life | day 228 - pressure cooker

Work is really stressful lately and its really not that the problems and the projects are insurmountable but rather they’re just piling up pretty fast.  I thought it was high time I went old school and listed down all the stuff I had to work on in paper – seeing it in paper makes it less daunting because there’s something to cross out with the passing of the hours.  I should whip myself for letting procastination get the better of me but its too late for that now.  The whipping needs to come later.  All things considered, despite my seemingly well-put organizational skills, I do succumb to disarray from time to time.  Chaos could be fun when it happens but with all things, there’s really a price to pay.

The one good news in the days past is that I got another invitation to be a speaker at a supply chain conference in KL this October.  I think though it is quite premature to be sharing an ongoing project so while I relish the opportunity to be a speaker alongside supply chain professionals from prestigious companies, it would be a disservice to share something that is half-cooked.

 

I asked God for something this morning.  I don’t think I’m asking Him much.  Just some peace of mind.

 

Back to blogging.  I miss this, really.  To be able to write freely and express my thoughts feels liberating.

life | day 191 in 2010

the days really do seem to just breeze pass through this year.  half of the year is gone and the days have brought with it the inevitable change.  weather-wise, i'm sort of glad the drought is over but is anxious about the rainy season.  no one wants a repeat of ondoy or pepeng for that matter.  i've seen and been to the aftermath and it was heatbreaking.  hopefully, the rest of the year brings a much needed stability in everyone's lives.

work.  what can i say?  it really has been overwhelming.  you fix one problem, out pops the next one.  there's neverending things to do so i still try to take things in stride.  it is at times like these where (jowell's) "steady lang." becomes a lifeline.  it can get exhausting and stressful pretty fast and its not something you can get accustomed to.  social networking sites become more liability than a welcome distraction.  the latter of which something i really need more of these days.  proof that work is becoming stressful is that i'm back on caffeine.  i'm making starbuck's, figaro and coffee bean richer on a daily basis.

i can't wait to get back to some of the things i love most - like traveling.  i haven't done much of that this year - a couple of business trips to singapore and a lovely, relaxing trip to palawan.  to do the traveling thing however, i need to do two things - renew my expiring passport and my US visa.  sydney is going to have to wait, at least until january maybe.  i'm getting bad at planning stuff and its bumming me out.

next month's is my nephew's seventh birthday already.  he's now a living measure of how the years go by.  he's grown-up now and speaks more comfortably in english than in tagalog.  its a good thing he understands at least a bit of the local or else he is for sure going to flunk his pilipino subjects.  the one thing that hasn't changed with him is that he is still an endearingly sweet boy who gives endless hugs and kisses.

life still is a blessing.  still a lot to be thankful for.  its not perfect, but at least its mine.  and i'm living and breathing in it.

thirty six

sometimes i still can't believe i've been on this planet for more than thirty years, thirty six today.  its been one wild ride so far - rough and smooth roads filled with ups and downs.  in hindsight, those are the things that made life richer, more exciting and other times sweeter.  despite the passing of the years, i am quite thankful to be alive.

life is good.  i have been blessed beyond belief that saying thank you everyday seems never enough.  i have people i can call "friends" who i love dearly like family and who i know i can call on anytime and who will tell me straight up the things i wouldn't want to hear.  real friends are hard to come by but i surprisingly have plenty.

i have a career.  with people who are a joy to work with.  a job that pays the bills.  a job that affords me a comfortable life.  God has been gracious.

i have a family, though far from perfect, i can call my own.  i have a nephew, who greeted me "happy father's day", who showers me with kisses and hugs for no reason at all.  who answers "that you love me" whenever i ask him "i'm going to tell you something.  do you know what it is?"  priceless moments that make all the hard work meaningful.

thirty six years.  that's enough reason to celebrate.

ten

This song is dedicated to all of the people I know who are sharing their lives with a special someone.

From the upcoming album “Sweet & Wild” of Jewel who is one of my most favorite artist of all time.

The lyrics to this song is just amazingly simple but it says so much.  Here’s to OUR happiness.

 

Ten – Jewel

 

whoever said love is easy

must have never been in love

sometimes its a landmine

one wrong step and it blows up

a word, a look lights a hidden fuse

 

its hard to see just what you have when you're seeing red

and easy to do something that you know we'll both regret

better stop, think, count to ten before i leave

 

refrain:

one,

i still want to hate you

two, three

i still wanna leave

four

i'm searching for that door

five

then i look in your eyes

six

take a deep breath

seven

take a step back

eight, nine

i don't know why we even started this fight.

by the time i get to ten

i'm right back in your arms again

words thrown so calously like weapons when we fight

but when they cut too deep i wanna leave it all behind

i'd have to count to ten before i cross that line

refrain

 

you can lose what you're not thankful for

i don't want that to happen to you and me

better count my blessings

 

one,

you still move me

two, three

send chills right through me

four

you keep me wanting more

five

when i look in your eyes

six

you're my best friend

seven

that will never end

eight, nine

i don't know why but thank God it happens everytime

by the time i get to ten, by the time i get to ten

i can see how blessed i've been

 

i'd choose you all over again.

life | certainties

i've come to accept that death is the only certainty but knowing that doesn't make it any less difficult to accept.  last week was met with the passing of the in-law of one of my colleagues.  it was a short battle with the big C for him - and i don't know if that was good or bad. good because it meant he didn't have to suffer for long; bad because it meant he couldn't stay and be with his love ones longer.

last friday, i finally managed to spend time with a good friend.  she's been beset with her own family health problems - her mom in particular.  i thought when she shared the good news last time about the biopsy results being negative that her problems would soon be over.  i guess i was sadly mistaken.  i had tears listening to her.  i didn't mind being in a public place.  we tried to laugh to fend off the sadness.  i admire her.  this made her grow up in ways no other could.  its the same change i went through - being saddled with new responsibilities can make or break you.  in our case, we've grown up to accept ours and it feels like it made us better people in the process.  tm's mom is in the hospital and the prognosis isn't so good.  i know that in times like these, prayers do help.

i fear death.  not for myself because i think i've come to terms that we can go at anytime.  its my fear of losing any of the people i love that i can't deal with.  i pray everyday for their safety and for keeping us healthy among others.  i hope that that is good enough.

life | day 33 - losers & winners

people seem to be busy these days, me included.  there hasn't really been much time to go out the past couple of weeks except for two scheduled instances.  first when birthday boy hector managed to be in manila on the 25th to also visit our target recipients for share-a-smile year 3.  it was great to see hector again.  and to get to spend time with the kids is always a truly amazing experience.  we managed for the gang to squeeze in some downtime last saturday and like all instances of our get togethers, we had so much fun we forgot it was already 430am before we decided to call it a night (or day).  rating : loser

maybe there really is a time wherein you've given too much of yourself already.  that after some time, whatever you do seem meaningless.  i really thought you were different but i guess i was wrong.  big brother's right, it really is time to pack and move on.  rating : loser

while work still seem like a mountain of burden, i really think we've managed to move forward.  that things are starting to shape up and people are more open to changes.  there is still a lot of things to do and a lot more challenges coming.  work has been taxing lately but it remains pretty much interesting to-date.  rating :  winner

i'm excited much for the upcoming event of a good friend mj.  i think we've done a great job promoting it the past 2 1/2 weeks and we're nearing our target number of participants.  share-a-smile year 3 is also happening on the 28th of the month so this feels like double hurrah.  i also may have an upcoming shoot with a really good friend.  make that triple hurrah.  rating :  winner

one dream still hanging.  the other dream depends on how fast i can wrap up the proposal.  i'm trying to revamp the presentation which hopefully i can complete by tomorrow or the next.  c'mon .... i need it.  rating : in between

life | day 21 - the busy bee

at work.

work seems to have taken a life of its own at the start of the year.  i guess losing one headcount and not having a ready replacement is a bummer.  i am very happy though because my staff left for all the right reasons.  its a gift though that my team accepted the challenge of temporarily covering the vacated role - all of us divided the pie, some more than the others.  i don't see us filling the position until the end of february so the next couple of months is going to be taxing.  still a bunch of projects that needs closure and there are three more contracts i need to review.  kaya 'yan.

in photography.

still working on photos from the multiple shoots i did before 2009 ended.  first shoot for the year was with a young businessman from davao i met via model mayhem.  i'm much more comfortable shooting by myself now.  its always easier when the model is easy to work with and so far i have been lucky with all the models i've worked with.  hopefully there will be more shoots this 2010 because photography, while tiring sometimes, is one good thing that keeps my head off work.  not to mention that i meet a lot of great people along the way.

on friends.

i am thankful i have really great friends.  and not just the kind you say hello once in a while.  while there are indeed those who masquerade as something else, i know who are those really worth keeping.  no bitterness here.  no more wasting time on the unworthy. harharhar.

on love.

one word - playtime.

on dreams.

still working on it.  one feels like its happening soon.  the other is getting frustrating.  i'm giving it until the end of the month and then i'm going to have to decide whether to push through with it or not.

life | day 4 - first day back

it was something i've been sort of dreading except that i knew two weeks of vacation will just pass by like it never happened.  i enjoyed the two-week vacation because i got to rest (ok, probably not a lot of rest), spend time with family and friends.  i did 3 consecutive shoots in 3 different locations with different people.  it was fun, but now i'm backed-up in post-processing hell by 4 more people.

first day at work meant i would need to deal with the problems temporarily shelved over the holidays.  i somehow wished they would magically disappear over the two-weeks hoping that would be santa's gift but i guess i haven't been good enough to deserve some magic this christmas.  oh well, one can dream, right?  today was a bit stressful and i had to show some teeth in a telecon (ok, that was an analogy) because i wanted to put somebody in their proper place.  the intention was good except that it didn't sound like they thought of it lengthily to begin with.  its one of the things i hope will change in the future, for people to have well-thought of plans.  until then, i have to just ... errr .... smile but show them we're no pushovers.

sorry, marunong din ako mag-ingles. harharhar.

i decided, against everything my body was telling me, to jog/walk around highstreet tonight.  i swear i felt like my heart was going to explode while i was running.  it was a good 30mins of jogging and walking, no rests in between.  i think i just need to keep this up to slowly condition my body to the torture.  willpower, i choose you.

no dinner tonight.  water. water. water. oh i forgot, i had a banana.  if all of these reduced eating doesn't work, i'm sorry pero BELO na.  harharhar.

life | day 4 - first day back

it was something i've been sort of dreading except that i knew two weeks of vacation will just pass by like it never happened. i enjoyed the two-week vacation because i got to rest (ok, probably not a lot of rest), spend time with family and friends. i did 3 consecutive shoots in 3 different locations with different people. it was fun, but now i'm backed-up in post-processing hell by 4 more people.

first day at work meant i would need to deal with the problems temporarily shelved over the holidays. i somehow wished they would magically disappear over the two-weeks hoping that would be santa's gift but i guess i haven't been good enough to deserve some magic this christmas. oh well, one can dream, right? today was a bit stressful and i had to show some teeth in a telecon (ok, that was an analogy) because i wanted to put somebody in their proper place. the intention was good except that it didn't sound like they thought of it lengthily to begin with. its one of the things i hope will change in the future, for people to have well-thought of plans. until then, i have to just ... errr .... smile but show them we're no pushovers.

sorry, marunong din ako mag-ingles. harharhar.

i decided, against everything my body was telling me, to jog/walk around highstreet tonight. i swear i felt like my heart was going to explode while i was running. it was a good 30mins of jogging and walking, no rests in between. i think i just need to keep this up to slowly condition my body to the torture. willpower, i choose you.

no dinner tonight. water. water. water. oh i forgot, i had a banana. if all of these reduced eating doesn't work, i'm sorry pero BELO na. harharhar.