in the name of love

i received an announcement yesterday that a colleague was moving from chengdu (where he works) to pudong. i thought it was just one of those moving from one city to another kind of situations until i got a seemingly personal email from my colleague. now he and i as far as i remember were never particularly close but we did get a chance to work together a few years back. he said that the real reason he is moving is to sort of further his relationship with his girlfriend who was based in pudong. he said that they have been trying to work out a long-distance relationship for quite some time - and probably he realized that if he wants to make this work then he needs to be physically available. wow.

the engineer in me runs through the scenarios and looks at risks and probabilities - wait, that must be the obsessive-compulsive in me instead. i think that is a leap of faith and i've seen a lot of people placed in the same situation before and until today. but honestly, how many of us have done things "in the name of love" that either we treasure and we remain proud of it and at other times, we shudder at the thought of how foolish we seemed back then. looking back, i try to lock all of the foolish and stupid and "i would rather die if i do that again" moments in my "part of the bitter past" safe. lock and key thrown out to the deepest part of the ocean. i hope that being more mature, i'm less susceptible to bouts of foolishness except that at times i still am.

love is really a tricky thing. it makes us laugh, it makes us cry. i love the way it makes me feel - happy, excited, eager, hopeful sparkly eyed and yet hate the fact i can't think straight at times. i hate being in love with all the wrong people, while trying to convince myself that they're the right one. i've learned to deal with all the heartbreak, with all the letting go and with all the need to forget. sometimes i feel like i've gotten so used to it that i'm starting to turn into an unfeeling beyotch. having been independent for a long time, i don't know if i'm going to be able to be ready for a relationship. i like the idea of having someone but i'm not sure if i'm ready for all the constant dates, the constant calls and texting and togetherness. i realize that maybe i'm not that romantic at all.

somebody kill me now. lol.