i watched the movie "transamerica" right after i saw "brokeback mountain." both films dealt with gender bender roles but they tackled very different storylines. while brokeback mountain tells the story of two souls who found an enduring love for each other, transamerica talks about one transexual's quest to complete his procedure and leave all that is man about him behind. things get complicated when he finds out he has a son from one indiscretion back in his school days.
i'm writing about it because i remember reading trixy's blog regarding the film "beautiful boxer," which talks about a gay boxer in a different, yet similar situation. what makes transamerica touching is that it shows the desperation and the strong desire of the lead character (played excellently by felicity huffman) to surpass all odds to be able to make it to his scheduled operation. you can see there is no hesistation in his eyes, that his only wish is to finally become a woman (physically that is). how lucky the people who really know what they want in life, who know their purpose and who know the road that will take them there. too many of us live our lives day-to-day, not knowing where we are and what we want to accomplish in life. we go about our everyday duties not mindful that life is slowly passing us by. we tell ourselves that life can wait a bit, that we are busy and we have no time to start really living. in transamerica, everything that happens in between are just a prelude to what ultimately is the fulfillment of one man's lifelong dream.
starting today, we need to start living and fulfill our destinies. there are endless possibilities, its time to choose our paths.
January 31, 2006
January 29, 2006
no ordinary love
i finally saw the much-talked about ang lee film "brokeback mountain" last night. while i had to turn up the volume to MAX to understand heath ledger's accent, i was glued to watching the movie. while this movie for sure will not be appreciated by a lot of the conservative (daw!), close-minded pinoys, the movie was crafted so well that it was easy to understand what these two men were going through. Acting was subtle, suppressed and i would have to agree that heath ledger, jake gylenhall and even michelle williams deserved their acting award nominations.what's so special about brokeback mountain? it is a story of a different kind of love, forbidden even during those times but it was a story of an enduring and real kind of love. the kind most doesn't believe can happen and the kind that people cannot accept. there were very moving moments in the film which i am not going to mention here (lest i spoil it for those who have not seen it yet) where it just hits you how strong the bond is between ennis (heath) and jack (jake). "I wish i knew how to quit you?" - that line stuck in my head. i think it was during this particular moment that both ennis and jack realized that what they felt for each other was real, that one was miserable without the other. It is really a tale of love, the real kind that endures. I think after seeing this film (sniff, it was a sad one), one would wish he or she could find their somebody, their meant-to-be. i wish we can all be as lucky as ennis and jack, for finding each other in the most unexpected circumstance. if i find that someone, i'm never letting go.
January 23, 2006
getting to know me ...
reading dj's last blog entry (on the temporarily closing down his blog site) made me think how well people know me. i guess it will be good to write something that is not fodder for everyday conversation - probably something that you actually reserve for those really serious times where you would want people to see what's behind what they see.
few of my intel friends know what my family is like - and since only a few people read my blog anyway (let's keep it that way), there's really no danger of this spreading too much. like most families, mine is far from perfect. in fact, i used to think my family was way screwed up that (as dj said) seeing families who were perfect or near-perfect made me wish that my family was like that. dad worked in 'their' sorta-family business (typewriter repair & selling, but where are typewriters now) and mom was really the one who had the stable job. mom worked as the executive secretary for wyeth for i think more than 35 years - this is why i have high regard and respect for admin assistants & secretaries. kahit na mostly administrative work ang ginagawa nila, they are REAL work na nakakapagod din (this is why if i can do it by myself, i don't burden any of our admin from doing it). i know, cause mom was always tired when we went home back then.
mom was the one who supported all three of us in our studies. dad did chip in on our 'baon' from time to time (pero those were irregular and can't remember times). i cannot imagine how hard it must have been having to send all three children to private, exclusive schools (don bosco makati & colegio de sta rosa) and then again off to college (de la salle & st. scholastica). i remember only got daily 'baon' because we couldn't really afford weekly or monthly allowances. i guess we had to live with managing expenses & our budget on a day to day basis. mom had additional income by becoming a SM guarantor and also through deferred payments (4 gives e!) we managed to buy home & school stuff.
i managed to afford going to la salle only because my tuition was partly subsidized by my OCE (our children's education). Partly because the plan we could afford was good enough for schools where the tuition was lower (UP, UST, Mapua, etc) so we had to pay an additional amount to bridge the difference and my last year in college, we were paying for the whole amount already dahil di na covered ng education plan ko. i used to dress up really plainly (shirts, shorts) in college because we couldn't really afford buying a lot of clothes. Di nga namin kaya afford bumili ng giordano back then, hahaha. purita kalaw ng konti di ba?
my younger brother was my dad's favorite. in a way i was mom's favorite because i took my studies seriously. today, my younger brother is a useless parasite who has no work, who lays down all day, who's such a lazy pig. He had a promising job before but he quit - hirap daw e? e ano bang madaling trabaho? He's 28 and he doesn't have a freakin' job. Feeling inaapi pa palagi. Drinks a lot. Kung makagamit ng ibang kotse namin, kala mo sa kanya. Hindi man lang nagpapaalam. He's super lazy it just freakin irritates me.
my sister is ok, but she can be a freakin' bitch. when she talks back to my mom, she's very disrespectful and she yaks on like forever. Tangina, can't they shut up once they said their piece? why do they have to repeat it like a broken record? Are we deaf? She also doesn't know how to manage her money. She's freakin' 33 and from time to time she still piggybacks on my mom to buy stuff for her kid. C'mon, grow up! we're not kids anymore!
brings us back to my dad. well he stays mostly in mandaluyong now. he goes home only during the weekends and for a time, we knew he was having an affair. i really don't know if meron pa din up to now but i don't really give a damn. wag lang syang hihingi ng pera para dun sa ka-affair nya. dad & mom are civil pero before there used to be really bad fights/ in fairness to my dad, he never hit my mom or any of us, but he verbally abused my mom a lot. there were fights that got so bad that i took a knife one time and threatened to stab him if he didn't stop.
so you see my life is also pretty much screwed up before pero i guess in a way it made me stronger and hungry to succeed. lea & i used to have talks about what our life was before - she said that there was a time na they only ate once a day kasi yun lang ma-afford nila. we agreed that the hardships we encountered and we endured made us become better persons. sure there were times i used to cry and despair - sabi nila "the world has bigger problems" pero bakit ba? my problems may not be as big as the world, pero they're my problems and i'm entitled to cry over them and lose sleep over them. pero after crying over it, its just time to move on. The world indeed has bigger problems and that should be a comforting thought.
so for those of you out there, hang in there. we all can't be at the bottom forever - well we will, if we don't work on it. there's really hope for all of us. Sabi nga "Life is hard for all of us - that is why there is a great reward at the end of it."
well i don't mean, we should just die to reap the great reward. we should make life meaningful, our life meaningful. Not letting those baggages weigh us down. I'm not really perfect, i get pissed off still, i answer back to my mom sometimes but those are rare occasions now.
looking around me, i know there will always be other people who are better off, who will always be wealthier and happier but that is the reality of life. We are not equals (at least in the status of life). But each one of us deals with different complexities in our lives. God does not give us crosses we cannot carry - that is the universal truth. At the end of the day, we just have to play with the cards we've been dealt with.
few of my intel friends know what my family is like - and since only a few people read my blog anyway (let's keep it that way), there's really no danger of this spreading too much. like most families, mine is far from perfect. in fact, i used to think my family was way screwed up that (as dj said) seeing families who were perfect or near-perfect made me wish that my family was like that. dad worked in 'their' sorta-family business (typewriter repair & selling, but where are typewriters now) and mom was really the one who had the stable job. mom worked as the executive secretary for wyeth for i think more than 35 years - this is why i have high regard and respect for admin assistants & secretaries. kahit na mostly administrative work ang ginagawa nila, they are REAL work na nakakapagod din (this is why if i can do it by myself, i don't burden any of our admin from doing it). i know, cause mom was always tired when we went home back then.
mom was the one who supported all three of us in our studies. dad did chip in on our 'baon' from time to time (pero those were irregular and can't remember times). i cannot imagine how hard it must have been having to send all three children to private, exclusive schools (don bosco makati & colegio de sta rosa) and then again off to college (de la salle & st. scholastica). i remember only got daily 'baon' because we couldn't really afford weekly or monthly allowances. i guess we had to live with managing expenses & our budget on a day to day basis. mom had additional income by becoming a SM guarantor and also through deferred payments (4 gives e!) we managed to buy home & school stuff.
i managed to afford going to la salle only because my tuition was partly subsidized by my OCE (our children's education). Partly because the plan we could afford was good enough for schools where the tuition was lower (UP, UST, Mapua, etc) so we had to pay an additional amount to bridge the difference and my last year in college, we were paying for the whole amount already dahil di na covered ng education plan ko. i used to dress up really plainly (shirts, shorts) in college because we couldn't really afford buying a lot of clothes. Di nga namin kaya afford bumili ng giordano back then, hahaha. purita kalaw ng konti di ba?
my younger brother was my dad's favorite. in a way i was mom's favorite because i took my studies seriously. today, my younger brother is a useless parasite who has no work, who lays down all day, who's such a lazy pig. He had a promising job before but he quit - hirap daw e? e ano bang madaling trabaho? He's 28 and he doesn't have a freakin' job. Feeling inaapi pa palagi. Drinks a lot. Kung makagamit ng ibang kotse namin, kala mo sa kanya. Hindi man lang nagpapaalam. He's super lazy it just freakin irritates me.
my sister is ok, but she can be a freakin' bitch. when she talks back to my mom, she's very disrespectful and she yaks on like forever. Tangina, can't they shut up once they said their piece? why do they have to repeat it like a broken record? Are we deaf? She also doesn't know how to manage her money. She's freakin' 33 and from time to time she still piggybacks on my mom to buy stuff for her kid. C'mon, grow up! we're not kids anymore!
brings us back to my dad. well he stays mostly in mandaluyong now. he goes home only during the weekends and for a time, we knew he was having an affair. i really don't know if meron pa din up to now but i don't really give a damn. wag lang syang hihingi ng pera para dun sa ka-affair nya. dad & mom are civil pero before there used to be really bad fights/ in fairness to my dad, he never hit my mom or any of us, but he verbally abused my mom a lot. there were fights that got so bad that i took a knife one time and threatened to stab him if he didn't stop.
so you see my life is also pretty much screwed up before pero i guess in a way it made me stronger and hungry to succeed. lea & i used to have talks about what our life was before - she said that there was a time na they only ate once a day kasi yun lang ma-afford nila. we agreed that the hardships we encountered and we endured made us become better persons. sure there were times i used to cry and despair - sabi nila "the world has bigger problems" pero bakit ba? my problems may not be as big as the world, pero they're my problems and i'm entitled to cry over them and lose sleep over them. pero after crying over it, its just time to move on. The world indeed has bigger problems and that should be a comforting thought.
so for those of you out there, hang in there. we all can't be at the bottom forever - well we will, if we don't work on it. there's really hope for all of us. Sabi nga "Life is hard for all of us - that is why there is a great reward at the end of it."
well i don't mean, we should just die to reap the great reward. we should make life meaningful, our life meaningful. Not letting those baggages weigh us down. I'm not really perfect, i get pissed off still, i answer back to my mom sometimes but those are rare occasions now.
looking around me, i know there will always be other people who are better off, who will always be wealthier and happier but that is the reality of life. We are not equals (at least in the status of life). But each one of us deals with different complexities in our lives. God does not give us crosses we cannot carry - that is the universal truth. At the end of the day, we just have to play with the cards we've been dealt with.
Tiger in the Year of the Fire Dog
My Career Outlook
2006 will be a fruitful year in terms of your career. Things are likely to progress smoothly and you will be presented with many opportunities. If you are running your own business, you need to stay grounded and do not engage in unlawful or speculative activities. Some money-making ventures may seem very appealing but they may land you in trouble with the law. If you are an employee, you should improve your interpersonal skills and try not to engage in any sort of conflicts and office politics. If you are a student, you are likely to do well academically if you put in the effort.
Your Wealth Outlook
This is a favourable year for you to accumulate your wealth. It is a good year for making investments. It is also a good year for starting your own business. Don’t miss this good opportunity. If you are thinking of making a trip to the casino, this may be a good year since your luck is riding high. Just do not be obsessed with speculative activities.
Wealth luck is highest in the months of February, March, June, August, and December. Make your investment decisions in these months so that your chances of reaping a substantial return are high.
Your Health Outlook
You may be in good health but try not to lead too hectic a lifestyle. If you need to entertain, try not to drink and smoke excessively. You should also take care of your emotional well-being. Your emotional upheavals may draw you toward drugs and alcohol and that will be extremely detrimental to your health. You are prone to accidents and mishaps in 2006. Avoid engaging in extreme sports and other dangerous activities.
Your Romance Outlook
Do not neglect your partner because of your hectic schedule. Your busy social calendar may make your partner insecure and lead to tiffs between the two of you. Try to be mature and reasonable and do not say things that you may regret later. If you are not seeing someone at present, you may not have much luck in 2006 either. Be adventurous and widen your social circle. The year will be over before you know it.
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I am feeling extremely lucky this year. I can feel lots of good things coming.
2006 will be a fruitful year in terms of your career. Things are likely to progress smoothly and you will be presented with many opportunities. If you are running your own business, you need to stay grounded and do not engage in unlawful or speculative activities. Some money-making ventures may seem very appealing but they may land you in trouble with the law. If you are an employee, you should improve your interpersonal skills and try not to engage in any sort of conflicts and office politics. If you are a student, you are likely to do well academically if you put in the effort.
Your Wealth Outlook
This is a favourable year for you to accumulate your wealth. It is a good year for making investments. It is also a good year for starting your own business. Don’t miss this good opportunity. If you are thinking of making a trip to the casino, this may be a good year since your luck is riding high. Just do not be obsessed with speculative activities.
Wealth luck is highest in the months of February, March, June, August, and December. Make your investment decisions in these months so that your chances of reaping a substantial return are high.
Your Health Outlook
You may be in good health but try not to lead too hectic a lifestyle. If you need to entertain, try not to drink and smoke excessively. You should also take care of your emotional well-being. Your emotional upheavals may draw you toward drugs and alcohol and that will be extremely detrimental to your health. You are prone to accidents and mishaps in 2006. Avoid engaging in extreme sports and other dangerous activities.
Your Romance Outlook
Do not neglect your partner because of your hectic schedule. Your busy social calendar may make your partner insecure and lead to tiffs between the two of you. Try to be mature and reasonable and do not say things that you may regret later. If you are not seeing someone at present, you may not have much luck in 2006 either. Be adventurous and widen your social circle. The year will be over before you know it.
-------------------------------------------
I am feeling extremely lucky this year. I can feel lots of good things coming.
words that profoundly speaks to your soul ...
Closing Cycles
By Paolo Coelho
One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.
Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?
You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.
But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.
None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot forever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.
Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it maybe!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.
Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment. Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person. Nothing is irreplaceable. A habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.
Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.
By Paolo Coelho
One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.
Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?
You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.
But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.
None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot forever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.
Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it maybe!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.
Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment. Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person. Nothing is irreplaceable. A habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.
Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.
January 19, 2006
life as we know it ...
i had a really good 2005 - what with all the blessings i've received, the cool new people i met and the fun i had with my friends (college, mba, non-intel, intel). there was really a lot to be thankful for.
2006 started out with a double bang. sudden el hombre night & jason's party. i had a lot of fun with both and those were parties worth remembering. the el hombre throw-up party. the karaoke (pronounced khar-yhow-kee, para slang) music videos. hilarious. i am blessed to have such great friends.
lately, i've been really bored with my work. i know i should figure out a way to make it more exciting but maybe i can't find my center to do that yet. there used to be a time wherein i would actively seek out projects so i can have more things to write in my focal - but that passion is slipping away. i know i have a bright future in joan's group if i can be patient because i know she believes in my capabilities. the way i feel about work right now doesn't have to do with the people i work with, nor the environment - i think intel is a great company - its the job i do right now. its fucking boring. i'm not cut out for business process - there's no math there! i can't even tap into my left (left nga ba) brain and get my creative juices flowing. the pay isn't bad, i got gas allowance, i have free dsl, free laptop and i can work from home. people have started nagging me about not going to the cavite office and i tell them i'm done with my work -because really i am. i have to drive stressfully (yeah, i get pissed off at the stupid & slow drivers and those who drive smack in the middle of the road) for 2 1/2 hours back & forth. i do miss the people in cavite though - i really do. Working at home though, i can take occasional breaks - play with my nephew, watch him fiddle through my dvd collection, hold my hand, hug me & shower me with kisses. why would i exchange that?
so i did the unthinkable yesterday & today, i updated my resume. i summarized 9 1/2 years of my professional experience. It was nice to write my MBA credentials. I had a 3.64 GPA right now - yabang!!! hahaha, i'm just really proud of that because i worked hard for it. I submitted it too. I'm not going to talk about it muna lest i jinx it. I just want to see what other options i have and whether i can get a better deal. What if they double my salary? 50% even?
(off the record) i asked lea about it. she was quite impartial and she told me that there's no harm in me checking it out. wat's good about us is that we have mutual respect for our accomplishments. sure, we can fight work-wise, but we don't take anything personally. at the end of the day, its us who holds the key to our success di ba? i'm not really expecting right now - if it happens, it will happen! if it doesn't happen, i'm not going to lose sleep over it. Gusto ko lang ng PLAN B.
so wat about my 6-month US relo? wendy said she is still working it out when we chat briefly over dinner last week. i still think it is going to happen, yung timing lang siguro ang kailangan i-work out. if it gets pushed out a bit, it works better for me cause i can go to boracay siguro. well, i had set things in motion already so let's wait to see what happens next.
last entry. trix, we need to stop our kabaliwan. its not going to lead to anything other than heartache. stop na!
2006 started out with a double bang. sudden el hombre night & jason's party. i had a lot of fun with both and those were parties worth remembering. the el hombre throw-up party. the karaoke (pronounced khar-yhow-kee, para slang) music videos. hilarious. i am blessed to have such great friends.
lately, i've been really bored with my work. i know i should figure out a way to make it more exciting but maybe i can't find my center to do that yet. there used to be a time wherein i would actively seek out projects so i can have more things to write in my focal - but that passion is slipping away. i know i have a bright future in joan's group if i can be patient because i know she believes in my capabilities. the way i feel about work right now doesn't have to do with the people i work with, nor the environment - i think intel is a great company - its the job i do right now. its fucking boring. i'm not cut out for business process - there's no math there! i can't even tap into my left (left nga ba) brain and get my creative juices flowing. the pay isn't bad, i got gas allowance, i have free dsl, free laptop and i can work from home. people have started nagging me about not going to the cavite office and i tell them i'm done with my work -because really i am. i have to drive stressfully (yeah, i get pissed off at the stupid & slow drivers and those who drive smack in the middle of the road) for 2 1/2 hours back & forth. i do miss the people in cavite though - i really do. Working at home though, i can take occasional breaks - play with my nephew, watch him fiddle through my dvd collection, hold my hand, hug me & shower me with kisses. why would i exchange that?
so i did the unthinkable yesterday & today, i updated my resume. i summarized 9 1/2 years of my professional experience. It was nice to write my MBA credentials. I had a 3.64 GPA right now - yabang!!! hahaha, i'm just really proud of that because i worked hard for it. I submitted it too. I'm not going to talk about it muna lest i jinx it. I just want to see what other options i have and whether i can get a better deal. What if they double my salary? 50% even?
(off the record) i asked lea about it. she was quite impartial and she told me that there's no harm in me checking it out. wat's good about us is that we have mutual respect for our accomplishments. sure, we can fight work-wise, but we don't take anything personally. at the end of the day, its us who holds the key to our success di ba? i'm not really expecting right now - if it happens, it will happen! if it doesn't happen, i'm not going to lose sleep over it. Gusto ko lang ng PLAN B.
so wat about my 6-month US relo? wendy said she is still working it out when we chat briefly over dinner last week. i still think it is going to happen, yung timing lang siguro ang kailangan i-work out. if it gets pushed out a bit, it works better for me cause i can go to boracay siguro. well, i had set things in motion already so let's wait to see what happens next.
last entry. trix, we need to stop our kabaliwan. its not going to lead to anything other than heartache. stop na!
January 17, 2006
written comprehensive examinations
i am going to take my wce (written comprehensive exams) this term. i could have taken the easy way out - refreshers! that meant i just needed to submit 7 papers and i should be done with the core subject reviews. i am pretty sure the mortality (failures!) for refresher courses are way less than that for wce's. i guess i'm kinda tired of doing term papers that i wanted to just take the exams. when i started taking my mba, i said i am just going to enjoy this and not put too much pressure on myself cause work was taking care of that part already. i guess the wce's will make or break my chances of graduating with a medal. if i fail one of the 7 subjects, then that's the end of it. so right now, there's this sword hanging above my head - i need to pass all of these freakin' exams.
marketing (feb 17) - this shouldn't be too difficult. i've managed to breeze through all of the quizzes for this subject even if i didn't really read the book. hey, i worked for a retail firm as my first job so i should know a little bit on how the business runs.
organizational behavior (feb 24) - this should involve lots & lots of memorization. though my memory isn't as good as it was back in high school & college, i think if i started reviewing for this early, i should be able to get enough info stuck in my head to pass.
financial management (mar 3) - unfortunately, i think i suck at finance (except for financial accounting) so this exam definitely is the big one. hopefully, if i start reviewing now, i can improve my chances of passing.
management science (mar 10) - this exam coincides with one of my really close friend's wedding. too bad i am going to miss my friend's wedding considering this exam would be quite easy but long. simplex method, queueing, transportation problems, lp models ... you just gotta love math.
production/operations management (mar 17) - i work in a manufacturing firm. 'nuff said.
micro/macro-economics (mar 24) - heaven help me, economics is something i've never really found an interest in beyond the law of supply & demand. so yeah, i need to double up on my study hours for economics or i will fail this exam.
management accounting (mar 31) - ok, so i'm not good in finance generally, but hopefully i would have had time to review IRR's, NPV's, Capital budgeting to be able to answer & pass this exam.
i really need to start studing NOW. i'm late by 1 day already from when i promised to start. i need to catch up on my studying tonight. yeah, i'm a nerd but only for a few more months. after these series of exams, there's probably 2 more terms left. i need to add 1 more elective so i can graduate as a supply chain major. i should have really good chances of moving to another job once i finish my mba.
marketing (feb 17) - this shouldn't be too difficult. i've managed to breeze through all of the quizzes for this subject even if i didn't really read the book. hey, i worked for a retail firm as my first job so i should know a little bit on how the business runs.
organizational behavior (feb 24) - this should involve lots & lots of memorization. though my memory isn't as good as it was back in high school & college, i think if i started reviewing for this early, i should be able to get enough info stuck in my head to pass.
financial management (mar 3) - unfortunately, i think i suck at finance (except for financial accounting) so this exam definitely is the big one. hopefully, if i start reviewing now, i can improve my chances of passing.
management science (mar 10) - this exam coincides with one of my really close friend's wedding. too bad i am going to miss my friend's wedding considering this exam would be quite easy but long. simplex method, queueing, transportation problems, lp models ... you just gotta love math.
production/operations management (mar 17) - i work in a manufacturing firm. 'nuff said.
micro/macro-economics (mar 24) - heaven help me, economics is something i've never really found an interest in beyond the law of supply & demand. so yeah, i need to double up on my study hours for economics or i will fail this exam.
management accounting (mar 31) - ok, so i'm not good in finance generally, but hopefully i would have had time to review IRR's, NPV's, Capital budgeting to be able to answer & pass this exam.
i really need to start studing NOW. i'm late by 1 day already from when i promised to start. i need to catch up on my studying tonight. yeah, i'm a nerd but only for a few more months. after these series of exams, there's probably 2 more terms left. i need to add 1 more elective so i can graduate as a supply chain major. i should have really good chances of moving to another job once i finish my mba.
January 13, 2006
joy
joy is one of the most elusive of all human experiences.
you can't catch it when you want it and you loe it even when
you are already touching it with your fingertips. but when you
give up chasing it, it alights on your head, like a butterfly, and
changes the world for you; the ordinary becomes extraordinary,
the drab colorful and the workaday special. and you are taken
aback, always in surprise, because joy comes when you least
expect it.
joy can come from many sources. and most of where it comes
from are ordinary and simple. joy can come from a smile, a
kind word, the sunrise after a nightlong rain, a flower that blooms
from a plant you've cared for, a long-lost friend met in a busy
thoroughfare, a good meal, a moment of recognition. sometimes,
it also comes from silence. but joy comes, it does come.
the only condition - and this is the most difficult to arrange - is that
you yourself must be ready to welcome joy. you must never lose
your sense of wonderment and awe, your capacity for surprise and
playfulness. joy does not come to those who have turned stiff nor
to those who have remained but superficial. joy comes when we are
most childlike.
joy comes to everyone: but it can fill us only by the amount of space
we give it in our hearts. strangely, our hearts have been created by
God not just with the capacity for joy; God has put in them also the
longing and the yearning for you. yes, the human heart is ever
longing to be filled with joy.
the joke, however, is that when we focus our attention on the absence
of joy in our hearts and if we spend our energies to fill that absence,
we never will be truly joyful. on the contrary, our awareness of the
absence of joy even intensifies. the least joyful persons are really
those who spend a great deal of time and energy seeking joy.
they drive themselves chasing joy but joy is always a step ahead
of them, so near and yet so far.
sudden gimiks are the most fun ...
last january 7, i got a late text from ali asking me if i want to join them for some drinking session at her posh house. this was around 9pm already so it was kinda easy to text back that i am taking a raincheck. when bene called up and made kulit, it was kinda difficult to turn down by phone. so i ended up going to ali's house after i woke up my mom and say some flimsy excuse why i was going out at 1030pm.when i got to ali's house, there were quite a number of people already there - bene, jowell, ali, ella, jason + 2 relatives. trixy showed up a few minutes after. there was tequila and some pink juice mix (not sure if this was spiked pomelo or four seasons). there were a few bottles of el hombre tequila (including a bottle of the gold one). after an hour or two, everybody was in the best moods. here's some recap of the happenings :
> trixy biting my arm not once, twice but three times so i spanked her with my slippers. next day, i got news i wasn't the only victim of this drunken biting incident
> i somehow lost my slippers during the spanking incident and in the whole ruckus, jowell kinda fell on top of one of my poor feet. the next morning, i noticed my foot was sporting a nice, bluish bruise smack right where jowell fell
> while hanging out in the garden, jowell sneakily threw out his tequila shot thinking nobody was looking. Too bad, i was still conscious and i saw him - double shot for him for doing that. To this day, he is still freakin' denying he did that.
> to prove i was still sober, i took jona & jason for a spin - twice, literally. we all know how that turned out.
> somebody who i thought never got drunkenly wasted got drunkenly wasted and started throwing up on the patio floor. kodak moment.
> there were some hugging & embracing & some blackmail-worthy photo's which up to now are undergoing some MTRCB'ing (slang we use for "thoroughly reviewing photo's and identifying which are for public consumption)
it was kind of a great night but not such a great morning. i didn't have the usual "kill-me-now, i-beg-you!" hangover but i did wake up around 7am (after sleeping around 3am). there are get togethers like these, while unplanned, turns out to be very enjoyable. I guess having great friends too is a major plus.
That night however, paved the way to the birth of the Drunken Masters. I think this was coined by jason who recently got hooked to anything chinese - but that's something we don't talk about.
January 11, 2006
the problem with caffeine
the problem with taking caffeine last night and then going home around 10pm
when i wasn't really dead-tired yet was that i managed to sleep around 1030pm
and ended up waking around 1230am and never managing to go back to sleep
until sometime around 5am.
so here i am today ... groggy! i tossed & turned non-stop in bed last night going
through stuff from the really paranoid to planning how to do my powerpoint to
imagining the future in every which way possible.
this is why i should remember that i should take coffee at night only if i go home
past midnight. that way my body would be dead tired already to realize that
caffeine is a stimulant and i can fall asleep in one continuous block.
btw, i stopped taking carbonated drinks already. haven't had a zip for two
weeks now.
January 05, 2006
setting the record straight
something funny happened yesterday involving momsie & spongebob. here is how the conversation went (based from momsie's gleeful storytelling) and how i imagined it in my head :
spongebob : how are you? how are the IE's na?
momsie : ok naman ..... (details lost in the muddy rudders of my head)
spongebob : e si jay kamusta naman, galit pa ba sya sa akin?
momsie : i think hanggang mamatay na si jay e galit sya sa iyo! (to this effect)
spongebob : bakit naman? ano ba ang ginawa ko?
for the record, yes i do DISLIKE her very much and i will tell you why. here are the few obvious reasons :
(a) during the whole ATM disolution phase and we were rocking in limbo as to where we will be moving to, she was working behind our backs to bring us back to factory with no positions defined in her organization; when i say behind our backs, she was conspiring & kissing hello kitty's ass to make this happen; i heard that hello kitty even had our file and it was obvious he was reviewing our credentials.
(b) heard that she was also planning to get my (& raf's) cubicle even after she has moved to manufacturing
so you may be wondering what the big deal was - well, her greatest crime is really a betrayal of trust. fcuk, i supported her when she was the manager of the group, and i did so even after i have moved full-time into an ATM role. i gave her advice (whether solicited or unsolicited) and asked people to give her the "benefit of the doubt." i told friends who were complaining about her to "try to see things from her perspective" and maybe "she has her reasons." shit, i did all that because i wanted to be impartial, more manager-like and wanted to see the good in people.
so what is the big deal about (a)? one, for a time it limited our hold on our careers so much that for a while, everyone in our group was lost on what will be life after ATM. popsie and i were the only one's who did not go back to the factory. popsie for obvious reasons and me because i managed to set a strong network that they managed to justify my release. there were a lot of 'casualties' during the transition. the casualties were never really momsie's fault - its hers. momsie need to clean up her trash and there are so many. she's not really the brilliant org developer i saw her during the start. that was superficial. she betrayed the trust that i accorded to her and for that i will not so kindly forgive her.
on (b), well what the hell does she want with my cubicle? why does she need a cube in the first place, kala ko ba dapat sa line sya? hello, i'm not moving - And I really haven't! I earned that cubicle and i worked for it. I never kissed ass during my 8+ years stay in intel. Kahit the positions & promotions, i got those with my contributions & because i was fit for the job. When i got promoted in ATM because i got the ATM IE Test Operations Mgr role under Lea, i was hired without Lea's say or influence - she was not even part of the interviewing panel. So i got that with a clean conscience.
I'm sure this girl is just jealous. Hello, hindi nakakabili ng talent no! dini-develop yan and probably the old adage "old dogs can't learn new tricks" apply to her. I realized after that tama, trust has to be earned. It shouldn't be given and that you should trust yung people who you really know. I should have trusted my instincts about her - something was definitely wrong because for once i wanted to see the good in people. "Leopards don't change their spots. Zebra's will always have stripes. And two-headed snakes abound more than we realize it."
so there, to set the record straight.
spongebob : how are you? how are the IE's na?
momsie : ok naman ..... (details lost in the muddy rudders of my head)
spongebob : e si jay kamusta naman, galit pa ba sya sa akin?
momsie : i think hanggang mamatay na si jay e galit sya sa iyo! (to this effect)
spongebob : bakit naman? ano ba ang ginawa ko?
for the record, yes i do DISLIKE her very much and i will tell you why. here are the few obvious reasons :
(a) during the whole ATM disolution phase and we were rocking in limbo as to where we will be moving to, she was working behind our backs to bring us back to factory with no positions defined in her organization; when i say behind our backs, she was conspiring & kissing hello kitty's ass to make this happen; i heard that hello kitty even had our file and it was obvious he was reviewing our credentials.
(b) heard that she was also planning to get my (& raf's) cubicle even after she has moved to manufacturing
so you may be wondering what the big deal was - well, her greatest crime is really a betrayal of trust. fcuk, i supported her when she was the manager of the group, and i did so even after i have moved full-time into an ATM role. i gave her advice (whether solicited or unsolicited) and asked people to give her the "benefit of the doubt." i told friends who were complaining about her to "try to see things from her perspective" and maybe "she has her reasons." shit, i did all that because i wanted to be impartial, more manager-like and wanted to see the good in people.
so what is the big deal about (a)? one, for a time it limited our hold on our careers so much that for a while, everyone in our group was lost on what will be life after ATM. popsie and i were the only one's who did not go back to the factory. popsie for obvious reasons and me because i managed to set a strong network that they managed to justify my release. there were a lot of 'casualties' during the transition. the casualties were never really momsie's fault - its hers. momsie need to clean up her trash and there are so many. she's not really the brilliant org developer i saw her during the start. that was superficial. she betrayed the trust that i accorded to her and for that i will not so kindly forgive her.
on (b), well what the hell does she want with my cubicle? why does she need a cube in the first place, kala ko ba dapat sa line sya? hello, i'm not moving - And I really haven't! I earned that cubicle and i worked for it. I never kissed ass during my 8+ years stay in intel. Kahit the positions & promotions, i got those with my contributions & because i was fit for the job. When i got promoted in ATM because i got the ATM IE Test Operations Mgr role under Lea, i was hired without Lea's say or influence - she was not even part of the interviewing panel. So i got that with a clean conscience.
I'm sure this girl is just jealous. Hello, hindi nakakabili ng talent no! dini-develop yan and probably the old adage "old dogs can't learn new tricks" apply to her. I realized after that tama, trust has to be earned. It shouldn't be given and that you should trust yung people who you really know. I should have trusted my instincts about her - something was definitely wrong because for once i wanted to see the good in people. "Leopards don't change their spots. Zebra's will always have stripes. And two-headed snakes abound more than we realize it."
so there, to set the record straight.
January 03, 2006
random thoughts ...
random thought #1during the new year merry making, we tried to get my nephew to watch the fireworks display outside but i think all the loud noise was too much for him - it scared him. i wasn't able to really look at all of the fireworks cause my nephew didn't want to be left alone in his room.
random thought #2
i went to la salle taft yesterday (monday) to pay my tuition fee. i had a series of flashbacks 10+ years going back during the time i was still roaming the halls of velasco building, SJ walk, Miguel building and the college canteen. things have really changed a lot from the time i graduated in 1995 (oh yes!) to what the campus looks like now. there's still some things though that has not changed (but it improved a bit) and that is the lines at the accounting office. i still can't believe why they can't put airconditioners where the lines are - the heat is just crazy. Seeing college students line-up and pay for their whatever term's tuition makes me remember how young i was back then. I am definitely old now - hitting 32 this year! Makes me miss my high school & college years - i sure did have a lot of fun back then. sigh, if only i can be young forever.
random thought #3
i went and bought some stuff at springfield and celio this afternoon before i went to the gym. while i was trying on the stuff i was interested in, i looked at the mirror and realized how fat i was. so maybe i'm not really obese looking but i definitely think i could look better. looking at myself made me more determined to take my 'gymming' (is this a word?) seriously. so i did 15mins on the aero-walk and 25mins on the treadmill, did some leg & arm exercises. i am planning on buying 2 10-lb (or maybe something heavier) dumbells so i can do some reps at home. Not really looking to beef up my arms - i just want to tone them more. there are guys who'd look really nice with better-defined muscles, but i don't think that look is for me.
random thought #4
the speakers on my desktop are acting up. i think the wires/plug is broke so i am planning to buy new speakers. i was checking out some and came across the JBL Creature II speakers and i saw that most of the reviews were positive. The drawback here is that it costs around $100 and i'm not sure yet how much it costs if i buy it here. the good news though is that i got around 4K reimbursement from my internet subscription that i haven't filed yet.
random thought #5
i finally finished wrapping up the xmas presents for my friends & officemates. so i didn't buy gifts for everyone and it was such an effort to find gifts that i ended up buying nice wooden frames for the guys and cutesy incense stuff for the girls. sorry guys & gals, i'm an extremely great shopper for myself but not for others. maybe in 2006, i will be able to buy gifts that are more well-thought of, that you guys will probably want or have some use for or something that will not go into the gift recycling bin. well i find the pic frames quite nice - simple but nice and i think it will go well with any minimalist theme. the incense is incense - one can never get enough of stuff that will make your home smell nicer. its the thought that counts di ba?
random thought #6
i'm cutting my one more week's vacation short - so i will be going back to work tomorrow. i have a lot of things to do : file my reimbursement for broadband & tuition, get my pic taken for my passport renewal (probably do this over the weekend), pay my citibank due, pay my sunlife quarterly dues, and buy dumbells & the JBL Creature II.
random thought #7
i am going to stop drinking soda drinks from now on. i managed to stop smoking already so that's already a major accomplishment. This time i am going to stop taking carbonated drinks - i will now be a juice & water drinker only. Should i stop drinking alcoholic beverages next? if i do that, what will happen to me during parties? will i be the dull of the party? i don't think so ...
random thought #8
i was texting bene this afternoon about how nice the biking pictures they took during their bike ride to tagaytay. somewhere during the long text messages, i promised to join the next bike ride. i probably should to get some ROI on the bike i rode twice only. hey, i'm still planning to ride it ... soon! i need to buy some bike jersey though.
random thought #9
i cleaned up my closet before the year ended and i managed to remove a bunch of clothes already. those that i know i never really wear (even if they look still kinda new). it made me think why i bought them in the first place. I also turned over around 9 pairs of shoes - footwear that i rarely wear have been removed already. if somebody else will be able to wear them then good right? i even have these casual skechers rubber shoes that i think i wore only once. i think i am a wiser shopper now and i buy stuff that i wear more times now.
its already 1122pm and i need to catch some zzz's. i usually go to bed around 10pm but i guess i have been sleeping at different hours so much during the last two weeks that i screwed up already my body clock.
January 01, 2006
Ponder this ...
if you ask why life is so hard, i'll tell you it just is. nothing in life that is good and worthwhile comes without effort. we are torn, all of us, with a nature that is drawn to the easy rather than the hard. surely, you've noticed that no child ever has to be taught to be naughty; we're all born knowing how. its easy for us. what's hard is learning to be good. knowing this about oneself and others softens the heart and builds iron into the will, keeps us going when all around is crumbling, when friends forsake, when the heart breaks, and the courage and confidence shatter. knowing that such experiences are part of the deal gives us opportunities to choose to do hard things. constant challenges make our journey exhilirating, wonderfully fulfilling, never, never boring. as the arabs put it, all sunshine makes a desert. and here's a small secret that most sad and lonely people never learn : deep down inside we are all asking the same question. no matter who we are, life is hard, and we all ask why it should be so.
but there is comfort in knowing we're not alone. so maybe your child or the person sitting over there needs to hear from you right this minute that sometimes you question, too, but that the One who knows us best and loves us most promises that for those who choose the hard way, the dawn gives way to morning splendor while the evil grope and stumble in the dark. easy is its own reward. hard is much, much finer.
its not an easy road we are traveling to heaven ...
but there is comfort in knowing we're not alone. so maybe your child or the person sitting over there needs to hear from you right this minute that sometimes you question, too, but that the One who knows us best and loves us most promises that for those who choose the hard way, the dawn gives way to morning splendor while the evil grope and stumble in the dark. easy is its own reward. hard is much, much finer.
its not an easy road we are traveling to heaven ...
Welcoming 2006
2006 is the year of the fire dog according to the chinese astrological charts. i personally do not know at this time what the fire dog brings and how it affects tigers. I do sound overly superstitious right now - i guess there's no harm figuring out how the elements shape up 2006. I guess in a way i am a bit superstitious, not in an overly insane way as to have cards or seers rule & dictate what i should do to my life. Rather, i am superstitious in the sense that i believe that there is indeed a higher force that guides us (God!) and i believe in visualization (power of positive thinking), in karma (cause & effect) and that the world conspires to make things real.this post is not actually about chinese astrology and what the fire dog brings to the table. I guess i was just in the mood to write something tonight to mark the 1st day of 2006. Its not going to be a new year's resolution list as well cause we all know how these resolutions turn - its like we impose ourselves with something so dramatically difficult to accomplish that we are never able to fulfill them. this post will be about stuff that i need to work out in 2006 - they're not promises but just a listing of things of interest so i don't lose track of them. Well, some of these are going to be stuff i need to do.
Finalize my 6-month relocation plans. Yes, this plan is still very much in the works. We are just finalizing the details on what i should do in Arizona. Right now, there are negotiations for me to rotate in SCP (strategic Cap Planning) in FSM. There's probably also some FSM IE exposure in the works - things need to start taking form in January of i won't be able to hit a 2nd week of April transfer. Remember - this is like the week after the end of the upcoming school term so my schedule is pretty tight.
Pass all of my Written Comprehensive Exams. I have mixed feelings about the WCE - not that i doubt that i have the brains to pass them but if i have the time to study for the exams. Like everybody else, i largely procastinate cause i feel i work better under pressure when adrenaline is at its highest. I can't do that. When i passed all of my validating exams during freshman year, i atributed it mostly to luck & stock knowledge or maybe since there was really no pressure to pass them that made it easier to handle. Oh well, that's seven exams every other friday. The good news here is that its only accounting & economics that concerns me the most cause i have a love-hate relationship with both.
Get fit. Yeah yeah yeah, been promising to do this forever. Trim down the carbo, beef up on the protein. Use my freakin' gym membership more! Start again doing those painful ab exercises. I should also start doing some weights.
Clean up my MP3s. Part of my being an OC is that i have to standardize & tag all of these MP3s. Load more music on my ipod. Maybe i should do this 2 albums a night - if i do that, then slowly i should be able to finish this before Q106 ends.
Clean up, Catalogue all Pictures. I checked and i have probably 10GB worth of pictures already in varying resolutions. I haven't really had time to catalogue the pictures according to the events from which they were taken. I need to do that soon and save to DVD these pictures.
Learn or Do something new. I don't know exactly yet - learn HTML? learn Flash? Photography? Or cooking? Spanish? If time permits, i'll try to do just one of the above.
Read more books. I have Dan Brown's Angels & Demons for about a year now and i never attempted to read it. I should start reading more books this year. Hopefully, when i say read, i'm not talking about textbooks.
Get a good focal raise. Ok, so this is not really under my control but maybe if i remain positive enough then i can get this.
There's really so many stuff i want to do like travel, river rafting, bungee jumping, take pictures, buy so many items (clothes, shoes, a mac, a videocam) ... one at a time, i am sure i will be able to do/have all these things. Good things come to those who wait.
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