busy life. not enough time.

this past week has been kind of busy - mostly in the social front and so-so workwise. i got some good news monday that finally gave me peace of mind. tuesday was a late invitation to the premiere of SATC at powerplant - it was free so who was i to say no. workwise, still working on this side project and had to meet up with the guy who was going to do the coding for some enhancements i was working on. my desktop started acting up wednesday and it has gone from bad to worse. i was smart enough to move all of my personal files to an external hdd while the machine was still operational so that is a big relief. that was over 80GB of information. i decided to skip work after lunch thursday and planned to get the desktop repaired but the store i frequent was closed down for inventory count. rotten luck. watched indiana jones with the MBA'ers at glorietta 4 settling instead of gb3 where we realized how expensive seeing a film is nowadays. the film was alright - it didn't really get me all that excited really but i'm not going to talk about it less i spoil it for those who are still planning to see it on the big screen.

ali texted friday and invited us for dinner and coffee. we (ali, allan and i) feasted (i use this word because that was what we did literally) @ TGI Fridays on potato wedges, chicken fingers, caesar salad, cajun pasta and a full slab of ribs. yes, that was just for three people - and the funny thing was that we finished almost everything. pig-out galore. to cap the night, we indulged in a big mug of moroccan mint tea at coffee bean. it was fun hanging out with the old blue gang - we used to do more of this but being in different companies and meeting new people, it can't be helped that hanging outs like this happens seldomly. i think the great thing is that despite our own individual adventures nowadays, we've developed some sort of lifelong bond.

it wasn't planned but a good friend from HS was in the neighborhood so we decided to hang out and catch another flick (yea, yea i just said movies are becoming an expensive past time). so we decided to catch "caregiver" (yeah, don't really care about the raised eyebrows) and i have to say that it wasn't as emotionally gripping as i was expecting it to be. i know its pretty effective if (insert laugh here now!) if i shed a tear or two at the cinema. yeah, the gripping melodrama of some pinoy movies is my guilty pleasure.

in between all of these social activities, i did try fixing my desktop by reinstalling its OS. the first time i got it working before i went to bed only to find out the frakkin' thing won't boot up morning after. so i did a fresh install again, and it did work for a whole day until the automatic updates install screwed it again. this time the desktop was dead for good. i had the hard disk replaced, bought a UPS too and did another fresh install of the OS. so far it hasn't been acting up. three things i figured out here: one, it was a good thing i backed-up all my files when the problems was still minimal so all my files are intact. two, the sort of jitters i get watching films isn't because the desktop was slow, it was because of the hard disk. and three, i realized i know how to set-up my pc (software-wise) back to how it was from scratch.

vain alert: its sunday now and i'll be going out (again) in a while. will be having lunch with my HS friend - libre e and then we're going to take a sidetrip to check-out this dermatologist somewhere in marikina. supposedly, she's a great alternative to belo and calayan. i think i need some relief since i haven't been liking so much how i look like in the pictures. the thought of getting older this month is killing me - hence the need for some intervention. and no, i'm not going in for something drastic like getting work done or botox (lol), just some good regimen to get back some of that baby glow.

when we grow old

"lola" is in the hospital since a few weeks back, they found her unconscious in the bathroom floor. The stories remain sketchy about what really happened but we decided to visit her today. seeing lola after quite some time made us realize how fragile and old she's become. she's much thinner than last i saw her (which was a long time ago) but at despite her ripe age of 87, she was still a very sharp woman. we weren't really close to her growing up, "lolo" was much more affectionate so we as "kids" were naturally drawn to him. we did spend more time with mom's parents growing up even though they kind of lived a few blocks apart. we decided to drop by my aunt's house since she was also confined in the hospital a few weeks back. the good news is that she looks quite good today. i looked at their house and the compound we used to play in during childhood and everything looks different. that piece of history of our childhood is long gone now. we went to Christ the King memorial chapels right after because the husband of mom's friend passed away yesterday. he was 72 and was in the hospital also recently.

looking at my lola and my aunt, i realized how lucky they are to have gotten this far in life. in my head, i kept on asking myself if i will be as lucky to be bestowed such a long and colorful life, or even whether i want to. maybe right now, my head's at where i prefer not to but i guess as time passes, you learn to appreciate life more and you tend to hold on to it harder. i just don't like the idea of growing old alone, having to depend on people to take care of me. one thing i realized i never want to be is a burden so i prefer a quick getaway when the time comes. The part that sucks being at this age in life is that the realities of life becomes more and more certain. Getting sick, problems with money, problems with family, being heartbroken, death ... they're stuff you have to deal with even if you don't want to. growing up can really be a drag. its no wonder peter pan wanted to stay in neverland. right now, i'm wishing neverland was real.

david cook - idol 2008

DAVID COOK
American Idol - Season 7 Winner

A well deserved win by a really awesome talent. 12 million votes more proves everybody has taken to david cook's more versatile and appealing sound. after hearing him be proclaimed this season's winner, i couldn't help but feel ecstatic - truly a happy, happy, joy, joy moment. cook made a lot of people happy today - me & my friends included.
natural high - that's what it feels like.

American Idol Finale

Its finally here!!! While David Archuleta is an admirable singer, i am a solid DAVID COOK fan. COOKIES for the win!!!

Here are the performances from tonight's show in the spirit of this whole idol brouhahaha

Round 1





Round 2



Round 3



DC's take on "The World I Know" is awesome!

on the side of me

the thing i like about coincidences is that they seem to be right smack when you least expect it. and more often than not, some coincidences are just the right thing you need at the right moment. maybe its an answered prayer or God's way of reassuring you about the problems that weigh heavy. in this case, i found this song just flipping through the channels and i immediately fell in love with this song.

on the side of me
corrinne may

I’m not the easiest person to love
I’m often the one who lets things go unresolved

Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Yet you choose to be on the side of me
on the side of me

I’m not too proud of some things
I’ve done in my life
The skeletons in my closet
Are too big for me to hide

Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Blessed Charity
You’re on the side of me
on the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
when it’s cold outside
and there’s no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
but you

I’m not the easiest person to love
But you, you’ve opened your heart to show me what I’m worth

‘Cause you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
What a mystery
You’re on the side of me
on the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
when it’s cold outside
and there’s no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go

I remember when nobody cared
Nobody cared
But you…

Yeah you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me

Freaky, Fun Friday

one very effective way out of desolation is have a night out with friends. last night proved to be no exception cause we definitely had a great time. it probably wasn't the best of times since one of our friends S is in the hospital for surgery but in some way, most of us needed it - distraction. eric, tm, jap, dino & myself had a great dinner and dessert at conti's. we were laughing and taking photos of our food and dessert and keeping ourselves updated even if we just hanged out the previous weekend.

annie finally was able to join us when we moved to roadhouse in high street. instead of coffee, we decided that at a time like this, alcohol was the better choice. its nice to see everyone very comfortable with each other already. there's trust, respect & love in this group and a genuine appreciation about everyone present that night. each of us had our stories to share - some sharing more than the others. at other times it felt like the lines between what was appropriate and inappropriate was getting blurry but we're all adults there so no judgments.

i must have been more exhausted than i realized (late night thursday, long-distance driving friday and again late night friday) because after downing my 2nd (yes, 2nd) SML, i went to the restroom to take a leak. i felt my heart beating really fast and i might not have catched my breath fast enough because everything went blank. Fcuk, i BLACKED OUT. it was like a 2 or 3-second kind of thing but i was disoriented after and just realized what had happened. That was pretty scary and i realized when i got home that i must have hit my face somewhere because i have a tiny bruise on my face. 2 bottles, that can't be the cause of it. i can hold my alcohol very well, thank you very much.

so today (saturday), i am going to rest. that incident pretty much freaked me out. hahaha, ok not really a laughing matter cause it might be something serious but life is short and i want to have fun.

the only certainty

i recently learned that one of my aunt is in the hospital - we heard some news before that she has been sick. this time around, she's gone from better to worse. from what we've heard is that her liver and kidneys are no longer functioning properly that her blood is poisoning herself already. what is more heartbreaking is that her kids do not even make time to be with her in the hospital - other people stay there to take care of her. even her grandchildren do not even make an effort to help out. they're not well-off sure, but this is their mother who took care of them growing up and who is still taking care of them until she was able. my sister and mom visited my aunt today and they told me she was so happy to see them. the doctor said not to get hopes up and that the family should be prepared. i don't think she knows what is happening - how bad her condition is. i know its not good to say this but i feel sorry she got stuck with ungrateful kids. i wouldn't be surprised if none of them sheds a tear when she leaves this place. i will pray that God gives my aunt lita strength, peace and for Him to take away her pain.

i write this today as a testament that I will never abandon my mom in her hour of need. When the day comes, i will be there to hold her hand and i will let her know how thankful i am that she was mine.

another day in love

for most, the only songs they probably remember from stephen speaks would be "passenger seat" and "out of my league" and no one else probably remembers who exactly were the vocalists for that group. by chance during my browsing moments in facebook, i managed to catch an ad showcasing TJ McCloud who incidentally was one of the singers for the group stephen speaks.

i found his new album on the web and i found the familiar sound of his voice quite soothing. not to mention, the lyrics of his songs aren't too bad either. so i thought it was a good idea to write something about it seeing that lately the inspiration to blog about anything has left me - hopefully not for good.

the prize of your efforts

watching this season's american idol, i can't help but feel happy that syesha mercado made it all the way to the top 3. she's not even my favorite (me, being a COOKIE fan all the way) but her journey through this season is phenomenal. I can't think of any other contestant who's been consistently in the bottom than her - but through painstaking effort, she survived. Granted she's not among the best vocal performers this season, i can see how much of herself she gives to her performances and that is probably why she's still there. so what if she's not going to win this contest - cause my fearless prediction is that its going to be a DC vs DA finale, finishing third is no mean feat. so congratulations syesha, you have done a great job.

despite becoming a pseudo-insensitive prick, i realized how much i always root for the underdog or at least feel for them. there's been countless times when i was teary-eyed watching films where the underdog triumphs over the adversities. i cry watching period films where white folks discriminate against black folks (that discrimination is something i will never, ever understand). my guess is one of the reasons for this is that i feel some emotional connection at being the underdog. and maybe i don't have the same sob stories but i feel for them because i know how tough it can be in the real world. there's always people who would try to put you down, who would pass up on you for whatever reason, or maybe just don't like you for who they perceive you are. while being different can make life harder, there is immense joy in winning over the adversities.

i should know. been there. done that.

in the name of love

i received an announcement yesterday that a colleague was moving from chengdu (where he works) to pudong. i thought it was just one of those moving from one city to another kind of situations until i got a seemingly personal email from my colleague. now he and i as far as i remember were never particularly close but we did get a chance to work together a few years back. he said that the real reason he is moving is to sort of further his relationship with his girlfriend who was based in pudong. he said that they have been trying to work out a long-distance relationship for quite some time - and probably he realized that if he wants to make this work then he needs to be physically available. wow.

the engineer in me runs through the scenarios and looks at risks and probabilities - wait, that must be the obsessive-compulsive in me instead. i think that is a leap of faith and i've seen a lot of people placed in the same situation before and until today. but honestly, how many of us have done things "in the name of love" that either we treasure and we remain proud of it and at other times, we shudder at the thought of how foolish we seemed back then. looking back, i try to lock all of the foolish and stupid and "i would rather die if i do that again" moments in my "part of the bitter past" safe. lock and key thrown out to the deepest part of the ocean. i hope that being more mature, i'm less susceptible to bouts of foolishness except that at times i still am.

love is really a tricky thing. it makes us laugh, it makes us cry. i love the way it makes me feel - happy, excited, eager, hopeful sparkly eyed and yet hate the fact i can't think straight at times. i hate being in love with all the wrong people, while trying to convince myself that they're the right one. i've learned to deal with all the heartbreak, with all the letting go and with all the need to forget. sometimes i feel like i've gotten so used to it that i'm starting to turn into an unfeeling beyotch. having been independent for a long time, i don't know if i'm going to be able to be ready for a relationship. i like the idea of having someone but i'm not sure if i'm ready for all the constant dates, the constant calls and texting and togetherness. i realize that maybe i'm not that romantic at all.

somebody kill me now. lol.