busy life. not enough time.

this past week has been kind of busy - mostly in the social front and so-so workwise. i got some good news monday that finally gave me peace of mind. tuesday was a late invitation to the premiere of SATC at powerplant - it was free so who was i to say no. workwise, still working on this side project and had to meet up with the guy who was going to do the coding for some enhancements i was working on. my desktop started acting up wednesday and it has gone from bad to worse. i was smart enough to move all of my personal files to an external hdd while the machine was still operational so that is a big relief. that was over 80GB of information. i decided to skip work after lunch thursday and planned to get the desktop repaired but the store i frequent was closed down for inventory count. rotten luck. watched indiana jones with the MBA'ers at glorietta 4 settling instead of gb3 where we realized how expensive seeing a film is nowadays. the film was alright - it didn't really get me all that excited really but i'm not going to talk about it less i spoil it for those who are still planning to see it on the big screen.

ali texted friday and invited us for dinner and coffee. we (ali, allan and i) feasted (i use this word because that was what we did literally) @ TGI Fridays on potato wedges, chicken fingers, caesar salad, cajun pasta and a full slab of ribs. yes, that was just for three people - and the funny thing was that we finished almost everything. pig-out galore. to cap the night, we indulged in a big mug of moroccan mint tea at coffee bean. it was fun hanging out with the old blue gang - we used to do more of this but being in different companies and meeting new people, it can't be helped that hanging outs like this happens seldomly. i think the great thing is that despite our own individual adventures nowadays, we've developed some sort of lifelong bond.

it wasn't planned but a good friend from HS was in the neighborhood so we decided to hang out and catch another flick (yea, yea i just said movies are becoming an expensive past time). so we decided to catch "caregiver" (yeah, don't really care about the raised eyebrows) and i have to say that it wasn't as emotionally gripping as i was expecting it to be. i know its pretty effective if (insert laugh here now!) if i shed a tear or two at the cinema. yeah, the gripping melodrama of some pinoy movies is my guilty pleasure.

in between all of these social activities, i did try fixing my desktop by reinstalling its OS. the first time i got it working before i went to bed only to find out the frakkin' thing won't boot up morning after. so i did a fresh install again, and it did work for a whole day until the automatic updates install screwed it again. this time the desktop was dead for good. i had the hard disk replaced, bought a UPS too and did another fresh install of the OS. so far it hasn't been acting up. three things i figured out here: one, it was a good thing i backed-up all my files when the problems was still minimal so all my files are intact. two, the sort of jitters i get watching films isn't because the desktop was slow, it was because of the hard disk. and three, i realized i know how to set-up my pc (software-wise) back to how it was from scratch.

vain alert: its sunday now and i'll be going out (again) in a while. will be having lunch with my HS friend - libre e and then we're going to take a sidetrip to check-out this dermatologist somewhere in marikina. supposedly, she's a great alternative to belo and calayan. i think i need some relief since i haven't been liking so much how i look like in the pictures. the thought of getting older this month is killing me - hence the need for some intervention. and no, i'm not going in for something drastic like getting work done or botox (lol), just some good regimen to get back some of that baby glow.

when we grow old

"lola" is in the hospital since a few weeks back, they found her unconscious in the bathroom floor. The stories remain sketchy about what really happened but we decided to visit her today. seeing lola after quite some time made us realize how fragile and old she's become. she's much thinner than last i saw her (which was a long time ago) but at despite her ripe age of 87, she was still a very sharp woman. we weren't really close to her growing up, "lolo" was much more affectionate so we as "kids" were naturally drawn to him. we did spend more time with mom's parents growing up even though they kind of lived a few blocks apart. we decided to drop by my aunt's house since she was also confined in the hospital a few weeks back. the good news is that she looks quite good today. i looked at their house and the compound we used to play in during childhood and everything looks different. that piece of history of our childhood is long gone now. we went to Christ the King memorial chapels right after because the husband of mom's friend passed away yesterday. he was 72 and was in the hospital also recently.

looking at my lola and my aunt, i realized how lucky they are to have gotten this far in life. in my head, i kept on asking myself if i will be as lucky to be bestowed such a long and colorful life, or even whether i want to. maybe right now, my head's at where i prefer not to but i guess as time passes, you learn to appreciate life more and you tend to hold on to it harder. i just don't like the idea of growing old alone, having to depend on people to take care of me. one thing i realized i never want to be is a burden so i prefer a quick getaway when the time comes. The part that sucks being at this age in life is that the realities of life becomes more and more certain. Getting sick, problems with money, problems with family, being heartbroken, death ... they're stuff you have to deal with even if you don't want to. growing up can really be a drag. its no wonder peter pan wanted to stay in neverland. right now, i'm wishing neverland was real.

david cook - idol 2008

DAVID COOK
American Idol - Season 7 Winner

A well deserved win by a really awesome talent. 12 million votes more proves everybody has taken to david cook's more versatile and appealing sound. after hearing him be proclaimed this season's winner, i couldn't help but feel ecstatic - truly a happy, happy, joy, joy moment. cook made a lot of people happy today - me & my friends included.
natural high - that's what it feels like.

American Idol Finale

Its finally here!!! While David Archuleta is an admirable singer, i am a solid DAVID COOK fan. COOKIES for the win!!!

Here are the performances from tonight's show in the spirit of this whole idol brouhahaha

Round 1





Round 2



Round 3



DC's take on "The World I Know" is awesome!

on the side of me

the thing i like about coincidences is that they seem to be right smack when you least expect it. and more often than not, some coincidences are just the right thing you need at the right moment. maybe its an answered prayer or God's way of reassuring you about the problems that weigh heavy. in this case, i found this song just flipping through the channels and i immediately fell in love with this song.

on the side of me
corrinne may

I’m not the easiest person to love
I’m often the one who lets things go unresolved

Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Yet you choose to be on the side of me
on the side of me

I’m not too proud of some things
I’ve done in my life
The skeletons in my closet
Are too big for me to hide

Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Blessed Charity
You’re on the side of me
on the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
when it’s cold outside
and there’s no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
but you

I’m not the easiest person to love
But you, you’ve opened your heart to show me what I’m worth

‘Cause you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
What a mystery
You’re on the side of me
on the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
when it’s cold outside
and there’s no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go

I remember when nobody cared
Nobody cared
But you…

Yeah you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me

Freaky, Fun Friday

one very effective way out of desolation is have a night out with friends. last night proved to be no exception cause we definitely had a great time. it probably wasn't the best of times since one of our friends S is in the hospital for surgery but in some way, most of us needed it - distraction. eric, tm, jap, dino & myself had a great dinner and dessert at conti's. we were laughing and taking photos of our food and dessert and keeping ourselves updated even if we just hanged out the previous weekend.

annie finally was able to join us when we moved to roadhouse in high street. instead of coffee, we decided that at a time like this, alcohol was the better choice. its nice to see everyone very comfortable with each other already. there's trust, respect & love in this group and a genuine appreciation about everyone present that night. each of us had our stories to share - some sharing more than the others. at other times it felt like the lines between what was appropriate and inappropriate was getting blurry but we're all adults there so no judgments.

i must have been more exhausted than i realized (late night thursday, long-distance driving friday and again late night friday) because after downing my 2nd (yes, 2nd) SML, i went to the restroom to take a leak. i felt my heart beating really fast and i might not have catched my breath fast enough because everything went blank. Fcuk, i BLACKED OUT. it was like a 2 or 3-second kind of thing but i was disoriented after and just realized what had happened. That was pretty scary and i realized when i got home that i must have hit my face somewhere because i have a tiny bruise on my face. 2 bottles, that can't be the cause of it. i can hold my alcohol very well, thank you very much.

so today (saturday), i am going to rest. that incident pretty much freaked me out. hahaha, ok not really a laughing matter cause it might be something serious but life is short and i want to have fun.

the only certainty

i recently learned that one of my aunt is in the hospital - we heard some news before that she has been sick. this time around, she's gone from better to worse. from what we've heard is that her liver and kidneys are no longer functioning properly that her blood is poisoning herself already. what is more heartbreaking is that her kids do not even make time to be with her in the hospital - other people stay there to take care of her. even her grandchildren do not even make an effort to help out. they're not well-off sure, but this is their mother who took care of them growing up and who is still taking care of them until she was able. my sister and mom visited my aunt today and they told me she was so happy to see them. the doctor said not to get hopes up and that the family should be prepared. i don't think she knows what is happening - how bad her condition is. i know its not good to say this but i feel sorry she got stuck with ungrateful kids. i wouldn't be surprised if none of them sheds a tear when she leaves this place. i will pray that God gives my aunt lita strength, peace and for Him to take away her pain.

i write this today as a testament that I will never abandon my mom in her hour of need. When the day comes, i will be there to hold her hand and i will let her know how thankful i am that she was mine.

another day in love

for most, the only songs they probably remember from stephen speaks would be "passenger seat" and "out of my league" and no one else probably remembers who exactly were the vocalists for that group. by chance during my browsing moments in facebook, i managed to catch an ad showcasing TJ McCloud who incidentally was one of the singers for the group stephen speaks.

i found his new album on the web and i found the familiar sound of his voice quite soothing. not to mention, the lyrics of his songs aren't too bad either. so i thought it was a good idea to write something about it seeing that lately the inspiration to blog about anything has left me - hopefully not for good.

the prize of your efforts

watching this season's american idol, i can't help but feel happy that syesha mercado made it all the way to the top 3. she's not even my favorite (me, being a COOKIE fan all the way) but her journey through this season is phenomenal. I can't think of any other contestant who's been consistently in the bottom than her - but through painstaking effort, she survived. Granted she's not among the best vocal performers this season, i can see how much of herself she gives to her performances and that is probably why she's still there. so what if she's not going to win this contest - cause my fearless prediction is that its going to be a DC vs DA finale, finishing third is no mean feat. so congratulations syesha, you have done a great job.

despite becoming a pseudo-insensitive prick, i realized how much i always root for the underdog or at least feel for them. there's been countless times when i was teary-eyed watching films where the underdog triumphs over the adversities. i cry watching period films where white folks discriminate against black folks (that discrimination is something i will never, ever understand). my guess is one of the reasons for this is that i feel some emotional connection at being the underdog. and maybe i don't have the same sob stories but i feel for them because i know how tough it can be in the real world. there's always people who would try to put you down, who would pass up on you for whatever reason, or maybe just don't like you for who they perceive you are. while being different can make life harder, there is immense joy in winning over the adversities.

i should know. been there. done that.

in the name of love

i received an announcement yesterday that a colleague was moving from chengdu (where he works) to pudong. i thought it was just one of those moving from one city to another kind of situations until i got a seemingly personal email from my colleague. now he and i as far as i remember were never particularly close but we did get a chance to work together a few years back. he said that the real reason he is moving is to sort of further his relationship with his girlfriend who was based in pudong. he said that they have been trying to work out a long-distance relationship for quite some time - and probably he realized that if he wants to make this work then he needs to be physically available. wow.

the engineer in me runs through the scenarios and looks at risks and probabilities - wait, that must be the obsessive-compulsive in me instead. i think that is a leap of faith and i've seen a lot of people placed in the same situation before and until today. but honestly, how many of us have done things "in the name of love" that either we treasure and we remain proud of it and at other times, we shudder at the thought of how foolish we seemed back then. looking back, i try to lock all of the foolish and stupid and "i would rather die if i do that again" moments in my "part of the bitter past" safe. lock and key thrown out to the deepest part of the ocean. i hope that being more mature, i'm less susceptible to bouts of foolishness except that at times i still am.

love is really a tricky thing. it makes us laugh, it makes us cry. i love the way it makes me feel - happy, excited, eager, hopeful sparkly eyed and yet hate the fact i can't think straight at times. i hate being in love with all the wrong people, while trying to convince myself that they're the right one. i've learned to deal with all the heartbreak, with all the letting go and with all the need to forget. sometimes i feel like i've gotten so used to it that i'm starting to turn into an unfeeling beyotch. having been independent for a long time, i don't know if i'm going to be able to be ready for a relationship. i like the idea of having someone but i'm not sure if i'm ready for all the constant dates, the constant calls and texting and togetherness. i realize that maybe i'm not that romantic at all.

somebody kill me now. lol.

no more drama

it really is good news - that life has been kind of smooth sailing of late. it feels a bit uninteresting that i can't find anything to write about. there's not a lot of melodrama akin to what life was a few months back. the paranoid in me wonders if this is a sort-of calm before the storm but the better, more optimistic side of me believes its a welcome reprieve. there's something unnerving on knowing exactly where you are right now. the certainty is a joy-killer. life seems to be at a standstill. in more ways, i should be happy that there isn't really a lot to think about these days. everything seems to be flowing in a constant rhythm ... and i can never get used to living such a boring life. i'd hate to think i am a masochist but there is something about uncertainty that makes you look forward to it. i'm sure i won't go around searching for the next big rock to bash my head with but maybe i am not really seeing things as i should. maybe the calm is an opportunity to do something different - to read about photography, of lightroom, of photoshop and whatever's handy to learn. maybe this time is a time of reflection - to ponder on what needs pondering. i should try to think more about the future, put some plans in place. it probably would be nice to move to oz at the urging of some of my good friends and i'm tempted to. whoever said we always have choices was right, we always have - except some choices were never really options to begin with. i wish i could be a little more selfish but my head's not wired that way. so i have to rethink of a way to have the life i could have had given my new circumstances.

maybe life right now is bit boring - and i realize, boring isn't necessarily bad. at least for the time being.

a reminder of sorts

i agreed to attend pilates with juli yesterday at the fitness first branch in southmall and while i was driving, i realized that i didn't have my wallet with me. i had no money, credit card, driver's license not even my fitness first card. i didn't want to go back to the house for two reasons - one, is that i will be late for the pilates class; and two, i had driven already a good distance from our house and driving the rest wasn't that risky (i am such a model citizen, lol!). i fortunately had my company ID at the car so that sort of takes care of my access to the gym but i still didn't have any money. i thought walking around the mall with my gym clothes on was already funny, but being in a mall without any money was probably worst.

fortunately i managed to borrow some money from allan when he joined us at the gym later because juli & i decided to grab a bite to eat. its been a long time since i was faced with buying food on a strict budget - that's what having work affords you, the ability to just order what you want and sort out how much it cost later. it reminded me of life back in college when i had to budget everything from my allowance. life on a budget can be hard. i wasn't one of those rich la salle kids who had hefty allowances but we weren't poor either. i think having to add up in my head what i wanted to order so i don't overspend was a reminder that we don't have unlimited resources (i'm talking about money here). and its wise to keep that in mind. so far i've been extremely good at keeping my credit cards in order but i haven't been that strict in terms of spending within a budget. that little incident maybe is a reminder to start now.

graduation's almost here

the graduation march is next saturday already. after three and a half years, this chapter of my life is finally coming to a close. i can finally say that i have a Master of Business Administration major in Supply Chain Management degree! Lupit di ba? Will this open new doors for me? I hope so - i think for the most part, job hunting is 50% luck/timing and 50% credentials. i've always believed that timing is the key to everything.

back in college, the idea of the graduation ceremony wasn't too appealing at first. and initially, i decided to go through it for mom's sake. when i got there, i'd have to say i was happy to see my friends and my classmates and realized that the graduation is an important milestone. while college was indeed a rite of passage, graduation marks our entry into the real world. this may not be true for those who have had to shoulder responsibilities at an early age but for most of us, it was the beginning of responsibilities and problems, problems and more problems.

next saturday, i am once again going into that same ritual - this time around mostly with people i haven't really known long. i am fortunate that i'm marching along with some people i've developed real friendships with and that is what's going to make this event memorable. yeah, school's over. "no more teachers, no more books. no more teachers, dirty looks."

metamorphosis

having taken the reins of providing for the family for quite some time now (my sister, thank God and your prayers, is healthy enough to go back to work - not full-time, but somewhat part-time as a consultant for her previous employer), not only are my priorities changing but i'm actually enjoying some of the household responsibilities. is this the end of my social life as i know it? one of the things i always look forward to is going to the grocery, pass through all the aisles and dump a mixture of needs & wants into a very accommodating cart. there's just something about going to the grocery that's fun for me - specially the realization that i am fortunate to be able to provide this much to the family. doing grocery, mind you, employs a lot of skill - planning, budgeting, memorizing, cost-benefit analysis and not to mention the physical exercise you get from walking and carrying the bags. blame it on the engineer in me for over-analyzing. i having done this for a while, i've become more price-conscious and aware which is a great thing. its like this habit i've developed of checking all of the gas prices at every gas station i come across when driving - like i can tell that gas here in paranaque is 10 cents cheaper than the gas being sold near the big blue. i'm amazed by my own obsessive-compulsiveness.

while this is not a review, i'd have to say that S&R is such a great place to go grocery shopping. they have an awesome selection of meat, frozen goods and some of the stuff i used to buy at Costco when i was in the US. I've even seen them selling Nyquil which i think is one of the best meds to take during a cold bout. South Supermarket is also one of the better groceries because they have a great seafood section (don't like their meat section that much) and vegetables too. plying various supermarkets helps you know which place is best for what. the only thing i hate when going to the grocery is that it sort of puts a big dent in my credit card but i guess it can't be helped. we need to eat.

being grocery-trained and price conscious i guess helps support any culinary aspirations i have right now. this is the problem, i have too many areas i want to explore and not really know which to do first. culinary, photography, business? its even hard to fit gym time in there because my nephew has football camp wednesdays and fridays. i am so doing double-duty right now. its still fun though - having to do something different than the rest. for one, i'm no longer thinking about myself. and that is cause for hurrah!

mac is back

the good news is that i finally got mac back - hmmm "mac" isn't such a bad name. i am going to start calling my macbook "mac" from now on. the good news is that mac seems healthy so far and i am using him as i write this post.

so yeah, i'm back being an part-time apple user. i have to admit though that my fascination with mac hasn't waned since i got him. now that he's back in top shape and i need to do two wedding AVPs, its a great opportunity to practice using mac.

sleep overs

having decided that going on an out of town trip was badly needed despite the short notice, we all agreed that it was easier to sleep over ali's house friday night. the plans originally was for us to drive to zambales really early in the morning of saturday but friday night, we were having second thoughts about going and was trying to figure out if we could find an alternative place at the eve of a long weekend. we decided to stop looking around midnight when we ended up empty handed with all the places we were trying to check-out. we we're just going to think about the "where" in the morning.

we ended up drinking a bottle of bailey's - the minty kind. allan, juli, arlene, ali and myself talked about the recent announcement of the big blue including our sentiments about it and the future. the idea of unemployment in a way scares us because we have responsibilities and its easier to talk about it flustered with alcohol. its also exciting in a way because it opens up to new opportunities and creates a fresh start. the sleep over was timely in a way and its easy to talk to these people because we've been friends for quite some time and they already know the whole story so there's no need for more background. times like these, its comforting to be with friends. i really miss those "kapihan" sessions we used to have, whether those that we had at starbux in tagaytay or those cheap "nescafe's". we've shared a lot of things back when almost everyone hanged out at the "yosihan" area. a lot of things and feelings are poured over at that area - and while most of us quit already (me included, two years now) - those times were a great pick-me-up.

i feel lucky that despite having different jobs now, most of us still find time to hang-out. we're still connected more than ever and its a relief that our relationships have developed into a lifelong bond. i hope that when rlin eventually moves to the US when she gets married or when juli finally settles in malaysia or singapore or when allan moves to oz, we are still going to keep in touch. on the other hand, i should keep in touch to get some free board & lodging and tour guides when i visit those countries.

the beginning of the end

there's something about today that seemed off - everybody seemed giddy and you can hear the mutterings of people as they pass by. a lot have speculations about the announcement this afternoon - some may deny it but it has been news that has been floating around for a while ... hmmm, like for the past 1.5-2 years (lol!). surprisingly, there was free meals at the cafe today - not that i needed it since i sort of have an abundance of meal stubs. but its free, and i'm filipino - and we should never refuse grace when it hits you in the face. in hindsight, it seemed like feeding the people was timed maybe to soften the blow.

at 2pm, it was announced - the Big Blue is closing --- in 6 to 9 months. i think the timing was what hit the people like a brick wall. We knew it was coming but we didn't know it was that soon. in a way, for those tenured, the "enhanced" separation package is very attractive. i, who has been scouting for other opportunities, sees this as an additional blessing. it was very emotional during the q&a, some broke down and others asked direct, poignant questions. from my point of view, the real reason is politics and eversince i felt that that "somebody" never really liked the site. he said it was performance last time, and now they say the building is no longer viable structurally in the long term. for a company that prides itself on being strategic, that line of reasoning doesn't make sense. listening to the questions, i felt a pang of guilt that i was looking forward to this news. i wanted a confirmation so i can start to move on but others would have preferred never to hear this kind of news.

from what was shown, for my tenure, the package isn't bad. but money doesn't last a long time and it would be a gift to find a job as soon as the package is available (God willing!). in more ways, God has been very gracious - maybe the reason i haven't heard back from the companies i am applying for is because i needed to wait for this package. i get a bit anxious at the prospect of not having work, having been employed for the last 12 years. life would be easier if i had to think about myself only - but there are 4 people i need to feed and thank God my sister is working again.

the news is going to hit the others hard. i can tell because everyone looked teary-eyed leaving the room. for most, it is really the beginning of the end. hopefully for most, there's a new beginning that awaits.

what lies on the horizon

there's going to be an announcement tomorrow - about what is anybody's guess. the invitation says its about the roadmap - something which we know for a long time there doesn't seem to be any. maybe its what most have been waiting for, that finally the journey with which the big blue embarked on 30+ years ago is finally coming to a close. is this what we all have been praying for? maybe through God's eternal goodness, the stars will align and i'd find a new career and get a good package. everybody is anxious and hopefully whatever the news is, its good news.

crazy thing called love

watching "love affair" made me remember how nice it would be to have someone to love, to have a last call for the day and to just have a hand to hold with when life seems so overbearing. i watched "love affair" only because it came into one of the conversations while driving to la luz a few weeks back. i cried watching the last scene of "love affair" making me re-affirm that i am indeed a sucker for happy endings.

maybe someday it would be nice to find someone who i can share life with but i've come to terms with being alone at least for the time being. not everyone finds their fish in the sea, much less end up with their meant-to-be. i, right now, settle for the life i have - its not perfect but there are still a lot to be thankful for. a few sundays ago, i finally realized what true love is while attending church - true love is what i feel as i carried my sleepy nephew in my arms. as his arms draped around my shoulders, i realized how much i love this little kid - that i would do everything for him. if i will be able to feel like that again on somebody, then i would know how to be in love again. but right now, i am settling for what and who i have because i gave up already trying to find the right one.

life ain't that bad

after getting back from a nice trip in boracay, i was inclined to be in the office the last two days of last week since my managers were here for a visit. i was prepared for the worst for my focal download but everything turned out quite alright. i'm happy that things sort of worked out in the end. we had a sort of an open forum during their stay and we talked about the much controversial "future". the good news is that they seemed to be in the camp of looking at our best interests and since this topic is a bit sensitive for most, i am not going to give any more details. it gives me pause though because i'm once again faced with two choices - one is to continue pursuing other opportunities outside or second, to wait it out until a probable announcement. its somewhat difficult to make that choice because we don't know when that "announcement" is going to happen. this year? next year? can i still wait that long when i've been itching to move out since the last quarter of the year past. waiting it out has its merits so maybe its not really such a tough decision to make.