ties to the past

catching up with CL the past few days on his exciting expat assignmet in thailand made me realize how much i appreciate what technology we have today. i remember how RR (an old friend from high school) and i tried keeping in touch by occasionally sending mail & greeting cards when they left for the states. we would have permanently drifted apart if not for reconnecting via email and ym and even friendster. its actually nice to be able to hear where life has taken people i know from high school (16-20 yrs back). its sad to hear that even some of them had passed away. everytime i hear something about somebody from the old days brings back memories of how life back in high school and even college were that simple. it was fun and there weren't so much responsibilities weighing us down. now that we're in our 30's, i'm pretty sure a lot of them have families already, some more successful than other and some have moved out of the philippines. i barely remember some of them even when their names are mentioned. i'm thankful though for the chance to reconnect - even through e-mail.

taking a beating

by some twist of fate (believe me it wasn't intentional) last time, i lost my sony ericsson P900 celfone at the office. i had already been checking out the then newly released Treo 650 so i managed to justify buying that as a replacement. By and far, the Treo 650 has arguably been the best fone i had from the nokia's and ericsson's i owned before. it was 2k short of the cost of the P900 when i bought it but it was definitely better. interface was simple and easy to use and the keypad is easy on the texting. with additional programs, it was easy to turn it into a video player and now has a much slicker mp3 player (ptunes). battery life is so much better than the P900 and it can edit word and excel files. it has some limitations of course, like the camera is not even in the 1MP level and texting is limited to 10 people at one time. its a bit bulky too but what can you expect if you try to cram a keyboard and everything else in one gadget right?

recently though my fone has been taking a beating. dropped it a couple of times and like true testament to its durability, the screen did not break and it still works perfectly. there are noticeable scratches and dents though on its shell. its really tempting to try and buy those nice new fones that are flooding the market but i'm not too keen on spending on a new fone. its not even because i don't have the means to buy one, it just doesn't feel like its the right thing to do. and its not really part of my "wish list" right now.

ahhh tempting ... that N95 ... gets my oohss and ahhhs ...

nothing lasts forever - maroon 5

It is so easy to see
Dysfunction between you and me
We must free up these tired souls
Before the sadness kills us both

I tried and tried to let you know
I love you but I'm letting go
It may not last but I don't know
Just don't know

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you

Everyday
With every word whispered we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing last forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

A bed that's warm with memories
Can heal us temporarily
The misbehaving all he makes
The ditch between us so damn deep

Built a wall around my heart
Never let it fall apart
Strangely I wish secretly
It won't fall down while I'm asleep

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you, babe

Everyday
With every word whispered we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing last forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

But we have not hit the ground
Doesn't mean we're not still falling, oh..
I want so bad to pick you up
But you're still too reluctant to accept my help
What a shame I hope you find somewhere to place the blame
But until then the fact remains

Everyday
With every word whispered we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
Nothing last forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

continuing trials

i had to bring my sister back again to the hospital because she was having abdominal pains & was vomiting again. i thought after her operation a few months ago that things will start going back to normal but like the doctor said there will be a few pains. this is her second time in the hospital this year after spending quite a few weeks last year. that period was physically, emotionally and financially draining. she didn't have a good medical plan from her company then so both mom & i had to share the expenses. things would probably be not that difficult if i had at least a brother i could rely on and a dependable father. while i know they won't let any harm come to my nephew, i'm not so comfortable leaving him with them. so for the next few days, i'd have to try again to balance work, taking care of my nephew, household chores and school's starting on monday. its really a crash-course in growing up and a realization of my obligation to my family. it probably would have been easier if my dad had a steady income or my brother have work but looking at how lazy my brother is, i don't think he has plans of working anymore. i honestly don't know how people like him, who seemingly don't have any ambition and desire to move forward, find purpose in life. i probably would have taken pity if he was at least humble about not contributing financially, but it feels most of the time that we owe him something. he could contribute to the household chores but he's super lazy (and i'm not exaggerating) and lives as if he had servants to clean up after him. to top it all, even if you ask him to do something, its like speaking to the wall and he takes offense about it. i feel bad about it but i don't feel any affection towards him anymore.

i hope things get better soon. as always, i trust God will help us through.

stuff i wanna spend on

what they say is true. there really are so many stuff you'd want to spend on but money isn't limitless even if you have savings. i guess what's important is that even if you can't buy everything at the same time, you can save little by little until you have enough money to cross them out in your checklist. this is my checklist, and i'll repost it everytime i manage to checkout one of the items.

[ ] repaint of ford lynx
[ ] upgrade sound system of crv
[ ] new mags+wheels for crv (i'm not sure though if i really want this)
[ ] new seat covers for crv
[ ] new seat covers for ford lynx
[ ] iphone (next year pa naman ito)
[ ] 19" (or 20", or 21") LCD monitor
[ ] replace my p4 desktop with a core2duo powered desktop
[ ] dslr camera (if i ever find the time to pursue photography)
[ ] new gas range (gettin' ready for culinary arts)

hmmm this will be my initial list which i suppose will get longer and some of these are probably stuff that i will lose interest in. i guess most of these are quite expensive but listing them now at least lets me have something to look forward to. maybe i can write sa "wish ko lang" ... hahahaha

will i feel the same?

recalling one time i was driving with a friend in one of my trips, we talked about the current state of our lives including the responsibilities we had to our families. it was when we started talking about what we want for the future that my friend broke down and admitted that there were times she felt trapped and obligated to fulfill her duties to her family. my heart goes out to her because while i believe she has a right to live out her own life, we filipinos are just wired that way. we were brought up to take care of our families, and when we are faced with that responsibility, turning our backs is never an option. you just do it.

sometime i try to convince myself than i won't let myself be put into that same position. but seeing how things are today, those who can, will and should help out. its not such a hard decision to help out now since i've sort of managed to straighten out my finances so that most of the time, i am able to save up. i guess i've wised up over the last couple of years, which turned out to be a blessing after my sister got hospitalized for quite some time towards the latter part of 2006. i'm starting to re-build my savings and so far, so good. i guess as long as i earn reasonably well then it won't feel like a financial burden.

having my nephew i guess as the one who benefits from all this is what makes the responsibility easier to carry. i don't feel obligated because i love my nephew so much. he brings so much joy to our family that seeing him smile is a reward in itself.

one step back & one more reason to consider leaving

what has been happening to intel lately? i used to think it was at the forefront among companies of looking after the needs of their people but that seems to be taking a backseat with recent policy changes that majority doesn't see any significant benefits attached to it. in fact, i personally think it is a severe blow to productivity.

• they first removed dial-up connections. so for most people, being able to log-in to check or send urgent e-mails was no longer possible. supposedly, broadband/dsl subscription was a cheaper alternative and it was faster and employees can reimburse it. now dsl is not really a basic household necessity in the philippines (for the vast majority), so it is actually pretty pricey (the P1,995 is the recommended package).
• telecommuting at least 2x/week was an alternative and if you had broadband, then "working from home" was possible. in the case of our group, telecommuting more than that was allowed seeing that my work for example does not require a great deal of being in the factory. meetings start as early as 5 or 6am and its not possible to be able to go to the factory that early. recent policy changes dictates that telecommuting will be limited to 1x/week, and intel will not reimburse broadband charges anymore.
• the intent of the policy is to improve interaction & networking for employees which is noble in a sense except that it does not really benefit those who do not need to be in the factory all the time or who work with people outside the factory. as i've seen in intel through the years, there's almost never an exception to any policy even if you have valid arguments. personally, i think this is just an easy way out to avoid having additional discussions. there's a pretend "we'll hear your inputs." kind of speech but you know for a fact they already made up their minds and that your inputs were already dead before you've had a chance to say it.
• so if i can't reimburse my internet, it just means i won't be able to attend any more meetings or send emails outside of the office. telecommuting will not be an option, nor flexible hours since i won't have internet access to log in anyway.

some might say this arrangement is really a luxury, rather than a benefit but working in different timezones makes this set-up more of a necessity. i think i would have to tell my manager that realistically, i don't think i'd be successful managing my project (which is US-based) given these new working conditions. its really indeed a step-back for intel and probably one more reason why its nearing time to jump ship.

gettin' ready

the gloom of school is upon me ... two more weeks and school starts. its not that i completely dread it because the thought of finishing is reward enough and just means i can move on to other interests (like cooking, photography?) or more serious stuff (like setting up a business, updating my resume, or finding a new employer?). its weird that everytime i try to write something about a certain topic, my mind wanders off and i end up having to write about something different.

i'm getting ready for school and based from friends, first day will probably ask what's my favorite book. i can't very well say the harry potter books can't i? or some other fictional novel i've been trying to find time to read over the past month. so i'm trying to rush reading this leadership book my manager gave me last time i was in arizona. its "the leadership enginer" by noel m. tichy. i should have read it as soon as i got it but reading has been something i haven't been that passionate about for a time now. i don't even like reading my textbooks at school so this isn't any different. i'm going to try and finish all 400-pages of the book in the next couple of weeks so that at the very least i try and make a good impression - even a pretend one. hahaha

i need to start browsing through arlene's strama paper which she was kind enough to send me as reference. just get a feel of what kind of information i should re-gather for inclusion in my strama paper. the thought of not having a clue what to tackle for strama is mortifying. i think figuring that out wins half the battle already because it sets a direction on what to write, and what to research for. ahhh, i need to rack my brains soon.

ok, one more minute before my phone con.

purple fingernail

its election time again, can you believe it? time fly by so fast that sometimes i ask myself whether the past years have been something worthy to be proud of. my nephew will be four this august. i'm nearing the finish line on my graduate studies. ten years at intel this september. i think i've done quite good for myself and my family the past years.

we've been registered in mandaluyong for as long as we can vote. it probably was quite fun before when we were still kids but these days, i find it a long drive from paranaque. the only good thing driving during a special non-working holiday is that traffic is virtually non-existent.
it wasn't hard to locate our precint because what's good about voting in mandaluyong is that they send you your precint number a week in advance. voting was pretty fast, we were out of there 20-30mins. i only voted for six senators since i couldn't find anybody else worth electing. how would those celebrities fare in the elections is anybody's guess but i'm sure didn't vote for any of them. i don't have anything against them, but please take at least a public administration course before going for public office.

i think the person putting the ink got excited because he put way too much purple ink on my finger that for a while it looked like my nail died. it still looks frighteningly ugly but hopefully a trip to the nail salon can bring it back to its clean, shiny self.

the price of traveling

i decided i'd either wing it or die trying, and with a much resolve walked the corridors of school to submit my course approval form. i realized that this term is going to be a challenge and the signs seem to be telling me upfront to get ready. not only was the strama class & professor i was planning to take full already, it meant i had to take the professor known for heavy work, weekly recitations and tons of reading materials. but like my friend annie said, it must be fate - and so i half-heartedly asked them to enroll me in that class instead. the second sign told me i'd have to work my ass off to pull-off a 4 and a 3.5 in the class i am enrolling this term, its not impossible but its going to be difficult. and even if i get those grades, i'll be 0.02 shy away from a medal and maybe i will have to enroll in an additional elective, and get a 4 at that to make it. digitech screwed up my chances and i can't blame the professor because i missed 2 meetings and a quiz because i had to travel for work. bummer i guess but sh*t happens. the price of traveling.

it would have been nice to graduate with a medal. let's see what else i can do to get that.

season finale

going back to the gym

after more than 4 months away from the gym (blame it on the US trips and laziness), i decided to go back to the gym yesterday. it took all of my willpower to convince myself i needed to go since part of me was already saying "tomorrow na lang." i'm starting with this "body for life" program after juan gave me the book during my last trip. it sounds simple enough with the exercises and the food but i soon found out that not being in the gym for a long time makes it harder to do the reps. i'm following the exercise routine for this program and its a good thing that they have the excel tables and all kinds of resources to plan out my routine. the food though needs more planning - i've switched to brown rice already though, even bought a small rice cooker for it. i've also started to trim down my meal portions - moving down to filipino rather than american servings. i am also recently addicted to yoghurt, plain or fruit-flavored. i gobble-up 2 servings daily - sarap e.

when i was doing the exercises at the gym, i forgot how some of the exercises work so improvised on some. by the time i was done, my arms felt like lead. and today, they really hurt bad - and i do mean bad. its a good thing cardio is every other day ... and just 20mins at that. tomorrow is lower body workout so my arms & upper body gets to rest. i realized that you have to mix weight training with cardio if you want to burn fat faster. cardio won't do it by itself. you have to do weights (light if you don't want to bulk up) to tone up. ah, this is really a challenge - a very hard one at that.

should i enroll?

i got the class offerings for next term and i'm still deciding whether i should enroll or not. i only have two subjects + the oral comprehensive exam (oce) before i graduate. i am 80% sure i'll probably enroll on my last supply chain subject so that when i graduate, i'd have a "major in supply chain" on my diploma. its the strategic management (strama) that's throwing me off right now. do i really have the time? i think i do. maybe i've gotten used to the comfort of taking things slow and not burdening myself too much with office & school work that makes it hard to make this decision. right now, i'd guess i'm the only one who's left in school - most of my friends have graduated or will be graduating already. that's not really a factor and i'm not rushing but i definitely want to get it over with.

submission of the course approval form is on saturday, may 12. i have 5 days to make a decision. why is it so hard to make this decision?

are you really that much better?

i had a sort of long catching up by phone with Amazing Aloha (AA) yesterday mainly just idle chitchat initially until we sort of veered into the recent conversations during a visiting friend's dinner. unfortunately, i was still in the US that time so i wasn't able to join the get together. the discussions talked about another friends recent controversial farewell letter and how they had stuff to say about it. personally, if i was just a curious bystander, i would have viewed the letter as immature and unprofessional and i, in my right mind, would probably send something like that to but a few good friends. but not one standing on the sidelines, i have to say that probably was just a means of getting back, of lashing out because when you feel you've been maligned, sometimes sanity escapes you and you do things, in this case write things, you probably meant but not meaning to share. we all have our opinions and our sentiments about what happened but i don't think its proper to talk about these things openly in public specially if there are dissenting parties.

i am beginning to realize that there's probably very few straight people (guys at that) that can really accept you when you're different. if you find out the truth, does it make that person a lesser human being just because he or she is different? its insulting that they make such a big fuss about another person's choices as if that determines what kind of person he or she is. hello? wake up! are you really that much better in life right now?

so for those of you who think you're better - you can laugh and make fun of me all you want - at the end of the day, i'm the one who's laughing at you. you just have to open your eyes, see where you are and where i am right now, and you'd know you've been punk'd.