what i want to do soon

while all of these organization changes and efficiency discussions are happening, it does not in any way deter me from pursuing my other interests both current and forthcoming. while some of them may probably remain queued for some time, i still do have plans on pursuing them.

1. finish my mba - 2 more terms to go and i'll be done with it - with a supply chain major. most of my mba friends will be done 1 or 2 terms ahead of me but i stopped for two terms so that's expected.
2. enroll in short culinary courses - i'll probably have to do this after my mba - it will be hard to juggle between the two if i take them simultaneously. i've been itching to try out some of the easier cupcake recipes online including a carrot cake recipe i got (also online). my interests though does not lie on baking alone but also doing different cuisines.
3. develop photography skills - i'm not talking about just being able to shoot pictures but also learn how to do post-processing (study adobe photoshop cs2) and photo layouts. i need a mac for this hehehe
4. working out - this is probably where discipline and mind power is required A LOT. follow really a strict gym routine - stay in shape as long as i can. and my ultimate dream talaga is to have six-pack (or kahit 4-pack) abs - i think i'd need to do 500 sit-ups everyday for a year to have that hahaha
5. read my 25GB+ downloaded comics - yeah, i have patiently downloaded almost all of the x-men & related titles for the past three weeks already that even i was surprised its this much hard drive space already.
6. organize my mp3's - being the OC that i am, i need to tag over 60-80GB worth of MP3s i've accumulated over the past years so i can upload them to my ipod. you see, i don't upload mp3's on my ipod if they're not tagged properly with album covers.
7. travel more - visit more of the philippines or outside of the country. take more and more pictures.

i think this list suffices for now. there are still a lot of things i want to do (like hook up with my gym crushie hahaha) but let's leave this list as it is right now. i'm sure with time or as some of this gets crossed out, i'd have new things to add.

looking ahead

while attending a meeting this morning, some good friends clued me in on the latest in our group's reorganization - particularly on the n-2's. "i'm to report to the devil who doesn't wear prada" t'was what they first told me - i was quite dumbstruck at first and wanted they make sure they weren't pulling my leg. but the source was quite credible and they wouldn't joke on something like that. my mind was on overdrive trying to make sense whether this was "karma" in the bad way or if this was an opportunity depending on how i looked at it. i called my source up and even did netmeeting and my source showed me the org material itself and my name was printed there crystal clear. yes, i am going to report to Da Devil Who Doesn't Wear Prada and i'm technically moving to another group (from capacity to capital) but the bigger change is that i am going to work on the EMS project as project manager. It does sound like a good opportunity and i do have my reservations : the people i will be working with have much more knowledge about the whole project than i have so i need some serious catching up; as project manager, they will indirectly be accountable to me at least projectwise; and lastly, i've been kind of conditioned a long time to working by myself that it will be challenging to manage the project specially if all of them are US-based. Ugh, this is where the old adage "be careful what you wish for" comes back to bite me hard but i remain optimistic to do my best to be successful. its not going to be an easy feat but it does present a lot of opportunity particularly around promotion since the other project managers are relatively higher grade level than i am. so if i do good (and God help me, i will do great) then that ups my chances a lot. i think where i take solace in all these changes happening is that managers have faith in my abilities to put me as the project manager for EMS. That may mean i still have a "relatively" bright future in this organization. and that in itself, deserves a toast.

i love my new perfume

mickey, elmers and i went to the lux asia bodega sale over lunch yesterday and i managed to buy some shiseido men's skincare essential kit and sunscreen. the purchase i love the most right now is the davidoff echo eu de toilette (100ml) i got for only P2,100. that's really a steal compared to the issey miyake (i love this too!) i bought last time which was around 4k+. happy happy joy joy!!! so that adds to the perfume bottles i have that i haven't finished yet : CK Be, Armani White, Luciano Soprani Uomo, CK Contradiction, Hugo Boss Dark Blue, RL Romance, (I super love this!), Clinique Happy (Love!), Cool Water, Acqua di Gio, Giorgio Armani Wings and Claiborne. I just realized now madami pa pala sila hahaha. Di lang yun na-realize ko, i have lots of clothes pa pala na i wore mga once of twice pa lang, even have these shirts i bought last year in the US that i haven't even worn here in Manila. Duh, sayang. I have to start wearing them soon. I gotta keep these spendings in control.

what is it ...?

while i was watching "under the tuscan sun" for the nth time a few weeks back, i came across the question "what is it about love that makes us so stupid?" and i was taken aback because it was actually a very good question. what really is it about love that makes us stupid?

i never really understood what being in love meant but when it hit me last time i realized what that most of what is written about it is true. it does make your world seem brighter, you have that giddy smile all day long and it can make you happy and sad all at the same time. emotion can really be a powerful thing and it can screw up royally how you think. some friends i know crave attention so much that they fall in love (so they say) left & right, locked in forbidden relationships with attached people that i'm left to wonder, is that really what love is? does one deserve happiness at the expense of others? some of my friends, when in love, devote their whole attention to the object of their affections that they lose touch with friends. its as if they are completely different people when the one they like/love is present. love shouldn't be like that - it should be about acceptance, being able to look through both the good & the bad and not have to pretend to be somebody else. love should be such that there is room for his friends, her friends and their common friends. there should be some sacrifices alright but not cutting your ties completely. real friends understand the craving to spend a lot of time with the one you love and they stick with you when the going gets rough, when you need a shoulder to cry on or just to share some happy memories with. one doesn't necessarily have to choose between friends and a love one, they can and should exist at the same time. the world doesn't revolve around two people only, we don't live in a box. what's the purpose of creating memories if you have no one to share it with? while real friendship do last a lifetime, its intensity can change - because people, even friends, also need to be nurtured. is it friendship still when you remember your friends only when you need them? in a way yes, but its not a good way to nurture a lasting friendship, no matter how deeply rooted it is already.

CDO : Day 3

we expected to wake up before 6am on the third day since a lot of people we talked to mentioned this was a good time to go to white island. the rains let up already but it was pretty cloudy that morning we were fearful our pictures will turn out dark and gloomy. while waiting for the boat, van and i ventured to the big rocks that sort of formed like a barrier in front of paras beach resort and snapped some pictures. from these rocks, you actually have a perfect view of the paras resort and the rocks was a perfect location for some nice pictures. we were finished by the time the boat came back to take us to white island.

white island is like a small island of white coarse sand five minutes by boat from the shore. there are no trees on white island just the clear, pristine waters surrounding it. there was though makeshift huts with tables serving beer and seafood. when we got to the white island, it was still cloudy, but this didn't dampen our spirits. this patch of land was actually very beautiful and relaxing. we couldn't decide what pose, what angle will give great pictures so we decided to just snap endlessly. we ordered some san mig light and grilled (really big) squid/calamari to go with it. the combination was perfect and the the calamari was cooked perfectly - not rubbery. ali, van & i decided to take a dip in the clear, blue waters and we took some more pictures in & out of the water. i have to tell you that i was amazed how clear the waters were that you could literally see underwater and it makes for great underwater shots. wading through the water, it also was surprising that the water was still below my shoulders even as i ventured farther away from the shore. i think this is a very good place to go snorkeling. before we left, van bought some native necklaces i think 9 pieces for 100 pesos (after haggling of course). take note too that since we didn't have money with us on the island, the manong's just told us we can just pay the boatman when he brings us back to the mainland. wow, they were really nice. the white island tour was just an additional 400 pesos (for 4 people) part of the arrangement with our lodging.

when we got back to our cottage, we just changed clothes and was ready for the camiguin tour by kuya cris. we brought swimming clothes since we were going to visit some cold & hot springs along the way. our first stop was the walkway to the old volcano and via cruces where the stairs actually led to the top of the old volcano and had the stations of the cross along the way. we only made as far as the 3rd station but decided that the trek yesterday to the canopy walk was exercise enough for the week so we didn't bother to go up anymore. our next stop was the old church which was actually destroyed when the volcano erupted sometime in 1871. looking at what was left of the church, i can just imagine how devastating that volcanic eruption was back in 1871 since the church has been completely laid to waste. i was amazed since i was looking at piece of history right in front of me, 135 year old ruin. at the back of the church was the bell tower, also already in ruins and there was a giant tree planted which was breathtaking to look at. kuya cris told us that mcarthur landed on the shores of camiguin before when the americans liberated the philippines from spanish colonization. wow, we were standing there where history unfolded hundreds of years ago. when we were leaving, we chanced upon some lanzones that were being sold at 60 per kilo. we bought a couple of kilos and later on learned that during the real lanzones season (october), a kilo can go to as low as 10 pesos - wow!

our next stop was the sunken cemetery where we saw that a cross has been erected a few meters from the shore to mark where the cemetery was before the eruption moved that part of the land to the sea. kuya cris told us that you can actually see the tombstones when it is low tide but corals have already grown on most of them. we left for the sto nino cold springs where we also decided to take our lunch of fresh buko, chicken adobo and grilled pork. we threw in 3 big mangoes for dessert. we decided not to bathe in the cold springs and decided to just snap some pictures of us on the multi-cab. our next stop was the katibawasan falls - the water here was very very cold but we gamely waded through the waters playing while taking some pictures. we left a few minutes after happy & cooled down from the warm breeze. the plastic chamois ali & i brought at MoA nicely doing its job of absorbing the water from our clothes. before we went to our last stop for the day, we passed by one of the stores and hoarded boxes of pastel (bread with cream filling). i haven't really tasted this one but decided to buy 4 boxes (12 dozen per box) of it just caught up with everyone buying so many boxes.

our last stop was the ardent hot springs where all of us enjoyed the warm water. there were actually a few other people but we didn't mind not having the place to ourselves. we had fun taking pictures while playing in the water and even took videos of us swimming and making funny faces & actions underwater. i think i've ROI'd the waterproof casing for my camera already - yipee! i was surprised to see that all that working out is paying off since my arms did have some definition underwater - hahaha (insert blush here!). unfortunately, all this playtime under the sun doesn't do my skin any good and i've noticed how dark my arms look now. you can see clearly the change from my shoulders to my arms - like really dark brown contrasting with my lighter-colored shoulders. damn, i need lots of likas papaya and whitening lotion na naman. we got home a bit beat from all the going around during the day. dinner was liempo and lechon manok, rice and coke. we slept early that night since we were in for an early ferry ride back to cagayan de oro.

our estimated expenses were a bit off probably by 500-1k since we didn't include tips and underestimated food costs a bit (or takaw lang kami), i think the trip cost like 7.5-8k (not including the plane fare). we also had additional expenses for renting a van (instead of taking the bus). but for all the stuff that we did and the places we visited, 10k isn't bad.

must have items :
digital camera + underwater casing (don't go for the kodak waterproof disposable camera)
at least 1GB of memory card
rechargeable batteries
cool outfits

for more pictures, click here : camiguin

CDO : Day 2

we woke up around 430am since we asked to be picked up around 5am for the canopy walk. we said goodbye and thank you to tita jing and tito francis as we boarded the van. gerome (our trip coordinator) introduced us to meg & edwin who were going to be our canopy walk guides. meg said the drive to the drop off point was about an hour and thirty minutes so we asked to stop over some restaurant for breakfast. fortunately, there was a 24-hour jollibee opened and we managed to snag some breakfast for the adventure ahead. the trip did take a while with jona, van and allan drifting on and off sleep along the way. the view along the trip was very nice shifting between farm rows and rural landscapes. it was fascinating to see that even in somewhat remote regions, there were schools and chapels. it was nice to see the kids marching to go to school. during the drive, meg showed us a collection of pictures of people & celebrities who went to cagayan to do outdoor activities - there was charlene gonzales, marc nelson and dennis trillo among others.

we reached the drop off point around 730am and meg handed us some rattan sticks for the trek. the trek going uphill was tiring, it told us how out of shape we were. we were gasping for breath halfway and couldn't wait to finish the trek to the first deck. we attached the harnesses and took some pictures while meg & edwin prepped the zip line for our descent to the 2nd deck. the slide through the zip line was controlled (mostly for safety reasons) since there was a tree around 3/4 the end of the line. we all managed to zip through it unscathed, even allan managing to conquer his fear of heights. the second deck was about 1,450 meters high so looking down to the bottom can make your legs a bit wobbly. if trixy was there and i teased her about her fear of heights, i am dead sure i was going to get some good slapping. the next route were makeshift walkways of steel and rope - walking on these wobbly steps were a bit disorienting first. it wasn't the first walkway that was scary but the 2nd or 3rd one which was actually the longest walk. the view was spectacular - overlooking the mountains as you maneuver the steps. it was actually kind of hard to concentrate on walking seeing how high we were and how wobbly the steps were - it took some effort. fortunately, while i can get goosebumps being at high places, i never really feared it that much so doing the canopy walk thing gave an adrenaline rush.

we went through 2 or 3 more decks using just those makeshift walkways ocassionally stopping to take pictures as each of us braved moving from one deck to the next. the trip back through the same walkways was easier for all of us and we managed to do this faster. it was the trek back that was still tiring even though it was mostly downhill. it was on this downhill trek while doing a comedic rendition of "how do i live" that i slipped and scraped my arms (insert painful laughter here!). damn, that was embarassing! when we reached the van and during a short stopover, i managed to change to some clean clothes. the van was bringing us to the balingoan port so we can take the ferry to camiguin. randy (our driver) told us the trip to the port to be around two hours. we were kinda beat after the canopy walk that we all had some shuteye during the ride, ocassionally just waking up to check our music players and cell phones.

we got to the port sometime around 3pm with the ferry scheduled to leave around 4pm. we took some so-so lunch before we boarded the ferry. it was a huge barge, the kind that can transport cars & trucks from island to island. we were actually blessed with good weather since yesterday and today was no different - cloudy with a hint of sunshine. the ferry trip was uneventful where we took some more pictures of the port, of the islands and of camiguin as the ferry drew closer to it. camiguin was breathtaking from afar, all green with lush trees and big mountains (which turns out to be volcanoes). cris (our camiguin transport) was there on the port already to greet us and he led us to his blue multi-cab. we also took some pictures during the ride to where we will be staying. it was a good 45 min ride to pabua's cottages (which was just in front of paras beach resort) where manang ima greeted us and led us to our cottage when we got there. the cottage was very spacious and clean and could accommodate between 4-6 people. the bathroom was clean, there was airconditioning and cable television. since it was off-season, we were paying only 1,000 pesos a night for the room (it doubles during the peak season which was summer and october during the fiesta).

we had dinner at paras beach resort and ordered kinilaw na tanigue, crispy pata, sinigang na baboy and pinakbet. we really were craving for a good dinner after our so-so lunch. it was good that we were done with dinner when it started to rain hard with very strong winds that actually knocked some of the silverware from the other tables. to make things worse, power went out and it was pitched black. we ran through the dark blindly to get back to our cottage and since there was nothing else to do, we decided to get wet and play in the rain. it was a first for jona to shower in the rain and we had fun playing in the rain even if it was only lamp posts giving up some light (from the generator of paras beach resort). we were shivering from the cold when we decided to go back to our cottage. we took our baths, watched some television, reviewed our pictures, laughed out some and finally managed to doze off for an early start tomorrow.

more pictures for cdo : day 2, click here : canopy walk

for canopy walk reservations (dome expedition tours):
gerome garcia +63919-4043930
a_detour97@yahoo.com
P6,300 for four people
additional P800 for van to bring us to balingoan port

pabua's cottages, camiguin
emma pabua +63918-5865441/(088)3879033

camiguin transportation/tour
cris +63921-5637788
P2,100 camiguin tour + pick-up from port + drive to port

CDO : Day 1

after five months of waiting, the day of our eagerly anticipated trip to cagayan de oro finally came. while the number of those who were going thinned out to just jona, allan, van and me, we we're still excited to go. I've arranged the lodgings and the schedule of activities (with the help of ting) two weeks before august 23. our flight via cebu pacific was at 505am so we had to be at the airport at least 45mins before or our seats will be given to waitlisted passengers. i woke up sometime around 230am to shower and do some final prep before driving to jona's house where i was to leave my car. we actually packed light for this trip - i myself managing to cram everything in my abercrombie knapsack with enough clothes, sandals, my nike presto and speedo flipflops. thankfully, ali's brother alexis drove us to the airport and we managed to check-in even with the early morning boo-boo's like allan coming in late and van forgetting to bring her e-tickets. we sorta did the walk of shame going to our seats at the tail end of the plane while those seated were eyeing us as if saying "latecomers!"

we got into cdo without any problems and ting's mom & dad picked us up from the airport. we were actually going to sleepover ting's house that night (yeah, while ting is back in manila) and we were lucky they even agreed to house people they never met before (laugh here!) - kapal no? tito francis was quiet and serious while tita jing was very much like ting, soft-spoken and nice you'd think she never gets mad in her life. they took us to their house pass by the xavier school and a few kilometers before the sm mall. the ramos house in cagayan de oro was big and spacious and had an awesome view of the hills and sunset (which we found out later). it was a house where you would want to retire and savor the peacefulness while rocking steadily on the chair overlooking the hillside. we were exuberant with joy that tita jing invited us to breakfast since were starving and we feasted on baudnon (super yum dilis-like), eggs sunny-side up, pork adobo and brown rice. we had some time to settle down after breakfast waiting for our pick-up to go white water rafting.

the jeep ride to where the rafting starts took a good 30-45mins ride. there were five other people on the jeep with us which we mistook for korean tourists but turned out to be from cagayan since they spoke some tagalog and talked with some local twang. when we got to the drop off point and were putting up our lifejackets and helmets, we were anxious what the first rapids will feel like since the first one was just a few meters away from the starting point - talk about baptism by fire, right? after some orientation about the basics of paddling, with camera (enclosed in a waterproof/underwater casing) in tow, we were all excited to start the ride. arlan, our guide, mentioned that there were 14 rapids in the trip and lunch was going to be sometime after the seventh rapids. admittedly, the first rush of water was nerve-wracking as i wondered what will happen if the raft capsized in the middle of the turbulent waters but after a couple more rapids and i was feeling mighty confident already. there were even two instances wherein we were asked to stand and paddle while we went through the rapids - talk about adrenaline rush. there was even a portion in river wherein you can float and let the current carry you off one of the smoother rapids - van & ali tried this one while allan & i stayed on the raft.

when we docked somewhere and waited for lunch to be ready, we waded in the water and swam towards the big rock in the middle of the river. this was no easy feat since the current were pretty strong and you can get dragged on away from the rock if you are not a strong swimmer. it was a bit difficult maneuvering with one hand while my other hand was holding the camera but i managed to swim through. when lunch time came, it consisted of crabs, shrimps, liempo, lechon manok and rice that came in heart-shaped coconut leaves (they called it "puso"). diets were off and we feasted like we didn't have anything for breakfast.

the next leg of the rafting adventure had ali & van on the front of the raft while allan and i were forced to the backseat (bummer!). we still had fun maneuvering the remaining rapids, other times trying to paddle through the more turbulent waters. there were some side trips along the way with one having us try to cross a portion of the shallow water only to get dragged along by the strong rapids/current. we had more photo opportunities along the way with arlan (our guide) managing to take some awesome background shots of the mountains, caves and water. there were a lot of jokes during the trip - our guide was actually a very funny guy. the last stop was actually a big rock wherein you can jump to the river. now this, ali, van and allan tried it and i decided to stay behind because i didn't want to get any more wet. i took some pictures of them jumping but they didn't really come out great because the light was against them.

when we got back to the ramos' house, we showered and change clothes and just chilled at the veranda overlooking the hillside. tita jing served us some popcorn, peanuts and later on some chocolate crinkles. we managed to take some nice sunset pictures even with some low clouds covering the sun. dinner was again a feast with fried chicken, salad, sweet corn, baked ribs, rice and ice cream. tita was really spoiling us and ting's family were excellent hosts. we chatted a lot with ting's sister guia who we learned is going to take the board exam like ting but in cagayan, and not in manila. we slept with a smile that night savoring the experience of the white water rafting. tomorrow was again something to look forward to.

white water rafting reservations :
rupert +63917-7073583
P1,400 (with lunch)
our guide arlan's friendster addy : riverguide_2003@yahoo.co,

for more white water rafting pictures :
if you have a multiply account, click here : white water rafting
if you don't have a multiply account, click here & select white water rafting : http://yuan1025.multiply.com/

jacob's three today

i can't believe my nephew is three-years old today (aug 20) and while we decided not to hold a jollibee or mcdonald's party, we had a small gathering (mostly family) @ panciteria san jacinto right at e rodriguez avenue. admittedly, the food was actually good with our choice set consisting of crab & corn soup, fried chicken, fried rice, chopsuey, lumpiang shanghai and some really awesome shrimp camaron (i think that's what its called). the place was actually packed around lunch time proving that the restaurant was actually a popular choice.

jacob was his usual high-spirited, energetic self running everywhere. he's very very talkative now and while he still can't pronounce some words, he does have a knack for recognizing symbols - mcdonalds, jollibee, sm shoemart, bpi, shell, caltex ... its just awesome hearing him talk. for his bday, jacob wore the guess polo i bought him last christmas along with an old navy corduroy pants and the new balance shoes i got him from the US a month ago. my sister had a "blues clues" cake made for his birthday and he was eager to blow the candles when it came to cake time.

jacob is really growing up fast. next year, he's going to start school already and we're not sure yet which school to enroll him, top choice right now is la salle zobel (yes, i am a true-blooded, die-hard la sallian & bosconian). talking about that reminded me to start inquiring for next schoolyear.

happy 3rd birthday, jacob patrick. i love you baby.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= o0o =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

uh oh, while waiting at the car for mom while she was closing the gate, i suddenly had an attack of dizziness. it was really bad cause i thought the whole car was being tossed around. i think its either i should stop taking my hydroxycut or i should eat some more (i did eat a siopao for breakfast). scary. i hope i don't get one of those spells while driving.

ditchesa

i was supposed to have another reunion of sorts tonight with leo (the visiting ny lad), ron (hs classmate) and biboy (kinda well-known bowler) - plan was to have dinner and healthy dose of catching up. thing though is that i wasn't in the "socializing" mood tonight so i did a bad thing and made a lame excuse that i was feeling sickly and i needed to take a rain check. ditchesa, that's what i am, whatever the heck that means. well i did go out for dinner last night with cindy @ the old spaghetti factory in festival mall feasting yet again beyond what i should be eating - but i liked the sweet, citrusy (ya, i love citrusy stuff) asian salad, so-so aligue (heaven help me for eating this) pasta and ala-3M looking pizza (laughing here). what capped the night was a slice of cheesecake (which they say is imported from the cheesecake factory in the US) - it tasted good so it probably is true. what i'm craving for is carrot cake - super fave and i'm still trying (in vain) to find out where i can get a similar cake (similar to the one i bought in az) down here, the cafe elysee comes close but i think that joint closed down already. i've yet to try out this carrot cake recipe + cream cheese frosting i downloaded from the net the other day. i'll try that out probably over the weekend or next. busy busy busy.

btw, i electronically weighed myself yesterday and officially i'm @ 170lbs (yay!). is that an improvement or have i not lost any weight the past few weeks? i forget. well 5-10lbs shy of my 160-165lbs goal, i think i can do that since i can't eat so much again cause i just got my braces adjusted. now i have to place these two really uncomfortable elastic bands on my upper molars and attach them to the lower jaw. how fun is that? i think i'd also lost around 4% fat already, not bad - i probably need to do more cardio exercises, do it like all get out after i get back from cagayan.

uh oh, mind blank here ... can't think of anything to add anymore. so there.

lunch break

elmer & i went out for lunch at MoA and decided to have lunch at razon's - besides i've been itching to know what the fuss was about their halo-halo. lunch turned out to be too-much onion sisig, a quarter of daing na bangus (we were planning for the bangus steak, but mistakenly ordered the bangus meal --- bummer!) and some carbo-laden rice (bad, bad!). the meal wasn't really bad, it just wasn't what i was craving for - and since i'm having my braces adjusted tomorrow, i wanted to be able to eat something really good (hehehe!). when halo-halo time came, i was surprisingly disappointed because i thought there wasn't really anything special with the halo-halo. it tasted different (probably cause of the coconut milk) and there were too few fruit bits to feast on. for those who love razon's, i'm sorry to not share your enthusiasm but i found nothing special.

my eyes did widen though when i tinkered with the iMAC at the apple store. and i finally was able to stroll around a bit the MoA en route to the parking lot.

things to look forward to : my gym crushie and a free dinner.

sorry isn't as hard in writing

listening to shamrock's version of APO's "paano" for a little over fifteen times yesterday made me nostalgic - there's just something over pained, lovesick lyrics that can dampen your spirits. while i didn't get that all too familiar feelings of depression, it got me thinking though of what life was before the goodbyes and i realized i had some things i needed to apologize for. nope, i am not regressing into a lovesick state but this is something i need to do, even if it will be in writing and mcb will probably not get a chance to read it. so for the record, this is not a "dear mcbaby" letter though it may appear somewhat like that.

i am truly sorry for making you feel awkward around me - i didn't really know what to say around you anymore so i was quiet most of the time. the burden of losing you (our friendship) will forever be on my shoulders alone - and i know that even if i reach out to you now, it's already too late. everything that has happened from that point (when i fell in love with you) to this (when i decided to move on) was my fault - you had nothing to do with. i am truly sorry. know that i will always pray for your happiness (mine too!) and i will be here for you whether you need me or not - that's a promise.

i won't say sorry for loving you because loving you was the best gift.

fill my little world

we made some tentative plans to hold a sort of gathering at eric's condominium some two weeks back. annie, as always, was our designated ocp (Organizing ChairPerson) for the event. all plans fortunately were set a day before through a little nagging from me via ym to annie. eric's main worry was that his place may not be big enough to hold everyone who were invited - so even though we wanted to invite more people, it was quite impossible. eric's place was quite nice, it was actually perfect for a single guy (specially if he didn't have to build two rooms) and the interior was nicely done (props for eric). the only thing about the venue was it was quite far down mindanao ave, somewhere at north edsa - i have to admit that i would have gotten lost if i haven't met up with eric earlier.

while the party was actually at 6pm, people as usual arrived around 730ish with most of the food and the wine. the food was a feast - inihaw na liempo, lechon manok, crabs in aligue, shrimps, ripe and green mangoes, pancit and bottles of merlot and baileys - san mig light and zinfandel coming later. the gathering was actually a good enough reason to pig out (yet again) and i have to say the shrimps and the crabs were super yummy - so yet another hour on the rotex for me (as if!). there were quite a number of people who came : annie, jap, reggie, shanda, tm, notty, amboy ron, richard, mitch and then later on jm and imee. dada and her husband benny unfortunately were not able to drop by. after dinner, those who "can" sing hogged the magic sing - with richard treating us to some awe-inspiring rendition of "the promise" by martin nievera and a number of other tracks (videos on youtube.com to follow). richard, jm and annie are actually are karaoke champions - they can really belt it out. there's just really something attractive with a guy who can sing - knocks you off your feet.

the beer started after dinner along with the wine, baileys and zinfandel. pictures were being snapped left and right along with some videos. ron (who didn't really speak a lot of tagalog) didn't seem to mind the jokes and the stories in the local dialect. everyone was probably just happy being out of school - not having to worry about exams or strama papers. a lot of us looking forward to finishing school and at the same time, anxious how to continue this wonderful friendship we have right now. for the rest of the night though, we didn't really thought about all of those stuff since we were there living for the here and now - as how it should be. the party ended sometime around 2am (or was it earlier?) but i managed to get home in one piece, mindlessly tipsy (not drunk ha!) but i could feel my head starting to hurt already. my head was already floating when i got home.

there's not much words to say how much i love and enjoy being friends with these guys. we can talk about anything (i mean anything) because they're open and mature most of the time. while some of them for sure i will lose touch after school, i think some of them are meant to be forever.

more pictures : triple treat gathering

baby bro's 24

i first met jeck playing volleyball when he was still a new hire from the other factory. van and ali noticed that (like most IE's are) he was actually a goodlooking lad. we later on became buddies with jeck mainly because he was friends with allan and jerk so he was invited to most of our gimiks and gatherings and inuman sessions. its hard not to like jeck since he's actually one of the nicest guys i've met - real, honest, sweet & caring. mabait talaga, like a baby brother (hence the monicker i call him). tomorrow is jeck's 24th bday and he invited us to his house today for some merienda. the longganisa pasta was uber delicious including the lumpia and the adobo i think i ate more than i should have - but hey, its his birthday so its a valid excuse (rolling eyes!). jeck is married now and is quickly jumping on the "daddy-look" path (read: bigger - tummy & all). he's still sweet & nice though, and a formidable volleyball teammate (champions kami e!). knowing him has been an unexpected blessing. happy 24th birthday baby bro! i wish you a long & happy life with your wife!

living in limbo

again, past few days feels like i'm living in limbo ... i see things with different eyes. i see my friends and yet there's something different in them - do you think that sounds weird? maybe its just a by-product of my sometimes overactive imagination - of my being too OC sometimes and trying to psycho-analyze every minute detail of what i hear and see. in a way, i told van, this limbo feeling is better for me. there's no need to think too much, its like with the numbness, i'm no longer susceptible to bouts of sadness, longing and desperation. i realized that one of the side effects of taking hydroxycut was light headedness so maybe that explains why i feel like i'm floating in the air most of the time - hearty laughter here.

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a good friend broke the news that their pass to singapore has been approved already and they're moving there very soon. i felt sad and happy hearing this news - sad of course cause a very dear friend is leaving and happy because this is a great opportunity and beginning for their family. the other news here is that their daughter is my goddaughter so does that mean i don't have to send any birthday & christmas gifts anymore? scratch yet two names off my shopping list? hahaha i looked at our group of friends and its all thinned out, half of which scattered in different countries. this is what you hate about being grown-ups, the prospect of friends moving away is greater as they pursue bigger & better opportunities outside of this country. me, i'm staying put .... for now.

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the re-org discussion for our group is done. its really great what networking can do since i already had a preview of the org chart 4-days in advance - hah! no names yet on the managers so that's a big question for now. the good news is that i still have a job at this time. the challenge is to WIN big yet again to potentially another manager.

a reunion of sorts

leo moved to the states sometime back in college. we were classmates at don bosco makati - even shopmates (computer shop) along with dale, another good friend. while dale and myself pursued our engineering courses at de la salle, leo took up architecture in up diliman. and he and his family moved to new york, he shifted to civil engineering. the last time i saw him when he visited manila was in 1997 and i was barely out of college and just started working. i can't believe that nine years have already passed since that last time and leo's back in manila for some family gathering. seeing old friends sort of brings back a lot of good memories - in a way, high school was really fun. we were popular with the teachers during our senior years, and being seniors gave us licenses to look down on the lower years. childish.

at dinner, we couldn't help but talk about past professors and those school people we didn't really like so much. leo said he stopped by don bosco and saw that some of the folks back when we were in high school were still there. its really funny that you can never get tired of reminiscing how it was in the past - the dinners after CAT at the food plaza (which is gone now except for a lowly burger machine stall), the overnights in laguna, the petty fightings, the competitions, even talked about how we survived high school without airconditioning. we laughed about how "oldie" and "daddy-like" some of our classmates looked now, some of them we heard had guts that made them look like pregnant women. yeah, we can still make "lait" them cause we still look young (ahem, thank you moisturizers). we wondered how they have just given up taking care of how they look when they all got married - big mistake. we talked about a classmate who passed away and wondered what went wrong. it was a trip down memory lane that in a way i guess i needed to remind me how much blessings i have received from the time i stepped out of high school. i looked at two of my oldest friends and i feel proud on what we all have accomplished. back in high school, we never even talked about what would we become when we grow up - @ 16, we only cared about college. we're so grown-ups now, making our own decisions, revelling in whatever success we have and dealing with our own set of problems.

for the past few days, it was difficult for me to feel anything. i smile like i always did - automatic. being with other people, its easy to be happy - you just flash a smile and the world smiles back at you. its the being alone time thats a killer. life is better now - steady, no complications - its boring actually. maybe that better person meant for me is coming sooner - and i can find a way to feel something again.

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btw, the choc-nut ice cream @ uva is uber delicious. i was tempted to finish three generous scoops of it but i settled for 4 mouthfuls of it. yum.

we also had another dessert, sticky rice (suman in filipino) which was drizzled in sweet, sugar coconut sauce and ginger ice cream. it was also very very delicious. i love these desserts - there the whole point of every meal.

most of my friends say i'm "payat" na daw - so yay! they're not going to call me fat anymore.

comics addiction

i started reading comics when i was in college - it was introduced to me by a friend, a girl at that. i got hooked reading all of the X-titles (its not a reference to some porno stuff but rather the multitude of x-men, uncanny x-men, cable, x-force, x-men unlimited, gen x, x-factor) and really had to manage my measly allowance to be able to sustain my comic addiction. it was an expensive hobby especially for a student like me but the storylines were downright addicting - and i was still a kid that time. i stopped buying my comics when i started working for intel, by this time having amassed a full box of assorted x-men comics. from time to time, i still read them - yep, the stories can be that engaging.

i was browsing through the categories of listed torrents and chanced upon some x-men titles. there was someone actually nice enough to share his comics collection by scanning them and then sharing them online in these nifty .cbr & .cbz formats which you can open with a small program called cdisplay. i tested downloading one of the smaller downloads on a series called x-men : deadly genesis (picture is the cover art for issue#3) and whoah, it was the real thing. the scans were crisp, hi-quality and reading through them using cdisplay was awesome. i saw an assortment of x-men comics available via torrent and i am going to look into them. one torrent compiled the uncanny x-men from #1 to #446 - but it will take a while to download cause we're talking about gigabytes of information here. patience - i've got time, just gotta leave the desktop for a few nights.

a few more days and i'm going to feel like a kid again. can't wait.

10s for Monday

1. steady monday. got to start on my cmo-cog plans and chat on the inventory stuff for my ems ar.
2. seeing my cv officemates - nakaka-miss din pala being with them.
3. first time in a long while i had lunch again with my office friends.
4. being able to do my gym reps without complaining so much.
5. 25 mins of rotex cardio @ 120+ speed consistently
6. seeing my gym eye candy again after 10 weeks.
7. getting a really good, restful sleep last night not thinking of anything or anyone.
8. called already cdo reservations & accommodation for estimates. closed na 'to this week and we're all set for cdo.
9. finished redoing/reformatting the lrp-capital response template.
10. getting a call from a hs friend who's in town and wants to get together for dinner.

nothing to talk about

hmmm ... my gym sched is still at 6pm so i don't want to leave the office at 4pm today. i thought about blogging but realized i had nothing to talk about (insert puzzled look here!). yeah, nothing really exciting happened today - no major drama, no senti moments, as in steady lang. for a moment there, i asked myself if i was in the right office - hahaha, parang naka-time space warp.

not feeling anything works. no pain - like being on advil 24x7.
i'm liking it.

10 things to be grateful for

1. richard & dada helping me get the #286 slot (courtesy of their friend) during enrollment. while there were 40 students ahead of me, time breezed thru while i chatted with mayzelle and some former classmates.
2. free lunch @ mexicali courtesy of my good friend eric. it sort of seemed like payment for my microsoft office services (read: doing his diagrams for his strama).
3. meeting new people. rina - finally was able to meet atty ramil's girlfriend. ramil was my groupmate in manacc (@ taft) who is also jim & dino's good friend. rina was very nice and i found her very pretty. i also met amboy ron, who probably didn't understand a single tagalog word we uttered over lunch. ryan, annie's good friend who seem very nice, bright and interesting.
4. seeing old schoolmates. molly, dada, mia, cheryl. i am totally missing school!
5. TM & i being able to BI 4 schoolmates to hangout with us and watch "sukob" instead of (a) eric meeting up with his college bestfriend; and (b) mitch, annie & reggie to skip their afternoon class.
6. driving around makati without getting another traffic violation. and yes, i saw that there was indeed a freakin' "no left-turn" sign down that particular intersection.
7. watching "sukob" (which i found was an excellent & well-written film), getting a fright-dose, getting bugbog'ed by TM during the gulat-moments.
8. hanging out with ali & allan at starbux last friday night sipping on a P95 glass of mango juice.
9. passing by springfield last friday and not buying anything.
10. having well-meaning friends to constantly remind me of my stupidity, my foolishness and my need to move on.

an ending

dear mcbaby,

i'm getting a lot of flak on my message board and on my mobile from well-meaning friends on my previous post. i was contemplating on what retort was befitting of the conversation i had with trixy, albeit it was via text messaging. there's really so much i still want to say and so many things i wished i could have changed if i could. i don't want to start having a litany of what and how i feel about you because i've been doing that for the last five years, and a lot of you have grown weary of the same old story. trying to stop what i feel for you has been my greatest challenge - and i want everyone to know (so you don't think it hasn't been a struggle) that i have been doing the best i can, the best way i know how to forget about you. sometimes i've resigned myself to play the bad guy, the bad friend, the bad whatever - did stupid things uncharacteristic of myself. that maybe if i was bad enough, then i wouldn't be the kind of person you would hang out with. maybe its working, maybe its not - i dunno. sana na lang my friends know na every time i avoid you and everytime i shift to indifference mode, that hurts more than any of you can imagine. but this post is not about that - we're past that.

this letter would be the last one addressed to you. i'm saying goodbye. i want to let you know that you don't have to do anything, much less feel guilty - the weight of this is all on me. let me dance my own dance and i don't need you or anyone to feel sorry for me because i'll be fine. who would have thought five years ago that we'd end up this way?

"One of the keys to life: the fast forward. Every movie has its lousy parts. The trick is to fast forward through them. As time passes, you look back and say oh, that little thing, oh that. You fast forward to then right now, and you're over it. " - ally mcbeal

yuan*

where i am

dear mcbaby,

sometimes i do wonder what would have happened if things didn't turn out the way it is between us. i run each scenario in my head trying to figure out if i had done things differently, would we be better friends? i can say right now that i'm in the "getting there" phase already. i don't miss you that much to think about you like i always did back then. i have to admit though that there are still times when i wish i could spend some more time with you and have some sort of goodbye. i guess when i read your reply something tugged at my heart and for a fleeting moment wished you would change your mind. maybe its best to leave things where it is today - unresolved. after all, some things are better left unsaid.

i feel great though - and i'm moving on. i still fall into doing stupid things when you're around but i'm getting there. i think after watching "the break-up" last weekend, i firmly believe now that "love fades." maybe i'm getting jaded from all the heartaches pero siguro nga love isn't for everyone.

"There are some people who meet that somebody that they can never stop loving, no matter how hard they try. I wouldn't expect you to understand that, or even believe it, but trust me, there are some love that don't go away. And maybe that makes them crazy, but we should all be lucky to end up with that somebody who has a little of that insanity. Somebody who never lets go. Somebody who cherishes you forever." - from the tv show, ally mcbeal

yuan*

things to be grateful for

got this idea from elmer's blog on writing about things i should be grateful for and i do agree its good practice so we don't lose sight of the blessings (whether little or big) that we get everyday.
these are the things i am grateful for the past few days.

1. free lunch @ spiral courtesy of mama mickey last wednesday
2. i have a good-paying job
3. i have free dsl and free mobile subscription
4. i can work from home whenever i want
5. i have a nephew who everytime he calls me "uncle" and it sounds more like "ankle" makes me smile
6. that i am 100% debt-free except for the monthly dues
7. i have money for luxuries like gym membership, full-body massages, nail spa, laundry and other hobbies
8. that i have gas allowance
9. i managed to get sleep last night despite taking diet pills equal to 6 cups of coffee
10. i am alive today

thanks elmers for this wonderful tip.

back-to-school youth

saturday is the submission of the course approval form (caf). this time around, there's no online enrollment since gsb will be managed separately already. whoever made this decision this early is monumentally stupid and totally deserves a hard slap across the face. so anyways, i'm planning on taking on 3 subjects this term :

1. Reinventing Business using Digital Technology - online, wednesdays
2. Strategic Warehousing Management (Supply Chain) - runs Sep 30 - Nov 11
3. Purchasing and Procurement (Supply Chain) - runs Dec 2 - Jan 13

while digitech is online, i think we're required to meet f2f during the 1st seven sessions and it will be online thereafter. the supply chain subjects are saturdays, from 9am-4pm so next term, there'll be no more saturday gimiks for me - uhmmm maybe after school hehehe. there are two other electives i'm kind of interested in - retail marketing and global trade, both of which are being offered @ rcbc but if i want to be a major in supply chain, i'd have to take the above 2 supply chain elective + 1 more next term. i hope na lang i have some cutie classmates.

total cost : P20+k (est)

what's not to like

at the beginning of the year, i was actually in a predicament because i was uber bored with the job i had. i actually still feel that way sometimes but i was thinking since i have a knack for seeing opportunities where they are thin and making something out of it, i'd be fine. so in a way i guess i managed to do that by getting myself involved in the current system development efforts, in which i have my own set of reservations now. but that's not the point of this post. i wanted to list down here what to and not to like about my job and what are the opportunities i think can help get me a good increase next focal.

what's to like :
1. travel. 4 weeks last year in the US roaming around New Mexico, Folsom, Oregon and Chandler. 7 weeks this year in Chandler. now if i can figure out a way to get to costa rica - hmmm.
2. free broadband, mobile subscription. yeah, i have dsl at home with a wireless router that i can reimburse. my mobile subscription is courtesy of the company though no one calls me from the company nowadays.
3. flexible hours. i don't need to work as much to KTBR. i need to work some "more" if i want to take on more projects. come to think of it, Q3-Q4 is the right time to take on significant, highly-impactful projects.
4. work from home. i can work from home anytime i want and i do not even have to adhere to the max 2x per week wfh rule of the factory (said my boss' boss). dami ko mealstubs.

what's not to like :
1. boredom. the KTBR portion of the job is killing me - don't really have to think so much i think my mind is getting slow. i guess its all in the attitude - if i want to get out of this boredom, i should seek out opportunities in what i do - see where the shining moments are.
2. exposure. i feel like my exposure is quite limited nowadays - mostly working with factory ie mgrs, factory ie's. i miss the thrill of working with a much more senior crowd.
3. promotion will be a bitch. i'm not sure if what i'm doing today (this year) will be enough to get a promotion next focal. i need that bad.

opportunities for q3/q4 :
1. cmo-cog. francis and i need to work on this one. if we can get the cv area ie's to implement this to success, we have a good chance of proliferating this to the platform. shining moment #1.
2. ems. so getting more ar's on this rr-ems stuff which can keep me busy the rest of the year. my head is still a bit blurry on how to shine here but if i can leverage on my influence in ATM and implement a standardized business process then that can be my salvation. shining moment #2.

there's only two shining moments in q3/q4, i need to find more. i hope like before, i don't have to look too hard for these, they usually come my way. time to put my head to work.

thin or thinner

i wonder if i'm getting myself too thin - with all the low-carb dieting, the hydroxycut i started drinking (which makes me super agitated, kinda palpitating feeling) and the short cardio exercises i've been doing. when i bought the hydroxycut the other day, the guy asked me if it was for me and i could see it in his eyes he was thinking "is this guy for real?" i guess he thought i was anorexic or something hahaha! actually, i just want to weigh around 165lbs and depending on which weighing scale, i am right now at 170lbs (at home) or 174lbs (at the gym). add to the trimming down is i also want to burn most of my fats (hahaha). blame it on my friends who calls me "fatty!" but for the record, i am not anorexic - i just have goals.

the beginning of the end

reading through all the posts of late, i couldn't help but wonder if the events during the past few weeks is the beginning of the end? posts are littered with talks of moving jobs and migrating to other countries that it feels disconcerting sometimes that i may not be planning what's ahead seriously. i've been contemplating, like everybody else, what the future holds for me and probably how uncertain it seems right now. in a way, no matter how tumultuous the times are, i remain optimistic of what the future holds for me. my boss told me i was always the "optimistic one" - but will being overly paranoid do me any good today? i don't think so - i remain optimistic but "cautious" meaning that while i continuously hope for the best, my head also runs alternative scenarios the same time.

i guess it was too much to hope that the people i have grown accustomed to will always be here. the sad reality is that the world will keep on turning no matter how hard we try to stay where we are - people come & people go (even the best of our friends), love fades and life still goes on. when i was working back at bench before, i used to think it was such a perfect job for me - socially rewarding (celebrities, models, events), paid handsomely and i love the "people" i was working with. a year and 9 months later, i made a big decision and moved out. i knew that i was never going to see some of the people i worked with but i jumped ship nonetheless. i can tell that pretty soon, friends at work are going to move on and when that time comes, it will indeed be a sad day.

but hey, until that day comes, better enjoy every minute i spend with them.

i can be an addict sometimes

when i got home last night, i popped in the dvd i burned of gundam seed destiny (all 50 episodes) and watched where i left off the other day. I was at episode 16 i think when i started watching. i got so hooked watching episode after episode that before i knew it, it was already 2am. hahaha so i woke up at 6am today feeling woozy. so ok, some might ask what's to get excited on a stupid anime --- well, i've always loved anime. anime brings out the kid in me. and besides, the fight scenes and the gundams are awesome and the characters are very interesting. so yeah, call me an addict watching for 8 hours straight last night.

spiral

elmers, mickey, maricar (mickey's subordinate) and i decided to have lunch at spiral at the previously westin philippine plaza, now called i think philippine heritage hotel right at roxas boulevard. it was a buffet lunch with western, japanese, indian and chinese cuisine - i tell you there are so much food choices that two and a half hours isn't enough to be able to sample everything. for a 1k lunch, i decidedly forget i was on a low-calorie, low-carb diet. we started out with some california maki, salmon sashimi, salad with pistachios, corn and a lots of bacon bits (yum!). after the appetizers, we feasted on each of the cuisine they served - tempura, pork asado, roast beef, lamb, chicken, dumplings and even some noodles. there was an assortment of dessert from crepes, freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, ice cream, halo-halo, flan, cakes, fruits to choose from - it was dessert heaven at its best. i had low-fat ice cream, a cookie and some raspberry tart. it was an expensive lunch well worth it to spend time with good friends.

dizzy up

when i got back from my trip, i decidedly went back to my low-carb (read: no rice) eating habits. surprisingly, its not that hard anymore to not eat rice during meals. i guess i kind of gotten used to it by now (yeba!). i think i'm just 5lbs shy from my target 165lbs if the weighing scale at home is accurate. yesterday, i had only 2 ham omelettes for lunch and a glass of water. i went to the gym around 530 and did my routine training, did a good 25-min rotex/cardio run and decided to go to the grocery. while i was walking, i felt suddenly super dizzy and had to stop for a while to get my bearings. it was only then that i remembered i haven't had anything to eat since lunch. so now i know what it feels like to be hungry. when i got home, i ate my favorite "pata" and had half-a-cup of rice because the experience of near-passing out freaked me out. anyways, i bought some hydroxycut yesterday at GNC and the sales crew asked me looking puzzled if it was for me. hahaha i said "yeah" - guess he didn't think i needed it.