when we grow old

"lola" is in the hospital since a few weeks back, they found her unconscious in the bathroom floor. The stories remain sketchy about what really happened but we decided to visit her today. seeing lola after quite some time made us realize how fragile and old she's become. she's much thinner than last i saw her (which was a long time ago) but at despite her ripe age of 87, she was still a very sharp woman. we weren't really close to her growing up, "lolo" was much more affectionate so we as "kids" were naturally drawn to him. we did spend more time with mom's parents growing up even though they kind of lived a few blocks apart. we decided to drop by my aunt's house since she was also confined in the hospital a few weeks back. the good news is that she looks quite good today. i looked at their house and the compound we used to play in during childhood and everything looks different. that piece of history of our childhood is long gone now. we went to Christ the King memorial chapels right after because the husband of mom's friend passed away yesterday. he was 72 and was in the hospital also recently.

looking at my lola and my aunt, i realized how lucky they are to have gotten this far in life. in my head, i kept on asking myself if i will be as lucky to be bestowed such a long and colorful life, or even whether i want to. maybe right now, my head's at where i prefer not to but i guess as time passes, you learn to appreciate life more and you tend to hold on to it harder. i just don't like the idea of growing old alone, having to depend on people to take care of me. one thing i realized i never want to be is a burden so i prefer a quick getaway when the time comes. The part that sucks being at this age in life is that the realities of life becomes more and more certain. Getting sick, problems with money, problems with family, being heartbroken, death ... they're stuff you have to deal with even if you don't want to. growing up can really be a drag. its no wonder peter pan wanted to stay in neverland. right now, i'm wishing neverland was real.