quandary

i can't wait for this week to be over. i really hated this week - there were just so many things that i want to forget, so many new realizations that i have to face and decisions that will affect my future. i think whatever decision i make will have its own consequences, its own pains and i'm not quite sure what to do right now.

my sleep patterns were royally screwed up this week, i was so exhausted. last week when i visited abet, i was the only one there (and the other people were a few hundred yards away), the wind was blowing, the sky was overcast ... it was one of the most peaceful moments of my life. I wish things today didn't have to be so complicated. Ayoko talaga ng complications. I always wanted a simple, practical way of living. Yung tipong, if i want to go out, e di go out; if i want to eat somewhere, e di eat there. La masyado ka-OA'yan.

do you think its right to classify friendships? kasi i always thought there was only one definition of friendship pero i was wrong. iba-iba pala ang level nya and i realized that people do disappoint you. there is really wisdom in the old adage "be careful who you give your heart to" dahil if you are not careful, you can get your heart broken. i used to think friendship is something you give freely, parang libre lang yan kaya sige lang. If you do this, you can make the mistake in investing in a one-sided friendship. You should also try not to make assumptions. Those sweet gestures may be sweet nothings, and if you're stupid enough to put meaning to it, you'd mistake it for someone who cares. if someone does something good for you, take it as it is, don't add color. Doesn't mean there's friendship there. You should distinguish between the real one's kasi yung real friends are people who you can always talk to, who despite the good & the bad, accepts you. These are the people worth keeping kasi you can tell them about yourself and they will be there through thick & thin. I ask myself how ever did i become so jaded? and i know why, because i've seen it and i've felt it, and i am never going to make that same mistake again. Jaded. Jaded. Jaded.

i feel a strong wind coming. its going to bring lots of changes. i'm going to have to make a choice soon and its going to be a difficult one. i'm going to have to let go of the pretentious because they are not tethering me right where i want to go. i am at the crossroad, and when i choose my path, i am not going to look back. i am not going to be encumbered by these past encounters. there's so much more to see, and so many more deserving people to meet and i am not going to sell myself short.

today, i know na who the real friends are.