the long wait is over

last week, the season premiere of "prison break" started with a bang. this week marks the return of most of my favorite shows with new series in tow. the premiere of "gossip girl" made me an instant fan. its the OC + One Tree Hill + Cruel Intentions rolled into a really nice package. I can't wait for the new episode this week.

The season premiere of "Heroes" was better than i expected. I thought it was going to start up slowly but the 1st episode was awesome. It showed us the lives of everyone four months after while at the same time introducing us with more mysteries all in one episode. This series is getting better and better. I'm going to try watching the 1st episodes of "Chuck" and "Journeyman" later and see if they're something worth following.

i did a marathon of "smallville" season five over the weekend and i'm trying to catch up on season six this week before the premiere on thursday. i didn't really like season five that much - thought there were too much filler but season six is looking mighty fine with green arrow and other heroes in tow. season seven i heard will feature bizarro and kara (aka supergirl). that is going to be exciting.

getting back to normal

things are starting to really get back to normal these days. normal in the sense that now that school's over (kind of), i can finally focus on those things that i put on hold when my sister was in the hospital. i'm happy that so far, with each passing day, things are starting to ease up a bit.

• finally managed to go back to my dentist and have my braces adjusted. it didn't feel like i was last there four months ago - that can't be right. i really want to get rid of these braces soon. so far the adjustments does not hurt so bad, its more of a minor inconvenience now so that doesn't really keep me from eating.
• finally went back to the gym after a long abstinence. i did some cardio (as in 10mins lang kaya ko hahaha) and some weights. i really need to get back in shape if i'm still going to use all those size S & M clothes i bought last time.

i'm so tempted to shop. gawd, i haven't shopped in the last four months i'm starting to feel destitute. its taking all my willpower to keep me from going to my favorite shops. now that school is out, its time to refocus my energies and get things organized. i've been lazy for most of the year already and while there's still some more months left in 2007, i should try to salvage this year. some of the things that needs more planning are the following :

• christmas is around the corner and this year, i should finally make good my promise of shopping for christmas presents early. this year should be different. there's really not a lot of people to give presents to anymore - most of the "friends" have moved on.
• now that school's out, its time to seriously consider business prospects. put a plan in place and get things moving. its time to get busy.
• i'll finally have time to learn some new skill - maybe start reading up on post-processing or whatever stuff to awaken my creative talents. i've been so out of touch with it already i fear i've lost it.

there's still work that needs some taking care of and i need to keep that in mind. 2007 wasn't the best year for me and i'm hoping that the rest of the year passes through uneventful. i'm praying hard that 2008 will be a lucky year for me and my family. i'm not sure - but i have faith.

prison break - season 3

finally the long wait is over. prison break, season 3 started out with a bang! we know that michael's back in prison - this time in panama and jail this time around is more violent, dirtier with more bad guys = more deaths in the first episode. while episode 1 sorts of gives some clues on what the plot of the season is about, i'm pretty sure there is going to be a lot more twists like the previous seasons. so here's to michael scofield, to lincoln burrows and the rest of the prison gang - hope this season is as addicting as the previous two.

episode 1 was awesome!

i will

i admit i was never a big fan of old, old bands - really more pop than i'd admit but a good friend rlin sent me this link to youtube for one of her current favorite songs. and yeah, the song "i will" by the beatles is truly awesome - one of the best love songs. truly one for the emo playlist (sigh!). now i'm definitely missin' someone.

I Will - The Beatles

Who knows how long I've loved you,  

You know I love you still,  

Will I wait a lonely lifetime,  

If you want me to I will.   

For if I ever saw you,  

I didn't catch your name,  

But it never really mattered,  

I will always feel the same.   

Love you forever and forever,  

Love you with all my heart;  

Love you whenever we're together,  

Love you when we´re apart.   

And when at last I find you,  

Your song will fill the air,  

Sing it loud so I can hear you,  

Make it easy to be near you,  

For the things you do endear you to me,  

oh, you know I will.  I will.

here's two videos for the song.  ben taylor remade the song as well.

roadtrip ...

part of the promise we made while my sister was in the hospital a few months ago was to visit manaoag. now that school's over we're finally going tomorrow. we were only planning to go on a day trip to manaoag but i suggested that since we're already traveling that far - we should take a side trip to baguio. this is kind of exciting because its the first time my nephew is going to travel this far and road trips are almost always fun. i'm already packed. coolers at the trunk. now if only i can find my hollister sweater ... hmmm!

when will i see your face again

i just love listening to this song right now. the title and the lyrics speaks for itself.

When Will I See Your Face Again - Jamie Scott & The Town

(Verse)

Here I Am, Everyday,
Since You Said, You'd Come Again,
But It's Not Fair, Cos You're Not Here,
I Wait In Vain, But Nothing Has Chaaanged,

I'm A Flower, Soaking In The Rain,
If I Could Wish One Thing, I'd Hear You Call My Name,

(Chorus)

So When Will I See Your Face Again,
When Will You Touch My Life Again (ohh yeah),
When Will I Breathe You In Again (ha),
I Think I Love Youuu...Will I See Your Face Again,

(2nd Verse)

Little Thing, Like The Rain Coming,
She Looked At Me A Certain Kind Of Way,
Tell Me Girl, Where Are You Nowww,
'Cos I Don't Know How Much Longer I can Waaait,

I'm A Dreamer, Waiting For The Sun,
When You're Coming In, I know My Life's Begun,
Tell Me Girl...

(Chorus)

When Will I See Your Face Again (ohh yeaaah),
When Will You Touch My Life Again (ummm um),
When Will I Breathe You In Again,
I Think I Love Youuu, Will I See Your Face Again,

(Bridge)

You Know That All My Life I've Been Waaaiting,
Waiting For Sooome, Someone Like You To Love Me,
You Can't Come By Like An Angel, Into My Life,
And then Fly Awaaaay, Flyyyyyy Away,

Oh Honey, Cos I, Uh Baby, Ba Ba Doo Yeah, Ohh ohhhh,
Sing, I've Only Seen Youuu, Oh, I Said, Uh huh, I Said I Said, Yeah (woo)

(Chorus)

When Will I See Your Face Again (I Wanna See You Once In My Life),
When Will You Touch My Life Again, (Wanna See You Twice In My Life),
When Will I Breathe You In Again (ohhh),
I Think I Love Youuu, Will I See Your Face Again,

I said, see Bap pa da doo ba ba (ohhh),
Bap Ba Doo Yeah, That's What We Do Yeaahhh (ohh),
When Will iii See Your Face Again My Friend,
Oh Yeah, I Think You Gotta Let Me Know Yeah,
Ohh Yeahhh...

when will i see your face again

i just really enjoy listening to this song right now. the title & the lyrics pretty much sums it all up.

When Will I See Your Face Again - Jamie Scott & The Town

Here I Am, Everyday,
Since You Said, You'd Come Again,
But It's Not Fair, Cos You're Not Here,
I Wait In Vain, But Nothing Has Changed,

I'm A Flower, Soaking In The Rain,
If I Could Wish One Thing, I'd Hear You Call My Name,

(Chorus)

So When Will I See Your Face Again,
When Will You Touch My Life Again (ohh yeah),
When Will I Breathe You In Again (ha),
I Think I Love You...Will I See Your Face Again,

Little Thing, Like The Rain Coming,
She Looked At Me A Certain Kind Of Way,
Tell Me Girl, Where Are You Now,
'Cos I Don't Know How Much Longer I can Wait,

I'm A Dreamer, Waiting For The Sun,
When You're Coming In, I know My Life's Begun,
Tell Me Girl...

(Chorus)

When Will I See Your Face Again (ohh yeaaah),
When Will You Touch My Life Again (ummm um),
When Will I Breathe You In Again,
I Think I Love You, Will I See Your Face Again,

(Bridge)

You Know That All My Life I've Been Waiting,
Waiting For Some, Someone Like You To Love Me,
You Can't Come By Like An Angel, Into My Life,
And then Fly Away, Fly Away,

Oh Honey, Cos I, Uh Baby, Ba Ba Doo Yeah, Ohh ohhhh,
Sing, I've Only Seen You, Oh, I Said, Uh huh, I Said I Said, Yeah (woo)

(Chorus)

When Will I See Your Face Again (I Wanna See You Once In My Life),
When Will You Touch My Life Again, (Wanna See You Twice In My Life),
When Will I Breathe You In Again (ohhh),
I Think I Love You, Will I See Your Face Again,

I said, see Bap pa da doo ba ba (ohhh),
Bap Ba Doo Yeah, That's What We Do Yeaahhh (ohh),
When Will iii See Your Face Again My Friend,
Oh Yeah, I Think You Gotta Let Me Know Yeah,
Ohh Yeahhh...

minor revisions

the consultation for our strama paper today went well despite a slight glitch on the room availability. this was it - time to face the music. while i've prepped myself not to expect too much, i was still hoping for the best. after all, the going ons the coming weeks for work leaves me not a huge amount of time to attend to the paper if there are going to be some major overhauling needed. i did catch a few "inc" ratings on some of the papers by accident, there was really no reason to despair. those papers needed a little more spicing up, nothing more. no dreams were shattered today. some of my classmates were recognized for delivering a more than satisfactory paper which was well-deserved considering the amount of work everyone put forth just to make the "D" day. my revisions were pretty minor - more on formatting and a few bullet additions but nothing more. it was a pretty good result - this considering i met face-to-face with my good friend H (who owns the company) once and did more of the consulting on some aspects via short phone calls - hehehe. i know i could have delivered a better paper if i had more time to really understand the company - with all the happenings, most of what i put in my paper were products of my head. that doesn't mean though that what i wrote were fabrications - i did not fabricate anything and that probably what made writing the paper more laborious - because it took time to put forth words that somehow didn't blur the truth.

we had to take the prof to dinner during which he remarked that my paper would have been recognized except for my format & presentation. i personally was never hoping for a recognition because i knew the amount of time i poured over my paper - my research wasn't thorough and i decided more on practical solutions/strategies. i was really after strategies that were implementable because i am planning on using this paper - yeba! prof said he thought my presentation was "dry" and lacked "oomph" to make it impressive --- hehehe he hasn't seen my powerpoint skills yet and i know i am one of the better presenters. getting a 4 in strama probably will take a miracle and seeing that i have decided not to enroll in an additional elective, i probably should kiss graduating with distinction goodbye. oh well, i can't win 'em all.

new ipods

www.apple.com

The new iPod touch introduced today features built-in Wi-Fi networking and a revolutionary multi-touch user interface—first introduced on iPhone—that makes it easy to find all of your music, video, and other digital content and enjoy it on the gorgeous widescreen display on iPod touch. The multi-touch interface uses pioneering new software to present the perfect user interface for Safari, Apple’s YouTube application, and the new iTunes Wi-Fi Music Store—all of which come with iPod touch. An unbelievable 8mm thin, iPod touch features up to 22 hours of audio playback and up to five hours of video playback. Available later this month, iPod touch comes in 8GB and 16GB models for $299 and $399, respectively. [Sep 05, 2007]

16GB though is limiting. the wireless though is nice except that in a country where there isn't a lot of free wireless then it won't really matter. i already have free airborne access and i have only used it once. and if you are planning on buying an iphone then you don't really need an ipod anymore. surprisingly, the iphone has dropped its price to $399 (yep, less $200) which either means its not selling as fast as apple was expecting or there's a new model coming out. my guess is its probably both. i'm still cool with my 30GB ipod-vid, haven't even found the time to fill 'er up since my being OC is getting in the way. But hopefully i'll have time before the year ends after i take care of work stuff.

where do i go from here

i guess i should know exactly when things started falling through the cracks but somehow its difficult to admit that i am partly to blame where i am today. i stand at a crossroad where despite the choices, i'd have to take the route i am dying to get out of. i can't afford to take the road less traveled right now - and its not because i have succumbed to a defeatist attitude but its more for practicality. people must already be wondering what the heck i am talking about - its work.

work. right now, it feels like each work day is torture. it gets harder and harder to breathe and thinking about it is sucking the life out of me. yes, its that bad. i hate it but i have to do it because it pays the bills. some might say, there's always a choice - and they may be right and it would've been easy if my decisions affected only myself. there are other people to think about and being selfish is out of the question. so while the question lingers in my head, i have to do this.

16 days to go

the agony of waiting ...

BER

i didn't realize it until i read my good friend D's text message that today officially starts the BER months. this means in five months, its going to be Christmas all over again. While Christmas remains as my favorite time of the year, a lot has happened last year that somewhat dampens my enthusiasm. A lot of good friends have left the big blue around that time last year and my sister was in the hospital for quite some time as well. 2007 has been witness to a lot of disappointments and sad stories but despite that there has been some wins nonetheless. As we go through the remainder of this year, i am hoping that life eases up a bit.

Its still early but I can't wait for Christmas.

to my classmates ...

here's the farewell remarks i gave to my STRAMA classmates during the closure of our class party yesterday ... just scribbled something fast for the class party ...

"Can you believe 14 weeks has passed and we can say with confidence that we made it through the experience of Prof. Elfren Cruz.

I remember seeing everyone during the first day of class – most expecting the worse, some having no-clue of what they were getting themselves into. Prof. Elfren starting the first session subtly – we laughed on the first day not realizing it was going to be the last time we would do so. It was probably because there was a lot of work to be done or probably because Prof Elfren never really cracked any jokes. He was really serious in making sure we learned something – in a rather different style we were not accustomed to.

Most of us wished we did not have to stand in front of the class during the presentations – those were pretty embarrassing moments most of which were captured eternally in audio. Yes, Prof Elfren, we liked the lessons that much that we recorded it so we can relive the “experience” probably even after we’ve passed our OCE’s.

STRAMA was a really humbling experience. No one, no matter how smart or witty, escaped being on the hot seat. The questions and the sarcasm taught most of us to be more confident during presentations. No one broke down and no one gave up.

My classmates probably belong to the finest lot I have the pleasure of being with during Mondays. The class officers I worked with were dependable, responsible and easy to work with. These are very fine people I see right here.

Prof Elfren is unforgettable. He truly lives up to his reputation. We learned a lot over the past 14 weeks – lessons that I know everyone here will remember as we go our separate ways.

Thank you Prof Elfren. Thank you classmates. I am happy to have shared this experience with all of you."

i could be ....

for quite some time my hearts not really been with work and the only thing that keeps me to it right now is the very thing i told myself should not be a reason to hold on. in a way i guess there are circumstances that forces you to change your perspective and this is one of them. yes, i'm staying because i'm supporting the fam - and i'd have to tread carefully because unfortunately for me, i don't really have the same options i had when my sister was still working and i was chipping in only a wee bit on the expenses. today, life is different - in some ways maybe its time to face up to major responsibilities i've been free from for the last 32 years. but this isn't what this post is all about.

not being "happy" with work makes you ponder about what life would be if i wasn't an engineer or if i stayed with Bench like my good friend D. its not that i have regrets with the career choices i made - its probably more of "how life will be if i was a - (insert job here!)" i guess this is one of the reasons why i love this nokia commercial so much because it sums up everything that i feel right now ---- and yes, i feel like working for the past 11+ years, i deserve a break. i deserve to do something i love. like maybe take that european tour i've been dreaming for so long. or maybe explore places i've not been to before. i want to be a traveler. i want to experience the world.

and the countdown begins ...

fall is almost here ... i'm marking my calendars this september & october ...

SUN		MON		TUE		WED		THU		FRI		SAT
16		17		18		19		20		21		22
		Prison Break
23		24		25		26		27		28		29
		Heroes Journeyman		Reaper House		Gossip Girl Bionic Woman Private Practice		Smallville CSI Grey's Anatomy Ugly Betty Big Shots		Ghost Whisperer
30		1		2		3		4		5		6
Desp Housewives Bros & Sisters						Pushing Daisies		Supernatural		Friday Night Lights

so many shows to watch out and painstakingly download ... can't wait for grey's! this is not the full fall schedule, i only placed here the shows that i'm interested in checking out! =) Lost is still mid-season so that'll be sometime in november/december along with battlestar galactica!

the morning after

still up after slaving the entire night on the last portions of my strategic management paper. i can't believe i managed to stay up with no shut-eye and still function at this hour. my brain is a little sluggish right now but there's a feeling of relief seeing the last page of what i've been working at for the last two weeks finally finish printing. i was so worried that printing it in colored will wear my cartridges to the point where the warning lights will start blinking and i'd be left with x number of pages left unprinted. but yes, i've managed to print everything - all 122 pages of it. being the OC that i am, i'm bothered that the prints weren't as perfect as i wanted and i forgot to label all of the figures and tables (but who cares, they're at their right places). right now, i am just happy that the paper is done - finito! just need to find a place to get it ringbound. i should feel much more relaxed now.

some people i'd like to thank ....
those who were selfless in sharing their papers (arlene, malou, annie, cheryl) ... thank you! you don't know how much benchmarking from your papers has helped me! your papers were my saving grace! i will assure you that i will pay it forward.

ria vita and anna rosette ... my classmates and constant ym buddies, knowing you were in the same space as i was in doing the paper made me feel less panicky about completing the paper. this is it gals, just the dang balanced scorecard and the finals and we're done! Now let's pray he gives us at least a 3.5 on our papers and i'll be really happy!

my mba buddies (annie, eric, jap, imee, richard, dada, tm, dino and jim) who continuously encouraged me that i can do this --- thank you! i miss hanging out with you guys so much.

RCBC, 12noon! Hope there'll be some good news next week when he returns the paper back.

this is it ...

this is it ... the last leg of the race to complete my strategic management paper. i'm down to the last half of implementation and then i just have to slave over the financial projections. I downed some extra-joss already anticipating a stark, cold night working on my balance sheets and income statements. good thing classes remains suspended tomorrow which means i don't have any class giving me the entire morning to finish up, print and find some place to get it binded. nice huh? too much blessings, i couldn't begin to say thank you - God has been really good helping us with this paper by giving us more time to work on it.

so to my classmates, after we're through with this paper, let's all offer our thanks to God for all the breaks we got! God is eternally good.

a welcome reprieve

looking at my progress in writing my strategic management paper, it sure is obvious that i am a bit behind. meeting a 6pm deadline at rcbc tomorrow night sure is going to be a challenge. i was already expecting a really long night tonight, at least to get through the the next chapter on functional strategies. its a stretch but if i won't be able to finish that, then i'm going to have to cram the implementation plan and the financial projections tomorrow. the implementation plan probably would be easier, the financials sure will take some more time.

i got a text from prof E around 3PM asking me to call him. i dutifully pressed "call sender" to see if there were any additional instructions. Lo and behold, he was moving the submission to saturday noon because he is going to have a make-up class tomorrow night at taft because the weather canceled his class tonight. It was hard to hide how happy i was hearing this welcome news. That gives me at least two more nights to work this thing out. Probably slaving on it the whole day tomorrow at least will help me put this paper in better shape. God must have heard a lot of my classmates cry for help that he saw fit to hand us a reprieve. God is really good. Thank you Lord for this welcome reprieve. Hopefully, we won't squander this gift you are giving us.

And that's what having faith is all about.

you can never can tell - part 2

if you haven't read part 1, read it first ... the laughter continues here ...

> I thought Jay's ex-girlfriend was really out of our lives. But heaven
> only goes that I was wrong. Kakakasal pa lang namin nun when Jay
> received a uninamous text. "Meet me at the clinic." I had a stinking
> feeling in my butt. I told him not to go. It might in danger him. Pero
> sabi niya, ok lang daw because life is what we make. Tumahimik lang
> ako. Sabi niya, "Penny for you talks." But I didn't know what to say.
> Beggars can't be losers. Isa pa, worried talaga ako na baka yung girl
> yun. Jay said, "Can't got your tongue?" I tried to smile at him. Kahit
> di ako nagsalita, actions speak louder than works, di ba?
>
> Be that as is may, umalis pa rin siya. I was out of the loophole.
> After a few hours, I called him on his cellphone. But my calls fell on

> Jeff's ears. Lalo akong nag-worry kasi I didn't even know Jeff. Sabi
> na nga ba di na dapat umalis si Jay. That's what I'm talking about it.
>
> So I tried calling some friends who will help me find Jay. That's what

> are friends are for naman di ba? But I just faced a blank mall. I had
> to do this alone. Nag-taxi na lang ako. Pero ang mahal na pala ng plug
> down rate.
>
> When I got to the clinic, the security was really buffed up. Di
> basta-basta makakapasok. So I said, "I beg your cordon. I'm patient.
> It's my favorite virtue nga e." Nagduda yata yung isang guard.
> Hinawakan ako sa arm. The nerd! I shouted, "Don't touch me not!" Buti
> na lang the other guards were nice and said, "Come on, let's join us."
>
> When I went inside, parang I've been there, done there. Nung walang
> nakatingin, nag-explore ako. Nakarating ako sa top floor and I had a
> bird's IQ of the clinic. I could not explain it but I was drawn to a
> room on the floor. Siguro Divine Intermission na yun.
>
> Parang may narinig akong umuungol. I was thorn. Di ko alam kung aalis
> ba ako o papasukin ko. It made me stick in the stomach to think that
> Jay and his ex-girlfriend were there. I tried to tell myself to slower
> my expectations. But to tell with it! I had to strike while the iron
> is not. I had to hear the truth from the corpse's mouth. I barraged
> in. O my gas! Si Jay, naka-strap sa operating table, parang genie pig
> sa isang nakakatakot na experiment. He was on the cutting edge. He was
> bleeding. At ang doctor na nagpapahirap sa kanya, ang ex-girlfriend
> niya at ang bago nitong boyfriend, ang nurse na si Walter. Doon ko
> napatunayang blood is thicker than Walter.
>
> Guess watch? Di ko alam kung paano ko nagawa pero I was able to search
> and rescue Jay. Siguro adrenaline brush na yun.
>
> Now, he's recovering. Nag-sorry siya na hindi siya nakinig sa akin. I
> know it's a better pill to swallow your friend so it's forgive and
> forget me not. All swell that end swell. I know we should kiss and put
> on makeup.
>
> Ang ex-girlfriend naman niya at si Walter, nakakulong na. Detention is
> really better than cure. So the moral of the lesson is: if symptoms
> persist, insult your doctor.

you can never can tell - part 1

this was so stinkin funny i had to share it ... a lot must have read about this already since you know how fast e-mail travels these days ...

We' ve been friends for a long time ago. We come from the same alma mother.
Actually, our paths crossed one time on another. But it's only now that I gave him a second look. I realized that beauty is in the eyes. The pulpbits of my heart went fast, really
fast. Cute pala siya.

And then, he came over with me. He said, "I hope you don't mine. Can I get your number?" Nag-worry ako. What if he doesn't give it back? He explained naman na it's so we could keep intact daw. Sabi ko, connect me if i'm wrong but are you asking me ouch? Nabigla
siya. Sagot niya, The! Aba! Parang siya pa ang galit! Persona ingrata!!! Ang kapal niya!
I cried buckles of tears.

Na-guilty yata siya. Sabi niya, isipin mo na lang na this is a blessing in the sky. Irregardless daw of his feelings, we'll go ouch na rin. Now, we're so in love. Mute and epidemic na ang past. Thanks God we swallowed our fried. Kasi, I'm 33 na and I'm
running our time.

After 2 weeks, he plopped the question. "Will you marriage me?" I'm in a state of shocked. Kasi mantakin mo, when it rains, it's four! This is true good to be true. So siyempre, I said yes. Love is a many splendor.

Pero nung inaayos ko na ang aming kasal, everything swell to pieces.
Nag-di-dinner kami noon nang biglang sa harap ng aming table, may
babaeng humirit ng, "Well, well, well. Look do we have here.
" What the fuss! The nerd ng babaeng yon! She said they were still on. So I
told her, whatever is that, cut me some slacks! I didn't want this to
get our hand kaya I had to sip it in the bud. She accused me of
steeling her boyfriend. Ats if! I don't want to portrait the role of the other woman.
Gosh, tell me to the marines! I told her, "please,
mine you own business!" Who would believe her anyway?

Dahil it's not my problem anymore but her problem anymore, tumigil na
rin siya ng panggugulo. Everything is coming up daisies. I'm so happy.
Even my boyfriend said liketwice. He's so supportive. Sabi niya, "Look
at is this way. She's our of our lives."

Kaya advise ko sa inyo - take the risk. You can never can tell.
Just burn the bridge when you get there. Life is shorts.
If you make a mistake, we'll just pray for the internal and external repose of your
soul. I second emotion.

can i make it?

i'm not really a pessimistic person but listening to the presentations tonight and the questions asked, it feels like the next few chapters of the paper is going to be a bigger challenge than i was expecting. i think i need to step back and look at how things or each framework all tie together. the questions thrown to the presenters seem brutal, condescending and sarcastic but they serve their purpose. the presenters are our sacrificial lambs - the class in a way owes the learnings tonight to them. the bad thing about knowing the pitfalls and the errors of how we are writing our paper is that it tells us we have A LOT of things to pay attention to. one miss can potentially open up to a lot of questions.

i am so thankful to malou for providing me resources - what she provided is a great reference and maybe my saving grace. so malou, i know we've only known each other for a short time but thank you so much for helping out. i am super grateful.

honestly, i am starting to feel the pressure of writing the next chapters. i need to ask my manager to take the rest of the week of. if i can't focus on just writing this paper full-time, i will not be able to make it. i'm crossing my fingers.

the clock is ticking ...

i'm usually very good at planning things up (at least for the near term) - i'm the type of person who goes out of the house with a specific agenda in mind. yeah, i'm the type of person who likes to know where he's headed. is that really such a bad thing? maybe. i guess getting old makes you more conscious and less adventurous. after all, the clock of life is ticking right? at 33, i can say that i've been more fortunate than some of the people i've known. people who have gone ahead into the light. losing them makes you realize how fragile and short life can be. and so i try to live my everyday - because what matters is today. tomorrow will take care of itself.

this post was actually about an update about how i'm doing writing my strama paper (your thesis equivalent in college) but somehow i digressed as i started tipping on the keyboard. so many thoughts swimming in my head right now - i guess that's why its hard to form one cohesive thought. back to strama, i'm starting up with module 3 tonight, there are 7 total modules so i'm hoping that i'll be able to finish module 3 this weekend. the succeeding modules as they say are easier - and i'm praying it is. its funny cause i still feel calm even when the deadline is next week - in a way this is good. while i work well under pressure, panicking can be very stressful. i talked to the class president from the other class and so far it seems the professor hasn't extended their deadline. i told him to text the professor relentlessly - after all what has he got to lose right? he can always say, it was his responsibility as class president to fight for the best interest of the class. if he fails - at least he tried, right? frac (for most of you who don't know, this is the favorite expletive in the tv series "battlestar galactica"), i just realized how i can preach to others what to do but then lack the conviction to follow the same advice in certain cases. what i'm saying is sure, when it comes to those kind of things - i have no doubt i can do it - if he shoots me down, at least i go down in a blaze of glory (lol, baduy!). the thing is - when it comes to love, i don't think i'll be able to follow-thru. i would have wanted to tell mcb how i felt - not in writing, but really just say it - let mcb know how i felt and just put it out there in the open - no expectations. and then we can go back to being friends. puro segue ang post ko right now - told ya my head is all messed up.

i definitely need a glass of wine. i need some form of relief. and i definitely need to go back to the gym.

wealth disposal

this week, we sold two of our cars - my dad's old toyota corolla and my sister's honda civic. my sister decided to sell her car when she was still in the hospital mainly because she was going to stop working and we needed the extra cash to cover the hospital balance. she was teary-eyed when the buyer took the car finally today. i guess seeing the only major purchase in her life going was saddening. in a way it is and i may never probably understand it fully because i am not one to get tethered with material things. besides, six cars for a family of five is a luxury and not a practical choice. we still plan to sell the van and hopefully get the other honda civic in working condition. i wonder what the neighbors think seeing us selling some of our assets - i can just imagine their tongues wagging and gossiping. been in this neighborhood a long time to not know how much people talk about other people. and for the record, i don't participate in idle gossip - heck, i don't even know half of the people in the neighborhood. we still have my car and my SUV and maybe when we get to breathe better financially, we can get another car for my mom and sister - a second hand car ain't that bad. its a good thing i did not sell my car when i got the SUV, for one its one of the well-maintained cars and still runs perfectly. we're not going to be poor - as long as i have a job.

slow and steady turn

the good news is that my sister is well enough to go home today and i'm just waiting for mom to call so i can pick them up at makati med. bills aside, i am so thankful for all the people who have offered prayers for my sister's recovery. there's still a long way to go and i've been scouting the web and the bookstores for books that might be worth a try to manage her condition better. so far i've found this book and has asked a friend in the US to buy it at barnes and noble. hopefully it gets here with some old friends traveling from the US next week. the bill is staggering - definitely a financial drain but God has given us options at least on how to work it out. what i pray for now is for my sister's continuous recovery. hopefully, next next weekend, we will be able to make that trip to manaoag to say our thank you's.

the other good news is that the strama term paper deadine has been extended to friday next week (instead of monday) along with certain conditions. 4 more days is reason enough to shout for joy. i sat down and did a portion of chapter 2 yesterday and looking at how much work needed for it, it was realistically not possible to put everything together for monday. so while i am taking off today on a supposedly dedicated time for the paper, bringing my sister home is a much more worthy endeavor. sleepless nights once more.

what's the thrill in having good news if there isn't a sorta-bad news attached to it yes? its not really bad, bad YET but me not planning ahead 5 years is different than me setting up plan B, and C, and D is another thing. short version is that my manager told me that they're transitioning me to a yet unspecified role. the good news there is that i'm getting what i asked for - me, not being tied down to the project i'm working on long-term. the bad news is that (a) the way this thing is playing down leaves a lot to be desired; (b) not having anything specific defined is definitely something to worry about; and (c) i hate all of the stupid answers and seeming dishonesty of it all. and so i took my cue, put plan B (sending out my resumes to other firms) and plan C (checked jobs online --> internal openings and actually applied for one job) in motion. it seemed that the internal application still flags your manager thru email that you have applied. busted! so i got a note from my manager about it and since i'm off this week, i'm putting if off until next week to talk about it.

next week is definitely going to be an interesting one.

sweeping the net

can you believe we made it to the yahoo news headlines? its not even about politics or a natural disaster. the "thriller" video about inmates in cebu doing dance as exercise has swept the web by storm. by storm, i mean 3,799,253 views in youtube. yes, that many and i'm pretty sure after making the headlines, that number is going to go up even more.


watch it in youtube : thriller

the problem with ...

the problem with me is that i love to procastinate. or rather, it seems i work better under pressure and this is something i'd probably be able to put to the test next week when i try to do most of my strama paper full-time. yes, i took the whole week off to be able to attend to researching and writing my paper. its going to be a challenge and for some weird reason i am not panicking - yet! i guess i've been pre-occupied too much lately that panicking appears to be taking a backseat to most things.

tonight i am going to write up my inputs for our case on monday and i probably should at least try to write a piece of my paper. who knows, maybe i will be able to turn up a more than average strama paper - hahaha who am i kidding? the good news though is that it seems i'm doing really well on my elective (inventory management) and if things work well, maybe there's still a chance of graduating with honors. well who knows right? we have to power to make possible the impossible. its all a matter of attitude. oh yeah, and hard work.

job fair today @ la salle. i submitted my resume to kraft, hsbc, kaisa consulting and accenture. i'm not really looking at anything specific, just wanted to hand out my resumes in case you know, there's an opportunity. nothing wrong with that. work has been a bit of a downer lately - me wanting to get out of being a program manager is happening sooner than i was prepared for. i should feel glad about it because in some way it was what i want but the only problem is that i don't have anything specific to work on after. although they'd tell me in two weeks time, that puts me in limbo - and me being the sole breadwinner in the family, that is not acceptable. so yeah, i'm checking my options.

you gotta love the kids

i volunteered to drive my nephew to his school last friday since his tuition fee for the coming quarter was due already. i was fortunate enough to move or cancel most of my phone con meetings so my morning was free after my 6-7am meeting. jacob's school is a good 20-30min drive from our house depending on traffic. Today is also a special day since one of jacob's classmates is celebrating her birthday. Speaking of birthdays, my nephew is celebrating his on Aug 20 - he's already 4yo this year and if not for my sister being in the hospital and all, we should be making plans to bring the little tyke to HK Disney sometime in october. i checked and i have enough mileage for 4 rountrip tickets via cathay pacific - sweet! well i guess we would have to postpone this trip a bit seeing that money is quite tight and we still need to pay the hospital half a mil (ugh) more. money matters aside, i'm sure glad my sister is doing better and hopefully she can go out this week (keeping our fingers crossed). i still need to call to make arrangements for my nephews school party - and its good that the school party packages are quite affordable.

friday was quite a special day in school - the kids had an earthquake drill and it was fun seeing the kids holding their books on top of their heads (for the debris) vacating the school premises. i was worried my nephew would get scared with the megaphone siren but he seemed to be in good spirits throughout the drill. i guess for him, this is all still play. seeing these kids, i vaguely remember what it was growing up at that age. and maybe my nephew, years from now won't really remember these moments. its nice that cameras are handier these days and makes it much more easier to capture moments like these.

there's so many places to take my nephew to - boracay, tagaytay, baguio at the top of my head. maybe when we can breathe financially again, we can go to singapore. we probably can go visit the zoo soon or the subic something. so many plans right? when this term is over, we should be able to start making the easier plans a reality. it would be nice to have a dslr now to capture these moments but i guess we'd have to do with the p&s cams for now until i can start rebuilding my savings. its all good.

n-a-s-t-y

it must be the weather.

for some strange reason, the prof E was especially n-a-s-t-y last night. when he got in the classroom and there were only a few people, i smiled and said "hi" - deadma. ok, whatever. cheerfulness aside, i thought we'd breeze through last night with the expected sordid and sarcastic belittling of our intelligence but i was wrong. he was downright n-a-s-t-y. i almost felt sorry for those who were presenting but no one really showed any sign of giving up. sure he can call us names, call us english-illiterate or whatever - but he can't put us down. so while he was busily chastising the presenters, i was absent-mindedly surfing the net and im'ng friends (yeah, i tend to that when i'm bored). so i added some classmates to friendster, checked my multiply, read some yahoo news, yada yada.

i guess what's on everyone's mind right now is the term paper submission. we were bent on asking for an extension and was trying to figure out where we can segue to bring that up. the opportunity presented itself in a silver platter. we got shot down as soon as we brought it up. there wasn't really anything else to argue with so the two week clock started ticking yesterday. so the next two weeks are going to be extremely busy days and while i am taking the full week off next week, commonsense tells me i should put in some work now. need to stock up on lipovitan (hmmm redbull+vodka na lang).

i don't know what's up ... again, it must be the weather.

US TV Fall Schedule

I was surfing the net to browse the schedules of the new season of my favorite shows. need to get ready because its going to be download extravaganza again. and since i download most of the shows, i need to start cleaning up my hdd (all 320GB of it) so there's space to download, download and download. gawd, i love having dsl.

• smallville (season 8) - september 27 (US)
• supernatural (season 3) - october 4(US) ... love this show!
• reaper (new show) - september 25 (US) ... worth a looksie!
• gossip girl (new show) - september 26 (US) ... worth a looksie!
• csi (season 8) - september 27 (US) ... who doesn't love CSI!
• ghost whisperer (season 3) - september 28 (US) ... dying to know what's next!
• heroes (season 2) - september 24 (US) ... hopefully doesn't drag like the first few episodes in season 1!
• journeyman (new show) - september 24 (US) ... curious just cause lucious vorenus from rome is the lead here!
• bionic woman (new show) - september 26 (US) ... starbuck from BSG as villain, this is getting interesting!
• friday night lights (season 2) - october 5 (US) ... one of the most underrated but better shows on television!
• prison break (season 3) - september 17 (US) ... loved this series since season 1!
• house (season 4) - september 25 (US) ... would you believe i haven't finished season 2 yet! hahaha

i can't find schedules for ABC yet - i can't wait for when grey's anatomy is going to be back including a host of other new shows from that network. ugh, the suspense is unbearable!!! and when is Battlestar Galactica coming back!!! i can't wait!

crazy little thing called life

in some bizarre way, it takes a crisis to bring a family closer together. maybe sometimes it takes something life-changing to make people realize a lot of things - how health (and life) can be so fragile, how to grow-up and take responsibilities, how difficult it is to balance your savings with expenses, and the list goes on. one of the good news is that the tube on my sister's nose (to help her breathe) was removed already and she looks much more stronger now. hopefully, her recovery goes unabated in the coming days. for most of you who doubt it - PRAYERS work. God has been very good to my family throughout this ordeal. He has given all of us the strength to carry the cross and surrounded us with people & friends who readily offered their support and their prayers. mom went home today to rest and freshen up a bit and even though the power was temporarily out and it was warm, everyone was in high spirits. my brother mentioned something like "he thinks he should start looking for a job." hopefully, it was something he meant - but you know, some action starts with intent. i told my sister to tell my brother (labo no, we use my sister as a bridge) that if he gets accepted to any paying job, i will buy him a new celfone. its not a bribe but an incentive. my brother doesn't realize his potential - he's a people person and i bet if he takes advantage of that one, he probably is going to be good at sales --- that is of course if he comes to the realization that a job means you have to work, and if you want to go up - you need to work harder. so i'm going to add to my prayers for him to get another chance to work so i won't be the only person in the family earning.

my nephew has learned how to sing his "ABC's" already. Its probably one of the things they've been singing in school. have you ever wondered why when you hear kids sing, they sound like voices from heaven? even though he doesn't know all the lines yet, i can't get enough of him singing that song. i love taking care of my nephew (tantrums & all). family love - its one of the best things.

trippin' down memory lane

i decided it was time to put in some hours to research for my strategic management paper and so i took today off and made my way to la salle taft. waiting for the light to turn green as my car slowed down with the traffic along the buendia intersection, i couldn't help but remember how many times i took this road going to school back between 1991 to 1995. except for the skyway and the buildings sprouting left & right, the roads were all the same. i lost count how many times i passed by filmore and estrada and remember how bad traffic was in the early mornings. as i approached the taft campus, my head was racing trying to figure out where i should park but after one turn, it was surprising i got a parking space right at the university mall (yipee!).

walking through the hallways of the la salle building, the memories of college came flooding back - those insane times i took the LRT to school, the EDSA Rotonda jeeps, the floods, the alay-lakad when there were no transportation available. la salle has changed so much from how it was back in the 90's it felt strange being back there. i walked through the corridors and the pathways and made my way to the library. kids walked around in their shorts & flip-flops making me wish i could have worn something more akin to trendy - but i still had class that night, so i had to make do not exposing any of my toenails. i love wearing flipflops (blame it on trixy's havaianas addiction).

i managed to finish my research 3+ hours after and decided i was already tripping down memory lane, might as well try to relive the old days. i trekked to the college canteen to get some waffle and sago't gulaman and was disappointed that they were no longer selling either. those were replaced by much more chic big chill and dulcinea churros. gone were the tables where we made "tambay", where we reigned supreme during our senior years. those were really happy times. i miss being that carefree.

i'm really happy that quite a number of friends and even people i've only known recently sent words of encouragement, with a few offering to donate blood. hopefully, we get a lot of healthy volunteers since my sister is going to have blood transfusion tonight. there's some good news (so far) in that if the results of her ultrasound is good that she might not need to go under the knife again. i'm hoping and praying really hard for that. To those who are praying and who are planning to donate their blood, thank you. I can't say it enough but the amount of support from everyone has been overwhelming. You don't know how comforting and how much this means to us. please continue to pray for my sisters recovery and let me know if you need any info to donate blood (8am-9pm, makati medical center, 2nd floor).

class was as usual a lesson in terror. nothing much to talk about that. the only good thing to cap my evening was a fattening quarter-pounder with cheese, a large coke light and TWISTER FRIES. I love twister fries. Back then, i drove-thru mcdonald's every day after work just to have twister fries. Ahhh, i love twister fries!

faith is the only thing i'm holding on to

the hospital bill doesn't really bother me that much anymore. right now, the most important thing in the world for me is to see my sister get better from her condition. people may say its drama but i will gladly exchange places with my sister in an instant because my nephew needs his mother more than he needs me. the doctor said there's another hole in her intestine and she will need to undergo another operation on monday. i have to admit i'm really scared for my sister and right now its really faith that God will help us through this that keeps me going.

i went to visit my sister after class today and i've put on a happy face while i was there. deep inside, it pains me so much to see my sister this sick. mom and i feels the same way - and we only say it when its just the two of us but we hurt so much about what my sister is going through. my sister's "lupus" is the one that's making this more difficult - add to the fact that when you get an operation involving your intestines - there's a chance of adhesions. help has been aplenty - God's little miracles - some envelopes from well-meaning friends, her doctors telling us they're waving their doctor's fees, prayers from everybody. i know its too much to ask but i'm praying for a BIG MIRACLE! Losing my sister is my greatest fear and i pray everyday no matter how tired or busy i am for her to get better.

my sister texted me thanking me and telling me she loves me. in our family, we were never very vocal and demonstrative of our feelings. i've always had a hard time saying "i love you" to anyone, even my family. i cried as i read her short text message because i felt the same way. i was prepared to spend every single money and whatever stocks i have if that's what's needed to make her better. i look at my soon-to-be 4yo nephew and he has no idea how sick his mom is. his laugh & his hugs are the only things that brighten my day lately.

i hope everyone who reads this can include my sister, Betty, in their prayers. Please ask God to give her strength, faith and hope that everything will be alright. My sister and my family needs your prayers more than anything else.

Blood Donors Needed

My sister is getting blood transfusion right now. We need to replace the blood that was used. If you are able to donate blood (any blood type) and you can drop by Makati Medical Center, please drop by and just mention you are donating for my sister, Ma. Bettina Santos.

If you have friends who can donate (based from the screening), please ask them as well.
Thank you so much.

kindred souls

i got to talk to a good friend yesterday and we sort of got into talking about the sad state of our lives right now. we talked about how it sucks to be an adult and how easy it was back in college (and even highschool) to worry only about how to pass your next exams. looking back at those times today with a different perspective makes me cringe about how selfish and self-serving i was at various states in college. i guess its a rite of passage - we get to be kids (and teenagers) once. and we're allowed tantrums and selfish bouts. if i could turn back time and i could confront myself face to face, i probably would give myself some decent slapping. growing up teaches most us life lessons and we become wiser and more sensitive to what really matters. as we talked, we realized that none of us is immuned to the trials God (in his goodness) throws at us. we all have our crosses to bear - emotional, financial, physical, health, etc etc. its difficult to surmise which of us had the bigger problems but one thing was certain, its a difficult road ahead. its difficult to tell what people are going through and how they are just by being with them. we get so good at pretending "we're ok" most of the time, that it already feels like second skin. that i guess is whats good about having friends (the real ones you can pour your heart on and not be judged on). just being able to tell someone sometimes and knowing you have a shoulder to cry on makes a lot of difference. its funny i say that and then i write about it here where people i don't even know can read it and say "poor lad." but these posts are not for that, its more therapy for me than anything else. and most of the time its easier to just write than talk. 'sides talking might make me cry and i'd hate to be called a crybaby.

times like these, having someone to give you an occasional hug or squeeze your hand can be reassuring. its hard to be so emotionally vulnerable and not have someone - the 'someone' here of course i'm not referring to friends (i, fortunately have a lot of them). its easier i guess when you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. that sounds more of a fairytale now, and while i used to believe that fairy tales can come true, i decided to live in the here and now. the price for me growing up - was the death of the peter pan in me.

i've become a bit jaded with all the hoping and wishing and praying for my someone. i've stopped believing in all that "love will come at the right time" crap. i've stopped believing in romance - that people fall in love for the right reasons and with the right people. and yes, there are exceptions. but i'm not holding my breath.

tasya pantasya

one of the things that i missed being able to do was daydream or at least be able to have moments where you can imagine and live in a make-believe world. i used to be able to do that without too much effort but growing up sort of strips you of that escape. what's really great about it is that in your own make-believe world, you are free to conjure up a fantasy. in it you are free to imagine you are with your one great love, that tragedy can happen and you still get your "happily ever after" ending. i guess being able to take comfort in an imaginary place gives you hope that someday you can have your "fairytale." being young (and naive) back then, i considered my best past time was when i was pining for people who i was seriously crushing on. i pined for the BND's big time. they were a nice distraction, a good motivation to come to work and see them, to look better - there was something in it that makes you strive to be a better person - more impressionable than you normally are. i guess the only downside is that most of the time, it doesn't work out like how you want it to be and you pine for them for such a long time that when its time to let go, it seems easier to hang on to the memory of it than lose that familiar feeling of being in love. as i grew older, i realized that "time heals all wounds" (lol, hindi time is gold!) and the heartbreak that seemed insurmountable at first, it gets better with time - and distance. absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder, it makes it forget. fundamentally, this is how we survive the loss of someone. not being with them makes it easier to move on. and while the pain of it persists, it gradually dissipates because we tend to hold on to only the good memories.

video calling

uhmm so ok, i'm not really clueless that the technology has been available for quite some time already but there was never really a need for it for a variety of reasons. first of course is for it to work, i'd have to buy a new fone which means i'd have to give up my faithful treo (undoubtedly the best fone i owned, and i've used quite a few). i can't imagine not having all of the cool functionalities my fone has right now, the ease of having a qwerty keypad, audio, video, call block (yeah, stalker), e-mail and ability to work with word, excel and view powerpoint. second thing was that for me to video call, my contacts will need to have a video-calling capable fone as well.

my sister's fone right now allows for video call and while in one of my pensive moments - now this happens mostly when i'm driving - it crossed my mind that for my nephew to be able to see his mom and his lola (whom he calls mama), we can do video call. so i needed to buy a fone capable and decided that i should just replace my mom's fone since its been with her for quite a while already. so voila, in my mind, the reward of my nephew having to talk to mom & my sister via video was enough reason for me to shell out cash for it. so we tried video calling this morning - after which, i realized the purchase was indeed worth it.

and that is how to rationalize a purchase from out of the blue.

Emo-morning

my sister's operation yesterday finished short of 8pm and i finally managed to breathe easier hearing the news from mom. i was already "paranoiding" (hahaha new word) myself the whole day and silently praying for a successful and safe operation. i'm still praying everyday for my sister's full recovery and she told me yesterday that we should go to Our Lady of Manaoag when she gets better. i think that is a very good idea - and besides, the trip will probably be a welcome breather for everyone.

God has been really good and has been helping me full-time. some people might say its just coincidence but i know these are small miracles given through the prayers everyone has offered for my family. my manager was IM'ng me this morning and telling me that it maybe a good idea to push the schedule for the implementation of my project to the Cavite factory. its a miracle because if it pushes out, it is not going to conflict anymore with the writing & submission of my thesis (or strama paper). its not final yet, but doesn't that sound great? its God's way of helping me manage my responsibilities - all of them. i'm so happy.

my posts of late have been depressing, and i usually am a very upbeat person. its probably because its easier to pour out my woes in writing - that, and i can be super EMO most of the time. funny that you can be so ruled by your emotions and then hold off showing that side of you to other people. yeah, i can't say "i love you." i've never said that to anyone (except my nephew) ever. i wish i could have said it though, but there's no use dwelling in the past.

a first sign that He heard us

it must be because a lot of you offered their prayers and support but today was another uncontestable proof that God provides. Call it coincidence (i call it otherwise) but from a big drop in the stock price yesterday, it surged ahead today by more than a dollar. that meant that the stocks that i set were all sold. and while it doesn't fully cover the cost of expected hospital bill, its good and big enough to cut off more than half of it. it makes me teary-eyed (awww) as i write this and makes me believe even more in His eternal goodness.

thank you for the prayers. please keep 'em coming.

i'm going to earn it

mom sent me the big news this morning when i asked her what the results for my sister's CT Scan is - she has an infection and she will need to undergo another operation. estimated cost is P100k. that's not including doctor's fees, meds and other tests. it felt like a giant paddle just swung and hit me smack in the middle of my head realizing the financial implications. if the health card is not going to shoulder the cost of the operation, then my mom & i have to shoulder it. Mom just shelled out close to 100k a few weeks back from my sister's previous hospitalization and i felt like i should figure out how to shoulder this next one. it must have been the stress of having to think through that, work getting more demanding and the backlog of school piling up, but i felt depressed, confused and a bit angry. i felt angry at why my sister did not plan ahead and put some money away - why when she was healthy, she spent all of her earnings buying needless things and splurging. sure, she must not have been earning as much as i did but where did all her commissions go? i was so depressed i wanted to cry but i need to be stronger, my mom & sister depends on me. i realized how foolish and stupid i was to dwell on things that has happened in the past. so my sister didn't plan ahead, it was a mistake i'm sure she has learned a very valuable lesson from. blaming her for her mistake is a bigger mistake. i don't want to be tethered by the past. despite her mistakes, my sister gave this family the greatest gift (sans a husband & a father to), my nephew. i e-mailed my friend d about my frustrations and he told me something that made me realize what is important. d told me "you are going to earn it anyway. don't think you are going to spend all of your savings. to you, it is just money. to her, it is everything." and d is right, if i have the means to pay for the hospital bills then why shouldn't i? what's the purpose of having those savings if i can't share it with my family. if i can make a difference to this family, then that is worth more than anything else in the world.

the only thing left then is ... swipe the plastic! sayang ang points!

10 things to be thankful for

despite everything, there are still things to be thankful for everyday. here's my list for today.

1. being able to wake up this morning - one more day to make a difference;
2. my brother taking my nephew to school - means i get to take care of work matters;
3. my job allowing me to "still" work from home;
4. flexible work hours that allow me to try and squeeze in my family responsibilities;
5. earning decently to afford me the small luxuries in life;
6. God giving me the means to help out my family (financial & otherwise);
7. God for the strength - to emotionally handle the current trials;
8. being able to close my deliverables one or two presentations at a time;
9. giving me a responsible mom - making her the true pillar and role model in our family;
10. giving me friends who support me with encouraging words and even others who unexpectedly give motivation.

in truth, there are no words to say how richly blessed i am today - trials & all. despite everything, i believe in the greater plan. and so, i remain.

whipping boy

survived another session and presentation of strategic management (strama). when i say "survived" - just means another session has passed but will never mean "did a great job" presenting. in a way, its starting to seem like "hell will freeze over" first before anybody does an excellent job analyzing & explaining the cases. one of my groupmates couldn't make it to class tonight and the three of us were left to present the case. for some reason, even if my other groupmate has not presented in previous cases yet, he called me still to present. as i expected i got whipped & lashed so much i must have been bleeding 10 mins through the presentation (lol!). i must admit nothing registered when i read the materials for this case so i was grasping for answers through most of the questions. no matter how much insults he hurled at me, i accepted them gracefully with an occasional smile. grace under pressure talaga. if he thought he could rattle me into crying or shame me into reacting angrily, he's wrong. i'm insult-proof - at least when it comes to this subject. i accepted already that i'm the favorite whipping boy ... and there must some kind of whipping quota - and since i was out last week, i have to pay double the price.

7 more sessions. gotta start the darn paper.

who did it? - anonymous

this is the story about four people
named Everybody, Eomebody, Anybody and Nobody.
there was an important job to be done and
Everybody was asked to do it.
everyone was sure that Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about this
because it was Everybody's job.
Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but
Nobody realized that
Everybody would not do it.
It ended up that Everybody
blamed Somebody, when actually
Nobody accused Anybody.

the hardships of parenthood

so while my sister is recuperating, in more ways than one, i'm performing "parent" duties for my nephew. yeah, my "nanny" stature has been elevated (lol!). over the weekend, we've had to drop by the mall to buy my nephew some clothes that he can wear daily for school. we figured him having to wear all of his nice (read: expensive) clothes to school is not a good idea so instead we opted to buy him a pseudo-uniform. for some reason, we ended buying him a bunch more than what we intended to but i reckon he needed clothes and it will make it easier dressing him up if he had more. it seems over the past few days, most of my expenses actually go to my nephew's school stuff (snack, clothes, etc) and somehow it feels more like money well-spent than anything else.

he finally has his first assignment in math & language and i now also serve as his official tutor. when i find the time to do it, i don't know - i just figured its another good excuse to re-prioritize what i needed to do. and somehow, having to teach my nephew sounded more appealing than working on yet the last leg of my school presentation or another office presentation i need to finish. i sat him down this morning and realized that his math assignment was actually easier to teach and we actually breezed through it. the language one is a bit harder and trying to patiently teach it to a child who has a short attention span is challenging. i have another newfound area of respect for teachers.

parents-teachers conference was last saturday and while it was mom who attended, we all had to read the booklets. i never realized being an "instant" parent or stand-in for that matter could be a lot of work. i can just imagine how hard it must be for all single parents to work and rear a child all at the same time. rewarding yeah, but its exhausting. i guess this is why in a perfect world, there has to be a couple to help each other raise a child. just by yourself is doubly hard. doable but doubly hard.

but if you've been dealt with these cards, you just have to find the best hand.
folding ... unfortunately, is not an option.

getting back

being saddled with a lot of work while nursing a flu is a lot of work in itself. that's basically how life was the last couple of days since i last posted something. it probably may be that i couldn't really find anything particularly interesting to write about and that feeling sickly (aka dizzy, weak) and all made me hit the sack more @ odd hours of the day. yeah, i feel better (and stronger) today but i'm still trying to get rid of this persistent, on-off cold i still have. for some reason, its harder to recover from being sick these days - or might be nature is trying to strike a balance that the more you abuse yourself, she makes you rest, recover and heal longer. i dunno. it would have been great if i could have just stopped the world from turning, took a breather and just rest for the whole week. but that isn't how life works, there are chores and there are work and there are papers and deadlines that need attending - sick or not.

fascinating though is that at times like these, you get a license to procastinate - or you somehow justify having to put things off by telling yourself "me - sick, need more rest." and then only to realize that you would have to work doubly hard to catch on the backlog. and that's what i would have to do tonight - the school presentation is begging for attention and i've been putting it off until tonight. its funny but amidst all the work & school fuss, i actually found time to set-up a website (course its ready-made) for me & my college barkada. it wasn't hard to put content in it because i made it for us (in all parts of the world) to be able to share pictures and videos - just to get everyone aware what's happening. its also a place to share pictures of kids & family and i've placed a lot of my nephews pictures already. i even had a great time scanning and uploading our grad pictures in that website and it was fun reminiscing how different we all looked back ... errr circa! ugh, the thought of saying "x" number of years ago feels mortifying that i dare not. yeah, sometimes it does feel we're "that old." but the thing is i found setting that site up more rewarding than finishing three or four of my work presentations.

i can't think about "not wanting" to work right now - next six weeks is going to be brutal. its starting to feel like i made a serious error in planning - lol! hopefully, none of the important pieces fall into the cracks.

time is a precious commodity

i need to get some more time to rest. i feel better compared to saturday and sunday but not well enough that i decided i'd skip school tonight. it was a last minute decision to sacrifice tonight for hopefully better days this week. i've been laboriously updating my project gantt the whole day today and its been a slow process because i was feeling a bit dizzy in between. if i did not catch the flu, i should have finished this and much more over the weekend - but you just can't predict getting sick. this is why i hate planning, and setting things in stone, there's almost always factors beyond your control that kind of screws everything up.

i've been quite good, no make that great, at tracking the inflows & outflows of money on my pocket and on my bank accounts. i've kind of tracked most down to the last cent. this is the part of me being OC that i like best, i can get overly accurate, or maybe its the engineer in me - the part that likes to have structure and order. the important thing here is a the end of july, i'd have an idea where all the money goes and where i can start skimping to maximize my savings. "max z = x+y+z-a-b-c" ngiii, ang nerdy! lol!

i really need to start doing some research on my strategic management paper. i have 6 weeks left after this week to work on it and unfortunately, the implementation of my project at work clashes directly with my strama deadlines. i need to figure something out - and soon. need to start tapping on those keypads and start building something out for my paper.

rlin & i wanted to see how much we will get if we opt to avail of early retirement at the big blue. both of us will be ten years this year (oh my!), me officially by sep 29. i checked out my vacation leaves and i still have 45 days, meaning "if" i decide to leave, i can file terminal leave as early as august 15. of course, that all depends on whether the cards and the stars line-up and make something happen. rlin and i have already made compensation analysis, both forward (based from pay & benefits) and backward (based from expenses & savings target). we've prettymuch come up with a really good spreadsheet to calculate everything. hopefully, there is some good news on the horizon.

i'm so excited to try out my free airborne access. its a good thing rlin sent us that e-mail regarding that pldt promo of getting free airborne access based from your myDSL plan. i managed to register and i got my username and password already. yay, i can't wait to lug around my macbook and hang out some coffeeshops. that's going to be one cool way to chill.