September 12, 2006

love not easy

i was exchanging e-mail yesterday with an old friend about the woes of not being able to find a lasting relationship, including our heartache of loving the wrong people almost all the time. there was this question "do you find love? or does love find you?" that i have been itching to write about since last week but couldn't collect enough thoughts to put something that's comprehensible. personally, i am making a choice about no longer trying to search and find love but this time around, i am going to let it try and find me. i have always been a firm believer of the old adage "if its meant to be, then it will happen." so i'm putting my heart in that basket. i think the past heartaches has taught me a very important lesson - why love someone who can't love you back? or love someone who love somebody else? or love someone who don't care about you to begin with? ha! i've honestly stopped being bitter about the sad state of my lovelife right now and decided to just focus on the positives i have in life. its not true i don't have someone to work for - i have myself & my family. its not true i don't have a last call for the day - i talk to Him everynight. its not true that being alone is lonely - sometimes maybe, but its only lonely if you let it. the world doesn't have to revolve on one single person alone, the object of your affection because happiness does not rest on that single person. happiness is within us and if we let go of all the bitterness, all those feeling-sorry-for-ourselves sentiments, then i am sure we will know more happiness in this world.

life is a canvas. its up to us to choose the colors to paint it with.
and i choose to relish in all the colors life has to offer.

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