cuz' time

my cousin and her family were visiting from bacolod this holiday season and one of the things they contracted us with was to accompany them to enchanted kingdom. having settled in bacolod for quite some time now, they wanted to tour their children around manila and treat them to some fun time at EK. it was the first time i was seeing some of my nephews & niece - jayjay, louiane and miles the youngest was only a couple of years older than jacob. they were a bunch of really nice, well-behaved kids who not only played with my nephew but held his hand and looked after him running around EK.

we've sort of become estranged with most of our cousins after grandma passed away. year after year, we've been deprived of reunions, birthday celebrations that would probably not have made us closer but at least offered some form of bond. we have kept in touch with some cousins though but only a few who really takes time to keep the communication alive. the absence of a relationship with the cuz's is no great loss really. maybe there are just some families who doesn't enjoy the kind of close relationship other families have. its probably one of the many reasons i can thrive being alone most of the time - it spurs independence.

again i realized how much older we are - seeing my nephews and nieces - the next generations of our bloodline and how much different their lives are today versus the years past. i had a childhood that was fun and exciting - the kind where i had the pleasure of traipsing along "kangkong" water fields trying to catch dragonflies. funny though that i did that at the vacant lot right beside my grandparents house in mandaluyong. it'd be fun to be children again - at least for a day though. i don't want to go through the motions of growing up again. in some ways, i enjoy being me now.

our time is passing. its the kids turn now.

2007 recap

2007 has been ... well a busy year. there were a lot of things happening, both great and not so great that to be honest, i can't wait for the coming 2008. hopefully, the next year is going to be b-e-t-t-e-r.

travel. i was in arizona for a couple of months mid-january to mid-march and it was by far the longest trip i had (last time was around 7 weeks). it was kind of different this time because i decided to stay at a serviced-apartment with a fully-furnished kitchen, a jacuzzi and washer and dryer. i had access to a full gym which i rarely used (lol!) and i managed to go a bit around during that trip - first snow and trip to the grand canyon, weekend in oregon with jessica, reuben and morgan and a side trip to new mexico. i was back again in arizona sometime in april for a 3-week stay where i got to go back to see the grand canyon with maricar & bel, then to las vegas and finally to LA and disneyland. in between these US trips, a bunch of friends (ali, allan, arlene, trixy) and i went to eagle point resort in batangas for the summer. the family also went for a long-drive to baguio where jacob enjoyed another round of horseback riding and visiting the sights. on a sidenote, i'll be back in arizona for two-weeks in january (12-26).

work. work was a mixture of ups and downs - lots of stuff going around in this front. it was really disheartening to say the least and i finally decided to start "exploring" what is beyond the big blue's walls. so far the exploration has resulted in a lot of potential prospects (2 locally and one overseas). i'm hoping the coming 2008 will be a lucky year workwise.

school. finally, after more than three years studying (or suffering) i've finally completed all of my mba units including the units required to major in supply chain management. my OCE is still scheduled for january 5 and i remain optimistic that i will pass. the only bad news here that i have not lost sleep over is that i'm not graduating with honors. i did feel a pang of regret about it but i honestly couldn't take writing another paper. what is important for me right now is that i learned a lot during the last three years and that is more valuable than any medal.

family. the highlight of 2007 was my sister being in and out of the hospital. we decided that it will do my sister good to take a break from work so with that, i've officially become the sole breadwinner in the family. being at home, my sister has had more time to spend with my nephew and now looks healthier, not sickly thin like before. the grocery/supermarket has officially been my new past time its become sort of a weekly ritual. because of these events, in a way i've realized more how important the family is and despite the heavy responsibility, its a good feeling to be able to help out. i'm now more cost-conscious and more responsible - both of which is a good thing. my nephew is now 4 years old, talks a lot and despite being naughty is a very loving, sweet young boy. he's really enjoying school and loves to work on his assignments and seeing he got 30/30 in both his language and math exams the last time makes paying that stiff quarterly tuition fee easier. we also brought jacob to enchanted kingdom mainly so we can see if he will enjoy the rides - and he did. this means he's ready for HK Disney in 2008.

friends. 2007 is well a time for change. two very good friends, ali and jona, were out of the big blue at the closing of 2006. iam also decided it was time to go. both the friends i've hang out with in portland, jessica and morgan, have decided to pursue careers outside of the big blue. trixy joined ali at the new blue sometime in may(?). i won't see jerk or ice at the big blue come january. my good friend from costa rica, papeco, also has decided to pursue a career in another industry. 2007 was a indeed a time for goodbyes, a time to pursue our individual paths in life. knowing these people have been truly a gift and while we don't see each other that often today, some of the friendships have grown deeper. other people i've come across with in work left also - ronald, diwani, venus ... there are many more i've lost track of. its truly a time for change.

personal. not a lot happening here. in terms of leisure, mostly just enjoyed the places i visited during my trips to the US. school had me pre-occupied the last six months. in terms of shopping, i did most of the shopping for clothes in arizona and the expenses at home made me think twice splurging on more clothes. i did finally get a macbook though. for the fam, i bought them a new gas range and by feb i'd probably spend a little more to buy them a new ref. been blogging a lot about personal stuff mainly just to pass time or maybe just to keep sane. i've stopped biking altogether - my brother and dad use the bike every now and then. not a lot of "gimiks" in 2007 - its hard to get together when everybody else is busy with their own lives.

i can't think of anything to add here anymore. next on my list will be plans for 2008.

27 on the 27th

ali celebrated her 27th birthday with an after-dinner pizza-pasta-drinks party. the day before, after my so-so interview i went to glorietta in the hope of finding ali a nice xmas/bday gift. i've always said i'm not really good at shopping for others and buying gifts for whatever occasion isn't any different. i think i walked the mall a good hour and a half in my very uncomfortable leather shoes that i was really ready to give up. i finally settled on a few books by some of my favorite authors rather than a really cool coffee table book about manila's restaurants because i had a sort of limited budget.

the party should have been a reunion of sorts, for those who are still part of the big blue and those who have decided to pursue new adventures elsewhere. it was too bad that some folks were not able to make it that night. being back there at ali's house, i couldn't help but reminisce how many parties and unplanned drinking sprees we had the time ali was still part of the big blue. those were some of the best times with the big blue barkada - well, nothing lasts forever right? as usual, the unbeatable bene-jowell tandem took centerstage after a few drinks mingling and passing around shots from table to table. ali's beau, brian, showed us his vocal stylings throughout the night. i didn't really drink much that night, a bottle of beer, two shots of a dark brown liquid in an efficasent-oil kinda looking bottle (lol) and a full shot of gin. it felt like i was really in a better place after - at least in my head. its funny but being away from alcohol for quite some time, i can't handle it as much as i used to before - can't be the age thing di ba? maybe i'm already done with the whole get-drunk phase and i'm really much more of a social drinker nowadays.

i packed up half-past midnight - i didn't plan to get drunk that night anyway. it was great to see everybody, even meet ali's beau and officemates. its probably the last party for 2007 and it was a great one.

i am very thankful for those who gave presents - thank you for remembering. ali, your gift was perfect - i don't have to tell you how much i love it. thanks!

babble babble

to say i wasn't ready for today's meeting is an understatement, my mind was blank - probably from so much cozying up at home the past few days. it took me longer to answer the questions and however nice, she asked tough questions. i babbled a lot trying to figure out how best to answer each situation. it wasn't hard to figure out soon i wasn't in my element because my head felt sluggish and i found it difficult to say the right things. it must have been the rain, getting wet and the gloom that seemed to envelop the day. i laughed at myself as i walked back to my car, umbrella on hand trying to stay dry. if i don't hear from them in a week and a half then i guess that's the end of that path. i'm not too optimistic also that we will agree when they give an offer because they were quite honest that they won't meet my expectations. hmmm let's just wait and see.

the next few days, i need to focus on finishing my OCE presentation and the documentation i need to prepare for my upcoming trip. ahhhh i'm really super lazy to start any of it - i'm procastinating again but i have the holiday spirit to blame for it. i'm beginning to realize the long holiday is almost over, 7 more days left for me. i really gotta get my groove back.

gettin' ready for 08

one of the things i manage to do seldomly is to clean out my closet and i started doing that today. i've accumulated a lot of shirts the past few years and have not had the time to sort them out. first i took out six pairs of shoes, some of which i think i wore twice or thrice in its entire lifetime i wondered what made me buy them in the first place. the sad thing is these shoes are a bit expensive - diesel, rockport, nike's and adidas even. but i'm following a new policy this year - and that is if i havent' worn it once this year, i probably won't be wearing it next year. when i finished sorting out my closet, out came around 30+ shirts. i figured its time somebody else have use of them and asked mom to just sell them. funny thing that i'm not even getting a single centavo from the proceeds. i'm just happy to get rid of them and yes, start building a new wardrobe.

but of course, first thing is to start slimming down - AGAIN! that's first on my personal goals for 2008. and i don't just mean slim down but work on looking remarkably well. its going to take a lot of willpower but lets see.

can't wait for 2008.

x/sg update

x/sg set-up the meeting at around 11am this morning and what i thought would be a lengthy conversation turned out to be nothing more than a 10-min chat. lj apologized for not getting back sooner explaining he has been busy with some business trips and some focused needed to meet their yearend targets. quite understandably having worked for the factory as well for more than five years. surprisingly back then, i/we reveled with the hard work and basked in the recognition of meeting our targets. maybe being younger and having the strength to work non-stop made us work harder. nowadays, i don't know if i still have the energy for such rigorous work. or maybe the lull of the past two years have finally made me a slacker - or maybe i'm not seeing things as i should. after all the lull the past two years helped me take care of things at home when B was hospitalized and mom had to look after her. if not for the "flexibility" work afforded me then life then would have been doubly harder. i guess this is the part where you say "things do happen for a reason."

lj explained that he took the past four(?) weeks to talk to other people and i guess him still talking to me means i'm still being considered. he mentioned we are at the last leg of the journey and asked me to fill-up their formal application form. in some way, yes i am quite elated knowing i have a good chance of moving to SG but at the same time, i look forward more to a local prospect in a completely different industry.

i'm beginning to think that maybe i really need a fresh start again. i need a new environment wherein i don't know a whole lot of people. maybe having new friends isn't that bad - my other friends have moved on, and its time i should too. x/sg will give me a new lease on life - there's no fresher start than that. j/rr> also is a fresh start in a completely different way. i probably would have an easier time making my choices in a different time, but the situation is different now. i have to make the practical choice, and whatever that is we're all going to find out soon enough.

still on the running

ali, elmer & i decided to meet up for a long overdue get together at mall of asia monday night. funny we chose mall of asia considering the three of us used to have really long, over-extended lunches before ali moved to the new blue. i picked up ali from her house and we had some time to catch-up like we always do. i gave her updates on my ongoing quest in finding greener pastures and told her i was really holding back in following up on my last meeting with the prospect in SG. honestly i wasn't even sure my application was still active since i have not really heard anything from them for probably 3 or 4 weeks now. as if on cue, my mobile rang and i could tell the area code was from SG. the guy asked if i could talk and whether i was still "looking" and of course i said "yes" to the latter and told him we should schedule something tomorrow instead since i was on the road. i could have talked more but i don't really like ambush interviews, being the OC kid that i am, i need to plan for the unexpected and delude myself that "yes, i have prepared for any eventualities."

i am happy that i have a lot more options now that a week or two ago and while, like i said in a previous post, i am more inclined to pursue my interests in another industry - having the SG option is still a blessing. i don't know what we are going to talk about tomorrow but that call meant that my application is still active and i am still being considered. that is already a good enuf reason to rejoice.

after an overpriced dinner at italliani's and coffee at starbuck's, we sat down for our usual chit-chat. updates on most things related to the big blue - including the current status of those who were left behind. i can't believe elmer, ali & i are no longer working for the same company - how quickly time flies, even when you're no longer having fun. its nice to know we can still find time to have these get togethers despite our busy and not-so busy schedules. we're keeping the friendship alive and that's what's important.

so far so good

j/rr> update

i had to wait for a half-hour since ja was late due to traffic and surprisingly for me, the ride was smooth and i got there way too early than the appointed time. ja's questions were ok - some did require me to pause a bit and think of my answers. the situational questions i thought i managed fairly well. ja said normally that i should have had a prelim meeting before i met with her but she mentioned i came highly recommended by jvt. ja said she liked me and i will have to meet with sam. hopefully all of these weren't just conversation and that i have a good chance with j/rr>.

incidentally, j/rr>'s building isn't as corporate looking as i hoped for but i think i can swing it. at the end of the day, what is important is the $ i bring home. its also growing and they are quite aggressive so its going to be a challenge.

( + )
> totally different environment
> most likely can afford expected compensation
> 70/30 CL; 30% TS
> $1B filipino-owned corporation, still growing

( - )
> office looks more warehouse
> probably no travel opportunity

a> update

i wasn't really looking forward to this meeting this late afternoon but i decided that while there are no deals closed yet, i should continue and pursue all avenues. i have to say that i was in my element today being able to answer most of the questions very well, even at times eliciting comments like "very well said" throughout. at the end, gl did say i am definitely being considered but the $ i was asking for was in the range of his level - and i am being considered one level below. it seems though that i made a good impression on gl and next step would likely be discussion of the offer, then a final meeting.

( + )
> totally different environment
> $9B multi-national corporation
> travel opportunities including 1-2 yr expatriate possibilities

( - )
> most likely will not be able to meet expected compensation
> work hours - 3pm to 3am ---> yeah, ugh!
> joining bond, training bond

i'm happy to be presented with possible options if things work out, God-willing. Right now, i'm more inclined with the j/rr> versus a> but i am keeping my options open. hopefully i get an update soon because if i make the decision to leave, i would opt to cancel that jan 12-26 trip to az. it doesn't feel right to go and like always, i don't want people saying things behind my back.

family day

saturday was mom's birthday and we decided to go out and have lunch. we finally managed to convince my brother to go with us and despite all our differences, it was great to go out as a family. it is during these rare ocassions when we hang out together that our family feels more "normal." we decided to go to mall of asia for lunch mostly because we wanted to check out the bazaar at the world trade center after. during the drive, my nephew was all smiles and excited not only because he loves going out but because he had most of the family with him that day. i wondered if there was a lot of people out there who wished they had a different family. when i was younger, i always dreamed about having the perfect family and what probably amounted to at that time a perfect life for me. looking back, i realize how foolish those thoughts are - and despite the problems and the burdens, i have this family for a reason.

it was quite a challenge figuring out where to have lunch - we did not really plan on anything extravagant that day so we just settled for a quick bite at terriyaki boy. i like terriyaki boy - terriyaki chicken is probably one of the my most favorite things to eat (lol!). quite honestly though, i don't really get why mom loves ebi tempura so much because i find it quite bland and tasteless most of the time. we roamed around for a bit when we finally chanced upon the SM appliance store and i invited everyone to come and check refs and gas ranges. i was thinking about buying the family a new gas range since we recently found a passion for cooking and after 30+ years of service, our gas range needed to retire. the gas range that i really dream of is pretty expensive and pretty big and since i have been taking care of the family expenses, it wasn't a wise choice to buy the dream. so i settled for something probably 1/2 of the cost but still was gorgeous enough to fuel our passion for cooking. maybe when we have a bigger house then we can replace it - teehee.

when we passed by the trade center it was packed and we couldn't even find any parking space so we decided that going was not worth it - at least that day so we decided instead to have our weekly trip to S&R. we bought stuff for lumpiang shanghai, home-made sausages and barbecue pork ribs. yum! its 15 days before christmas, 21 more before the year ends. look how fast time flies and the merriest month of the whole year is going to end soon. its probably better to enjoy december while its here but i can't help but feel a small pang of regret about the days passing by so soon. i probably wouldn't mind being trapped in an endless december - christmas, then new year then christmas again. work 2 wks, then christmas holidays the next 2 weeks. then start all over again. back to reality, we need to start planning for our christmas dinner - i'm so excited to start cooking in our new gas range. hihihi ang babaw di ba?

self-destructive

its bad enough that dad isn't the source of income in our family but to have a drinking spree and not be able to handle his alcohol and pick a fight with a neighbor is just too much. i don't really resent not ever being his favorite growing up nor being close to him like my younger brother, but what he does is self-destructive and ruins our good name. i don't really care what the neighbors think about us nor whatever gossip they pass around to get them through the day. i just don't like him dragging the rest of us into whatever hell hole he is digging. yes, cold as it may sound, i don't really have a lot of good things to say about my father. i am not even ashamed to admit he's sort of the good-for-nuthin' kind of dad. a lot of people will probably not understand why i feel this way but i have my reasons.

i would have been ok to help him out on his medications (for his diabetes) except that if i give him the money, he would just most likely treat his friends to some drinking session. besides, isn't it a fact that medicines and alcohol don't mix well? having no steady income, anybody else would have saved whatever little money for more important things - but that is not how he is. its irritating when he comes home mid-afternoon and while rummaging for food throws out sarcastic comments on the leftovers like "ano yan, tira?" this is much like the same stuff he says when i bring home half-eaten food from restaurants i had dinner from. the nerve! its mid-afternoon so they are really leftover from lunch and whoever said that the half-eaten, still yummy food i took home were for him anyway. yeah i am venting. i don't like to be angry but i am very very angry.

it sucks to be stuck with a deadbeat dad, i can tell you that. i could really do more for the rest of the family if the deadweights were gone.

sigh, the cross i bear just keeps getting heavier.

read this : what will matter

a friend sent this and i thought to share this brilliant piece by michael josephson.

what will matter
by michael josephson

ready or not,
someday it will all come to an end.

there will be no more sunrises,
no minutes, hours or days.

all the things you collected,
whether treasured or forgotten,
will pass to someone else.

your wealth,
fame and temporal power
will shrivel to irrelevance.

it will not matter what you owned
or what you were owed.

your grudges, resentments, frustrations,
and jealousies will finally disappear.

so, too, your hopes, ambitions, plans
and to-do lists will expire.

the wins and losses
that once seemed so important
will fade away.

it won't matter where you came from,
or on what side of the tracks you lived,
at the end.

it won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.
even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

so what will matter?
how will the value of your days be measured?

what will matter is not what you bought,
but what you built;
not what you got,
but what you gave?

what will matter is not your success,
but your significance.

what will matter is not what you learned,
but what you taught.

what will matter is every act of integrity,
compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched,
empowered or encouraged others
to emulate your example.

what will matter is not your competence
but your character.

what will matter is not how many people you knew,
but how many will feel a lasting loss when you're gone.

what will matter is not your memories,
but the memories that live in those who loved you.

what will matter is how long you will be remembered,
by whom and for what.

living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident.
its not a matter of circumstance but of choice.

choose to live a life that matters.

an awesome "dexter" finale

the final 2 episodes of "dexter" were (un)fortunately leaked into the internet and after watching it i'd have to say that those were two freakin' awesome episodes. it wasn't devoid of the dark, delicious gory story arc that "dexter" has been known for. sure, it can be disconcerting at times but despite its dark and twisted plot, "dexter" is addicting. i thought season 2 was more engaging and suspenseful than season 1 and that is clearly being seen in the ratings - "dexter" has been luring a lot more fans this season. michael c hall is one talented actor and plays dexter so convincingly that it freaks me from time to time. kudos to showtime for bringing to life one really, really great show.

13 days to go

nope, its not 13 days to go before CHRISTmas. its actually still 21 days to go before the big day but what i'm already excited about is that come december 17, i'll officially be on vacation --- that'll be 17 full days of not working! obviously i'm very elated about that, add to that i'll be on VL on the 10th for some VERY important meeting and the 13th is a holiday at the office. i'll finally have devoted time to take care of things i've sort of put off for some time. come january, probably have 1 1/2 weeks of work and then fly off to the Az for the face-to-face. yay to more mileage & shopping --- not!

as tradition brings it and with dear friend cindy in town, we had a get together of sorts last night at hula-hula at westgate. the food was surprisingly good - and yes, i shied away from eating rice starting yesterday but i found it a bit expensive. the conversations that night was a mixture of nostalgia, family experiences and mostly updates on what we've all been doing lately. some good news also about heids and lea both having their second addition to their families. everyone seemed to be in high spirits - all happy to see everyone else. this is what's so nice about our friendship, no matter the distance or the last time we got together, we can always readily pick up where we left off as if it was yesterday. joh turns out to be interested in pursuing (or at least showing interest in) photography. we're both looking at hopefully buying a nikon d80 to kick off our hobby, take some photography classes on the side while we try to fit in some culinary courses. wonder how well we'd be able to do that - but just making plans is fun. let's see how these planning turns out.

2007 is almost over. hope i get GREAT news before the year ends. or hopefully 2008 starts with more good news.

steady sunday

one of the great things about sunday is that traffic seems and feels like a thing of the past. so far during the past sundays that i've been on the road, it didn't feel like i was living in manila. we decided to take a leisure drive to echague/quiapo/manila sunday to buy some decorative christmas lanterns and what better place to get a bargain than in quiapo. the route felt oddly familiar having at times driven mom to the SM head office for some business before. our decision to leave mid-morning proved to be a wise choice having found a decent parking spot right in front of where the myriad of stalls sold their wares. it wasn't difficult to find the ornaments that interested us except that our initial choice of gold & white stars were out of stock. we settled for some white capiz-laden, illuminated stars instead and bought some yellow/gold capiz stars for our christmas tree. the bigger multi-colored capiz lighted lanters were very much cheaper that we decided to buy one as well. we were in and out of there in less than an hour and were all quite satisfied with our purchases.

the outside of our house looks decently chrismassy right now - its really not to show-off to the neighbors but mostly so that my nephew would be able to enjoy christmas much the same way we did growing up. one of the things i wish for soon is to be able to afford a house for the fam - and while its a really really big dream, dreaming about it is a first step towards achieving it.