my four-year old nephew won it at timezone this afternoon and told my mom "this is my gift to uncle jay!" tell me, coming from a four year old, being able to decide to give his prize as a gift just melts your heart. times like these, as i hold him tight and revel at the sheer innocence and love in his little body makes all of the sacrifices worth it. and i don't even like pink teddies. this one is a keeper though.

the funny thing about today (and last night) was that when a friend asked about my plate number, i realized that this month is the deadline to have the car registration renewed. dammit, i wasn't prepared to shell out 5k pesos for it. that now screws up budget for this month. dammit. dammit.

lunch was awesome. very far but awesome. we ate lunch at "panciteria san jacinto" along e rodriguez jr and the food was really really good. i ate so much it would put everyone to shame. well its the last day to feast so much cause diet starts tomorrow. i really need to shape up --- as in! or i won't be able to wear 3 very very nice shirts. ugh.

it was nice to hear my celfone beeping and ringing continuously. people remembered. it meant i mattered. that is what makes life worth living. thank you to everyone who remembered. thank you for the years of friendship.

"you know you love me. xoxo."

starting tomorrow

ok, so the title seems a bit procastinating but there's a reason for that. one is that as far as me being OC and not wanting to start anything without any semblance of a plan is that tomorrow is a special day and like new year may mark a new beginning, at least for me. making resolutions is something i don't really like doing and despite me being mostly amenable to following rules in general, promises like these which bear no consequences makes me more "flexible." Flexible here being i can just forget i ever made that resolution and get on with my life. maybe this time it will be different, the key is to continuously try and hit more of what was listed the previous time. somebody said "try and try until you succeed." i say "try and try until you die."

1. take this photography thing seriously. i've already made the plunge to buy that Nikon D80 i've been wishing for since last year. i promise to start taking pictures, pictures, pictures .... i think that is the only way to hone the "eye" and master the multitude of controls. i'm very happy that i have really good friends to practice with.
2. read, read, read. i've got loads of e-books i managed to scour from the net except that i think i'm old school and prefer the physical - i just find it easier turning the pages of an actual book. It works better for my back and won't strain my eyes.
3. learn photoshop. i just finally realized how much you can do with this magnificent software and all i can say is that i was hooked trying out some techniques. this is one software i promise i am going to be really good at! ha!
4. make smart use of my free time. i've been squandering most of my free time not doing anything really productive. those are valuable hours gone forever and i need to invest those hours wisely.
5. get in the best shape for Christmas and 2009 summer. been treating the gym like a charity institution lately and in this time and age when money is hard, 2K a month is a lot of money.

there. maybe five things won't be that hard to turn into actions. willpower this one. hope i get lucky and land some work sidelines too, i could really use the extra moolah. the expenses are insane. still optimistic nevertheless because still many more things to be thankful for.

having an asshole dad

perhaps the greatest tragedy in my life was having had that man that my mother married. and sure if it hadn't been for him, i would never have come to this world. maybe that would have been a better option instead of me being here, filled with so much anger and resentment. i hate him. and i am not ashamed of saying that. and if you have been blessed with two loving parents, then count yourself as lucky, i wasn't.

i feel this way right now because i just had a terrible fight with that man on the most seemingly trivial matter. i was going to use the chopping board and saw that it was returned unwashed still with traces of the tomatoes and onions he had used in the afternoon. he was in the living room eating in a bowl that time and i reminded him to wash it next time before stowing it away. i thought that was it until after a few minutes he answered me back in a super sarcastic tone of "pasensya ka na kasi marami akong hinugasan kanina. nakalimutan lang." it wasn't the words but more of the tone that irritated me so i told him "sana sabihin mo na lang ng maayos, wag ka ng mag-pilosopo." this time i was already very irritated and i've been very patient with him already. he shouted back something, dagger looks and all and threw the bowl he was eating from at me in the kitchen. He began accusing me of being obnoxious just because i had a job, that i had money, etc. etc. Fuck naman, never akong nag-complain sa kanya about the money i was pouring into the family. Never kong pinamukha sa kanila na i was paying for everything. that i was doing for him his obligations to the family. and then you will hear words like that - pucha naman, sila ang nakikinabang sa pinagtratrabahuhan ko and the least i could ask from him is mag-contribute man lang kahit in the most minor way. When he stupidly drank that one whole bottle of red wine and hoards of his diabetes drugs and i had to bring him to the hospital, i paid the whole hospital bill. i never even got a "thank you" for that. its not about the money, its sana man lang appreciation man lang for the sacrifices i've been doing. after a while pala, trying so hard to be the responsible one is nakakapagod na din. parang ayoko na.

honestly, i don't think i can take this anymore. maybe its best if i just moved out and live on my own. maybe that way, everyone will be able to wake up and do something. like the 31yo brother who does nothing all day and doesn't seem interested in finding gainful employment. or my sister, who despite her recent experiences hasn't really learned to value her health and manage her finances. i think that is what frustrates me so bad, i have to do all the work and i have to also be the one who has to think of ways to save. for the brother and that man, walang effect - its like everything is just normal. that there is some infinite source somewhere.

arrrgggghhh, ayoko na. i can't take this anymore.

lusting for a crumpler bag

the camera bag that came with my nikon D80 isn't as sturdy and protective as i expected. truth be told, i've been lusting for a crumpler bag for quite some time now and i guess my affinity for color hasn't waned from the first time i bought kipling, another cool, belgian-made bag. I didn't say i am going to buy this bag, but just in case i figure out on some extra dough - this definitely fits me perfectly. stylish, yet fully functional. should it be red, for that "look at me! look at me!" effect? should it be beige or black for that "conservative" look? should it be blue for that "huh, blue again?" look? This is perfect - the 6 Million Dollar Home! $105.50 from the Crumpler USA website. Total coolness!

what's your travel personality (from juli)

Your Travel Personality Is: The Bonder

For you, travel is less about where you're going - but who you're going with. It's no fun to experience an amazing city or a beautiful beach without your friends. In fact, it doesn't really matter where you go... because you and your friends always figure out how to have fun!

What's Your Travel Personality?

new toy

finally. its been a long time coming. i'm giddy finally getting my hands on this one.

still in its box. reading the manual. yeba!

life in qc

going to biboy & dale's birthday party at dolce along timog last night was probably one of the best decisions i've made. sure its a weekday (aka work day) and the party started at 10pm (admittedly during weekdays, this screams bedtime) but i have to say that this party really rocked. take this - free-flowing booze, snacks (yellowcab, a lot of cocktails imaginable) and lots and celebrities, models and who's who in showbiz, i honestly couldn't help but get starstrucked. there was john lloyd with his beau liz uy, toni g & paul, be bench (carlo, john james), palos star jake, bea alonzo, gorgeous bing loyzaga, caught pbb teen robi, other stars i can't remember their names and models models everywhere (pinoys, brazilians, etc). what more can you ask for? its too bad i kind of had to leave early around 130am since i have an early morning meeting today.

got home at around 2, fixed myself for bedtime and tried to get some shuteye. i'd have to say the meds i'm taking sucks, i only managed to get an hour and a half sleep. i hope i get over the insomnia thing - me & lack of sleep isn't really a very good combination. so right now, i'm running on i don't know - don't really feel that sleepy yet but hopefully i can get some nap time during lunch hour.

life in qc. its awesome. i love it.

tidbits

the past few weeks have been quite busy in between work, going out with friends and attending to some personal stuff as well. lately i can't really find anything to talk about but my intention of keeping this site like a personal journal wouldn't make sense if i don't talk about what's been happening lately.

• its my good old friend, dale's birthday today and coincidentally, its also his roommate B's birthday as well. it is also the birthday of dette who used to work with dale and who i met briefly but we hit it off right away. three birthday's today - smack that! dale and i go way back in high school and out of everyone, he and i has managed to stay in contact because we went to the same college, same course and worked briefly in the same company before i moved out to the old blue.
• dale and i have been seeing this recommended dermatologist for some skin pampering. its probably because the thought of turning 34 this month that got us at edge and wanting desperately to make us more youthful. i guess the great news here is that looking youthful wouldn't be that difficult - i am, with confidence, say i do not look 34ish at all. but really, going to that dermatologist (even if it is super faraway) is a worth investment. i just love how my skin looks right now. yeah, vanity will probably be the death of me.
• i went to see another doctor recently (ok, nothing life threatening here) and she prescribed me some prednisone (along with a couple of other stuff). its steroids in short and i've been reading about it to understand more about its side effects. i'm on it for one week and i'd have to get back to her next week hopefully to taper off on these meds. i'd have to say i hate it - its making me irritable, moody and my joints and muscles feels like lead. not to mention, its going to make me fat and bloated. waaah! (insert crying face here!).
• work has been ok lately. finishing up some major items the past week makes this week a bit lighter. there are some other items i'm kind of late in working on because i have to prioritize but hopefully i will be able to finish everything this week.
• d & b will be celebrating their birthday with a party tonight right there in faraway timog. i should probably not go seeing its a tuesday and the party doesn't start until 10pm but its kind of hard to say no. also because i expect to see a lot of beautiful people and celebrities out there. hahaha and no, i'm not startstrucked easily.
• finally, i've submitted my insurance claim papers already and its approved already. i just have to check the accredited shop i'm planning to get the crv fixed. i hope they do a good job and yes, i promise never to be stupid driving again. i am a very good driver and that incident was a slip.

no word yet on the future of the old blue. maybe next week we'll hear something. been dying waiting for it already. need something definite to work with.

getting things done

the thing i hate the most about myself is that i'm susceptible to procastinating. sometimes i try to rationalize it by telling myself that i'm doing it to put pressure on my otherwise dull work requirements. so while i do work very well under pressure and sky-high stress levels, that is still just a lame excuse and i should get myself whipped for wasting valuable time. yeah, i can get real lazy when i want to and realizing that sucks. its surprising however that i can accomplish a lot of things when i really want to - like yesterday and today, i managed to actually be very productive. i finished two projects on-time, even learned to edit excel macros manually (its not that complicated really!) and edit the formulas for an excel enhancement for another project. i really deserve a pat on the back for that (lol!).

the reason for this sudden reflection is the realization about how many more things i would have accomplished if i really made the effort to budget my time well. i've set my sights on a lot of things but i get the feeling i've squandered a lot of hours doing things that brought leisure and contentment but didn't really move me closer towards my goals. i've really taken "live life a little" to the extremes. realizing this now may be perfect timing. after all, i'll be another year older this month and with age should come wisdom. i need to get my life organized - make real the promises i made to myself. make myself hungry once again to learn, to take control and be where and who i want to be.

another memorable old blue moment

here's another video i found in one of my hard drives of various snippets of old blue memories. there are footages here of our tagaytay trip for the amazing kodakan event, uaap championships get together, parties, badminton and a whole lot more. one really funny part here is the excitement of la salle winning the uaap championships superimposed with fake intel stock quotes hitting the $200 level. sigh, if only that was true, i'd be the first to jump up and down. ahhh i have to admit, i really miss the good old days.

one fun night in 2005

as i was browsing through files on my desktop i saw this video i did back in 2005 when we had our christmas party at ali's house. it was a reggae-themed party and what made it really fun was that mostly everyone was there. while seeing this made me feel really nostalgic about the fun parties and friendship we built back then, i am happy to have known a lot of these folks. these times were indeed the great times!

nothing to do

the thing about long weekends that is fun is that its only fun if you have managed to set plans to do something. while i appreciate the luxury of doing nothing, it can get pretty boring. i've been watching a whole lot of films since last night - shutter (the hollywood remake), the fifth element (i just had to see it again), chaos theory and just finished the spiderwick chronicles. i have to say i'm already suffering from movie overdose. in between, i've been catching up on episodes of how i met your mother which i have to say is pretty hilarious. there's definitely plenty of stuff to watch but right now i need a break. juli was asking if i was interested in hiking pinatubo sunday through monday but my skin is a wee bit sensitive right now so sun exposure is a no-no. might go to the mall tomorrow though since my nephew wants to go out and play. its hard to say no to the kids.

arrrghhhh, nothing much to do. gas prices increase by the week. its too expensive now to go around. that sucks big time. road tripping is a no-no.