2009 | recap

2009 year has been a banner year - new work, new friends, deeper friendships, greater challenges, good decisions, bad decisions.  it was a good ... make that - a great year despite of the economic crisis, the A(H1N1) and the calamities.  its touch to remember everything that has happened but i'll take me back as far as i can remember.

photography.  i learned and grew a lot as a photographer this year - mostly through the patient guidance of more experienced photographer friends.  i also celebrated my first year in photography and i realized my inkling towards portraiture breaking the monotony with landscapes and travel photography.  i finally went on my first solo shoot and eventually found it wasn't as scary as i thought it would be to shoot solo.  this photography journey has taken me to a world i never realized i would vastly enjoy and while i have so much to learn still, i am happy that i have learned as much as i can in 2009 and hopefully everyone can enjoy the ride with me.

friends.  God has blessed me with an abundance of "real" friends.  i have been lucky to have met permanent friends from high school, college, bench and intel.  it sometimes is difficult to see everyone and go to all get togethers but i know you guys know "i try."  this year, i found new friends and deeper friendships even when i wasn't looking.  my photography family has been instrumental in my growth as a photographer.  i found true friends yet again.

career.  yes, i finally exited from a company i've been with for the last eleven plus years.  i've learned so much from intel and i have no regrets whatsoever from leaving it behind.  God has provided me with a job as quickly as i could have hoped for.  a great new and challenging job.  i gotta feeling that the road ahead is going to be an exciting one.  2010 is gonna be "get richer" year.

family.  so far so good.  my nephew is six and next year, he's gonna celebrate his seventh.  its gonna be swell, i'll make sure of that.  he's grown up so much that pretty soon he's not going to be our baby anymore.  he's enjoying going to school in don bosco where i graduated so its all good.

fitness.  what the hell is that? hahaha ok, for the nth time, i'm gonna go take care of this in 2010.  Yummy is the goal in 2010.  Yummy.  Yummy.  Yummy.

plans.  there's going to be a lot lot of changes in 2010.  no sense pre-empting it so they're going to be part of my blog entries as they happen.

travel.  ilocos.  thailand.  cambodia.  vietnam.  nothing much to say except - FUN!  next year, sydney baby! yahoo!

social life.  this i gotta say - "whew.  i can barely keep up."

i'm looking forward to 2010 because i get the feeling its going to be a BIG year.  its going to be great and its making me super excited.  God has been eternally good.  

Thank you 2009 for a wonderful year.

2009 | recap

2009 year has been a banner year - new work, new friends, deeper friendships, greater challenges, good decisions, bad decisions. it was a good ... make that - a great year despite of the economic crisis, the A(H1N1) and the calamities. its touch to remember everything that has happened but i'll take me back as far as i can remember.

photography. i learned and grew a lot as a photographer this year - mostly through the patient guidance of more experienced photographer friends. i also celebrated my first year in photography and i realized my inkling towards portraiture breaking the monotony with landscapes and travel photography. i finally went on my first solo shoot and eventually found it wasn't as scary as i thought it would be to shoot solo. this photography journey has taken me to a world i never realized i would vastly enjoy and while i have so much to learn still, i am happy that i have learned as much as i can in 2009 and hopefully everyone can enjoy the ride with me.

friends. God has blessed me with an abundance of "real" friends. i have been lucky to have met permanent friends from high school, college, bench and intel. it sometimes is difficult to see everyone and go to all get togethers but i know you guys know "i try." this year, i found new friends and deeper friendships even when i wasn't looking. my photography family has been instrumental in my growth as a photographer. i found true friends yet again.

career. yes, i finally exited from a company i've been with for the last eleven plus years. i've learned so much from intel and i have no regrets whatsoever from leaving it behind. God has provided me with a job as quickly as i could have hoped for. a great new and challenging job. i gotta feeling that the road ahead is going to be an exciting one. 2010 is gonna be "get richer" year.

family. so far so good. my nephew is six and next year, he's gonna celebrate his seventh. its gonna be swell, i'll make sure of that. he's grown up so much that pretty soon he's not going to be our baby anymore. he's enjoying going to school in don bosco where i graduated so its all good.

fitness. what the hell is that? hahaha ok, for the nth time, i'm gonna go take care of this in 2010. Yummy is the goal in 2010. Yummy. Yummy. Yummy.

plans. there's going to be a lot lot of changes in 2010. no sense pre-empting it so they're going to be part of my blog entries as they happen.

travel. ilocos. thailand. cambodia. vietnam. nothing much to say except - FUN! next year, sydney baby! yahoo!

social life. this i gotta say - "whew. i can barely keep up."

i'm looking forward to 2010 because i get the feeling its going to be a BIG year. its going to be great and its making me super excited. God has been eternally good.

Thank you 2009 for a wonderful year.

life | spontaneous

i think those unplanned, spur of the moment gimiks are the funnest.  no nothing.  just meet up and see where the road takes you.  in this case, a late afternoon call and me living up to being "kaladkarin" saying "yes" without a thought.  it really is what makes for great adventures.

somebody says tagaytay, nobody say no.  we're used to where that is having worked adjacent to it for x number of years it feels like its just a stone's throw away.  great thing about the road trip is that yance's driving (miss nya daw mag-drive e) so ali and i just sit back & relax.  jowell drive's in a pump-no pump gas (i bet ano yang iniisip nyo hahaha) motion its giving me a headache.  ali and i make fun of him and we laugh our hearts out.  they keep talking about BNO and jowell mimics this radio dj, and i sit their laughing at his antics wondering wtf he is talking about.  i make a mental note to check out the radio 6-10pm monday to thursday.  not really a radio fan these days cause all the yakking is annoying.

we were starving when we reached buon giorno at cliffhouse and the place is packed.  it was 930pm already and it the breeze was pretty cold.  you gotta love this kind of weather this time of the year.  2 pizzas and 2 pastas and we were stuffed.  it was a miracle to have eaten so much all the while laughing as we made fun and reminisced about a lot of things.  nothing beats great conversations with friends.  its one of the things we've been good at - picking where we left off.  like it was just yesterday that we were together.

its amazing how many people there are in tagaytay.  i think everyone is taking the opportunity to have a reprieve from the busy city life.  cool weather really a bonus.  we decide to settle for starbuck's down at paseo de sta rosa which is closer a drive for trixy (and R).  adding trixy to the mix creates a different round of comedic stories.  we laugh like we were the only people at starbuck's and we don't care.  i realize we had our moments, our stories back at our intel days.  it was a different kind of fun back then.  and while we've settled to meeting different people now that we've journeyed to different paths, we retain the friendship and it feels like its something that is lasting.

*not gonna take the time to re-read anymore.  my thoughts are scattered.  i'm lacking sleep.

life | relief & simplicity

the trip to the ENT finally ended my breathing problem.  nasal polyps gone.  it wasn't a pleasant procedure but i'm still glad i had it because i swear i can breathe so much better now.  the downside of it is that he put me on prednisone (a corticosteroid) for the next three weeks.  the stuff that can make you fat which incidentally defeats the purpose of the fat burner i'm taking.  the other downside is that i have to stop using the fat burner because it'll be too much for my poor liver to handle.  prednisone also cause muscle pain, which explains why my legs have been a pain since last night.  bummer.  at least i can breathe much better.

when i went home last night, i saw kids playing in the streets.  i chuckled when i saw one little girl on a makeshift crutch who shouted "darna" and like the filipino superhero, dislodged the crutch and flew off.  they were playing heroes and villains.  kids.  how simple and uncomplicated life is to them - detached from the spoils and the harsh realities of life.  its the one thing i miss being a kid - having simple joys with even the make-believe games.  being a grown-up subjects you to more ups and downs imaginable - rollecoaster ride talaga.  no matter how much you try to be mr. brightside, there will always be times when its too much.  life isn't simple anymore, its a complicated mess.

life | complications

life indeed has a way of making things more exciting.

one member of the team sent a letter of resignation this morning.  all reasons valid - promotion, office location.  no reason to get in the way of someone else's dreams.  i said congratulations of course.  the timing sucks though because its yearend and it'd be a miracle to find a replacement in a month's time.  i need to figure this out ... now. uhmm ok, maybe tomorrow cause my brain at this hour feels like jell-o.

in one meeting with a long-time supplier about a previous transaction, things got a bit heated (at least from his side) when he got emotional.  he was interpreting all that i was saying in all the wrong ways - older that he was, i was also in a position of power so i had to reaffirm that.  being emotionless is helpful - easier to think, no words to take back.  gotta love self-control.

people at the office wants me to host this year's christmas party.  good grief.  are they serious?  do they really know what they're getting themselves into?  i warned them.  hahaha

taking the day off today to go back to my ENT.  so i think junior checked me up the first, then a reliever the second and senior the third time.  senior says he can do the nasal polypecty (?) at the clinic, no need for an OR.  hurrah to that i guess.  its an outpatient procedure so i'm up and about right after ... hopefully, cause i have to drive myself in & out of the hospital.

fun times.  merits a charlie chan chicken pasta. yumness.

life | letting go

events of the past few days made me feel like i'm riding a rollercoaster again.  its an emotional thrill and yet one that gets me spiraling between happy and sad.  one of the drawbacks of being an OC is that i tend to obsessively overanalyze things - even the mundane ones.  you don't realize it yet but you know you have to starting walking away.  i'm thankful that i have friends who bear with the constant whining, the same-old-stories and the drama.  having "real" friends is a blessing.  it helps get you through the day.

after 7 years of being a member, i finally decided to cancel my gym membership.  it did became a habit at some point but life gets in the way (or so that's my excuse) and i found excuses not to go.  kakapagod e (ROFL!).  seriously, i have a plan.  i always have a plan B except that i haven't put it into motion yet.  the good news at least for now is that i get 24K more money in 2010 (uhmm, make that 22K cause of some stupid rule).  that's one additional travel for me! yay!

its mom's bday today.  i think she's hitting the big 7-0.  one thing i am very thankful for is that at this age, mom is still very much active and strong.  i pray everyday for health and safety of my family.  i'm thankful for having a responsible mom, despite being overbearing sometimes, has single-handedly raised us.  having a dead-beat dad (there i said it) probably helped make me a better person (silver lining! LOL!).  family = not perfect.  i've dealt with it a long time ago.

all things considered, life is great.  now if only i could have you, life would be perfect.  maybe.

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life | in the fast lane

so i can't remember the last time i wrote something, and its not because of a lack of things to say.  there are plenty but i guess i have been feeling a bit lazy putting things into words.  christmas is literally around the corner i wonder where did the time go?  i haven't done any christmas shopping yet and its going to be rush rush again this year.  boohoo.

work has been quite steady.  there's occasionally some hiccups but they remain manageable.  the best thing about december workwise are the bonuses.  the added moolah makes you feel doubly rich and you have an opportunity to buy something you've been eyeing for ... say the last few days.  it takes a lot of self-control not to just go and burn those hard-earned moolah one time.  incidentally, a friend decided to sell his old cam and upgrade to a new one.  he was feeling a bit guilty about it because it sort of wiped out his bonus.  but you could see how excited and HAPPY we was holding his new cam.  how could that be bad?  we do need some self-indulgence from time to time.  and its not as if this purchase is going to go to waste, it is an investment.  in his hands, can definitely turn into gold.  wise move if i may say so.

been spending a lot of time with friends lately.  social life is at an all-time high.  i'm gonna have to keep up with the vitamins and figure out how to get better sleep.  the zombie look isn't really working for me well.  LOL.  had dinner at this place called SALA the other night.  food was quite good.  would have gone well with a glass of red but had to settle for red grape juice.  feasted on a box of royce's au lait as well.  those things are worth every peso i paid for.  chinese dinner last saturday at zongs - one dish - hot prawn salad.  major yum.  =)

going back to the doc (again) for another follow-up but from last i get the feeling he's going to tell me i need the minor surgery thing.  bummer.

photography.  i think i may have found a way to make money from it.  i need to beef up my portfolio for it first.  but we'll see if i can squeeze it my already busy busy life.

2010 still looks promising.  a change is coming.

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life | time out

it feels good to be out of the metro for a change.  its one of the things i miss working in the faraway land of cavite - the absence of the rush of city life.  i should slap myself for saying that but really, intoxicating as it is, it gets overwhelming sometimes.  still the traffic and busy-ness is much better in mckinley hill versus that of the heart of makati - so i'm thankful for that already.

at least for the next three days (today included), this team building/training offers a brief respite from the city.  and the holiday inn @ clark is quite lovely.  flat screen tv, fancy beddings, free food - nothing really to complain about.  feels like i'm living by myself already - perhaps a prelude to life in 2010 and beyond.  got my mac in tow and a surprisingly reliable globe tatoo to keep me connected.  i'm all good.

its going to be december next week.  christmas is here before we know it.  mom's turning 70 next month and i don't know where we should celebrate her birthday.  i want to be able to treat her to somewhere fancier than usual.

despite everything, life is good.

missin' somebody much though.

life | day 321 & 322 - night outs

the drawback of working in the metro is that it can get pretty expensive - the lifestyle is pretty different from the laidback, rural scene of say, cavite where i used to work.  the plus side of the metro though is that socializing has never been on an all time high - i see more of my off-office friends nowadays.

work has been quite steady the past few days.  to borrow jowell's words, its "relaks lang."  not that there isn't any stuff to do, let's just say they're not as complicated as a few months back.  maybe because the year is winding down and the problems are more manageable.  still crossing my fingers that this "peace" lasts until the end of the year.

spent tuesday night with my good friends lemon and mj.  dinner at john & yoko was good and we, at least for the night, ditched our diet plans and feasted on a "there goes my diet" platter.  hahaha bad influence.  i can't believe that despite our thin crowd, we managed to hang out, talk about stuff until past midnight.  that's what i love about lemon and mj, we really never seem to run out of things to talk about.  having them to talk to that night was comforting so yay for great friends.

3 hours of sleep and i was back at the office wednesday.  still happy that there's no coding here in paranaque or in taguig for that matter.  busy wednesday.

i just had a dose of reality today and a realization that you never really know someone until you know them.  ok, that didn't seem to make sense.  i guess what i'm saying is that sometimes we get so caught up with what we only know about a person that finding out a few more details turns out they were not as perfect as thought they were.  i'm not being judgmental - all i'm saying is that sometimes knowing the "bad" can help you get over the illusion.  basta yun.  still groggy so i'm having a hard time saying it.  lol.

had dinner with ex-bench friends tonight at the stock market.  chardonnay.  brie.  pasta.  best key lime pie (i had in a long, long while) and flourless chocolate cake.  yum.  its amazing we're still friends until today - how long is that already, 13+ years?  its really amazing when you find true, lasting friends.  no matter how little we see each other throughout the year, when we come together you just know you're in the company of good friends.  i hope our plan to travel out of the country works out.  that'd be fun for sure.

still groggy today.  i think there's another dinner tonight.  i told you this "sleep-deprived" lifestyle is challenging.

life | day 320 : defective

so blogging on a daily basis doesn't seem to be something i can do which is understandable with me trying to wrestle with my body's inability to sleep in one continuous block.  but hey, i write when i can and when it inspires me.

watched 2012 with the gang last saturday.  movie was alright - plot was too thin for me but the effects were darn good.  not surprising that malls seem to be packed with a lot of people these days - weekends specially.  after all, christmas is really just around the corner - 39 days to be exact.  my early christmas shopping plans never really pans out so i'll have to wing it again this year.

for some reason, i was craving for some refreshing becky's lemon squares last saturday.  so i drove to manila (near la salle) to buy some - actually took the liberty to buy some for the gang as well.  pairs nice with coffee.  it was refreshingly delicious.  comfort food.  yay.

i decided to see an ENT today because my sinus is inflamed and i have been having trouble breathing normally the past two, make that three weeks.  Doc told me it was a polyp and i have to take some steroids for the next couple of weeks to see if the inflammation subsides.  If not, he may need to surgically remove it.  bummer.  i should just tell people i'm getting a noselift instead.  that'll make for better conversation.  ok,  i'm starting to think my body is defective.  maybe the warranty has expired or i'm one of those models that's been recalled.  LOL.  hope the meds work.  please please work.

while in mmc, i took the time to visit a good friend who just gave birth to her second daughter.  she told me her name and i know the initials are J & A but i can't remember (memory loss).  baby looks adorably cute.  i super love kids.  they're all just so loveable.  looking at all those babies really can brighten up anybody's day.  I know cause when i saw 'em, overwhelming joy.

here's one song i'm so loving off john mayer's new album "battle studies" ...

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life | day 314 : tuesdays with u1

anything after monday gets an ok in my book and yesterday was no exception.  things was going along smoothly workwise and i was humming to christmas songs the whole of yesterday.  life has been real busy lately i forget that Christmas (my favorite time of the year, i had to say that) is just around the corner.

i've been pre-occupied lately and its driving me insane.  i've been having ups & downs on a daily basis its really starting to stress me out big time.  its not a good thing.  its been hard to focus lately and i know i just need to really really keep myself busy.  tiring to the point of exhaustion is always a quick head fix.

i was planning on jogging along boni highstreet last night but that plan got sidetracked because of an unplanned dinner with my surfer buds.  ER is visiting and he has been such a cool bud it was a crime not to shake plans and have dinner with him & the rest.  its great that we still manage to find time to hang out despite all of our busy, busy schedules.  we've been friends for quite a time and we've managed to stay that way even after we left the old blue.  we're all adrenaline junkies at heart - willing to try anything and mostly everything.  its what i love about the group, no qualms and no inhibitions.  jump if we need to jump.

the other thing that's a bit sucky lately is my sleeping habits.  i can't seem to get a good night sleep lately.  where's the sand man when you need him?

read this from a friend's blog yesterday and "OUCH" hit me like a rock thrown from the roof top.

“Because i'm hoping i'm wrong. And every time you do something that tells me you're no good, i ignore it. And every time you come through and surprises me, you win me over, and i lose that argument with myself, that you're not for me.” - The Holiday

i'm praying to please please stay out of my head.

life | day 314 : tuesdays with u1

anything after monday gets an ok in my book and yesterday was no exception.  things was going along smoothly workwise and i was humming to christmas songs the whole of yesterday.  life has been real busy lately i forget that Christmas (my favorite time of the year, i had to say that) is just around the corner.

i've been pre-occupied lately and its driving me insane.  i've been having ups & downs on a daily basis its really starting to stress me out big time.  its not a good thing.  its been hard to focus lately and i know i just need to really really keep myself busy.  tiring to the point of exhaustion is always a quick head fix.

i was planning on jogging along boni highstreet last night but that plan got sidetracked because of an unplanned dinner with my surfer buds.  ER is visiting and he has been such a cool bud it was a crime not to shake plans and have dinner with him & the rest.  its great that we still manage to find time to hang out despite all of our busy, busy schedules.  we've been friends for quite a time and we've managed to stay that way even after we left the old blue.  we're all adrenaline junkies at heart - willing to try anything and mostly everything.  its what i love about the group, no qualms and no inhibitions.  jump if we need to jump.

the other thing that's a bit sucky lately is my sleeping habits.  i can't seem to get a good night sleep lately.  where's the sand man when you need him?

read this from a friend's blog yesterday and "OUCH" hit me like a rock thrown from the roof top.

“Because i'm hoping i'm wrong. And every time you do something that tells me you're no good, i ignore it. And every time you come through and surprises me, you win me over, and i lose that argument with myself, that you're not for me.” - The Holiday

i'm praying to please please stay out of my head.

life | day 313 : if it was that easy

monday started off without a hitch.  i was off to a good start for the week - no monday blues!  i was giddy.  the weather was sunny.  i had a feeling of unbelievable lightness in me.  yay for that.

it was a typical day workwise.  documents to sign, meetings to attend.  it wasn't slow and it wasn't fast - so it was somewhere in between.  steady lang.

my first day back at the gym was a bust.  i did my usual abdominals and moved on to get my heart pumping.  5 mins of super cardio and i stopped - heart beating too fast i felt like i was going to blackout.  losing consciousness in a full-packed gym is social suicide so i decided to stop.  5 mins is better than nothing.  note to self - "take it slow."

a good friend sent me this quote - "if you love someone, tell them, because hearts are broken by words left unspoken."  OUCH.  yeah, slap me in the face will you?  seriously, if it was that easy but i've been brainwashed as a child to believe in fairytales.  i deserve another slap for that i guess.  its complicated.

going to the gym got me all fired up.  adrenaline pumping.  didn't get to sleep until midnight and magically woke up at 3am --- yeah, the witching hour.

sleep deprived.  still happy.  how wrong is that?

life | day 313 : if it was that easy

monday started off without a hitch.  i was off to a good start for the week - no monday blues!  i was giddy.  the weather was sunny.  i had a feeling of unbelievable lightness in me.  yay for that.

it was a typical day workwise.  documents to sign, meetings to attend.  it wasn't slow and it wasn't fast - so it was somewhere in between.  steady lang.

my first day back at the gym was a bust.  i did my usual abdominals and moved on to get my heart pumping.  5 mins of super cardio and i stopped - heart beating too fast i felt like i was going to blackout.  losing consciousness in a full-packed gym is social suicide so i decided to stop.  5 mins is better than nothing.  note to self - "take it slow."

a good friend sent me this quote - "if you love someone, tell them, because hearts are broken by words left unspoken."  OUCH.  yeah, slap me in the face will you?  seriously, if it was that easy but i've been brainwashed as a child to believe in fairytales.  i deserve another slap for that i guess.  its complicated.

going to the gym got me all fired up.  adrenaline pumping.  didn't get to sleep until midnight and magically woke up at 3am --- yeah, the witching hour.

sleep deprived.  still happy.  how wrong is that?

life | day 313 : if it was that easy

monday started off without a hitch. i was off to a good start for the week - no monday blues! i was giddy. the weather was sunny. i had a feeling of unbelievable lightness in me. yay for that.

it was a typical day workwise. documents to sign, meetings to attend. it wasn't slow and it wasn't fast - so it was somewhere in between. steady lang.

my first day back at the gym was a bust. i did my usual abdominals and moved on to get my heart pumping. 5 mins of super cardio and i stopped - heart beating too fast i felt like i was going to blackout. losing consciousness in a full-packed gym is social suicide so i decided to stop. 5 mins is better than nothing. note to self - "take it slow."

a good friend sent me this quote - "if you love someone, tell them, because hearts are broken by words left unspoken." OUCH. yeah, slap me in the face will you? seriously, if it was that easy but i've been brainwashed as a child to believe in fairytales. i deserve another slap for that i guess. its complicated.

going to the gym got me all fired up. adrenaline pumping. didn't get to sleep until midnight and magically woke up at 3am --- yeah, the witching hour.

sleep deprived. still happy. how wrong is that?

life | day 310-312

friday would have been a typical work day except that workwise, we are in the middle of planning week.  the meetings were painfully long but the one good thing about it is that people at the office are mostly easy to deal with.  we finally managed to break-in the pingpong table we recently bought (out of donations) and i have to say its been years since last time i held a table tennis racket.  rusty is all i can say about my playing skills.  dinner didn't push through with lem & mj because they got stuck at their shoot down south.  its friday and traffic on a friday is pretty lame.  i, on the other hand, got home in good time.

saturday was kind of busy.  i always try to do all my errands during saturdays so that i won't have to worry about them the next day.  the downside of saturday is that everybody seems to be thinking the same thing so traffic is bad.  and i do mean b-a-d.  the best thing about saturday though is that its cheat day - so i don't feel guilty eating rice.  i finally managed to see the gang during miggy's birthday dinner.  i really miss 'em.  unexpected surprise Ü dunno why but it seems we never run out of stories to share.  got home at 5am.

woke up at 8am.  bummer.  why can't i sleep for 8 straight hours like other people?  felt sluggish the whole day trying to psyche myself into sleeping - to no avail.  i finally managed to pull myself together to do the groceries.  S&R is a haven.  i just really love it there.  there's a lot of people but it doesn't feel claustrophobic.  slept like a baby sunday night.  yay.

its monday.  i feel lightheaded.  might be cause i had a great weekend, sleep-deprived not counting.  feels like there's some good news ahead.  or it might just be me, because i can't stop smiling.

life | day 309

work has a way of bringing you to places you know existed but probably will never go to.  case in point is the customs office somewhere near the manila port.  the building itself is alright but the road going there is treacherous and i would never for the life of me venture out there at night.  work has brought me at its doorstep for three or maybe four times already.

being there is like being in a movie - lots of characters.  i sometimes have to ask myself if this is an office because it looks like one but on one side are people eating, a kid sleeping on top of the desk, its one of the busiest government offices i've been to.  eating is big here.  i always see various people lugging around pots, chicharon and a bunch of other edible stuff.  it actually is a fun experience being there - the parade of people make up for the lackluster surrounding.

dinner last night was supposed to just be a good serving of greens but somehow got drawn into ordering additionally a rack of baby backs.  to top it off, a good serving of delicious what was it?  mud pie ... there's really nothing to cap off a nice meal and take your mind away than an ice-cream like dessert.  comfort food.  looking back, my need for comfort has always been about two things - ice cream (vanilla bean rocks!) and shopping.  the latter of course being a much much more expensive alternative.  but then again, haagen dazs also doesn't come cheap.

there's probably another great news, workwise, looming in the horizon but i'd stay mum about it for a little while because i believe in the saying "nothing is final until it is final."  make sense?  basta yun.  all i can say is that i'm getting giddy thinking about it and its driving me crazy figuring out my choices.

my calendar is booked solid 9-4pm in meetings.

its friday today.  thank God for that.

life | day 308

this cold that i'm having won't leave me.  it likes me too much.  i'm hoping that the herbs (whatever they may be) the chinese doctor gave me works because they're pretty expensive.  i'm trying out eastern medicine for a change.  please please make me a believer.

the other new thing i tried yesterday was acupuncture.  good thing i don't have any needle aversion because one poke really hit a nerve my body jumped in place.  it was an experience - a bit boring because after the needles were placed, there was 15 to 20 minutes i was trying to observe what has happening.  boring as it was, i have to say it actually works.  my lower back doesn't hurt as much but i'd need 3 to 4 more sessions.

when you're trying to figure out things, sometimes the answer actually comes staring back at you.  this is a realization this morning - me, having been hung up with a certain someone now know its time to give up.  i really can't do this again because a part of me keeps on dying everytime.  a good friend is right, fairy tales don't happen, at least not for us.

looking at my calendar, november is b-u-s-y.  i can't figure out where to squeeze in some christmas shopping.  dang.

where's an "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" when you need one?  i need one.  like now.

happy | tired

i honestly didn't know there was a typhoon over the past weekend. i woke up amidst the heavy rains thinking it was another "bed" weather but soon realized the gravity the non-stop rains were doing to other places in the metro. the heavens literally wept non-stop and any reprieve from the rains weren't forthcoming. it is amazing that in this age, the abundance of information flooding twitter (which i have really grown to love) and facebook is truly astounding. amateur videos and photos flooded cyberspace and those kept people abreast of what was happening beyond the comfort of their homes.

times like these is when you see the humanity of people's spirits. malou & i decided to volunteer at world vision in answer to miggy's request for help last monday. repacking sacks of rice ain't easy - the sacks were heavy, the deed was laborious but everyone were in good spirits. i felt happy being in the company of such generous people (jan, marjo, jm, anjo and malou). i told malou that there is a natural high knowing what we were doing is for a worthy cause - that in some way, it affects the lives of people in a positive way. charity does that and its probably why a lot of people do it - food for the soul.

i got pulled into an early morning tuesday when i barely just arrived at the office. it was again some volunteer effort for the company to check some of our employees who were also badly affected. it was a good thing my schedule was a bit light during that day so taking the day to help out was forgivable. we did the groceries. we did the repacking and off we went. i was assigned to my colleagues in the marikina area and we passed by familiar roads and i couldn't help but feel moved by what i've seen. marikina riverbanks (mall) was in really bad shape. there was debris everywhere and muddy cars being towed. along the roads were people busy with a lot walking still muddy. you've seen it in videos, pictures and television but being there where it all happened felt frighteningly surreal.

both my colleagues who we visited are okay. they've started clean-up and slowly going back to their normal lives. it was a frightening experience for both. we see these things happen in the provinces and think really nothing of it until it happens in our lives. its the only time we realize that these events can happen to anyone. what happened with "Ondoy" is a tragedy and i hope that we learn something from our mistakes.

the past two days has been tiring. but there's a feeling of happiness and relief with it. so if you are free - donate or volunteer somewhere. there's still a lot of people needing help. Go!

hiatus

i woke up today feeling heavy hearted. its probably because i still felt exhausted despite the hours of sleep i had last night and my body ached and my head was throbbing. i'm getting more of these headaches lately and its likely because work has been a bit demanding. i was spaced out through most of the day but miraculously managed to finish some of the more urgent deadlines. tomorrow's going to be a long day again - and i hate feeling the way i do today, work has been a blessing but its not it that's making me feel this way. i am overcome with a great feeling of sadness, a feeling that something's missing and i need to find it.

i think i need to take some time off right now. i need some time away from multiply or facebooking. i've been too distracted lately and i should focus on the more important things that i've been putting off.

so there, a self-imposed hiatus from it all. one solid month starting tomorrow.

happiness in a short letter

i finally found the time to write a short note to my sponsor child at WORLD VISION a couple of weeks back via e-mail (yeah, i so hate doing the snail mail thing) and was pleasantly surprised to receive a letter a few days ago. the letter read :

dear mr. jay santos,

masayang araw sa inyo. ako po si isang grade 3 pupil. masayang mag-aaral at gusto kong makatapos sa pag-aaral. malapit lang ang school sa amin. maglalakad ako araw araw. bilang panganay na anak, ako ay tumutulong sa gawin sa bahay at nag-aalaga sa aking mga kapatid. kadalasan naming pagkain ay gulay at isda. paborito kong laro ay basketball. ako ay masaya at may sponsor na. salamat po sa inyong tulong. maraming salamat po.

your sponsored child,

reading my sponsored child's letter reminded me how blessed i am to be living this carefree, comfortable life. honestly, there is a sense of fulfillment for being able to contribute back to society no matter how small or insignificant it seems.

if you have PHp 600 a month to spare, i encourage you to sponsor a child.

see here for details: Sponsor a Child through World Vision

we can make a difference!

iTouch

i've been trying to decide which gadget would be perfect to store my photo collection and the best i've come across was apple's iphone. now with me probably never going the iphone way, i was looking at the iTouch instead. i was really happy when a good (and one of my oldest) friends decided to give me one as a present. thanks dale! we've been friends a long time and you know you are one of my oldest, dearest and most treasured friends.

so far, i'm quite happy playing around with my 32GB iTouch! yay!

mj@23 : killabot performances

one of the pretty lame things about hanging out with the killabotz is that they're not only a good looking bunch of individuals but they're rich in talent as well.  we can't all be entertainers but these two - jm and lem - showed us that not only are they killabot models, they can also carry a tune.  its too bad i don't have videos of eco and his "man in the mirror" number or even brian's "half-crazy" which is my new favorite song of the moment.  i gotta be ready next time.

jm's seem at home with i-axe's "ako'y sa 'yo, ika'y akin" which he sings to the delight of the crowd.  you can hear at the background how insane the catcalls are and what kind of crazy peeps mj has surrounded himself with.

here, to the surprise of everyone is our very own master photographer, lemon estiva showing us what makes him a true killabotz.  he sings james ingram's "just once" like it was his own and like i said, the flawless performances is probably because he has sung this song a hundred times since the time magic sing was invented.  but yeah, lem was AWESOME here!

sorry i wasn't able to take a video of mj's performances ... there's other videos i could post but because i value my life, let's just say, we'll put those in cold storage ... for now!

if you love the videos, show JM and LEMON some love in the comments section!

> wanna do something great this year?

SPONSOR A CHILD THROUGH WORLD VISION

It only takes P600 a month or P7,200 annually to make a difference in the life of one child (for Sponsors residing outside the Philippines US $20.00 per month).
Your regular contributions will be pooled together with other World Vision resources so the children, families and communities may enjoy the following benefits:

* access to education, good health and nutrition
* values formation child rights protection
* children’s participation in decision-making process
* skills and leadership training; and
* community development projects

By sponsoring poor children through World Vision's Child Sponsorship Program you will be able to give them a chance to have a bright future.

http://www.worldvision.org.ph/index.php

If you want to share your blessings by sponsoring a child, call 372-7777.  Tell them my good friend JM Lago referred you.  Your donations can be deducted from your credit card (gift points!!!) or you can pay through PDC or through bayadcentre outlets.

I am going to start sponsoring come May after i have sorted out my accounts.  Tara, let's share our blessings.  One good deed comes back a hundred fold.

> i'm feelin' you

have you noticed how fortunate we are to come across people at the exact moment we need them in our lives?  people really do come into our lives for a reason - and no matter how long or short they stay, they will always be treasured.  i only hope that i have done my part in the lives of those people i have crossed paths with - and if i have made a difference in their lives, that is probably the best gift of all.  i will never be anybody famous but to be remembered by the people whose lives i've touched in this short, short lifetime is good enough.

to the people in my life, i'm feelin' you!  life is good because of YOU!

> "voltage" experience

to say that VOLTAGE was fun is an understatement.

Voltage was a success.

despite the intensifying heat of the summer, quite a number of people trooped to MJC studio to participate in the latest project of the talented MJ Cachero.  after Le Vampire, we were wondering what sort of shoot he was going to come out with next and seeing the print ads for Voltage made the wait all the more worth it.  Voltage is unlike any project i've seen before.  its imaginative, creative and quite literaly a breakthrough.

this project has been in our calendars from the time our good friend MJ released the posters.  and despite us having no intentions of getting our pictures taken, we wanted to be there to support him.  what made the event fun was hanging out with good friends and finally seeing "online" people you only chance upon in multiply in the flesh.  it was a chance to mingle with very talented people - models, photographers, make-up artists, and hairstylits.  people who hopefully i will get the chance to work with in the future as i pursue this fascinating world of photography.  we brought food that actually complemented the stuffed bread eco was hawking throughout the day which i'd have to say were very delicious.  eco, props to you for your entreprenerial spirit.  you are definitely going to go places.

mj dabbled between being serious and not so serious.  people skills definitely on overdrive.  it was fun to see him in action basking in the success of yet another project.  he smiles more now you know.  hopefully because we're such a fun posse our infectious laughter is rubbing off on him.  there were a lot of well-wishers and fellow photographers who went there to support the project - us included.  it was nice to see them make time to drop by and check the shoot out.

in between, mj even managed to prepare six of his much talked about roasted chicken.  over wine and pizza and the yummy chicken, we had a blast talking about everything and nothing.  it was the perfect way to cap the night away.

NOTE : Photos used in the collage is courtesy of our talented friend, Ron Ibay.

the other side of me

there are two things right now that i am quite passionate about - first obviously is photography and the other is cooking.  and since i've sort of talked about photography to no end in previous blogs (and in the absence of nothing better to do right now), i'll talk little about my culinary explorations.  now by no means am i an experienced cook nor would i go around talking about how great the last dish i cooked because far be from it, my cooking are mostly just trying out recipes i read about.  and yes, my favorite magazine is "Yummy" and i have back issues of that while i don't have a single issue of any photography magazine in print.

i'm a big fan of quick meals, little preparation but still awesome results.  i've even adapted some of the recipes - moroccan fish with mango salsa (my personal fave) and even tried to great results that gonzaga barbecue i saw in a magazine.  lately, i've been hung up on pasta and i've tried a number of sauces that are quite good - bolognese (from a friend's recipe), meat sauce (mom's recipe), herbed tuna (friend's recipe) and seafood with basil cream (its good but there's cream hahaha).

today, i finally got all the ingredients to make pesto from scratch.  it wasn't really hard to work it and i didn't even try to blend them by hand opting instead to use a decent electric chopper to actually good results.  i threw in a handful of shrimps and scallops over whole wheet spaghettini and voila, instant dinner.  i think it took less than 30 mins to do all that and there's a whole lot more of pesto left for a good number of meals the coming days.  yay.

> Must Read : Rules of Relationships (According to Bob Ong)

i got this from Homer Cudel's facebook notes.  it was downright funny but at the same time speaks volumes about how true these statements are.  hope he doesn't mind my re-posting here.  credit also to bob ong.  

love, fundamentally, has a way of screwing us over if we are not careful.  those who are so fixated about getting into a relationship should read this.  its not all roses when you're in one, it takes a lot of work.

1). 'Kung hindi mo mahal ang isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka nya..'

2). 'Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba.'

3). 'Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang.'

4). 'Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na.'

5). 'Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin.'

6). 'Kung maghihintay ka nang lalandi sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay mo.. Dapat lumandi ka din.'

7). 'Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang.'

8). 'Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa.'

9). 'Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka.. Kaya quits lang.'

10). 'Kung dalawa ang mahal mo, piliin mo yung pangalawa. Kasi hindi ka naman magmamahal ng iba kung mahal mo talaga yung una.'

11). 'Hindi porke't madalas mong ka-chat, kausap sa telepono, kasama sa mga lakad o ka-text ng wantusawa eh may gusto sayo at magkakatuluyan kayo. Meron lang talagang mga taong sadyang friendly, sweet, flirt, malandi, pa-fall o paasa.'

12). 'Huwag magmadali sa babae o lalaki. Tatlo, lima , sampung taon, mag-iiba ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong hindi pala tamang pumili ng kapareha dahil lang maganda o nakakalibog ito. Totoong mas mahalaga ang kalooban ng tao higit sa anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan nagmumukha ding pandesal, maniwala ka.'

13). 'Minsan kahit ikaw ang nakaschedule, kailangan mo pa rin maghintay, kasi hindi ikaw ang priority.'

14). 'Mahirap pumapel sa buhay ng tao. Lalo na kung hindi ikaw yung bida sa script na pinili nya.'

15). 'Alam mo ba kung gaano kalayo ang pagitan ng dalawang tao pag nagtalikuran na sila? Kailangan mong libutin ang buong mundo para lang makaharap ulit ang taong tinalikuran mo.'

16). 'Mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala'

17). 'Hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohan, at hindi lahat ng hindi mo kayang intindihin ay kasinungalingan'

18). 'Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lng yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay! Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!'

uncertainties

there's 70 days left before april 30 and quite honestly, i haven't really given much thought to what i should do next.  what i'm certain of is that i need to start working soon after except that right now, i'm enjoying the freedom i have to be able to focus on my photography, go out with friends and just lay down and relax.  i know this feeling should be short-lived because i need to do the practical thing but having worked for more than 13 years straight makes me feel like i deserve a breather.  there are some job prospects from a few headhunters out there but quite honestly, i haven't put much effort in submitting my resume and initiating my applications.  golly, i think i've become a lazy s-o-b!  i think what is putting me off having to do it is because i'm excited to bring to fruition some concept shoots me & my friends have been toying with - and it always make me giddy just thinking about it. yes, this photography and the friends that came with it has got me hooked.

i should put try to start thinking about business opportunities.  in my limited reading, history teaches us that there are a lot of people who profited from a recession because they were smart and they hit it right business-wise.  maybe i can be one of the lucky ones and i can think of something profitable - we'll have to see how this pans out.  right now, all i can think about is beefing up my photoshop skills and doing more shoots.  gaaahhh, i'm addicted. somebody really has to slap me hard on the face -- any volunteers?

the other thing i'd like to do is travel ... already i'm booked to coron and ilocos.  and i'm so tempted to join this backpacking trip to indochina in july (thailand-cambodia-vietnam) ... that will be an adventure.  just thinking about it is making me excited.  so many things i can do with my free time - learn a new language, take up culinary ... man, the list goes on and on.

i hope i win the lottery.  then i wouldn't have to work again.

> Register Now : VOLTAGE by MJ Cachero

Its official.  VOLTAGE is here!

If you want to get a well-themed, well-polished photo of yourself from the very talented MJ Cachero, then you should join this one-day photoshoot.

REGISTER NOW!

Visit MJ Cachero's site to check out his beautiful portfolio!

http://mjcachero.multiply.com/

all the more reason to see transformers 2

is this cool of what? 'nuff said!

*caught this in one of the posts in multiply and decided to post this for people in my network.

2009 Do List

i don't remember drafting some resolution list for 2009 but taking my cue from a good friend's list of things to do in 2009, here's my own.

• list of places to go (back to) this 2009 (hope i get to see half) : sydney, ilocos (vigan, bangui, pagudpod), coron, cambodia (angkor wat baby!) ... where else? camsur (been dying to wakeboard), pinatubo crater
• go to the gym.  i really really need to get serious. period.
• learn a new language.  can i still fit this in 2009?  mi habla espanyol!
• enroll in a short culinary course.  while this probably doesn't go well with going to the gym, by golly cooking is another thing i love.  i'll cook for the fam & friends - help them get fat.
• (OC alert!) Tag almost 100GB worth of mp3s. Rip a box ful of CD's to mp3. Transfer them to my ipod.  Logic states then that i should replace my 30GB ipod with the 120GB version.  yahoo, that's what you call justified purchase.
• Read a plethora of e-books about photography i downloaded.  Read a bunch of books gathering dust i've never found the time to read.  Maybe try reading a few of the almost 30GB worth of x-men comics i downloaded.
• I need to go back to my derma.  Get a facial.
• Get rid of these braces.  Its been too long.  More than i bargained for.  I'm beginning to HATE it.
• Shoot. Shoot. Shoot.  Enroll in a lighting class or make kulit my photog friends to teach me.  Learn more photoshop.  Practice. Practice. Practice.
• Get back in touch with my Catholic teachings & practices.
• Find a new job!  Life will be so much better if i find a new job quickly!

Wow, so many things ... so little time talaga.  its a BIG list ... one step at a time.  I'll make it.

in preparation for april 30

its a good thing that a dose of  nyquil and dayquil managed to halt the flu that could've had me feeling sickly the whole week.  i was specially fortunate since i had to go to the office in faraway cavite today.  i was almost resigned not going today because maynilad hasn't restored our water supply when i chanced upon the 5-gallon mineral water jug we had and decided it was well worth it to use that as bath water (lol!).

the reality that i am counting down the days to my inevitable exit to this firm i have been part of for the last decade seems more real today.  we've discussed most of the really important things as to pay, retirement, benefits and clearances. i am quite happy that the big blue is also going the extra mile of providing us with career transition services.  there are a bunch of trainings that will be available (financial, entreprenerial, resume writing), other opportunities (for franchising, business ventures) and they even invited people from DOLE (department of labor & employment) and TESDA to tell us what their programs are.  There are also livelihood trainings (basic cooking, juice puree, basic pc troubleshooting, call center, etc etc) that you can sign-up for.  I should sign-up at TESDA for some massage training hahaha  its free anyway.

i realized though that with leaving comes an abundance of other responsibilities - like continuing to pay for your SSS, Pag-Ibig and Phil-health.  A bunch of legalities that i've had very little interest in to begin with.  this is the part of being a grown-up that i don't like but i have to learn.

april 30 is really lapit na.  i need to really jump start the job hunting soon.  i'll be able to breathe easier if i get a replacement job soon.

> across the universe (feat eco dela sala)

We decided to catch the last staging of "Across the Universe" at the Albertus Magnus Auditorium in UST to support our good friend Eco who topbills the play as Jude.  We already knew Eco had a voice with some of his videos posted in multiply but it was unbelievable to see him sing live in front of a full-packed auditorium.  This guy just has it down pat - and we bow our heads in shameless jealousy.

Congratulations Hector dela Sala.  Like what Lemon said, impressive performance!  (insert applause here!)  Special thanks to Hannah and the rest of the staff because they gave us really good seats and all of them were very accommodating.  Everyone was super nice!

The best part of it all was sharing the night with really great friends - the ever-popular heartbreakers "the killabotz" - lem, mj, brian, jm and marjo, gorgeous ladies - malou & ohsie, new friend jeremy and the very helpful & accommodating dino dimar.  we sat through a couple of hours of beatles songs that helped me realize why the beatles is considered one of music's great bands.  the songs were fantastic - across the universe, all my loving, i've just seen face, strawberry fields to name a few.  there were indeed fun moments in the play when we were laughing really hard ("we want charice!") and irritable moments as some photographers shamelessly flashed-filled their pictures.  if that flash-thing in men-in-black was real, i'll probably won't have any memories of last night anymore, or of my whole childhood for that matter.

We also saw eco's ever-sweet mom & groovy lola along with eco's other friends we've met during the "share a smile 2" charity project a couple of weeks back - jan, sammie & anjo.  a whole of eco's friends obviously were there last night to support him.

Dinner at shakey's was even more fun.  we were all pretty famished after the show and pigging out seemed like a logical thing to do.  the conversations were funnier this time because most were pretty much at eased already with each other.  poor bunsong marjo though looked starved post-braces attachment.  JM & Brian were the guys to beat in chow territory (but it seemed like kuya lemon finished the carbonara) - you gotta love being young with a fired-up metabolism.  di bale, tataba din kayo ... you'll see (ok, that's me sourgraping).  still, hanging out with these guys is always a BLAST.  can't help but love 'em cause they're so friend-worthy.  Thanks Eco for the pasalubong.

Here's a couple of videos of Eco's performance - "All My Loving" and "I've Just Seen Face."

More photos courtesy of Lem Estiva at this link : Across the Universe (with eco dela sala)

Photos & Video Cover/Montage courtesy of the super talented Lem Estiva.  Used with permission. The videos are a bit shaky since i was just using a P&S camera and i was trying to cover the LCD so as not to disturb the other people watching the show.  No further editing done except for titles & credits.

he would have been 31 today

Happy Birthday Abet!

You would have been 31 today if you haven't left us so early.  I can't believe it'll be six years this year.  You really changed a lot of us after what happened.  I guess tragedy really brings people closer together and we are because of you.  I'm really happy to say that after you left, i've learned to appreciate each day that i live and breathe.  Its one of the reasons you will always be remembered, because in the short time i've known you i have learned a great deal about living.

If you were here, i bet we would be having a party - you know the kind that we used to have when everyone of the intel ka-berks were together.  We probably would be anxiously waiting for the clock to strike 4pm today - have dinner and get tipsy with everyone not minding its a monday today.  besides, we've all done that before - monday drinking sprees, all of us staring blankly at the walls of our cubicles the following day.  who cares right?  its your birthday and we're gonna partee!

its a nice celebration right?  except you're not here anymore.

this world is getting small

everybody seems to be interested in photography these days.  the number of people at the photoworld exhibit in glorietta is proof of that.  after another round of jiujitsu open mat shoot at an uber warm 3rd floor of a venue mall, photo buds ohsie, joseph and i went to glorietta to hang out. 

i realized that there's really a lot of people with dslr's these days with gears & lenses to die for.  the world of photography is getting smaller that i'm beginning to wonder if there's still places left to fill.  its a good thing this thing is just a hobby, and that i'm still an engineer by heart.  the "art" part of me remains subdued and that is why i question how far my interest in this art will take me.  i'm still really enjoying it though, taking pictures and meeting so many friendly and talented people.  I'm meeting photographers whose works i truly admire, whose talent & skill i aspire to develop in the future.  the thing about photography that appeals to me mostly is that with it, i see the everything around as wonderful opportunities.

so even if i will be part of the multitude, i actually feel ok with it.  my photos are my own.  it is how i see the world around me.  some may find it ordinary but the important thing is "they feel extraordinary to me."

> one fine day : share a smile

we spent the whole day today at the C.H.I.L.D. Haus on a charity program organized by our friend eco.  now this guy, instead of the usual birthday party opts to spend it on an outreach program.  that is indeed very noble of him and he deserves props for it.

the thing about outreach programs is that it sure breaks your heart and this (CHILD Haus) being a home for kids with cancer was a sure tearjerker.  when i saw the kids as we got there, i had to hold back tears seeing how difficult it is for these kids.  i looked at all of the children, but i couldn't see deformity, or of cancer eating at them.  i looked at them and all i saw were very beautiful children, exactly how God wanted them.  These beautiful children are loved and despite everything, you can see genuine joy in their eyes.  it was a treat to be able to make them happy, to see them smile as we went through the program.  there were games and there were dances and there were songs.  we had excellent hosts who were all so funny people were just rolling with laughter.  i couldn't see any bored faces in the crowd the whole time we were there.

what's great about charity is that it brings together people who care, people who want to be part of something special.  when i heard about this charity event, i really wanted to help out.  its not everyday we get to do this - to try and make a difference.  i texted and e-mailed everybody like crazy, followed up whenever possible it almost felt like i was stalking them.  everybody wanted to help out and i'm going to take this space to thank everybody.

• to my generous friends from & off intel, you all know who you are.  thank you for the generous cash donations, for taking time to deposit them into my account.  thank you to lea for the shirts, they were great prizes for the games.  i'm glad i had super dami meal stubs, those helped me buy food from the cooperative.
• to my generous friends from MBA, thank you for chipping in.  i'm still amazed how supportive all of you are - isang text lang and you were all willing to help out.
• to my college friends. thank you gummi for donating two boxes of C2.  and to heidi for donating toys, books & clothes.
• to good friends malou for buying all of those boxes of goodies from monde (ok, kahit sa SM mo na binili hahaha) and em for buying 50 spaghetti meals from mcdo.

through your generosity, we managed to raise 15,000 pesos.  it might not be that big of an amount but that helps them buy rice for their everyday meals.  THANK YOU for sharing your blessings!

i have to say after today, it felt very good to have shared this day with everybody.  it was tiring.  it was hot.  and yet everyone shared the warm and fuzzy feeling of being part of something worthwhile.  Thank you Eco for letting us be part of this wonderful, wonderful project of yours.

here's a video of the children from CHILD Haus giving everybody a treat.

reflections on the big blue

after the big blue's announcement of closing down its facilities for good in the philippines, a number of friends sent me a note asking me if i was alright.  for the record, yes i am alright.  my decision to leave the company had nothing to do with that announcement.  i was already contemplating on moving a year back and when they made the announcement about consolidating the operations last year, the practical & logical thing to do was wait.  there was a good package waiting and it was something you just don't throw away.  i do feel sad because there are still people there who've pinned their hopes on a new factory.  life can sometimes have a way of screwing you up - rather it feels that way for a bit.  when you look around though, you'd see that its just a way of letting you see that there's a whole world out there.  there's life after the big blue.  i know that with certainty.  it may not be the kind of life we all have been accustomed to working for the last decade or so, but it is a new life nonetheless.

what i am most happy about is the outpouring of support.  of friends asking me if i am ok and of people asking me for my resume.  i'm happy because i know good - no, make that great people.  i have been blessed more than i could ever be thankful for.  so yeah, i know i'm going to be alright.

wed recap

• drive to the office in cavite --- i miss passing by daang hari and the bukids and seeing the cows.  plus side, heard my old senti cd's when i used the ford ... sing-along by myself.
• big company announcement.  anti-climactic because everyone kind of had a feel what was going to be announced.
• used a bunch of my meal stubs to treat a couple of friends.  bought some food stuff at the cooperative for the charity thing this weekend.
• rushed through my presentation materials for today's meeting
• drove to serendra.  no traffic - on a wednesday.  i'm feeling lucky.
• yum dinner at abe.  great company.  great conversation.
• caffeine fix at starbuck's.
• two awesome people sharing their workflow.  unselfishly teaching us new things about post-processing.  those are the true masters.  i am humbled by your overwhelming talents.
• slept at 2am. woke-up at 6am.  zombie mode.  another dinner tonight.  i'm on a roll.

> april 30, 2009

finally ... after waiting a long time ... its finally official.  my last day working for the big blue will be on april 30.  i was told i wasn't eligible for an early (feb) separation which is fine because april is just around the corner.  the next three months will just pass by unnoticed.  more than eleven years here seem like a lifetime - its time to move on.  i've got an mba degree to beef up my resume so hopefully that helps me get another job soon.  i have my reservations because risk makes you giddy like that but my minds made up.  you just know when its time to go.  the plus side - i get to spend time on photography.

april 30.  99 days to go.

and the countdown begins.

> ten things to be thankful for

i think this is something worth spending time on --- keeps me optimistic and appreciative of the big and small things in life.  a lot of people asks me why i'm mostly happy, the reason is simple --- there's just so much to be thankful for and a lot of people that helps me smile.

1. Giving me a restful sleep.  Waking me up refreshed.
2. Making me go to my dentist to have my braces adjusted -- finally, after putting it off for the last couple of weeks.
3. Chats i had with friends today which made me roll with laughter, smirk and vent my frustrations.
4. People who left comments in my site.  You all don't know how much i appreciate your words.
5. No issues at work today.
6. Friends who made donations or will be making donations to the charity event i'm supporting this coming weekend.  God bless your generous hearts.
7. The hugs & kisses i got today from my sweet 5yo nephew.  I love 'im more than life itself.
8. All the ideas/concepts for shoots, half-baked or otherwise, swimming in my head.  Just thinking about the next shoot makes me excited.
9. Cool BTS photos from the Eye-Candy shoot by one photograher whose works i admire so much ~ Ash Castro.  I got a picture with the master and other masters (lem, mj, etc) ... how great is that?
10. Finally, making a real good bolognese sauce tonight richly tossed in whole-wheat durum spaghetti.  now that was a really good meal.

I bet all of you have your own list of things to be thankful for ...

> seeing what its all about

we made plans to visit two project shoots yesterday - one by a personal fave (ash castro) and another by a group of extremely talented photographers.  being there (just to observe & meet people) i have to say is surreal - so this is how its done, the real shoots, the one where people flock to and have their photos taken.  there is so much to learn - not solely on developing the photography skills necessary to pull it off but also how to organize such a gathering.  if printing out a coffee-table book still is the culmination of this photography thing - are these events meant to pave the path towards achieving that goal?  maybe.

looking at what my eyes have seen, the people i met, the photos taken - i couldn't help but feel overwhelmed at the sheer talent these people have.  "why the hell am i doing this photography thing?" --- these people are worth looking up to.  they're just --- you know, great.  i guess the really good thing about having friends is that they encourage you and give you points to ponder.  big bro lem said these talented people have been doing this longer than we have - and sure they are extremely talented, but we all get better in time.  you can't find anybody else as humble, as nice and as talented as our big brother lem.  what's best still is that there are a host of other people who are as supportive - they're just great people i'm blessed to be keeping company with.

still, who knows where this road leads to, right?  stay on the path while i'm still having fun.

> Tribute: Ronald Ibay's "The Journey Begins"

one of the highlights of last night's gathering was a showcase of our good friend ronald's masterpiece of a coffee table book.  you can sense the awe in everyone's eyes as they peered into pages and pages of exquisite photographs.  it was truly a masterpiece and something each of us would love to have in the future.  maybe that is the culmination of this whole photography thing - to have a collection of works you could be proud of.  a collection of photos retelling a story of your own personal journey.  for some of us it has been a worthy distraction and for others more of a lifeline.

everyone was sharing their "ohhs" and their "aahhhs" on ronald's coffee table book.  it was doubly meaningful because it was something he was giving to his wife as a gift.  what more can you say to that?  all i can say is this --- kuya ronald, you inspire us!  you gave us something to aspire for.  and maybe its not going to be this year or the next, but i believe it will be forthcoming.

here is a page from kuya ronald's coffee table book.  if this was being sold, i wouldn't mind grabbing a copy.

*Grabbed this from Ronald's page.  Hope he doesn't mind.

> thursday night fun

finally managed to schedule some hang-out time with a few photography friends beyond the usual EBs and photo shoots.  surprisingly, there were a lot of people who went last night.  dinner at kitchen was alright - the best part of which was that kuya ted sponsored it.  thank you so much kuya ted, we are going to really miss you when you go back to london.  highlights here :

• the pandan iced tea from kitchen is caffeine-laden - kept me up the whole time!
• kuya teddy is a generous soul.  thank you kuya teddy! we'll really miss you dude!
• met mj for the second time tonight.  finally, di na dyahe i-add sya sa multiply!
• great to hang out with model friends jm & brian outside of the studio.  they're super fun guys.  hopefully next time, kumpleto na the kilabotz.
• kuya lem is really talkative.  i bet he spent a lot of time in the time-out corner growing up. hahaha
• ronald's coffee table book is unbelievable.  super impressive! everybody was in awe!  kuya ron, that was really something --- something for everyone to aspire for.   thank you for sharing that wonderful piece of work.
• paul is the baby in the group.  and so much talent at such a young age, he leaves a lot of people in tears.
• kuya lem, mj and joseph smokes.  malou & ted are givens. i kinda miss being bad.

and we know na when the conversation is fun and the company is right, you forget the passing of time.  no wonder we finished at around 2.  i think if it was a friday, we could've stayed a bit later.  had so much fun that i'm hoping this won't be the last hanging out.

gulp! so this is how the first time feels!

ok, so its not the kind of first time you might be thinking ... perv!

lem sent us a note early this week asking a few of us who lives south if we would like to take photos of candidates for a school pageant.  i did not really commit since it was a work day and i was set on malou & jayd covering the shoot.  i decided to tag along since the hours were moved when work is over already.

i ended up having to shoot some pictures since malou (toink!) decided to just do the BTS.  remind me to slap her next time i see her.  it was the first time i had to do a shoot by myself but doing so, i learned a great deal of what things i still need to learn.  doing a shoot by yourself - feels like your on stage about to make your performance. its scary and exhilirating at the same time.  having had no experience posing the models, i was happy that malou helped out pose the models.  posing the girls was easier - you just make them look pretty & a hint of seduction and you're done.  the guys - totally a different case.  one thing i realized shooting on location is before the shoot, you really need to get acclimated to your surroundings.  we kept on shooting on one side before we roamed around and found a location where light was better and created unbelievable drop shadows.

i realized also that shooting 14 people is tiring.  you can easily run out of creative juices half-way if you are not careful.

your year's worth

one of the things i like and dislike doing workwise at the end of each year is writing my accomplishment report.  but in a corporate world, writing a good summary can mean a hefty raise or can spell disaster career-wise.  i like the fact that at the big blue, there seems to be a solid process for evaluating employees.  its hard though when you're pitted against your peers, the only question burning in your head is whether you have done enough to upstage your colleagues.  whether there is going to be budget for an increase this year remains a question, the one thing i'm not sure off is if writing a good accomplishment report now makes a difference.  my date with destiny is on the 21st already - my boss is probably going to tell me what i want to hear - finally, phase 2.

i stare at the screen of my laptop right now mulling over how i should transcribe last year into something that has worth.  that is always the challenge - working this long, you'd think i'd have that down pat already.  but each year is a different story and hopefully i figure out the words soon ... specially since this was due last week. crap.

i love you PRE

so while i've settled (for now) with the nokia e71, i've gotta say that there's really something to look forward to this year.  and the anticipation and the waiting will most likely be worth it when palm releases the PRE this year to rival the iphone.  now i could have gone with the rest of the flock and got myself an iphone being a mac lover & all except that it didn't meet my needs.  my treo was by far and still is the best phone i've had.  PRE seems very promising - seems to have all the functionalities i need including a QWERTY keypad neatly tucked in.  i've never really taken a liking to a QWERTY touchscreen so having something to press is a big plus for me.  wonder how much it would cost when it comes out?  hopefully not an arm and a leg specially when i'm so trying to be really cost conscious.  but we'll see ... i can already feel my new baby! LOL!

check it out here :  PALM PRE

stardust

ok, so watching stardust again for the nth time made me realize how lame next month is going to be ... but here's one particularly poignant litany in that scene that just gets you to say "aawww."

(edited)

"You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say is... I think I love you. Is this love? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me anymore. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine."

and uhmmm yeah, i need a date.

> last song syndrome for the day

wala lang ... i just miss this song ... i just love this song ...  and i'm still super groggy ... didn't sleep a bit the whole day despite the lack of sleep ... oh well, hopefully tonight is restful.

Tori Amos - Sleeps with Butterflies.mp3 -

on the other side, i'm glad one of my guilty pleasures "gossip girl" is back!  as well as desperate housewives and brothers and sisters.  and my all-time fave "battlestar galactica" will be back this month for the final 10 episodes (sob!).  i can't wait to know the final cylon!!!

the cool thing i did is finding the adaptor i used to plug my bose headphones to my e71.  la lang, was trying to check if the sound came out good and yeah, this headphones really rock.  i have to use it more often for some ROI. hahaha  but realy, it sounded really awesome.

> insanity - part ii

so i did sleep past 3 and woke up to my fone blaring "viva la vida" by coldplay at the following hours ...

5:00 AM  > Are you frakkin' kidding me?

5:30 AM  > Testing lang kung magigising ...

6:00 AM  > Uhmm, ok have to post the freakin' presentation in sharepoint ...

6:30 AM  > Uy, get ready na para di naman bedroom voice ... lol!

6:45 AM  > Ok ... just sit there ... look at your laptop screen and uhmmm wait until 7 ...

7:00 AM  > Hi, this is jay santos (in a kinda slang para sosy) from cavite (kah-vih-tey) ...

         Hahaha crap, i'm still in topak/aliw mode ...

not to lift my own chair but i kinda rocked the presentation (lol!).  I talked fluidly and despite the ringing in my stupid wireless phone, i did hear most of the questions and i'd like to believe answered them quite convincingly.  i'm kind of happy that it went pretty well - they're probably still hung up on the holidays so they're in a jolly & forgiving mood ... not! hahaha (topak/aliw mode).

the problem with being a day person is that once you're awake, its pretty hard to get some shut-eye back and so i still sit here motionless waiting for hopefully the sandman to get me.  until then though, zombie mode!

*In the shoot last night, it kinda sucks that the models call you "sir" and use "po" and "opo" like you're some kinda ancient person.  when did i get to be so freakin' old?  dang, this is why i should stay away from the younglings, they slap you right on the face when they start being all respectful.  for the love of ... disrespect me! (and i mean that in a good way!).

(topak/aliw mode).

> insanity

i just got home fifteen minutes ago having been invited to a concept shoot with photography friends.  i probably am insane having stayed until past midnight knowing i had a presentation to senior managers scheduled tomorrow morning at 7am.  i always find it hard to collect my thoughts when i'm sleep deprived so i'll probably stutter a few during the presentation.  the shoot was a whole lotta fun - models were very easy to get along with and its always nice to hang out with co-photographers.  i think the best part here is the meeting of new people and a chance to have new friends.

two hours of shut-eye is better than none.  so i'll take what i can get.  alarm starts at 5am.