i'm going to earn it

mom sent me the big news this morning when i asked her what the results for my sister's CT Scan is - she has an infection and she will need to undergo another operation. estimated cost is P100k. that's not including doctor's fees, meds and other tests. it felt like a giant paddle just swung and hit me smack in the middle of my head realizing the financial implications. if the health card is not going to shoulder the cost of the operation, then my mom & i have to shoulder it. Mom just shelled out close to 100k a few weeks back from my sister's previous hospitalization and i felt like i should figure out how to shoulder this next one. it must have been the stress of having to think through that, work getting more demanding and the backlog of school piling up, but i felt depressed, confused and a bit angry. i felt angry at why my sister did not plan ahead and put some money away - why when she was healthy, she spent all of her earnings buying needless things and splurging. sure, she must not have been earning as much as i did but where did all her commissions go? i was so depressed i wanted to cry but i need to be stronger, my mom & sister depends on me. i realized how foolish and stupid i was to dwell on things that has happened in the past. so my sister didn't plan ahead, it was a mistake i'm sure she has learned a very valuable lesson from. blaming her for her mistake is a bigger mistake. i don't want to be tethered by the past. despite her mistakes, my sister gave this family the greatest gift (sans a husband & a father to), my nephew. i e-mailed my friend d about my frustrations and he told me something that made me realize what is important. d told me "you are going to earn it anyway. don't think you are going to spend all of your savings. to you, it is just money. to her, it is everything." and d is right, if i have the means to pay for the hospital bills then why shouldn't i? what's the purpose of having those savings if i can't share it with my family. if i can make a difference to this family, then that is worth more than anything else in the world.

the only thing left then is ... swipe the plastic! sayang ang points!