the clock is ticking ...

i'm usually very good at planning things up (at least for the near term) - i'm the type of person who goes out of the house with a specific agenda in mind. yeah, i'm the type of person who likes to know where he's headed. is that really such a bad thing? maybe. i guess getting old makes you more conscious and less adventurous. after all, the clock of life is ticking right? at 33, i can say that i've been more fortunate than some of the people i've known. people who have gone ahead into the light. losing them makes you realize how fragile and short life can be. and so i try to live my everyday - because what matters is today. tomorrow will take care of itself.

this post was actually about an update about how i'm doing writing my strama paper (your thesis equivalent in college) but somehow i digressed as i started tipping on the keyboard. so many thoughts swimming in my head right now - i guess that's why its hard to form one cohesive thought. back to strama, i'm starting up with module 3 tonight, there are 7 total modules so i'm hoping that i'll be able to finish module 3 this weekend. the succeeding modules as they say are easier - and i'm praying it is. its funny cause i still feel calm even when the deadline is next week - in a way this is good. while i work well under pressure, panicking can be very stressful. i talked to the class president from the other class and so far it seems the professor hasn't extended their deadline. i told him to text the professor relentlessly - after all what has he got to lose right? he can always say, it was his responsibility as class president to fight for the best interest of the class. if he fails - at least he tried, right? frac (for most of you who don't know, this is the favorite expletive in the tv series "battlestar galactica"), i just realized how i can preach to others what to do but then lack the conviction to follow the same advice in certain cases. what i'm saying is sure, when it comes to those kind of things - i have no doubt i can do it - if he shoots me down, at least i go down in a blaze of glory (lol, baduy!). the thing is - when it comes to love, i don't think i'll be able to follow-thru. i would have wanted to tell mcb how i felt - not in writing, but really just say it - let mcb know how i felt and just put it out there in the open - no expectations. and then we can go back to being friends. puro segue ang post ko right now - told ya my head is all messed up.

i definitely need a glass of wine. i need some form of relief. and i definitely need to go back to the gym.

wealth disposal

this week, we sold two of our cars - my dad's old toyota corolla and my sister's honda civic. my sister decided to sell her car when she was still in the hospital mainly because she was going to stop working and we needed the extra cash to cover the hospital balance. she was teary-eyed when the buyer took the car finally today. i guess seeing the only major purchase in her life going was saddening. in a way it is and i may never probably understand it fully because i am not one to get tethered with material things. besides, six cars for a family of five is a luxury and not a practical choice. we still plan to sell the van and hopefully get the other honda civic in working condition. i wonder what the neighbors think seeing us selling some of our assets - i can just imagine their tongues wagging and gossiping. been in this neighborhood a long time to not know how much people talk about other people. and for the record, i don't participate in idle gossip - heck, i don't even know half of the people in the neighborhood. we still have my car and my SUV and maybe when we get to breathe better financially, we can get another car for my mom and sister - a second hand car ain't that bad. its a good thing i did not sell my car when i got the SUV, for one its one of the well-maintained cars and still runs perfectly. we're not going to be poor - as long as i have a job.

slow and steady turn

the good news is that my sister is well enough to go home today and i'm just waiting for mom to call so i can pick them up at makati med. bills aside, i am so thankful for all the people who have offered prayers for my sister's recovery. there's still a long way to go and i've been scouting the web and the bookstores for books that might be worth a try to manage her condition better. so far i've found this book and has asked a friend in the US to buy it at barnes and noble. hopefully it gets here with some old friends traveling from the US next week. the bill is staggering - definitely a financial drain but God has given us options at least on how to work it out. what i pray for now is for my sister's continuous recovery. hopefully, next next weekend, we will be able to make that trip to manaoag to say our thank you's.

the other good news is that the strama term paper deadine has been extended to friday next week (instead of monday) along with certain conditions. 4 more days is reason enough to shout for joy. i sat down and did a portion of chapter 2 yesterday and looking at how much work needed for it, it was realistically not possible to put everything together for monday. so while i am taking off today on a supposedly dedicated time for the paper, bringing my sister home is a much more worthy endeavor. sleepless nights once more.

what's the thrill in having good news if there isn't a sorta-bad news attached to it yes? its not really bad, bad YET but me not planning ahead 5 years is different than me setting up plan B, and C, and D is another thing. short version is that my manager told me that they're transitioning me to a yet unspecified role. the good news there is that i'm getting what i asked for - me, not being tied down to the project i'm working on long-term. the bad news is that (a) the way this thing is playing down leaves a lot to be desired; (b) not having anything specific defined is definitely something to worry about; and (c) i hate all of the stupid answers and seeming dishonesty of it all. and so i took my cue, put plan B (sending out my resumes to other firms) and plan C (checked jobs online --> internal openings and actually applied for one job) in motion. it seemed that the internal application still flags your manager thru email that you have applied. busted! so i got a note from my manager about it and since i'm off this week, i'm putting if off until next week to talk about it.

next week is definitely going to be an interesting one.

sweeping the net

can you believe we made it to the yahoo news headlines? its not even about politics or a natural disaster. the "thriller" video about inmates in cebu doing dance as exercise has swept the web by storm. by storm, i mean 3,799,253 views in youtube. yes, that many and i'm pretty sure after making the headlines, that number is going to go up even more.


watch it in youtube : thriller

the problem with ...

the problem with me is that i love to procastinate. or rather, it seems i work better under pressure and this is something i'd probably be able to put to the test next week when i try to do most of my strama paper full-time. yes, i took the whole week off to be able to attend to researching and writing my paper. its going to be a challenge and for some weird reason i am not panicking - yet! i guess i've been pre-occupied too much lately that panicking appears to be taking a backseat to most things.

tonight i am going to write up my inputs for our case on monday and i probably should at least try to write a piece of my paper. who knows, maybe i will be able to turn up a more than average strama paper - hahaha who am i kidding? the good news though is that it seems i'm doing really well on my elective (inventory management) and if things work well, maybe there's still a chance of graduating with honors. well who knows right? we have to power to make possible the impossible. its all a matter of attitude. oh yeah, and hard work.

job fair today @ la salle. i submitted my resume to kraft, hsbc, kaisa consulting and accenture. i'm not really looking at anything specific, just wanted to hand out my resumes in case you know, there's an opportunity. nothing wrong with that. work has been a bit of a downer lately - me wanting to get out of being a program manager is happening sooner than i was prepared for. i should feel glad about it because in some way it was what i want but the only problem is that i don't have anything specific to work on after. although they'd tell me in two weeks time, that puts me in limbo - and me being the sole breadwinner in the family, that is not acceptable. so yeah, i'm checking my options.

you gotta love the kids

i volunteered to drive my nephew to his school last friday since his tuition fee for the coming quarter was due already. i was fortunate enough to move or cancel most of my phone con meetings so my morning was free after my 6-7am meeting. jacob's school is a good 20-30min drive from our house depending on traffic. Today is also a special day since one of jacob's classmates is celebrating her birthday. Speaking of birthdays, my nephew is celebrating his on Aug 20 - he's already 4yo this year and if not for my sister being in the hospital and all, we should be making plans to bring the little tyke to HK Disney sometime in october. i checked and i have enough mileage for 4 rountrip tickets via cathay pacific - sweet! well i guess we would have to postpone this trip a bit seeing that money is quite tight and we still need to pay the hospital half a mil (ugh) more. money matters aside, i'm sure glad my sister is doing better and hopefully she can go out this week (keeping our fingers crossed). i still need to call to make arrangements for my nephews school party - and its good that the school party packages are quite affordable.

friday was quite a special day in school - the kids had an earthquake drill and it was fun seeing the kids holding their books on top of their heads (for the debris) vacating the school premises. i was worried my nephew would get scared with the megaphone siren but he seemed to be in good spirits throughout the drill. i guess for him, this is all still play. seeing these kids, i vaguely remember what it was growing up at that age. and maybe my nephew, years from now won't really remember these moments. its nice that cameras are handier these days and makes it much more easier to capture moments like these.

there's so many places to take my nephew to - boracay, tagaytay, baguio at the top of my head. maybe when we can breathe financially again, we can go to singapore. we probably can go visit the zoo soon or the subic something. so many plans right? when this term is over, we should be able to start making the easier plans a reality. it would be nice to have a dslr now to capture these moments but i guess we'd have to do with the p&s cams for now until i can start rebuilding my savings. its all good.

n-a-s-t-y

it must be the weather.

for some strange reason, the prof E was especially n-a-s-t-y last night. when he got in the classroom and there were only a few people, i smiled and said "hi" - deadma. ok, whatever. cheerfulness aside, i thought we'd breeze through last night with the expected sordid and sarcastic belittling of our intelligence but i was wrong. he was downright n-a-s-t-y. i almost felt sorry for those who were presenting but no one really showed any sign of giving up. sure he can call us names, call us english-illiterate or whatever - but he can't put us down. so while he was busily chastising the presenters, i was absent-mindedly surfing the net and im'ng friends (yeah, i tend to that when i'm bored). so i added some classmates to friendster, checked my multiply, read some yahoo news, yada yada.

i guess what's on everyone's mind right now is the term paper submission. we were bent on asking for an extension and was trying to figure out where we can segue to bring that up. the opportunity presented itself in a silver platter. we got shot down as soon as we brought it up. there wasn't really anything else to argue with so the two week clock started ticking yesterday. so the next two weeks are going to be extremely busy days and while i am taking the full week off next week, commonsense tells me i should put in some work now. need to stock up on lipovitan (hmmm redbull+vodka na lang).

i don't know what's up ... again, it must be the weather.

US TV Fall Schedule

I was surfing the net to browse the schedules of the new season of my favorite shows. need to get ready because its going to be download extravaganza again. and since i download most of the shows, i need to start cleaning up my hdd (all 320GB of it) so there's space to download, download and download. gawd, i love having dsl.

• smallville (season 8) - september 27 (US)
• supernatural (season 3) - october 4(US) ... love this show!
• reaper (new show) - september 25 (US) ... worth a looksie!
• gossip girl (new show) - september 26 (US) ... worth a looksie!
• csi (season 8) - september 27 (US) ... who doesn't love CSI!
• ghost whisperer (season 3) - september 28 (US) ... dying to know what's next!
• heroes (season 2) - september 24 (US) ... hopefully doesn't drag like the first few episodes in season 1!
• journeyman (new show) - september 24 (US) ... curious just cause lucious vorenus from rome is the lead here!
• bionic woman (new show) - september 26 (US) ... starbuck from BSG as villain, this is getting interesting!
• friday night lights (season 2) - october 5 (US) ... one of the most underrated but better shows on television!
• prison break (season 3) - september 17 (US) ... loved this series since season 1!
• house (season 4) - september 25 (US) ... would you believe i haven't finished season 2 yet! hahaha

i can't find schedules for ABC yet - i can't wait for when grey's anatomy is going to be back including a host of other new shows from that network. ugh, the suspense is unbearable!!! and when is Battlestar Galactica coming back!!! i can't wait!

crazy little thing called life

in some bizarre way, it takes a crisis to bring a family closer together. maybe sometimes it takes something life-changing to make people realize a lot of things - how health (and life) can be so fragile, how to grow-up and take responsibilities, how difficult it is to balance your savings with expenses, and the list goes on. one of the good news is that the tube on my sister's nose (to help her breathe) was removed already and she looks much more stronger now. hopefully, her recovery goes unabated in the coming days. for most of you who doubt it - PRAYERS work. God has been very good to my family throughout this ordeal. He has given all of us the strength to carry the cross and surrounded us with people & friends who readily offered their support and their prayers. mom went home today to rest and freshen up a bit and even though the power was temporarily out and it was warm, everyone was in high spirits. my brother mentioned something like "he thinks he should start looking for a job." hopefully, it was something he meant - but you know, some action starts with intent. i told my sister to tell my brother (labo no, we use my sister as a bridge) that if he gets accepted to any paying job, i will buy him a new celfone. its not a bribe but an incentive. my brother doesn't realize his potential - he's a people person and i bet if he takes advantage of that one, he probably is going to be good at sales --- that is of course if he comes to the realization that a job means you have to work, and if you want to go up - you need to work harder. so i'm going to add to my prayers for him to get another chance to work so i won't be the only person in the family earning.

my nephew has learned how to sing his "ABC's" already. Its probably one of the things they've been singing in school. have you ever wondered why when you hear kids sing, they sound like voices from heaven? even though he doesn't know all the lines yet, i can't get enough of him singing that song. i love taking care of my nephew (tantrums & all). family love - its one of the best things.

trippin' down memory lane

i decided it was time to put in some hours to research for my strategic management paper and so i took today off and made my way to la salle taft. waiting for the light to turn green as my car slowed down with the traffic along the buendia intersection, i couldn't help but remember how many times i took this road going to school back between 1991 to 1995. except for the skyway and the buildings sprouting left & right, the roads were all the same. i lost count how many times i passed by filmore and estrada and remember how bad traffic was in the early mornings. as i approached the taft campus, my head was racing trying to figure out where i should park but after one turn, it was surprising i got a parking space right at the university mall (yipee!).

walking through the hallways of the la salle building, the memories of college came flooding back - those insane times i took the LRT to school, the EDSA Rotonda jeeps, the floods, the alay-lakad when there were no transportation available. la salle has changed so much from how it was back in the 90's it felt strange being back there. i walked through the corridors and the pathways and made my way to the library. kids walked around in their shorts & flip-flops making me wish i could have worn something more akin to trendy - but i still had class that night, so i had to make do not exposing any of my toenails. i love wearing flipflops (blame it on trixy's havaianas addiction).

i managed to finish my research 3+ hours after and decided i was already tripping down memory lane, might as well try to relive the old days. i trekked to the college canteen to get some waffle and sago't gulaman and was disappointed that they were no longer selling either. those were replaced by much more chic big chill and dulcinea churros. gone were the tables where we made "tambay", where we reigned supreme during our senior years. those were really happy times. i miss being that carefree.

i'm really happy that quite a number of friends and even people i've only known recently sent words of encouragement, with a few offering to donate blood. hopefully, we get a lot of healthy volunteers since my sister is going to have blood transfusion tonight. there's some good news (so far) in that if the results of her ultrasound is good that she might not need to go under the knife again. i'm hoping and praying really hard for that. To those who are praying and who are planning to donate their blood, thank you. I can't say it enough but the amount of support from everyone has been overwhelming. You don't know how comforting and how much this means to us. please continue to pray for my sisters recovery and let me know if you need any info to donate blood (8am-9pm, makati medical center, 2nd floor).

class was as usual a lesson in terror. nothing much to talk about that. the only good thing to cap my evening was a fattening quarter-pounder with cheese, a large coke light and TWISTER FRIES. I love twister fries. Back then, i drove-thru mcdonald's every day after work just to have twister fries. Ahhh, i love twister fries!

faith is the only thing i'm holding on to

the hospital bill doesn't really bother me that much anymore. right now, the most important thing in the world for me is to see my sister get better from her condition. people may say its drama but i will gladly exchange places with my sister in an instant because my nephew needs his mother more than he needs me. the doctor said there's another hole in her intestine and she will need to undergo another operation on monday. i have to admit i'm really scared for my sister and right now its really faith that God will help us through this that keeps me going.

i went to visit my sister after class today and i've put on a happy face while i was there. deep inside, it pains me so much to see my sister this sick. mom and i feels the same way - and we only say it when its just the two of us but we hurt so much about what my sister is going through. my sister's "lupus" is the one that's making this more difficult - add to the fact that when you get an operation involving your intestines - there's a chance of adhesions. help has been aplenty - God's little miracles - some envelopes from well-meaning friends, her doctors telling us they're waving their doctor's fees, prayers from everybody. i know its too much to ask but i'm praying for a BIG MIRACLE! Losing my sister is my greatest fear and i pray everyday no matter how tired or busy i am for her to get better.

my sister texted me thanking me and telling me she loves me. in our family, we were never very vocal and demonstrative of our feelings. i've always had a hard time saying "i love you" to anyone, even my family. i cried as i read her short text message because i felt the same way. i was prepared to spend every single money and whatever stocks i have if that's what's needed to make her better. i look at my soon-to-be 4yo nephew and he has no idea how sick his mom is. his laugh & his hugs are the only things that brighten my day lately.

i hope everyone who reads this can include my sister, Betty, in their prayers. Please ask God to give her strength, faith and hope that everything will be alright. My sister and my family needs your prayers more than anything else.

Blood Donors Needed

My sister is getting blood transfusion right now. We need to replace the blood that was used. If you are able to donate blood (any blood type) and you can drop by Makati Medical Center, please drop by and just mention you are donating for my sister, Ma. Bettina Santos.

If you have friends who can donate (based from the screening), please ask them as well.
Thank you so much.

kindred souls

i got to talk to a good friend yesterday and we sort of got into talking about the sad state of our lives right now. we talked about how it sucks to be an adult and how easy it was back in college (and even highschool) to worry only about how to pass your next exams. looking back at those times today with a different perspective makes me cringe about how selfish and self-serving i was at various states in college. i guess its a rite of passage - we get to be kids (and teenagers) once. and we're allowed tantrums and selfish bouts. if i could turn back time and i could confront myself face to face, i probably would give myself some decent slapping. growing up teaches most us life lessons and we become wiser and more sensitive to what really matters. as we talked, we realized that none of us is immuned to the trials God (in his goodness) throws at us. we all have our crosses to bear - emotional, financial, physical, health, etc etc. its difficult to surmise which of us had the bigger problems but one thing was certain, its a difficult road ahead. its difficult to tell what people are going through and how they are just by being with them. we get so good at pretending "we're ok" most of the time, that it already feels like second skin. that i guess is whats good about having friends (the real ones you can pour your heart on and not be judged on). just being able to tell someone sometimes and knowing you have a shoulder to cry on makes a lot of difference. its funny i say that and then i write about it here where people i don't even know can read it and say "poor lad." but these posts are not for that, its more therapy for me than anything else. and most of the time its easier to just write than talk. 'sides talking might make me cry and i'd hate to be called a crybaby.

times like these, having someone to give you an occasional hug or squeeze your hand can be reassuring. its hard to be so emotionally vulnerable and not have someone - the 'someone' here of course i'm not referring to friends (i, fortunately have a lot of them). its easier i guess when you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. that sounds more of a fairytale now, and while i used to believe that fairy tales can come true, i decided to live in the here and now. the price for me growing up - was the death of the peter pan in me.

i've become a bit jaded with all the hoping and wishing and praying for my someone. i've stopped believing in all that "love will come at the right time" crap. i've stopped believing in romance - that people fall in love for the right reasons and with the right people. and yes, there are exceptions. but i'm not holding my breath.

tasya pantasya

one of the things that i missed being able to do was daydream or at least be able to have moments where you can imagine and live in a make-believe world. i used to be able to do that without too much effort but growing up sort of strips you of that escape. what's really great about it is that in your own make-believe world, you are free to conjure up a fantasy. in it you are free to imagine you are with your one great love, that tragedy can happen and you still get your "happily ever after" ending. i guess being able to take comfort in an imaginary place gives you hope that someday you can have your "fairytale." being young (and naive) back then, i considered my best past time was when i was pining for people who i was seriously crushing on. i pined for the BND's big time. they were a nice distraction, a good motivation to come to work and see them, to look better - there was something in it that makes you strive to be a better person - more impressionable than you normally are. i guess the only downside is that most of the time, it doesn't work out like how you want it to be and you pine for them for such a long time that when its time to let go, it seems easier to hang on to the memory of it than lose that familiar feeling of being in love. as i grew older, i realized that "time heals all wounds" (lol, hindi time is gold!) and the heartbreak that seemed insurmountable at first, it gets better with time - and distance. absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder, it makes it forget. fundamentally, this is how we survive the loss of someone. not being with them makes it easier to move on. and while the pain of it persists, it gradually dissipates because we tend to hold on to only the good memories.

video calling

uhmm so ok, i'm not really clueless that the technology has been available for quite some time already but there was never really a need for it for a variety of reasons. first of course is for it to work, i'd have to buy a new fone which means i'd have to give up my faithful treo (undoubtedly the best fone i owned, and i've used quite a few). i can't imagine not having all of the cool functionalities my fone has right now, the ease of having a qwerty keypad, audio, video, call block (yeah, stalker), e-mail and ability to work with word, excel and view powerpoint. second thing was that for me to video call, my contacts will need to have a video-calling capable fone as well.

my sister's fone right now allows for video call and while in one of my pensive moments - now this happens mostly when i'm driving - it crossed my mind that for my nephew to be able to see his mom and his lola (whom he calls mama), we can do video call. so i needed to buy a fone capable and decided that i should just replace my mom's fone since its been with her for quite a while already. so voila, in my mind, the reward of my nephew having to talk to mom & my sister via video was enough reason for me to shell out cash for it. so we tried video calling this morning - after which, i realized the purchase was indeed worth it.

and that is how to rationalize a purchase from out of the blue.

Emo-morning

my sister's operation yesterday finished short of 8pm and i finally managed to breathe easier hearing the news from mom. i was already "paranoiding" (hahaha new word) myself the whole day and silently praying for a successful and safe operation. i'm still praying everyday for my sister's full recovery and she told me yesterday that we should go to Our Lady of Manaoag when she gets better. i think that is a very good idea - and besides, the trip will probably be a welcome breather for everyone.

God has been really good and has been helping me full-time. some people might say its just coincidence but i know these are small miracles given through the prayers everyone has offered for my family. my manager was IM'ng me this morning and telling me that it maybe a good idea to push the schedule for the implementation of my project to the Cavite factory. its a miracle because if it pushes out, it is not going to conflict anymore with the writing & submission of my thesis (or strama paper). its not final yet, but doesn't that sound great? its God's way of helping me manage my responsibilities - all of them. i'm so happy.

my posts of late have been depressing, and i usually am a very upbeat person. its probably because its easier to pour out my woes in writing - that, and i can be super EMO most of the time. funny that you can be so ruled by your emotions and then hold off showing that side of you to other people. yeah, i can't say "i love you." i've never said that to anyone (except my nephew) ever. i wish i could have said it though, but there's no use dwelling in the past.

a first sign that He heard us

it must be because a lot of you offered their prayers and support but today was another uncontestable proof that God provides. Call it coincidence (i call it otherwise) but from a big drop in the stock price yesterday, it surged ahead today by more than a dollar. that meant that the stocks that i set were all sold. and while it doesn't fully cover the cost of expected hospital bill, its good and big enough to cut off more than half of it. it makes me teary-eyed (awww) as i write this and makes me believe even more in His eternal goodness.

thank you for the prayers. please keep 'em coming.

i'm going to earn it

mom sent me the big news this morning when i asked her what the results for my sister's CT Scan is - she has an infection and she will need to undergo another operation. estimated cost is P100k. that's not including doctor's fees, meds and other tests. it felt like a giant paddle just swung and hit me smack in the middle of my head realizing the financial implications. if the health card is not going to shoulder the cost of the operation, then my mom & i have to shoulder it. Mom just shelled out close to 100k a few weeks back from my sister's previous hospitalization and i felt like i should figure out how to shoulder this next one. it must have been the stress of having to think through that, work getting more demanding and the backlog of school piling up, but i felt depressed, confused and a bit angry. i felt angry at why my sister did not plan ahead and put some money away - why when she was healthy, she spent all of her earnings buying needless things and splurging. sure, she must not have been earning as much as i did but where did all her commissions go? i was so depressed i wanted to cry but i need to be stronger, my mom & sister depends on me. i realized how foolish and stupid i was to dwell on things that has happened in the past. so my sister didn't plan ahead, it was a mistake i'm sure she has learned a very valuable lesson from. blaming her for her mistake is a bigger mistake. i don't want to be tethered by the past. despite her mistakes, my sister gave this family the greatest gift (sans a husband & a father to), my nephew. i e-mailed my friend d about my frustrations and he told me something that made me realize what is important. d told me "you are going to earn it anyway. don't think you are going to spend all of your savings. to you, it is just money. to her, it is everything." and d is right, if i have the means to pay for the hospital bills then why shouldn't i? what's the purpose of having those savings if i can't share it with my family. if i can make a difference to this family, then that is worth more than anything else in the world.

the only thing left then is ... swipe the plastic! sayang ang points!

10 things to be thankful for

despite everything, there are still things to be thankful for everyday. here's my list for today.

1. being able to wake up this morning - one more day to make a difference;
2. my brother taking my nephew to school - means i get to take care of work matters;
3. my job allowing me to "still" work from home;
4. flexible work hours that allow me to try and squeeze in my family responsibilities;
5. earning decently to afford me the small luxuries in life;
6. God giving me the means to help out my family (financial & otherwise);
7. God for the strength - to emotionally handle the current trials;
8. being able to close my deliverables one or two presentations at a time;
9. giving me a responsible mom - making her the true pillar and role model in our family;
10. giving me friends who support me with encouraging words and even others who unexpectedly give motivation.

in truth, there are no words to say how richly blessed i am today - trials & all. despite everything, i believe in the greater plan. and so, i remain.

whipping boy

survived another session and presentation of strategic management (strama). when i say "survived" - just means another session has passed but will never mean "did a great job" presenting. in a way, its starting to seem like "hell will freeze over" first before anybody does an excellent job analyzing & explaining the cases. one of my groupmates couldn't make it to class tonight and the three of us were left to present the case. for some reason, even if my other groupmate has not presented in previous cases yet, he called me still to present. as i expected i got whipped & lashed so much i must have been bleeding 10 mins through the presentation (lol!). i must admit nothing registered when i read the materials for this case so i was grasping for answers through most of the questions. no matter how much insults he hurled at me, i accepted them gracefully with an occasional smile. grace under pressure talaga. if he thought he could rattle me into crying or shame me into reacting angrily, he's wrong. i'm insult-proof - at least when it comes to this subject. i accepted already that i'm the favorite whipping boy ... and there must some kind of whipping quota - and since i was out last week, i have to pay double the price.

7 more sessions. gotta start the darn paper.