when is it better to know something? when is it better not to say something? i struggled to find a reason to take the plunge and finally be able to have some peace of mind - and i was really deadset on doing it already but somehow i couldn't. i rationalized that sometimes its better not knowing so that whatever lies ahead in the future remains a mystery. maybe i'm making the wrong decision but i choose to leave the future to God's hands.
this is the problem with my head - i overthink and overanalyze a lot of times. as i was pondering on what happened, i wondered what would have happened if i told mcb how i really felt. but i realized that i could never do that - i guess i don't really have the guts on some things - and sad to say, this isn't one of them. i never really was good at expressing my feelings - anger yes but not the lovey-dovey, pa-cutesy kind. yeah, i can be an emotionless bastard at times but that's me, and that's my way of coping. i've had years of practice. and i've had a lot of people that made doing that easier. not trying to care too much makes it easier not to get hurt.
life then remains a mystery.
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