i think exhaustion is really about to take me today. i do feel groggy and i still have a lot to do from tonight until tomorrow. i went to the cavite office today even if i had very little sleep last night (little because usually, i need more z-hours if i over-exerted myself during the day) because i committed to my office buddies to help them out in their volleyball game. hopefully, i wouldn't drift to lala land during the game.
i guess whenever i feel like this, i am quite irritable. the smallest things can trigger my "bitch" switch and i'll start ranting non-stop. but the thing i hate most during these times is that i become vulnerable. i can't put up that barrier that shields me from feeling depressed, sad and annoyed. suddently, things that are trivial seem to have significant importance and my head & imagination goes haywire. i really need some sleep, prob'ly i can catch up on some zzzz's on saturday. ahhhhh, i really need some extra joss, or redbull or lipovitan. gimme some!
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dear fish,
i think we've entered into the ice age again and i don't really know how to deal with you. i thought we were on our way to rekindling the friendship we used to have but i guess that was just wishful thinking on my part. i think i should accept the fact that our chance at friendship is over and i should give up already and move on. i don't know. maybe i'm overly sensitive today but i feel like we've drifted apart so much that there's really no hope of ever bridging that gap especially now that i see you have found people who you are much more comfortable with being friends. friendship talaga is a tricky thing - sometimes i don't know if i should give more of me to try and make it work or accept the fact that probably, some friendships are just not meant to be. i don't want to pause and wonder everyday if we're friends or we've been friends or we'd ever be friends. i just want to stop feeling like i wasn't well-worth being the kind of person you would want to be friends with. i really wish i could avoid saying goodbye, that you would do something wonderful and reassure me that we are friends, that we have always been, and we will always be. i will forever cherish the day that i met you and i won't regret ever knowing you. knowing you has forever changed me and i thank you for that. its probably just now, but i know soon i can accept that there is no happy-ever-after in our story.
love always,
yuan*
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