i do believe that things happen for a reason - though at times i wonder if what's happening is not entirely a cosmic joke and that fate is just in a mood to tease you. i got home tuesday night temporarily delirious having spent some more time with my happy pill. that's 2 consecutive times, more than anything in the past year. i guess i just really miss my happy pill - A LOT! sometimes i ask myself where all this is leading to - why put myself in an awkward position, waiting for the inevitable hurt to happen. siguro nga, internally we are all 'masochists' that feeling the pain somehow makes us feel more alive, more human. that beneath the facade, we are all sensitive beings who can get hurt. its kind of funny cause we know the kind of pain it brings but it still doesn't deter us from doing it. ahhh, if only i can erase portions of my memory, of ever meeting you ... how i wish now that that procedure from "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" is real. i do want to move on pero its like i'm addicted to my happy pill.
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