ok lang, ayos lang

dear mcbaby,

i just finished a 10-11pm meeting that i actually had to call to finalize some support requirements with my all-time favorite intel group, finance. i actually feel a bit woozy right now maybe from having that somewhat difficult discussion with the ie managers at 6pm and having to rush to revise a proposed business process for the 10pm meeting while trying to fit dinner and rushing to the grocery to buy some water. sigh, i really feel beat. i checked my calendar already and no meetings until 10am so it means i can just go to the office around that time or even after lunch. but why i am telling you business stuff - this is not how this letter go, right?

its hard to describe the past few days right now, i guess its a mixture of everything - happiness, sadness, puzzlement but one things for sure, when it comes to you, i get into this emotional rollercoaster. i wonder how many people in the world right now feel the way i do - well van & trixy e definitely counted dyan. its really hard to deal with these feelings and the reality that probably soon, i am going to lose you again when you fall in love with somebody else. sometimes i think you being with somebody else makes it easier to move on cause it means i get to see less of you, and we'll be taking a backseat in your priorities. this thing with you, its a vicious cycle, it gets me into this period wherein i feel ok, that i finally stop thinking about you and then suddenly you're there again. it happens everytime and the pain of being heartbroken doesn't seem to get any easier. i really hate that one person can have this effect on me - pero ayos lang. i wish there was an easy way out of this mess - or sometimes i wish na maybe if you knew then maybe you can just hate me and tell me off and then that will mean the end of it - friendship and everything. with no ties to bind, there isn't anything to keep us together.

i don't really know what to do anymore. its so hard.

yuan*