kindred souls

i got to talk to a good friend yesterday and we sort of got into talking about the sad state of our lives right now. we talked about how it sucks to be an adult and how easy it was back in college (and even highschool) to worry only about how to pass your next exams. looking back at those times today with a different perspective makes me cringe about how selfish and self-serving i was at various states in college. i guess its a rite of passage - we get to be kids (and teenagers) once. and we're allowed tantrums and selfish bouts. if i could turn back time and i could confront myself face to face, i probably would give myself some decent slapping. growing up teaches most us life lessons and we become wiser and more sensitive to what really matters. as we talked, we realized that none of us is immuned to the trials God (in his goodness) throws at us. we all have our crosses to bear - emotional, financial, physical, health, etc etc. its difficult to surmise which of us had the bigger problems but one thing was certain, its a difficult road ahead. its difficult to tell what people are going through and how they are just by being with them. we get so good at pretending "we're ok" most of the time, that it already feels like second skin. that i guess is whats good about having friends (the real ones you can pour your heart on and not be judged on). just being able to tell someone sometimes and knowing you have a shoulder to cry on makes a lot of difference. its funny i say that and then i write about it here where people i don't even know can read it and say "poor lad." but these posts are not for that, its more therapy for me than anything else. and most of the time its easier to just write than talk. 'sides talking might make me cry and i'd hate to be called a crybaby.

times like these, having someone to give you an occasional hug or squeeze your hand can be reassuring. its hard to be so emotionally vulnerable and not have someone - the 'someone' here of course i'm not referring to friends (i, fortunately have a lot of them). its easier i guess when you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. that sounds more of a fairytale now, and while i used to believe that fairy tales can come true, i decided to live in the here and now. the price for me growing up - was the death of the peter pan in me.

i've become a bit jaded with all the hoping and wishing and praying for my someone. i've stopped believing in all that "love will come at the right time" crap. i've stopped believing in romance - that people fall in love for the right reasons and with the right people. and yes, there are exceptions. but i'm not holding my breath.